5 Things I Learned From The New Trailer For ‘The Babadook’

Nothing says Thanksgiving weekend like a good horror movie!  I’m being sarcastic of course, which is why I was I bit perplexed to find out that one of the buzziest and best reviewed horror movies so far this year is being released on November 28th.  I’m talking about the fun-to-say flick The Babadook, and if you ask me, those involved missed out on a big opportunity to open this on Halloween weekend.  My gripes aside, I’m here to talk about the new trailer and the 5 things that I learned from it.  Roll the clip!

1.  It’s never ok to push a little girl out of a treehouse

2.  Pop-up books are awesome

3.  The mother really needs to wash her hands

4.  Books apparently can actually hurt you

5.  I’ll most likely soil myself after watching The Babadook

Bottom line:  The Babadook looks great and looks deserving of all of the praise that it’s receiving.  I guess I can wait until November 28th, but this movie just looks like it’s begging to be watched during Halloween.  I guess there’s always Annabelle for that.  How depressing……

Just Another Metal Monday: Slipknot ‘The Devil In I’ Music Video

Haven’t done this post in a while, and what better way to kick it back off than with the new horror imagery filled video from Slipknot called ‘The Devil In I‘:

While I don’t like this particular song better than the band’s first single, ‘The Negative One‘, off the upcoming album .5: The Gray Chapter, I definitely don’t hate it and honestly love the video from a horror fan’s standpoint.  We get red sheeted ghosts, creepy crows, the essential biting off of appendages, a face peeling that would make Poltergeist proud, and a disco ball!  The obvious underlying symbolism is that Slipknot is going through a transformation based off of events that have happened in the past few years, complete with some impressive new masks to round that transformation out.

Aside from seeing everything in the video for ‘The Devil In I‘, you can witness the new look and hear the new album (out October 21st on Roadrunner Records) on Slipknot’s new upcoming tour – kicking off in San Bernardino, CA on October 25th and 26th for the band’s amazing Knotfest festival.  For the full lineup of Knotfest and info on how to grab some last minute tickets, go click HERE now!

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Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Death By Gymnastics’ From ‘Final Destination 5′ (2011)

A good dismount is key when you’re doing gymnastics.  The slightest mishap could cost you major points and could also cost you your life!!! (cue scary loud horror stinger)

Welcome to this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday where the focus will be on gymnastics.  My apologies to Mary Lou Retton, because I’m not going to be talking about you.  What I will be talking about is the twisted little scene from 2011′s, Final Destination 5 where Candice (Ellen Wroe) is hard at work on the gymnastics bars trying to perfect her technique for the big upcoming competition.  Unfortunately, she fails miserably thanks in large part to some chalk powder and a little thing called fate.

Ebay Find Of The Week: ‘The Amityville Horror’ 1979 Promotional Night Light

Having trouble sleeping at night?  Afraid of the dark?  Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.  Luckily upon my weekly scouring through the pages of Ebay, I found something to help cure your night terrors and put a hole in your wallet at the same time!

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What you’re looking at up there is an actual promotional night light from the original 1979 haunted house flick, The Amityville Horror.  And what better way to give you a better night’s sleep than with a night light from a creepy-ass horror movie about demonic forces that can possess your body?  Now for the price shocker:  this little gem is up on Ebay for $95.  It better damn well come with a possession for that amount of dough.  Maybe you’re a die-hard Amityville Horror fan and can justify that price, or maybe you’re just an avid night light collector and desperately need this to be added to your collection. Whatever the case, if you feel like snatching it up – head on over to the Ebay listing HERE and get it!

Dirty Horror Presents: Good Scenes In Shitty Horror Sequels

An exploding parakeet.  A random homoerotic scene with a gym teacher in an S&M bar.  Terrible softball playing skills.  No, I’m not talking about a nightmare that I had the other night – but I am talking about scenes from A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge!  Yes, the 1985 sequel that had everyone scratching there heads until they were bloody had a lot of awful parts - and some ‘so awful they’re good’ parts as well in an 80′s horror kind of way.  But one scene in particular is near the top of my list for all time A Nightmare On Elm Street franchise moments:  The pool party scene.

One of the rare times (if not the only) that you can see Freddy just going off and mowing down a bunch of hapless victims at once.  Does it make much sense?  Hardly not.  But the whole movie pretty much doesn’t make any sense. I love this scene, and not just because of Freddy’s classic one-liners (“Help yourself, fucker!” and “You are all my children now!“), but because it redeemed the film just enough to keep it from being at the bottom of my A Nightmare On Elm Street sequel list.  That would be reserved for Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare.  At the end of the day though, A Nightmare On Elm Street 2 is a shitty sequel to a great horror movie and unfortunately there is no pool party slaughter scene or giant slimy tongue that can change that.

