Quarantine Movie Of The Week: Bliss (2019)

**Knock Knock** (door opens)

I’m here for the Bliss party.” “Wait, what?  It was last month??  Dammit.

Ah yes, I’m late to another party.  But not just any party……the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer!  Um, I mean……the Bliss party!  Ah yes – Bliss is writer/director Jeff Begos’ third feature film (his first being Almost Human, which honestly I didn’t love).  But with this one – Begos gave me a gore boner, and also gave me an eye boner too (if that’s a real thing)…..because those visuals and the overall style and vibe of Bliss left me having Mandy flashbacks (in a good way).  I debated throwing a clip from the movie in the post, but check the trailer out instead:

During these ‘end of days’ times we’re living in right now, Bliss was a perfect viewing – not because the subject matter matches our current quarantined conditions, but because it was a brisk and gory good time!  Did I mention the music?  The vampire aspect?  The standout performance of Dora Madison?  The gore? (the head snapback got me) And what about George Wendt? (Norm!)

Bliss clocks in around 80 minutes so it doesn’t really have any time to drag around.  Once the drugs make an appearance, the vampires aren’t far behind.  And from then on, sit back and enjoy the show (and possibly get a seizure from the visuals too).  While the storyline sort of made me think of 2015’s The Devil’s Candy (sans vampires of course), Bliss did enough to stand out on it’s own.  Being that I’ve already heard good things about Jeff Begos’ new movie VFW, I’m psyched to see not only that – but what he brings in the future as he seems to be hitting his stride.  Go check out Bliss on Shudder now!  They’re doing a free 30-day promo (Code = SHUTIN) for all my fellow quarantiners.  Not sure quarantiners is a word, but it is now.

Give Me The Creeps: ‘The Chapel Scene’ From ’28 Days Later’ (2002)

During these trying times while dealing with the spread of coronavirus, I give you some sage advice:  STAY OUT OF CHURCHES!  And also, stock up on toilet paper or you’ll be wiping your ass with leaves from outside.  But yes, if you believe anything from the 2002 classic 28 Days Later, then you know that you shouldn’t go poking around in churches.  Otherwise this might happen:

For my money, this is still one of the most effective scenes EVER (yes, ever) in a horror movie (or, movie in general).  Those two dudes that pop up when Jim says “Hello?” still get me shook to this very day and give me the creeps.  Hard to believe that we’ll be approaching a 20-year anniversary soon for this movie, as it has aged incredibly well and still remains a revelation for its style and overall influence that it had on the zombie subgenre.  But alas, like I said – these are trying times at the moment…..so hunker down, enjoy some good horror, and for God’s sake stay out of the churches!

Legendary Thrash Metal Band TESTAMENT Unleash New Tour & Album In April!

Dating alllllllll the way back to the 80’s, Testament has remained a fixture to this very day in the thrash metal scene.  Definitely one of the more underappreciated bands, they continue to bring it and continue to tour to bring it to YOU.  I saw them a few years back, and they blew my mind.  And now Testament is embarking on a new US Tour this April, along with Black Dahlia Murder and Municipal Waste, to promote their upcoming album TITANS OF CREATION.

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And speaking of the new album, what better way to get my attention than with a horror-themed first track called ‘Night Of The Witch‘?  Looking forward to hearing this one live when I see them in Anaheim on the tour, and it makes my anticipation for the album even greater.  So just a quick recap:  The new Testament album TITANS OF CREATION is out April 3rd everywhere.  The US Tour supporting that album kicks off April 20th in Phoenix.  And you can follow everything that is Testament right HERE.  Now, turn your speakers waaaaaaay up and check out the ‘Night Of The Witch‘ lyric video below.

