Tis the season to break out your favorite Christmas-themed horror movies! And one that should be on the top of your list is the controversial 1984 slasher, Silent Night, Deadly Night. But as much as I would love to talk about the actual movie and discuss Linnea Quigley’s super awesome nude ‘antlers through the chest’ death scene, we’re talking posters here and the poster for Silent Night, Deadly Night is a cheesy gem.
Obviously playing off of the whole holiday horror theme, thanks largely in part to Halloween, this poster to me captures everything that was great about 80′s horror movies. Being that the movie caused a huge uproar, the poster alone was controversial considering what a beloved figure that Santa Claus is supposed to be. He’s supposed to be jolly and when he laughs he’s supposed to shake like a bowl full of jelly. So, here we have him holding an axe with blood dripping font in the movie title for the movie poster. Not exactly family friendly, but therein lies the appeal to me.
This is the epitome of a perfect poster for a not-so-perfect movie though. Gotta love that ‘He knows when you’ve been naughty‘ tagline too! And being that this is a personal favorite of mine, I’ll be spotlighting more from it in the weeks to come before the big day of December 25th. To yuletide you over for now, enjoy the poster and this lovely drawing below that Billy did while in Catholic school. Just precious.
One of the nicest surprises this year in the horror world was the beloved return of our favorite redheaded terror. Nope, not you Carrot Top. You’re terrifying in your own way though. I’m talking about Chucky in what seemed to be his swan song, Curse Of Chucky. Going back to the horror roots with the sixth installment, writer and director Don Mancini delivered the goods, especially in the final 20 minutes which had more than enough in the twist department and ended with one final showdown scene between Chucky and Andy.
But you know it’s just too good to be true for a horror franchise to actually end for good, right? Enter in Don Mancini as he broke news on Twitter that there will be a seventh Child’s Play film! No word yet on what exactly will take place, but he does elude to the fact that we’ll find out more about what happens to our heroine Alice from Curse Of Chucky. And maybe Jennifer Tilly along with her famous breasts and annoying voice will be back for a bigger role? As long as they stick with the true horror feel and keep the Three Stooges schtick out, I’m good with another sequel. I do have one small request though. Can we get a cameo from Bushwick Bill of the Geto Boys since he was obsessed the Chuckster?
Forget about my two front teeth. All I want for Christmas is some creepy baby doll arm soap! Ahhh yes – the gift that keeps on giving to your stinky body. And also the gift that will make people you know be horrified and scared when they notice some creepy baby doll arm soap chilling in the soap dish in your bathroom.
Over at PerpetualKid.Com right now, you can stuff that lucky person’s stocking this holiday season with the one of a kind creepy baby doll arm soap. To make it slightly creepier, the soap scent is baby powder. And for only $5.29, this baby doll arm soap can be yours! Only it’s sold out right now But keep an eye on the site and in the meantime, keep an eye on those people who you think would actually want this creepy ass gift.
You’re one sick sonofabitch Clive Barker. I mean that in the most endearing and complimentary way possible of course. Welcome to another Sunday Bloody Sunday where I like to spotlight some of the sickest, bloodiest, and most enjoyable death scenes from the days of horror past. And this week, I decided to give Hellbound: Hellraiser II a little love, specifically the pinnacle moment where Julia is revived with some poor bastard’s blood on a mattress.
Truth be told, this scene freaked me the fuck out when I was younger. Not sure what I was watching a movie like this for when I was 12, but that’s a different dysfunctional story. See, I have a thing about maggots. I don’t like them. And when the mental patient here in this scene thought he had maggots crawling in and out of his skin, I seriously almost had to turn the movie off. The unrated version in the clip below is even more graphic, as he slices his skin to and fro with the scalpel provided by the evil Dr. Channard. Click the vid below to get a better visual and watch the resurrection of the lovely, and in this case skinless, Julia. Now with more maggots!
Well, it’s Thanksgiving. A time when we can bow our heads, give thanks to those around us, and eat an obscene amount of turkey and mashed potatoes until we’re on the verge of puking. It truly is a special time. And if horror is as near and dear to your heart as it is to mine, then it’s only fitting to show it a little yearly gratitude. So as a first this year, I’m going to give my 5 things that I’m thankful for so far in the world of horror for 2013. Loosen up your belt buckle a notch, sit back, and enjoy! Continue reading →
Throw your machetes in the air and wave them like you just don’t care everybody! News has just hit the internet that Paramount is confirming a new Friday The 13th movie for March 13th, 2015. Not surprising news at all really considering there had already been murmurings that it was in the works, but it’s still welcome news and the release date is only a mere 15 months away.
