Review: Don’t Breathe (2016)

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Do you and your friends want to get into the business of robbing a house?  Do you want to make hundreds of thousands of dollars doing it?  Are you quick on your feet and able to escape the clutches of a vengeful blind man?  Do you have a fear of turkey basters?  If you answered yes to the first three questions and no to the second, then you’re ready to begin! And I’m now ready to begin my review of director Fede Alvarez’s second feature film, Don’t Breathe.   Continue reading

Monday Bloody Monday: ‘Exploding Sex’ From ‘Frankenhooker’ (1990)

Picking a good scene from Frankenhooker is like trying to choose a pie at Baker’s Square…..there’s just too many good ones to choose from!  And yes, I just actually got a Baker’s Square reference into a post.

Welcome to Monday Bloody Monday where I am indeed going to choose a scene from Frank Henenlotter’s 1990 horror comedy Frankenhooker.  Haven’t seen Frankenhooker by the way?  Then I should make you do the walk of shame like Cersei in Game Of Thrones.  Now I really wanted to put up the the scene where all of the hookers explode simultaneously, but Youtube isn’t cooperating.  So instead, I’ll throw you the scene where the creepy older guy looking for paid sex gets more than he bargained for.  He did look happy in the end though, so that’s all that matters.

I Think I Showered Five Times After Watching ‘Baskin’……….

It was late at night last Saturday.  I had just finished eating some delicious nachos.  Now I needed something to quench my thirst on Netflix to wash down those tasty nachos. Scrolling through, I saw that the Turkish horror movie Baskin had been added to the list of movies.  “Oh joy!” I said to myself.  I had been wanting to see it, having heard and read pretty good things so far.  I remember watching the trailer, but honestly didn’t remember much other than that it looked visually striking and kind of fucked up.  Side note:  I kind of love kind of fucked up horror movies.  So I hit play and………………………………

My “Oh joy!” quote from earlier turned into “What the fuck did I just watch?“.  I felt dirty. Not in a sexual way of course, but in a way where I felt like I had actual dirt all over me and needed to get it off as soon as possible.  Can Evrenol, the director of Baskin, had just taken me on a visual journey that I feel like I wasn’t meant to see.  It was dark.  It was smelly.  And I’m not just talking about the storyline of the movie.  Yeah, the elephant in the room is that Baskin is borderline mind-blowing in the visual department.  But the story…..the story was almost too confusing for it’s own good.  I’m all for doing some actual thinking when I watch a horror movie, but I need to be able to make some kind of sense of it when I’m done.

Nevertheless, Baskin had me locked in from beginning to end.  And I dare you to watch the clip below (I actually triple dog dare you) and not want to go on Netflix right away and watch this sucker:

That creepy motherfucker in the clip is actor Mehmet Cerrahoglu.  As far as I can see, this is his first acting gig.  And holy creep balls, it was a memorable one.  Now again, I must warn you – Baskin is a pretty brutal movie to watch at times.  Especially if you’re shy on perverse scenes that are perverse for the sake of being perverse.  I just met my quota for using the word ‘perverse’.  We’re not into A Serbian Film territory here, but there are some unsettling things that you might wish your mind could get rid of.  Fun fact btw: There are actually some Baskin action figures for sale right HERE!  It seems this post had a mind of it’s own and kind of went the ‘review’ route when I didn’t really mean for it to, so fuck it – I’m going to rate Baskin below.  Go see it!

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(3 1/2 Out Of 5)

Review: ‘Guillermo del Toro: At Home With Monsters’ Traveling Exhibit (LACMA – Los Angeles)

One of my favorite visual directors in the last 20 years is without a doubt Guillermo del Toro.  I remember watching Cronos shortly after it came out in 1994, and I was blown away by not only his take on the vampire story, but also just the detail within the movie that he crafted behind the lens.  I was an immediate fan, and the fan in me grew as his filmography grew with The Devil’s Backbone, Pan’s Labyrinth, Blade II, and the Hellboy movies.

So I was obviously very excited to see that his traveling personal museum ‘Guillermo del Toro: At Home With Monsters‘ would be making a 4-month stop in Los Angeles at the LACMA.  Full of artwork, memorabilia, and props from both his movies and just his personal collection at his home – this was a feast for the eyes.  I felt like I needed a cigarette after seeing it.   Continue reading

Horror Movie Posters I Love: The Beast Within (1982)

One of the strangest (and somewhat entertaining) movies I remember witnessing in the 80’s was The Beast Within.  Granted, I was only 6-years-old when this movie came out so I didn’t get a chance to go to the theater and see it.  Had I been old enough though, I would have seen a poster in the lobby for the film warning me:  BEWARE! This Motion Picture Contains Scenes Of Graphic And Violent Horror.

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A tactic commonly used for older horror films, the warning shown on the poster would have only made me want to see The Beast Within even more.  Hence why I love this particular poster.  Not only that, I love the color contrast of the red and black and also the font for ‘Beast‘ written across the silhouetted outline of Michael about to transform into Billy.  Slight spoiler alert there.

Another spoiler alert would be that there’s an uncomfortable rape scene towards the end of the movie.  Kudos to The Beast Within for using practical effects btw, even if it evokes more laughter than terror.  Don’t believe me? Check out the legendary (I like to throw that term around loosely) transformation below, and if that doesn’t sell you on the movie – nothing will.