That Time Sonny Bono Turned Into A Bunch Of Plants (Troll – 1986)

I was racking my brain trying to come up with a good clip that freaked me out as a child that I could ‘Cher’ with you.  I thought about it long and hard, and then said to myself “Wait – I got you, babe!”  Yes, I came up with the perfect clip along with some terrible puns and references to Sonny Bono as well.  Because…..Sonny Bono is in the clip!  See how that all worked out?  And the traumatizing clip is from 1986’s Troll, a fun little horror romp not really for kids (although a lot of kids probably watched it).  Now let’s watch Sonny Bono morph into a bunch of plants!

I mean, the troll is kinda cute – even if he is kind of an asshole.  The make-up effects are pretty top notch (as were most in the 80’s), and if you’re into former husbands of Cher turning into shrubbery….then Troll is the movie for you!  Unfortunately for Troll, it would be it’s successor Troll 2 that would go on to live in infamy as the movie everyone would cheer for.  Any movie that has a seductive ‘corn-on-the-cob popcorn scene’ is sure to always win the prize.  But we shall never forget you, Sonny Bono.  You sacrificed yourself for the greater good of greenery.

‘The Oddities Flea Market’ Is Coming Back To Los Angeles July 11-12!

As a lover of anything creepy and/or unusual, I am very excited that The Oddities Flea Market is coming back to downtown Los Angeles on July 11th & 12th!  If you’ve never been, then now is the time to prepare your eyes and your wallet.

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Here’s more from the official press release:

On Saturday, July 11th and Sunday, July 12th, Downtown Los Angeles‘ historic Globe Theatre will transform into a world of obscure, unusual and curious delights as THE ODDITIES FLEA MARKET returns for their annual Spring market curated by skeleton articulation virtuoso, collector and star of Discovery‘s Oddities, RYAN MATTHEW COHN and his wife/event producer REGINA MARIE COHN.

Attendees will be able to peruse items ranging from anatomical curiosities and osteological specimens, taxidermy, occult and obscure home décor, jewelry and clothing to natural history ephemera, medical history rarities and one-of-a-kind dark art designs from over 60 vendors including event curator Ryan Matthew Cohn, Conjurers Kitchen, Necromance, Gotham Taxidermy, Margaret Cross, Oddball Oddity and more (listed below). The event will also feature DJ sets throughout both days from Portland industrial/goth outfit, Dead Animal Assembly Plant.

General admission single day tickets for THE ODDITIES FLEA MARKET are available in advance for $10 or $15 cash-only at the door. A limited amount of VIP tickets are available which include two hours advance entry (10:00 A.M. – 12:00 P.M.) for $40. Children under 10 get in free.

If you want to grab your tickets now (which is recommended), go HERE and snatch them up!  And for more info in general about The Oddities Flea Market, head over HERE to stay in the loop.

Hide Your Picnic Baskets! ‘Grizzly 2: Revenge’ Is Finally Coming!

While ‘Bear In A Cage‘ was all the rage courtesy of Midsommar last year, we all know what we were really wanting on the bear front.  And that would be……..a long-awaited sequel to the 1976 killer bear movie, Grizzly!  Ah yes, and what better title for a sequel than Grizzly 2: Electric Boogaloo.  Wait, that’s not it.  I meant to say Grizzly 2: Revenge. Ooooh – anything with the word ‘revenge’ in the title has to be good, right?

Long story short on this, is that this movie originally started production in the 80’s – but due to a shady producer and no money……the film was never completed.  One of the original producers has taken it upon herself to finally finish Grizzly 2: Revenge and you can see it soon!  And judging from the trailer below, it’s a bare necessity that you do.

Let’s digest that trailer for a minute.  Here are a few of my takeaways:

– Oh hey, look!  It’s George Clooney & Charlie Sheen!  I wonder if they die early on in the movie?  Spoiler alert:  They do. 

– Nurse Ratched!

– Oh, it’s that guy from Raiders Of The Lost Ark and he’s talking about a devil bear or something. 

– Insert random gigantic 50,000 person concert with 80’s music HERE. 

– Not the forklift!  

– Every good trailer needs an unnecessary slow motion grappling scene.

– Sweet bear sound effects, man. 

