Review: Lights Out (2016)

As a kid, I do remember having a fear of the dark.  I had a special Donald Duck night light (it didn’t quack though) that I suppose was put in place to protect me against whatever I was fearful of.  Problem is, I wasn’t really afraid of anything in particular.  And certainly not a manipulative vengeful spirit with a rare skin disorder that survives in the dark named Diana.   Continue reading

Ebay Find Of The Week: ’30 Days Of Night’ Promotional Beanie

Well, it’s the summertime and as the late Glenn Frey would say…..the heat is on!  There are a lot of ways to beat the heat:  a dip in the pool, rubbing ice cubes all over your body, eating some delicious ice cream, and buying a promotional 30 Days Of Night beanie.

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Yeah – probably not going to really keep you cool, but you will be really stylish while you’re dripping buckets of sweat from wearing a beanie in 100 degree weather.  Although uneven, I actually enjoyed 2007’s vampire flick 30 Days Of Night.  So much so, that I almost clicked ‘Buy It Now‘ on the eBay listing for this promotional beanie.

If you are a bigger 30 Days Of Night fan than me, then head on over to the listing HERE and check it out.  The asking price of $8 isn’t too shabby for what it is.  I’ve spent money on a lot worse off of eBay before.  And to get you in the mood, watch one of my favorite scenes from the movie below and feel free to shout out your best vampire screech while you’re at it:

‘The Devil’s Candy’ Trailer Has Arrived……In Russian!

Having already jerked off the poster for The Devil’s Candy the other week and the overall premise of the movie that apparently fuses horror and heavy metal together, I come bearing great news for those who loved the poster as much as me!  A teaser trailer has been released, and it has everything you could want.  Except the English language.  Yeah, unfortunately it’s in Russian and doesn’t have subtitles.  Although I did make out someone saying “Metallica” at some point.

Nevertheless, the visuals alone are worth the watch and if you do speak and understand Russian, then it’s a bonus for you!  By the way, The Devil’s Candy is written and directed by Sean Byrne who did The Loved Ones, one of my favorite horror movies in the last 10 years.  Check the Russian-fused trailer below:

When You Look Constipated On A Horror Movie Poster……..

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Oh yeah – the body is hot.  The constipated face she’s making?  Not so much.  However, it seems her constipation could be used as a weapon against that creature since she’s literally dangling her ass over it’s mouth.  Sorry – that flew a bit off the rails there.  But yes, that is the poster for the new obvious low-budget horror film called The Creature Below. And yes, the girl on the poster looks constipated.  We’ve established that already.  What hasn’t been established is that The Creature Below’s teaser trailer actually looks pretty good!  Check out the synopsis for the movie below, with the teaser following after that.  It will take your mind off of the constipation face up there.

During a traumatic accident on a deep-sea dive, Olive, a gifted, young marine-biologist discovers an unearthly creature. Losing her dream job, Olive smuggles the creature home, intent on studying it in secret, unbeknownst to her devoted boyfriend Matt and estranged sister Ellie.

Plagued by gruesome nightmares, her fractured memories of what happened during the accident in the depths of the ocean begin to unravel, revealing her symbiotic bond with an eldritch horror far older and malevolent than she could possibly imagine, one which drives her to carry out its sinister will, with deadly results for those around her.

Monday Bloody Monday: ‘The Pit Of Needles’ From ‘Saw II’ (2005)

One of my biggest fears, besides eating mayonnaise, is my fear of needles.  Want to see me turn white as a ghost – then show me a movie that shows a needle going into someone’s arm.  Yeah, I’m a big sissy when it comes to needles, which is why it’s not a surprise that I barely made it through watching Amanda (Shawnee Smith) get shoved into that pile of syringes in Saw II.

Welcome to Monday Bloody Monday, where I am shoving you into the Youtube clip of that very scene.  Say what you want to about the Saw franchise (it’s just torture porn, blah blah blah), some of the traps were very effective and well done.  And sure, tossing a former drug addict into a pit of dirty needles is a bit sadistic, but when you watch a Saw movie you’re obviously looking for something sadistic.  We all have a little Jigsaw in us after all, don’t we?  Check out the clip below and I’ll be in the other room while you’re watching.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: The Devil’s Candy (2016)

It’s rare that I see a horror movie poster and get a boner.  What’s even more rare is when that poster doesn’t have a scantily clad woman on it, but instead has a guy with a wicked guitar and lots of blood.  Ok – this isn’t helping my cause.  Just take a look at the new poster for The Devil’s Candy and let the horror boners commence!

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BOING!!!  Ok, now I’m just hearing about The Devil’s Candy, but much like the poster – the movie itself sounds awesome too.  Check the brief synopsis below:

In this creepily haunted-house tale a struggling painter is possessed by satanic forces after he and his young family move into their dream home in rural Texas.

The Devil’s Candy premiered last year at the Toronto International Film Festival and the response seemed to be overwhelmingly positive.  No said date for a release here in the US and no trailer yet (which mildly kills my horror boner), but fear not – because the poster is a good sign of good things to come!  Satanic happenings?  Metal music?  Lots of blood?  Yes, yes, and yes please.  Stay tuned for more info on The Devil’s Candy!

More ‘Day Of The Dead’ Remake Fuckery Is Upon Us…….

