Raise Your Hand If You’re A Fan Of The Unnecessary (But Fun) ‘Terror In The Aisles’

When I was a mere 8-years-old, I had already seen my fair share of horror movies. Not sure my Mom approved of that, but it was what it was. So when the ‘climactic scene’ compilation Terror In The Aisles came out in 1984….it was kind of like the Cliff Notes version of horror movies up until that year, spliced together to show you all of the good stuff and no filler (which for a kid with ADD and Transformers on his mind, was a godsend).

I mean, revisiting Terror In The Aisles now – does it seem a bit unnecessary? Sure. We do get Donald Pleasence & Nancy Allen doing their best Siskel & Ebert impersonation throughout the movie though, so that’s something. Ironically, Gene Siskel gave the movie ‘zero stars’, but he was a tool and never showed horror movies much love anyway. And also ironic is the fact that Donald and Nancy do not make an appearance in the film’s original trailer:

But at the end of the day, Terror In The Aisles had a great poster to promote it – and can still provide fun background visuals if you watch it. At this point in time, you’re probably not going to see anything from the clips shown that you haven’t already seen (unless you’re a bear and have been hibernating for 40 years and haven’t seen Rosemary’s Baby or The Exorcist……which would kind of be cool because you would be a bear). If you’d like to take a trip down memory lane, or just want to experience it for the first time – Scream Factory recently released a new transfer on Blu-ray. Have fun watching, and you can curse Gene Siskel while you do.

What’s scarier than an old hag mask? Am I right???

Eh, just felt like posting this pic because it always scared the shit out of me. The world is a scary place right now, so why not make it scarier with a pic of The Hag? But anyway, this random post is brought to you by: My scatterbrained mind. Stay safe out there and watch a lot of horror movies!

Dirty Horror Memory Lane: Tim Curry’s ‘Halloween Song’

Halloween’s almost here, so let’s watch and listen to Tim Curry sing to us about why Halloween is the best time of the year! I love unintentional rhyming. All I know is that I hope Tim brought his tambourine. Oh – and this is from a kids TV movie from 1986 called The Worst Witch (based on a children’s book from the 70’s and whatnot).

Great – now that I know that anything can happen on Halloween, there might be a toad in my bass guitar! Oh, the humanity. Be careful out there kids. Dogs are gonna be turning into cats. Happy Halloween!!!

Who Remembers The ‘It From The Pit’ Board Game?

With most of us still quarantining or working from home, a good board game is a sure way to cure the blues. And what better game than It From The Pit to get your party started! It’s a family-friendly game from 1992 that involves a giant green, slimy, disgusting monster trying to pull you into his pit of ooze to horribly kill you. Ok, maybe not so family-friendly. Check out the awesome commercial below, including it’s awesome catchy theme song!

Actually, the theme song sounds a little too upbeat considering these poor explorers are getting dragged into this pit of doom and probably suffocating while trying to claw their way back to the top of the pit for some air……..but anyway – this game was released when I was a freshman in high school, so my board game days were a bit behind me (and Playstation games and weed were ahead).

However – now that I’m pushing 44, I kinda want to play it. Problem is, it’s super hard to find in working condition and for a good price (see HERE for example #1). But regardless, It From The Pit is a nice reminder of when things were a bit more fun and laid back. And when games with questionable subject matter were geared towards kids. It From The Pit!!!!

It’s ‘Spirit Halloween’ Mask Roundup Time!

Although me and my fellow horror enthusiasts are down in the dumps about Halloween all but being canceled this year, we can still have fun with looking for terrible officially licensed masks!  We just can’t go to an actual Spirit Halloween store to try them on, because that would most likely be frowned upon in today’s Covid environment.  But luckily, there’s this thing called a website – and I found some good ones:    Continue reading

Just Here To Give Tobe Hooper’s ‘Lifeforce’ A Little Love!

When I think of ‘bad but good’ 80’s horror movies, Tobe Hooper’s Lifeforce will almost certainly always get mentioned.  Space vampires?  Oh, ok.  Who doesn’t love space vampires?  And boobs.  Can’t forget about the boobs.  I unfortunately didn’t see said boobs (my apologies to actress Mathilda May), because my Mom would always make me cover my eyes when any melons would grace the TV screen.  Nonetheless, Lifeforce is a guilty pleasure – and some might even say an underrated gem?  This scene below used to scare the shit out of me as a kid, so please watch it.  And dig those practical effects, man!

When you look at the first half of Tobe Hooper’s career as a director, it’s pretty damn impressive.  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Poltergeist will always get top billing, but it’s those surprise smaller films like The Funhouse and Eaten Alive that gave his horror resume a boost.  And yes, Lifeforce is part of that boost as well.  Btw, did you know that Billy Idol was supposed to play the head vampire in the movie??  But alas, it was not meant to be as Billy’s touring schedule conflicted with the film’s production.  Nevertheless….even without Mr. Idol’s spikey blonde hair, Lifeforce still remains a goofy/fun ride.  Seek it out (Scream Factory did a nice release of it somewhat recently), and enjoy the space vampires, the boobs, and the boobs.  Boobs!

I Never Knew My Mom Watched ‘Creature From The Black Lagoon’

There are numerous reasons why I haven’t written on here as much lately:  The threat of murder hornets consumed me, Coronavirus social distancing and mask wearing consumed me, and my Mom recently passed away.  In true fashion, I tried to be quirky and cute before hitting you with the real bad news – but that’s just how I tend to be.

Some of us look at our parents (or parent) as superheros.  That’s how I viewed my Mom.  She was a fighter – and just like any superhero, she fought hard until the end.  I guess I should be comparing her to Jason Voorhees or Pinhead on this particular blog, but you get the idea.  Nevertheless, now is the time that I celebrate her life and celebrate the Mom that she was.  And upon going through some of her things with my Dad this week, I found a diary of sorts where she wrote down things throughout her life as a project for my nephew when he was younger.  And wouldn’t you know, there was a section for ‘First Movie That You Saw In The Theater‘ – and she wrote “Creature from the Black Lagoon……scary!!!

Now I know that might not mean much to the casual person, but to me it was kind of a big deal.  You see, my Mom NEVER watched horror movies with me.  She did like Critters though if that counts.  My Dad was my horror compadre, and my Mom would make me cover my eyes when boobs popped up on the screen (that’s a whole different story).  But anyway, seeing that she wrote that about Creature from the Black Lagoon made me smile.  And that same day, I found another thing of hers – a 2019/2020 pocket calendar.  Inside, she had drawn a pumpkin on October 31st.  And that made me smile too.  Sometimes it’s just those little things that end up being the most special.

I’ll miss her.  And I’ll forever be her little monster.

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Submit To The Cosmic Creepiness With This New Video From ‘Vitskär Süden’!

Maybe you’re feeling as though this quarantine is reminiscent of hybrid movie brought to you by John Carpenter, David Lynch, and Panos Cosmatos.  Well, if that’s the case – then I’ve got the perfect soundtrack to go along with what’s going on in that mind of yours.

New ‘doom metal’ quartet Vitskär Süden is releasing their debut self-titled album today, and they’ve given us a visually haunting video for the song ‘Trickle of the Snail’ to go along with it.  Whet your appetite and check the video out below, and feel free to do some drugs in the process:

As previously mentioned, Vitskär Süde dropped their debut album TODAY on streaming platforms – and you can listen, download, and purchase directly from the band’s Bandcamp page HERE.  Grab it and get into it……before it grabs you! (insert ominous evil laugh)

Oh How I Miss Going To The Movies…….I Think.

One of the biggest travesties to come out of this quarantine lockdown besides beating people up for paper towels, is the fact that we cannot go to the movies to watch a horror movie!  Oh sure, 2020 brought us The Grudge remake to tide us over earlier in the year.  Wait, that just makes it worse!  Oh, the horror (or lack thereof).

Unfortunately, we will have to wait to see the Candyman reboot on the big screen.  And also A Quiet Place 2.  Oh, and Spiral.  Omg, and Antlers!  No, not Antlers!!!  That was actually my most anticipated movie of the year (sorry, Halloween Kills).  The truth is, none of us know what the future holds for the rest of 2020 when it comes to horror movie releases.  Some might pop up on a streaming site like Shudder.  Others might eventually get released into theaters, but with new guidelines to follow the social distancing rulebook.

I for one, can’t wait to get back into a movie theater with my ghoulfriend so we can be interrupted while watching the movie by people looking at their bright-ass phone screen.  Or listen to someone talking loudly to the person next to them instead of at least having the common courtesy to fucking whisper a little.  Or hear a baby crying during an R-rated horror movie that has several decapitations and bludgeonings.  Wait – why the hell do I want to go back into a movie theater again?  I dunno.  But stay safe, everyone!  Especially you ‘loud talkers’ in the theater.

Very Bad Good Things: Blood Hook (1986)

So I’m sitting down and eating some Gorton’s battered fish the other night, and it got me to thinking about I Know What You Did Last Summer.  And then that got me to thinking about what a terrible villain Benjamin Willis was.  And then THAT got me thinking about the 1986 horror/comedy Blood Hook, and how the killer in that movie is the real #1 ‘killer fisherman’ character of all time!  Well, the competition isn’t really steep – given there aren’t many killer fishermen in horror movies.  Pretty much just him and Benjamin.  But let’s take a peek at Blood Hook!

Sounds like George Takei might have been doing some voiceover work back then.  But anyway, that there was the original trailer for Blood Hook – and it was around this time that Troma picked it up for distribution.  Sadly and surprisingly, a lot of the gore was cut and therein lied most of the fun with this movie.

But, have no fear!  Vinegar Syndrome re-released it a few years ago in all of its original gory giant fishhook glory!  You can find a copy HERE or if you want to find a copy with the limited slipcover, then good luck hunting it down on eBay.  Give it a watch though – it will definitely have you ‘reeling’.  Ugh, that was bad.  My apologies.  It’s not like I’m on here ‘fishing’ for compliments for my bad humor and puns.  Ok, I’m done.

Fin.