Jack’s Attic Releasing New ‘Leatherface’ Bootleg Resin Figures On August 19th!

One of my favorite resin horror-themed artists is Jack’s Attic, and easily one of my favorite purchases from him was his ‘Friday The 13th‘ video vame resin figure (fully attached to a mock-up Nintendo cartridge for added effect).  And next Friday, August 19th, he will be releasing his newest figure ‘Headcheese’ in multiple variants!

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I love the packaging he does for his figures.  Each one of the ‘Headcheese’ variants will be limited (some more than others) and it has been announced that there will be a glow-in-the-dark version, as well as a version dedicated to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre Atari video game!  The latter I’m most excited about.  Oh – how could I forget the variant modeled after the old M.U.S.C.L.E. toys?  Bottom line – you will have many to choose from, but choose fast because they won’t be around long.  The sale date is August 19th at 12:30 EST.  Go to Jack’s Attic’s page HERE for more info.

Disappointed In ‘Suicide Squad’ This Weekend? Check Out The ‘Injustice For All’ Short!

I will confess, I did not contribute to the $140 million box office take that Suicide Squad grabbed this weekend.  But I did hear and read that it doesn’t do any large amount of justice to the DC Comics that it’s based on.  Speaking of justice though, or shall I say injustice (sweet transition right there), I was lucky enough to find a short that’s up on Youtube called Injustice For All.

Do you like your Joker dark, to the point where he kills cats and bites off people’s tongues?  Do you want to witness a different take on the tragic/beautiful/fucked up backstory of Harley Quinn’s dedication to The Joker?  Well, then strap in for about 20 minutes and watch the short below brought to you by White Hand Films.  I for one, was pretty into this (I do like fucked up shit though), and I’m hoping that this is just a tease of more to come from Injustice For All and from the talented cast that graces it’s presence.  Enjoy and click play:

Ebay Find Of The Week: ‘A Nightmare On Elm Street 3’ Freddy Marionette

One of my favorite sequels to the original A Nightmare On Elm Street is easily A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors.  And one of my favorite scenes from that sequel is when Freddy turns Phillip into a human marionette.  But before Freddy does that, he himself is a little marionette before he turns into actual Freddy.  And guess what? Someone has created a replica of ‘Marionette Freddy’ and is selling him on eBay!

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Now, if you go to the eBay listing HERE, you can see more pics.  Unfortunately, not much more info is given (other than the buyer uses bad punctuation), so you’re buying a bit blindly here unless you want to contact the seller.  From the pics though, this looks like a top notch replicate of the marionette in the movie.  The price is a bit steep at $390, but given the detail and time it most likely took to make this – it might be worth it.  If I were to buy this, I would be slightly worried that it would come alive in the middle of the night and I would wind up on top of the roof at my building falling to my untimely slumber death……..

Two Big Things Are Coming To The ‘ScareLA Convention’ In Pasadena This Weekend!

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Awwwww yeah!  ScareLA has been one of my favorite Halloween conventions for the last few years, and this year they have the one and only Elvira: Mistress Of The Dark to be the official host!  It’s all going down this weekend (August 6th & 7th) in Pasadena, California at the Pasadena Convention Center.

With Halloween only a few months away, it’s never to soon to get into the spirit (pun intended) and ScareLA has got the goods to help you out.  Tons of on-location vendors, artists, and even some special celebrity guests (in addition to Ms. Elvira) will be on hand to make sure you keep a smile on your Halloween-loving face.  And speaking again of Elvira, if you would like the once in a lifetime chance to meet the icon, you have to pre-pay for your photo/autograph chance HERE and you can find more info in general at the ScareLA website.  No tickets for the Elvira meet-and-greet will be sold onsite.  So, get on over to ScareLA if you’re in the Pasadena area this weekend and don’t forget to say trick or treat!

Holy Exploding Heads And Robots! ‘Chopping Mall’ Is Getting Released On Blu-Ray!

Easily one of my most cherished 80’s horror movies has always been Chopping Mall. What started with an amazing poster transitioned into a pretty amazing movie if you like cheesy 80’s acting, robots, boobs, and a nice exploding head.  And now according to Bloody Disgusting, we will now be able to see all of that in glorious Blu-ray form!

Vestron Video (google the name youngsters if you don’t know) is making a comeback and will be releasing Chopping Mall AND Blood Diner on September 27th.  Focusing on the former for now, we will get a load of special features – including:

AUDIO COMMENTARIES:
• Director/Co-Writer Jim Wynorski, Actress Kelli Maroney, and Co-Writer/2nd Unit Director Steve Mitchell
• Historians/Authors Nathaniel Thompson (Mondo Video) and Ryan Turek (Shock Till You Drop)
• Director/Co-Writer Jim Wynorski and Co-Writer/2nd Unit Director Steve Mitchell
FEATURETTES:
• “Back to the Mall”
• “Chopping Chopping Mall”
• “The Killbots”
• “Scoring Chopping Mall”
• “The Robot Speaks”
• “The Lost Scene”
• “Army of One”
• “Chopping Mall: Creating the Killbots”
• Isolated Score Track by Chuck Cirino
• Trailer

It’s a happy day in horror land, folks!  Just think, you will now be able to see the clip below in Blu-ray quality.  Stay tuned for more info on the preorder details.