More than 30 years later and they still can’t seem to get a Day Of The Dead sequel/reboot right.  First we had the tremendously bad Day Of The Dead 2: Contagium go surprisingly straight-to-video in 2005.  Then we had a ‘loose’ remake title Day Of The Dead also go straight-to-video in 2008, and it starred Nick Cannon as a wannabe zombie-killing bad ass.  I’ll let that sink in for a minute.  And now, the Day Of The Dead remake gods are at it again with ANOTHER version of the George A. Romero 1985 classic.  And thanks to Bloody Disgusting, we got a sneak peek at the character MAX, who is a reboot of BUB from the original.

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What in thee fuck.  Now I have nothing against the actor portraying MAX here (Johnathon Schaech), but this just doesn’t seem right.  First of all, BUB was a character that should never even try to be duplicated.  He was, and is, an iconic horror figure and one of the best attempts in a horror movie at evoking emotion from the audience for a character. And if you read the short synopsis of this remake (which seems to be a more true remake this time around), then the fuckery gets even worse:

Day Of The Dead follows a former medical student tormented by a dark figure from her past, who happens to be a half-human, half-zombie hell-bent on destroying her.  

Oh sweet fancy Moses.  So we have a half-human, half-zombie on a mission to get revenge?  Sounds lovely.  And let me guess…..MAX is going to be that half-human, half-zombie?  Hence why he has to be chained up maybe?  Love it or hate (I’m with the latter), this remake of Day Of The Dead is in production and it will become a reality soon.  I reached out to Captain Rhodes from the original movie and this was his reaction:

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Great Moments In Jump Scare History: ‘Car Accident’ From ‘Insidious: Chapter 3’ (2015)

Boo!!!!  Ahhh – did you jump?  Probably not unless maybe you’re deaf.  The good ol’ fashioned jump scare.  I can admit it – I’ve had my fair share of moments when I had to check my underwear while watching a horror movie.  They didn’t come up with the phrase ‘scare the shit out of you’ for nothing.  Most jump scares that get me have to do with people lurching out of the shadows or something along those lines.  What usually doesn’t do it for me are car accidents.  That was until Insidious: Chapter 3 came along.  Take a peek below and get your change of underwear ready!

A little harsh with the whole “Come on, lesbo!” line at the beginning.  But anyway – if you hadn’t seen that clip and you didn’t jump when the car accident happened…….then, you sir (or ma’am) are ‘jump scare’ proof.  Obviously the scene was set up for something and I knew that all was not right when Quinn (Stefanie Scott) looks down the road at the creepy figure.  Just wasn’t expecting that damn car!  Anywho – I actually kind of dig Insidious: Chapter 3 (a whole lot more than Chapter 2), and this jump scare is just the cherry on top.  I’m just glad that they’re stopping at Chapter 3 and won’t move on to a Chapter 4……….ummmm – what’s that?  They are making a Chapter 4???  Sonofabitch…….

‘Son Of Monsterpalooza’ Coming Back To Burbank, California September 16-18!

If you live in the Los Angeles area, love horror movies and make-up effects, and aren’t doing anything September 16-18…..then I just made plans for you!  Yes, the fantastic Son Of Monsterpalooza Convention (with it’s ‘father’ being the Monsterpalooza Convention that happened earlier in the year) is coming back to Burbank, CA and is coming fully packed with celebrities and events!

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Up on that flyer are some of the details, but if you want the full lowdown then head on over to their website HERE.  In addition to movie screenings, live on-set make-up tutorials, and costume contests – there will be a plethora of your favorite current and past movie and TV stars.  Did I mention that the creepy nun from The Conjuring 2 is going to be there?  More guests will be announced in the next few months, so stay tuned to the Son Of Monsterpalooza website and their social media pages for more info.  Below is a list of confirmed guests just to wet your appetite.  See you in September!

Jeffrey Combs – The Re-Animator, The Frightners, Gotham
Dee Wallace – E.T., The Howling, The Hills Have Eyes
Bruce Abbott – The Re-Animator, Bride of Re-Animator
Bonnie Aarons – The Conjuring 2, Mulholland Drive, Drag Me to Hell
Zach Galligan – Gremlins, Waxworks, Hatchet 3
Michael Berryman – The Hills Have Eyes, The Devils Rejects
Vernon Wells – Mad Max: The Road Warrior, Commando
Quinn Lord – Trick r Treat, Supernatural
Jonathan Fransham – Ash vs The Evil Dead, What We Do in the Shadows
Jonathan Brugh – What We Do in the Shadows
Judy Odea – Night of the Living Dead

 

Monday Bloody Monday: ‘Exploding Head On A Plate’ From ‘The Horror Show’ (1989)

I realized while I was eating breakfast the other day, that I haven’t had a lot of posts on my site focusing on exploding heads.  Yes, it was a random thought – but an important one nonetheless.  Because now I can start to go in the right direction, and I’ll even kick things off with a lesser known exploding head to boot!

Welcome to Monday Bloody Monday (sometimes known as Sunday Bloody Sunday) where I am indeed showcasing a very special exploding head.  And not just any exploding head – an exploding head from the 1989 movie The Horror Show!  Or as some of you may know it, House III (which really never made much sense to me).  So what do you get in the following clip besides an exploding head on a plate?  Well, you get Lance Henriksen yelling!  How’s that for doubling down?  Get at it below: