It’s Almost Time For The HorrorThon! Happy Halloween!!!

Underrated Horror Movie Masks: Patrick Channing From ‘The First Power’ (1990)

Keeping with the spirit of the season, nothing quite says Halloween like a good scary mask.  So I figured I would take a look back through horror history and pick a movie mask that is criminally underrated as far as creepy horror movie masks go.  If you’re a big Lou Diamond Phillips fan, then I’m sure you own 50 copies of the 1990 serial killer flick called The First Power on VHS.  The movie itself is a guilty pleasure of mine, and it sports one of the best false faces ever to grace the horror screen.

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Creepy, right?  Well the movie is creepy too.  And in the movie, we follow the trail of Patrick Channing, a sadistic serial killer who offers his victims up to Satan as a sacrifice.  Oh, and he’s known as the Pentagram Killer because he tends to enjoy carving pentagrams into the flesh of those victims.  He’s a super fun guy to say the least, and he takes everything to the next level when he puts on that fucking mask.  I keep looking up at it in that pic by the way and have become increasingly uneasy while writing this post.

Ok – now are you ready for your ironic fun fact of the day?  That was weak.  I said…..ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR IRONIC FUN FACT OF THE DAY?!?! Much better response.  Ok – the actor who portrayed Patrick Channing is Jeff Kober.  You may remember him from last season’s The Walking Dead as the biker guy who gets a chunk of his neck taken out by Rick Grimes.  Well, the ironic fun fact is that even when Patrick Channing takes his mask off in The First Power, he’s still just as creepy!  Don’t worry, Jeff Kober – even with your unique unsettling face, you’re still one hell of an actor.

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Required Halloween Viewing: Drag Me To Hell (2009)

A horror film from recent years that always seems to get lost in the shuffle for me is Sam Raimi’s 2009 triumphant return to the genre:  Drag Me To Hell.  It’s fun, a little twisted, has a few good jump scares, and there’s a possessed goat too.  How the hell could a movie with a possessed goat get lost in the shuffle???  I feel somewhat ashamed that I forget about this movie, so what better time to pull it off the shelf than on Halloween night this year.

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Drag Me To Hell, as I previously mentioned, was director Sam Raimi’s comeback horror movie that gave us all a combined feel of his Evil Dead trilogy.  Definitely tongue-in-cheek throughout, I was pretty surprised at how many times I jumped during the movie and loved how Raimi didn’t only go the slapstick route like he did in Army Of Darkness.

I liken the experience I had with Drag Me To Hell to how I felt the first time I saw The Cabin In The Woods.  Both were a breath of fresh air to the horror genre and both enjoyed moderate success as well.  So that’s it.  I’m ending my Drag Me To Hell drought this year on Halloween night and I might even get up and do a little Deadite dance as well.  My apologies to anyone around me at that time who has to witness that.

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Ebay Find Of The Week: Annabelle Sleeping Mask

I love finding useful things on Ebay.  And nothing to me nowadays is more useful than something to cover my eyes so I don’t have to watch Annabelle again.  And that Ebay item I’m speaking of just so happens to be connected to that shitty movie!  Behold…….the Annabelle sleeping mask!

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What a shocker.   It looks just as cheap and slapped together as the movie did. The good news is that if you are having trouble sleeping at night or just want to creep the fuck out of your significant other, it’s a nice little item.  The bad news is that you’d be buying something associated with Annabelle, and for that alone you may be going to hell.  Don’t let me scare you with that assumption though – feel free to head over to the Ebay listing HERE and snag it up for $29.99 or be brave and submit an offer for 25 cents.

Let’s All Take A Moment And Laugh At Michael Myers……

What’s funnier than watching Michael Myers with blood in his eyes trying to swing a scalpel at Laurie Strode and Dr. Loomis at the end of the original Halloween II?  Not much really.

