Anticipation Alert: Goodnight Mommy (2015)

Move over Funny Games, it looks like there’s a new Austrian horror film in town!  And it only took about 18 years for it to happen.  It’s true, there isn’t an abundance of horror movies spewing from the republic of Austria – but it looks like they have a winner on their hands with Goodnight Mommy.

Ok, I have no idea what was being said in that trailer, but I do know two things: First, that was one hell of a slap the mother put on that kid.  And second, this movie looks creepy as fuck.  Early word about this one is that it lives up to the hype of the trailer by the way.  Goodnight Mommy revolves around a mother, who is a television personality, that goes in for some plastic surgery and comes home to her two sons “changed”.  You can tell from the trailer that things seem to go a bit awry when she does return, and what’s up with the masks that the kids are wearing?  I’m sure it will all make sense when Goodnight Mommy is finally released here in the US.  And that can’t come soon enough for me!

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Reminiscing About The Trailer For ‘The Burning’ (1981)

Quick – who’s one of the most underrated horror villains of all time????  If your answer is the killer elevator from the 1983 Dutch movie, The Lift – I’m sorry to say that you’re wrong.  An ambitious choice, but still wrong.  The correct answer is Cropsy from 1981′s, The Burning!  And for some reason, I was daydreaming about this movie this morning and decided to look up the trailer:

A few things stick out when I watch that.  First being that I love Rick Wakeman’s wonderful 80′s synthy score.  It fits perfectly, as do those amazing garden shears that are Cropsy’s weapon of choice.  Spoiler Alert:  He uses those things to great extent when he butchers a bunch of kids on canoes.  The last thing that really stuck out about the trailer was the classic 80′s voiceover. Aside from sorely missing this aspect in trailers nowadays, I couldn’t help but think of a certain ‘fake’ trailer when I was listening to the guy saying “If you’re planning to go camping…..Don’t!“.

If you think you’ll see a better fake trailer than that one……you won’t!  Ehhh – that doesn’t have the same impact as saying “Don’t!“.  My apologies.

Review: Gnome Alone (2015)

Well, it says a lot about the output of horror movies in January when my first review of  the new year is a film about a killer garden gnome played by Verne Troyer.  The questions is, what was more enjoyable:  the Chocodile that I was eating while watching Gnome Alone or the actual movie?  Let’s just say that I miss my Chocodile.

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If you’re a fan of Full Moon movies, then Gnome Alone will fit nicely on the shelf next to your Ginderdead Man DVD.  This isn’t a Full Moon release, but it sure feels like it.  I’m not going to bore you with the plot, because what could I actually tell you plotwise to sell you on this thing?  It’s about a magical garden gnome who likes to murder people while mouthing off really bad puns.  Sold yet?  No???  Then here are some more observations I noticed while watching this shitfest:

*  Quite possibly the worst ‘girl-on-girl’ make-out scene ever put on film.

*  Is that The Joker???  Oh – it’s just the main girl’s mother who’s had too much plastic surgery.

*  Killer garden gnomes like to preach the responsibility of not drinking and driving.

*  Ever want to see Verne Troyer, in creepy garden gnome make-up, finger a blindfolded half-naked girl on a bed?  You’re in luck! 

*  Apparently human brains can taste like Chardonnay wine.  

*  Hey look!  It’s the little kid from The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air and Independence Day! 

Ok – I’ve exhausted everything that’s somewhat interesting about Gnome Alone.  It’s not good.  Granted, I didn’t think it would be – but I was hoping to have a little more fun with it.  The make-up effects on Verne Troyer are creepy, so I’ll give it 1/2 a point for that and I’ll give another 1/2 point for this pic of a box of Chocodiles.

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(1 out of 5)

Remember The ‘Fright Night’ Music Video?

1985′s Fright Night is not only one of my favorite vampire movies of all time, but also one of my favorite horror movies of all time too.  Jerry Dandrige is pretty much the coolest vampire ever (even with his ridiculous neck-revealing sweater that he wears to the club), Evil Ed is pretty much the coolest sidekick ever, and the Fright Night theme song is pretty much the worse theme song ever:

Quit trying to upstage Jerry Dandrige’s club sweater with your out of control 80′s hair, lead singer Seth Justman!  And wasn’t the beginning shot of the whole band in bed together a bit puzzling?  We can all agree that the song is terrible, but it was 1985 for Christ’s sake, so slack is being cut.  Truth be told, as an avid horror soundtrack collector, I can tell you that the Fright Night soundtrack is pretty sought after on vinyl.  And if Seth Justman’s hair was on the cover, I’m sure it would be even more desirable.  Speaking of desirable, let’s get a bonus Youtube clip going and watch Jerry try and seduce Amy with his smooth dance moves and even smoother sweater:

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Crotch Kill’ From ‘The Mutilator’ (1985)

Sometimes, a horror movie can be so amazing….so groundbreaking….so instrumental in shaping the course of mankind….that it will leave you in awe after witnessing it.  The Mutilator unfortunately is not one of those horror movies.  But it has a ‘death by hook to the female crotch’ kill, so it ain’t all bad!

Welcome to this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday where I’m shining a little light on a slasher flick from 1985 that isn’t that well known, but is loved by those who have seen it.  As much as you can love a bad horror movie I guess.  The Mutilator isn’t good – but it did have a kick ass movie poster (look it up if you haven’t seen it), a killer tagline (By sword, by pick, by ax, bye bye…), a not-so killer theme song, and the aforementioned ‘death by hook to the female crotch’ death scene.  Click below if you’re curious, and if you’re feeling really adventurous – then click on the second link that contains the opening credits and theme song:

Ebay Find Of The Week: Authentic Bullet From ‘Dawn Of The Dead’ (1978)

If I could have any prop from George Romero’s 1978 flick Dawn Of The Dead, other than one of those delicious pies that were thrown in the faces of the zombies, it would have to be an actual bullet from a gun fired at one of those zombie faces.

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Yeah!  Time to go buy a gun!  You know, just in case an actual zombie outbreak occurs.  But yes, up on Ebay right now is an actual bullet used in the filming of the original Dawn Of The Dead.  It’s certified by the Weapons Coordinator of the film, and also is signed by Clayton D. Hill who was an escalator zombie.  Not sure if that really sells the prop any faster, but hey – he was an escalator zombie!  Big plus for all of the escalator zombie enthusiasts out there.  Anyway, you can bid on the prop bullet HERE and it looks like you may be able to get it for a decent price since there are no bids yet.  I’ll still be waiting for one of those 37-year-old delicious pies to pop up for sale in the meantime.

Give Me The Creeps: ‘Cheryl’s Possession’ From ‘The Evil Dead’ (1981)

I remember the first time I saw The Evil Dead.  My sister had seen it the night before at a slumber party (because slumber parties were all the rage in the 80′s), and came home with the VHS telling me it was the scariest movie she’d ever seen.  Being the sceptic that I am, and was as an 8-year-old boy back then, I told her she was full of shit.  At which point my Mom stuck a bar of soap in my mouth.  So I pushed my skepticism aside and sat down to watch it.

Oh look – five kids in an old cabin.  Scotty tells everyone to “Party down!!”. Hey, they found an old tape recorder in the basement with some creepy guy talking about demons and junk like that.  Uh oh – a girl just got raped by some trees.  And then…….the possession of Cheryl is revealed:

Yikes!  This is the moment when I was all in on The Evil Dead.  I know, I should been all in at the tree raping, but it was Cheryl’s possession reveal that gave me the creeps – so it wins.  The levitation and the voice with her head rolling around back and forth challenged my nerves, but it was actually the somewhat cheesy makeup effects that did it for me.  Probably those white eyes.  Which are an understandable side effect after being taken against your will by demonic tree branches I guess.  Note to self by the way:  Don’t leave any unattended pencils lying around if a possessed body collapses near me.

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It’s Random ‘Behind-The-Scenes’ Pic Time!

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Chocolate Chip Charlie getting ready for his big moment in The Stuff (1985)

Horror Hijinx: ‘Sally’s Demon Transformation’ From ‘Demons 2′ (1986)

Who needs a college football championship game when you have the amazingly bad Demons 2?  Yes, last night I revisited the sequel to one of my all-time favorite horror movies ever, 1985′s Demons.  Oh sure, Demons is not Academy Award level cinema by any means – but it’s fun, gory as hell, and has a great soundtrack.  And it has Bobby Rhodes.  I hadn’t watched Demons 2 in a long time, so imagine my pleasant surprise that I was inspired enough the morning after to write this post.

Hilarious bad dubbing aside (as with most Italian horror movies), Demons 2 has an arsenal of ‘so bad it’s good’ moments.  And thankfully after watching this movie again, I now have an arsenal of content for my site in the near future.  It’s clear from the get-go, that Demons 2 is the red-headed stepchild of Demons.  And it’s ok with that, which makes it even better.  Oh I’ll talk about the dog transformation scene, the baby demon scene, and even the reemergence of actor Bobby Rhodes as a gym instructor at a later date – but today it’s all about Sally’s demon transformation scene:

Oh lord.  Now you know you can’t help but laugh when that prop head of Sally pops up.  This sequel pretty much tries to follow Demons beat for beat, as Sally’s transformation (especially the teeth part) mimics Carmen’s from the original almost to a tee.  The effects are definitely cheaper this time around, but it works because the movie itself is, well…..cheap.  God bless the 80′s though, because it was acceptable to be and look cheap back then, especially in horror movies.  Therein lies the charm, my friends.  And Demons 2 is full of it.  Charm that is.

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Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘The Torture Scene’ From ‘Audition’ (1999)

Men, don’t piss off any women in your life.  And if you don’t want to heed my warning, then you obviously haven’t seen Audition.  That’s right – Audition – the 1999 Japanese horror film that will make even the strongest man cringe, as you watch a poor widower of 7 years fuck with the wrong girl.

So on this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday, I’m giving you a sneak peek into the world of Audition, with probably it’s most popular and cringe-inducing scene.  If you’ve seen this movie, then by all means reminisce and click the link below.  If you haven’t seen it, I might suggest watching the whole film ASAP.  It’s up for interpretation as far as what’s real and what isn’t, but damn it sure is fun to watch Asami have so much fun torturing Aoyama and gleefully toss his left foot aside.  She’s quite the acupuncturist as well!