*For he’s a jolly good fellow, for he’s a jolly good fellow…..*
No official word on what the premise will be and if it will continue on from the 2009 version, but the unofficial word is that it will not. Meaning that the new Friday The 13th will be yet another attempt at a reboot. Also meaning that Derek Mears could be out of a job and we could be looking at our 10th Jason Voorhees. All speculation though at this point. So mark down March 13, 2015 on your calendars ladies and gentlemen and let the message board hating begin……now!
The horror business is really booming on television right now. I’m talking about you, The Walking Dead. And you, American Horror Story. But not so much about you Dracula, because you’re probably going to get cancelled. The point I’m trying to make here is that to get your horror fix nowadays, there are more than enough viable ways to get it on the old boob tube. So that must mean that since horror is all the rage on TV, we’re going to have a lot to choose from on the big screen too, right? Nope. No sir. No ma’am. No shit.
I did a little piece last month about the absence of horror movies for October and more importantly, for Halloween. Sure we had the Carrie remake to satisfy our urge, but unfortunately, I had to go eat ten Snickers bars afterward to get my true satisfaction due to the fact that the movie sucked ass. And now I look into my magic horror crystal ball toward the future months ahead and I see………….absolutely nothing. You might think I’m exaggerating, oh but I’m not. Not unless you’re seriously excited about Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones.
You know the excitement you get when a big horror movie is coming out? Well prepare to push that excitement to the limit when I, Frankenstein comes out on January 24th! Oh yeah! Looks like if you’ve been yearning for something that could be just as terrible as Van Helsing, you’ll be in luck on January 24th. And if you’re not tired of the whole found footage “my baby might be the Devil” storyline, make sure to check out Devil’s Due a week earlier on January 17th! Wow! Maybe I was wrong about all of this! Sarcasm can go a long way, especially when you’re talking about crappy horror movies that are coming out in theaters over the next few months.
In fact, it’s not until The Purge 2 on June 20th, that a somewhat favorable horror movie comes out, and even that one’s a little suspect. But seriously. June 20th? There will be a few diamonds in the rough along the way that will most likely be limited releases (Wolf Creek 2, Here Comes The Devil), but the horror well looks to be pretty dry my friends. Unless of course you’ve been fiending for Leprechaun: Origins. So turn on your televisions horror fans and relish in the silver lining throughout all of this. The fact that you can save some movie theater cash and go see Saw VIII ten times when it comes out in October. Now that is a silver lining.
You know you’re going to get a good scene when a bunch of people are shouting “We want fish!” Welcome to this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday and welcome to James Cameron’s directorial debut, Piranha II: The Spawning. Yes, that James Cameron. Every good director needs to get their start with killer flying fish, especially killer flying fish that have visible wires attached to them. Before there were SyFy Channel movies, there was Piranha II: The Spawning.
Ok. This is a terrible movie, but somewhat enjoyable on a ‘get super drunk and watch it’ kind of level. And the beach attack scene that I’m spotlighting here takes the delicious cake. And we all love delicious cake, right?
Let that baby sink in for a minute. Now that’s a cheesy 80′s horror movie poster! Effective to say the least, the poster for 1986′s Mountaintop Motel Massacre brought the goodness. Unfortunately, the movie was straight doodoo.
The plot involves a crazy old lady named Evelyn who murders people who stay at her motel. And how does she do this? By popping up from secret contraptions via a tunnel in the guest’s rooms and dropping off rattlesnakes, cockroaches, and rats. And she swings a mean little sickle too. Albeit she swings it very, very slowly and it boggled my mind how some of these grown ass men didn’t just kick her old ass down before she ended up stabbing them. Oh well.
Did I mention there’s a black guy named Crewshaw (yes, Crewshaw) who has some snappy dialogue and zingers throughout the movie? Case in point: Crewshaw is awoken by having about fifty cockroaches crawling all over him thanks to Eveyln and promptly let’s off this jewel – “They shoulda called this a roach motel!“. Oh, that Crewshaw! Too bad he gets his hand chopped off and throat slit later.
My biggest reason why the poster for Mountaintop Motel Massacre is better than the actual movie is the classic case of ‘bait and switch’. Unless my eyes are foggy, the crazy woman on the poster is that the same crazy woman in the movie. False advertising! For shame. And the debate can rage on about whether or not I’ve proven my point with all of this, but there is one thing that I know we can all agree on: Crewshaw and his awesome name will forever be missed. RIP.