I know, I know.  I shouldn’t laugh at those who are less fortunate.  And an evil unstoppable killer with blurred vision is definitely less fortunate than someone with perfect 20/20.  Truth be told, I love this ending and I love the image of Michael Myers having the blood pouring out of his mask’s eye holes after Laurie shoots him.  But you can’t help but chuckle a little as he’s swinging his shiny instrument of death to and fro while wincing like a little girl (my apologies to any little girls who took offense to that comparison).  Yes – you are a bad ass, Michael Myers and I’m scared of you…..but the least you could do after murdering all of those people and ruining tons of lives is allow us a good laugh at your expense.  Thank you, kind sir.

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Dirty Horror Presents: Some Of The Worst Michael Myers Tattoos Ever

**WARNING**  You are about to feast your eyes upon some of the worst Michael Myers tattoos ever.  Parental discretion is advised.  As well as a phone number for a tattoo removal center if you actually are the owner of one of these tattoos.    Continue reading

Is This The Best Singapore IKEA Halloween Commercial Ever???

Note to self:  Go out and buy a Big Wheel and sneak into an IKEA store late at night to recreate a scene from The Shining.

Leave it to Singapore to give us what very well could be the best Halloween commercial you’ll see this year.  Obviously a take on Stanley Kubrick’s, The Shining, I think the creepiest thing in the commercial is seeing the kid’s Dad dressed up like one of the Grady twins at the end.  Pretty impressive to say the least, this ad not only makes me get ready for Halloween but also makes me want to hit up my nearest IKEA for some Swedish meatballs and delicious lingonberries.

Very Bad Things: ‘Cabin Fever’ Already Getting A Remake And Eli Roth Is Involved??

Pardon me, but I’m a bit dizzy from shaking my head back and forth so much after this news.  Soooooooo apparently, there is a remake already in the works and ready to start shooting for Eli Roth’s debut horror offering from 2002, Cabin Fever.  Before I begin my rant, I will let it be known that I don’t consider the movie to be an undisputed horror classic or anything, but in my opinion it’s a fun and sick little flick that gets the job done on multiple levels.  Ok – now on with my rant.

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It’s been 12 years since the original was released.  12 years.  Now, I’m not a remake timeframe expert or anything, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that 12 years is a bit premature to roll out a redo.  This unfortunately screams cash-grab because there is honestly no reason that I can think of to go forward with this plan.  At least Eli Roth isn’t really involved and at least they’re not going to use the exact script used in the original.

Eli Roth will serve as producer/executive producer Travis Zariwny directing, working off of the EXACT script from the original

Motherfucker.  Well, I guess if I sat through Cabin Fever: Patient Zero, I can sit through a pointless remake that will most likely include a Cerina Vincent look-a-like shaving her infected scabby legs.  Whatever…..I do love to be proven wrong, so with that I say good luck and Godspeed, Eli Roth and the Cabin Fever remake crew……may you find solace in your search for a new karate kid who loves his pancakes.

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Mikey’s Death’ From ‘Halloween 5: The Revenge Of Michael Myers’ (1989)

Kudos to the Halloween franchise for having a character based off of The Fonz from the TV show Happy Days.  That’s right, in 1989′s Halloween 5: The Revenge Of Michael Myers, the character of Mikey (Jonathan Chapin) oozed with the coolness and cockiness of The Fonz, complete with black leather jacket and the constant task of checking himself out in the mirror.

So, on this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday I’m highlighting the scene where Michael Myers fucks with Mikey’s car with a sharp garden tool.  And we all know, you don’t fuck with Mikey’s car!  Problem for Mikey is, you don’t fuck with Michael Myers either as he quickly finds out when Michael uses that sharp garden tool on his head.  Mikey ain’t pretty no more……and neither is that terrible mask that Michael Myers wore in this sequel.

Review: Annabelle (2014)

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…….

Oh – sorry…..I fell asleep watching Annabelle and I think I just woke up.  Let me go watch it again and I’ll get back to you with the review.

Ok – done!  I know, I know….I’m about 2 weeks late with a review for this movie, but good things come to those who wait.  Unfortunately, no good things came to me from watching this piece of crap and I’ll share my thoughts on that now.    Continue reading