Ok, well – for better or probably worse, Grizzly 2: Revenge will be yours to see very soon!  Go to the official website HERE to stay in the know about everything Grizzly 2. Speaking of grizzlies, Grizzly Adams DID have a beard!

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Best Terrible Transformation Ever: Sleepwalkers (1992)

We’ve all had those moments where we’re having a bad day and just wish we could transform into a giant werewolf cat.  Which makes this scene in 1992’s ridiculous Sleepwalkers even more relatable!  Now, I’ve talked about this movie before – and even with the Stephen King stamp on it, Sleepwalkers is a pretty hard pill to swallow.

But…….in some ways, I love it.  It’s pure ridiculousness, and Clovis The Cat is a true American hero!  Now watch below as Charles (Brian Krause) gets spooked by Clovis with a comically bad (but good) scary transformation.

That Clown From 1988’s ‘Ghosthouse’ Though…….

Clowns freak me out.  Especially clown dolls – as my sister used to have one that sat in a rocking chair when I was younger that scared the shit out of me, thanks mostly in part to a little film called Poltergeist.  Hey – speaking of that movie!  There’s a 1988 Italian horror movie called Ghosthouse (written and directed by Umberto Lenzi) that pretty much blatantly steals the look of the clown from Poltergeist.  Issa ok though, because it’s still creepy as fuck AND has an accompanying ‘creepy as fuck’ song (thanks to composer Piero Montanari) to minimize the plagiarism.

Zoinks!  That clown made me wet myself.  He’s super, but the real champ of the scene and of the movie might be that song that pops up about every 2 minutes.  Ghosthouse was actually a first watch for me the other night, and I recommend it if you’re looking for a ‘so bad it’s good’ 80’s horror movie with no real plot.  Fun fact:  There’s a sequel called Witchery that stars both Linda Blair AND David Hasselhoff!  Yeah.  Chew on that for a minute.

Let’s All Watch The German Trailer For ‘Slugs’!

Hurry, everyone!  Grab a Pilsner, crank up the Rammstein, and put another sausage on the barbie!  Sorry, that joke was the wurst.  As was that one.  But yes, let’s get German!  Because I have quite possibly my favorite thing I’ve found in a while for you in this post.  And that is:  The German version of the trailer for the 1988 killer slug movie…..Slugs!  I did a post about the regular American version of the trailer like a sucker last year, but this one is far superior.  Just watch and listen, and try not giggle and have a fit when the voiceover guy says “Sluuuuugs!” (echo, echo, echo)

Frightening Funnies: The Son Of Svengoolie ‘Dr. Rābbees’ Commercial!

Please indulge me for a moment and take a trip down memory lane…….to a wondrous place called the Son Of Svengoolie show from the 80’s!  What???  You don’t know what the Son Of Svengoolie show was???  Well….if you didn’t live near Chicago and if you don’t peruse around Youtube a lot looking up old clips of 80’s horror movie shows, then you probably are clueless.  Let’s just say that the show was a HUGE part of my childhood and Sven is still on the air today on MeTV ( he’s now known as just Svengoolie though).

The point of this particular post is to spotlight a parody that was done on the Son Of Svengoolie show a loooooong time ago, which clearly was poking fun at David Naughton from An American Werewolf In London.  You see, before David was turning all fangy and hairy courtesy of make-up effects master Rick Baker in that classic 1981 movie…..he was peddling Dr. Pepper to the masses!

Amazing.  And I am curious how many of you out there wanted to be a Pepper too.  But anyway, Son Of Svengoolie periodically would do song parodies on his show and yes, he parodied the Dr. Pepper commercial.  Only instead of Dr. Pepper, it was called Dr. Rābbees!  Get it?  Because of the werewolf thing??  And werewolves might have rabies????  Anyway, here’s the clip and hopefully you enjoy it as much as I do for the ridiculousness that it is.  And make sure and watch Svengoolie on MeTV every Saturday!