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Today Is The Day That ‘The Blob’ Blu-ray Will Be Released…….

Cue up some annoying trumpets and the 2001: A Space Odyssey theme song.  Today is a joyous day indeed.  It’s the day that Twilight Time will be finally be releasing 1988′s The Blob remake on Blu-ray!

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For those of you who don’t know, Twilght Time is a company that puts out limited edition versions of movies onto Blu-ray.  In the past, they’ve released horror titles like Christine and Fright Night in quantities of only 3000 total. Bad news for those who couldn’t grab those, because they’re up on Ebay for upwards of $100.  Now, for The Blob release – they’ve upped the number to 5000, so you’ve got a better shot to pick one up at cost.  Do it quick though, because I suspect by tomorrow that they’ll be sold out.  Head over to their site HERE today at 4:00 EST and snag one up.  Word is it will be around $30 or so. Blob remake enthusiasts unite!

Horror Hijinx: The Tragic Death Of Ben Tramer From ‘Halloween II’ (1981)

Few moments in horror movie history have such a profound affect on the soul as the death of Ben Tramer in 1981′s, Halloween II.  It was tragic.  It was unexpected.  It was ridiculous.  Dr. Loomis was hellbent on stopping Michael Myers, so much so that he was willing to kill anyone looking remotely like him. And this is why poor Ben Tramer met his fiery, over-the-top demise.

It hurts more every time I watch that and it also makes me laugh more every time as well.  Sure, Ben Tramer was drunk as a skunk and extremely disoriented while walking in the middle of the street with his Captain Kirk Halloween mask on.  But he didn’t deserve to die that way and was taken away far too soon from the Halloween movie franchise.

Laurie Strode had a serious crush on him, and he revealed in the original Halloween that he kinda thought she was cute too.  You see, Dr. Loomis not only killed Ben Tramer that fateful night, but he killed young love as well.  What a monster!!  Not only that, but I really think Loomis needed some glasses because this Michael Myers imposter looked nothing like the real one.  No sense in dwelling on the past I guess, because Ben Tramer is no more.  After watching your yearly Halloween marathon this year, just make sure you pour out a bowl full of those orange and black wrapped peanut butter things in memory of him.

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Monday Bloody Monday: The Deadly Spawn (1983)

What’s the best way to get you out of your Monday funk?  By watching 15 minutes of pure over-the-top gory awesomeness from 1983′s ‘so bad it’s good’ alien schlockfest, The Deadly Spawn.

Now if you’ve never seen The Deadly Spawn, I’m hear to tell you that you’re completely missing out.  What boggles my mind is that I remember watching this on basic TV in the afternoon, with full gore intact, when I was about 10-years-old.  If you have a fetish for seeing old people get attacked and bitten by baby aliens with jagged teeth, then today’s your lucky day.  Make sure to check out the clip around 7 minutes in if you want to see that madness unfold, but I highly recommend watching the whole 15 minutes.

Top 10 Old Guys In Horror Movie History

Lately, my grey hairs have been out of control.  And I seem to be urinating more than I have in the past too.  Not to mention I’m always taking ‘cat naps’ because I just can’t seem to get the energy going that I used to.  Bottom line:  I’m getting old.  So I wanted to celebrate my favorite old guys throughout the years of horror movies with a Top 10 list to make myself feel better about inching towards that infamous age of 40.  So without further adieu, I give to you the Top 10 Old Guys In Horror Movie History:

 

10.  Old Man (Night Of The Demons – 1988)

The old man in 1988′s Night Of The Demons was the definition of a cranky old sonofabitch.  He was that guy that would tell kids to stay off his lawn and spent his later years making kids feel bad for being kids.  Fittingly, he got what he deserved in the end when his ‘razor blades in the apples’ Halloween trick backfired horribly.  Poor cranky old sonofabitch.

 

9.  Grampa (TerrorVision – 1986)

More than a guilty pleasure for me, TerrorVision is the epitome of an 80′s “Midnight Movie”.  And the character of Grampa more than contributed to that whole vibe.  He was a little bat-shit crazy, but what old guy isn’t?  Now please enjoy this clip of his epic demise.

 

8.  Mr. Machen (The Fog – 1980)

It’s all about the voice.  And actor John Houseman had the kind of voice that would make Kim Kardashian’s memoirs sound interesting if he read it out loud.  His scene in John Carpenter’s The Fog was added later in production to bulk up the movie, and I for one am glad it was.  Watch and listen to Mr. Machen scare the shit out of bunch of little kids around a campfire with his tale of a ship that sank 100 years ago.

 

7.  Joe Petto (Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker)

Raise your hand if you even knew that there was a fifth installment of the killer Santa Claus franchise, Silent Night, Deadly Night.  Ok – now raise your hand again if you knew that national treasure Mickey Rooney starred in that movie.  Yeah, that’s right – he played a psychotic toy maker named Joe Petto, which was a somewhat clever nod to the story of Pinocchio.  Not many clips of old man Rooney in action in this one on Youtube, so check out the crappy trailer for film to get your fix.

 

6.  Grandpa (The Lost Boys – 1987)

How cool would it be if your grandpa was not only a taxidermist, but also a secret vampire hunter too?  Pretty damn cool, which is why Grandpa from 1987′s The Lost Boys made the list.  He’s pretty kooky throughout the movie, but damn near steals it with this scene at the end.

 

5.  Grandpa (Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 – 1986)

Another character named Grandpa!  Now although I’m very partial to the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre over the sequel in terms of the movie as a whole, I have to give the edge of the Grandpa character to the latter.  He was more spry, had more personality, and honestly swung that hammer like a spring chicken (albeit a borderline decomposing one).

 

4.  Dr. Loomis (Halloween: The Curse Of Michael Myers – 1995)

You may have noticed that I chose the sixth installment of the Halloween franchise for Dr. Loomis’ character.  That’s because he was pretty damn old in it and it showed.  It turned out though, that it would be his swan song because actor Donald Pleasence passed away shortly after Halloween: The Curse Of Michael Myers was completed.  So let’s raise a pint to the amazing Dr. Loomis and his equally amazing trench coat.

 

3.  Henry Kane (Poltergeist II: The Other Side – 1986)

Not many horror characters burn their image into your brain like Henry Kane from Poltergeist II: The Other Side.  Pretty much the only good thing about this sequel (besides the giant tequila worm of course) is this Bible thumping creepy old man that stole the show with his infectious smile and thinning hair.  Dogs don’t seem to take too kindly to him though, which is usually a major red flag in a horror movie.

 

2.  Crazy Ralph (Friday The 13th Part 1 & 2 – 1980, 1981)

You’re all doomed!!!”  And with that line, Crazy Ralph skyrocketed himself into the upper echelon of horror catchphrases.  Some might have actually been surprised that Ralph survived Pamela Voorhees in the first Friday The 13th.  The second time was not a charm unfortunately, as he took some barbed wire to the neck after being a creepy peeping tom.  Serves you right Crazy Ralph!

 

1.  Grandpa (Silent Night, Deadly Night – 1984)

Alright – here we go!  Did you expect someone else to be at number 1?  If you haven’t seen 1984′s Silent Night Deadly Night, then not only did you miss out on an awesome sledding decapitation, but you also missed out on the best old man moment ever in horror movie history.  Billy, our psychopathic killer Santa Claus, visits his Grandpa in a nursing home when he’s 5-years-old.  It’s at this point where the old bastard scares the shit out of Billy by telling him the horrible truth that Santa punishes little boys and girls who are naughty. Because of that, we pretty much have Grandpa to thank in part for Billy’s murderous rampage that would happen years later.  Thanks for that Grandpa, but congrats on grabbing the number 1 spot!

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Blood Beach (1980)

I’ve always been a bit scared of going into the ocean and I guess I have Jaws to thank for most of that fear.  Truth be told though, I think I’m more scared of jellyfish.  But what about the sand????  What if something besides crabs lurked in the sand????  Newsflash in case you didn’t know, but in 1980 there was a movie called Blood Beach that explored that very thought.  It’s a ‘so crappy, so good’ type of movie, but boy oh boy – what a poster it had!

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She’s really selling that ‘Oh my god I’m being swallowed into the sand!‘ expression, isn’t she?  Kudos on the Jaws-biting tagline btw.  This was at the beginning of the booming 80′s horror craze where basically anything went. Including killer sand apparently.  Gotta love it though, and I absolutely LOVE this poster!  It embodies everything that was great about 80′s horror movies and it definitely catches your eye for more than one reason.  That’s a pretty snazzy purple leopard-print bikini by the way.  Go seek out Blood Beach if you haven’t seen it (screen vets John Saxon and Burt Young are involved), and I apologize if I’ve given you Eremikophobia.  That’s the fear of sand – see, you learned something from this post.