Review: Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights Hollywood (2016)

Ahhhhh – another year and another trip to Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights in Hollywood!  When the news broke about the lineup of mazes this year, people were in a bit of a frenzy, and for good reason because a lot of your favorite horror icons were finally going to be on the same bill!  I’m talking Freddy, Jason, Michael, Leatherface, Krampus…..ok, maybe Krampus isn’t a horror icon, but we’ll get to him later on in the review.  The question is, would it all be worth it?  And would HHN jack the prices up even more this year?  Yes to both of those questions!  So let’s go from worst to first and get it going…..    Continue reading

If You’ve Been Looking For A Life Size ‘Alien’ Egg And Facehugger Replica…….

I was in my apartment yesterday and I was thinking to myself that I needed a giant life size Alien egg replica to spruce things up in my place.  Random thought, I know – but how cool would it be to have a guest walk in and be startled by seeing a giant egg from Alien almost hitting them in the knees?  Well now that cool random thought is a reality!  Because NECA has released a prop replica of the Alien egg WITH a facehugger!  And for only $500!!!  WTF???  $500?!?!

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Why yes, random Asian girl – it is a pretty ridiculous price.  And also, are you scared of that facehugger or are you about to eat it?  I wonder what a grilled facehugger would taste like btw.  That is an actual picture associated with the product listing which is as hilarious as the price.  If you want to check out more info on this, you can go HERE.  If should be noted that for that $500 price, the replica egg lights up!  But the 3 AAA batteries aren’t included.  For shame, NECA.  Is it just me btw, or is that pic just the best thing that you’ve seen all week?

Monday Bloody Monday: ‘Dual Chainsaw Kill’ From ‘Deathgasm’ (2015)

I must apologize in advance for not having the superb ‘dildo scene’ from Deathgasm for you to view.  And if you don’t know what I’m talking out, I’m sure some of you are googling ‘dildo scene Deathgasm‘ and most likely getting in trouble if you’re doing that at work.  But instead of dildos, I have brought you dual-wielding chainsaws!

Welcome to Monday Bloody Monday where I am indeed diving into one of my favorite horror movies in the last few years:  Deathgasm!  So many good scenes in this one (yes, the ‘dildo scene’ being one of them), but I did ‘eeny meeny, miny, moe’ and picked the chainsaw scene where Zakk uses not one, but two chainsaws to take down some demon zombies.  Enjoy below and I’ll keep everyone posted on the possibility of Deathgasm dildos in the future….

Lets Have Another Staring Contest…….

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My, what a big eye you have there.  Ok – this will be a challenge because the Hungry Beast from TerrorVision can distract you with his giant toothy smile and also the giant eye that I alluded to earlier.  Gotta stay focused here and see if you can break him from his concentration.  Steady…..Steady…..Keep your eyes on the prize.  Oh wait – did you just pull out an old W.A.S.P. cassette to distract him and take his eyes off of you?  That’s genius because this this dude’s into metal!  You win!!!

Rental Regrets: Junior (1985)

Here we go with one of my favorite recurring posts about VHS horror movies that I wish I would have rented, but never did.  Now – there is one movie that always sticks out in my head that I passed over in my many trips to my local Mom & Pop video stores in the 80’s. The cover was enticing.  The tagline was even more enticing.  But yet I wasn’t enticed enough to ever rent it.  And that movie is……………Junior!

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Sorry for the subpar quality pic – it’s the best that Google Images could offer.  But anyway, I can’t tell you how many times I picked up the VHS copy of Junior and put it down.  The artwork is actually pretty sweet considering this was 1985.  The burning boat in the background is intriguing as well because it makes me want to know why the boat is on fire and who is in the boat when it’s on fire.  Genius marketing on their part.  Considering I still haven’t seen Junior, I have no real clue as to what it’s about other than that it’s going for the ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre knock-off‘ gold.  Good thing we have IMDB to clarify about the plot:

K.C. and Jo are two hardened female ex-cons who decide to build a marina on a lake in backwoods Texas to start a life for themselves, only to be hassled by the redneck locals who do not like outsiders, and that the lakeshore is their own regular hangout. But K.C. and Jo’s worst troubles come from Junior, a slow-witted psycho redneck who gets the ok from his equally demented mother to kill the two. 

Oooooh – two hardened female ex-cons, huh?  I see Caged Heat potential sex going on here.  And what a shocker – redneck locals who don’t like outsiders and a psycho redneck with a psycho mother.  Nevertheless…………….oh wait – BREAKING JUNIOR NEWS! Here’s another poster that popped up on Google Images:

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Ehhhhhhh.  I’ll stick with the original artwork.  As much as I love seeing Junior in his wife beater overcompensating for his probable small penis with his large chainsaw, the original cover art is far superior.  And how the hell do you leave ‘The‘ out of ‘Friday The 13th‘ at the top of the poster?  Nice touch using the chainsaw as an ‘I’ in the title though.  For those curious about this movie (and how the hell could you not be?), there’s a full version up on Youtube.  Let’s all waste an hour and a half of our lives together and see what kind of wacky situations Junior gets himself in…….

Ebay Find Of The Week: Promotional Magnifying Glass From ‘Lifeforce’ (1985)

I was just saying to myself the other day that magnifying glasses are a very underrated item in the world today.  How else are we supposed to read fine print?!?!  I guess a pair of glasses or some contacts would work, but what if it’s really super small and what if I want something that is also affiliated with a cult horror movie?  Oh if only there was a magnifying glass available on eBay from a 1985 horror/sci-fi movie directed by Tobe Hooper………….

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Oh my lucky horror stars!  Is that?  Could it be?  It is!  Putting the magnifying glass game to shame is an actual promotional magnifying glass from the 1985 movie Lifeforce.  It looks as though it was given to video stores in promotion for the VHS release.  Aside from the boobs that were in the movie, there were actually some cool vampires too and Lifeforce is a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine.  But mostly for the boobs.  If you’re feeling especially nostalgic and want to own this rare magnifying glass so you can read your funnies on Sunday morning, then head over to the eBay listing HERE.  Yikes – $55? Really, random eBay seller?  Well, maybe the price will lower.  Until it does, enjoy some of the free complimentary Lifeforce boobs below.

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(photo courtesy of scififilmfestival.com)

Give Me The Creeps: The First Zombie In The ‘Resident Evil’ Video Game (1996)

I can still remember the first time that I played Resident Evil on my Playstation in 1996. The lights were low, the mood was set, I had a bowl of Cheetos to accompany me in my journey, and I popped the disc in and let the game load up.  And I waited.  And waited. And waited some more.  It took a while to load up because that’s how things were back then.  Then the opening title card popped up with a little blood splatter and a booming voice that said “Resident Evil………“.  Being a big horror fan, this was one of the first horror-themed video games that I had played and I was ready!  I chose my character ( I usually chose Jill) and I was off on a funky Resident Evil adventure.  I spouted some terrible dialogue in the game to my comrades Albert and Chris and then I came upon my first zombie and this happened………

I mean sure, I interrupted him during the eating of his meal, but did he seriously have to eye-fuck me that hard?  Needless to say, I may or may not have shit my pants when I saw this and experienced it for the first time.  It’s a classic scene as far as survival horror games go, and an innovator as far as creepy ass scenes go.  And this scene is why I get soooooooo frustrated with the Resident Evil movies.  How many have they had now, like 6?  And they still can’t get the feel of the game right in any of them.  For shame.  But never mind that noise, that first zombie in the original first Resident Evil game will forever give me the creeps.  And it taught me the ever important lesson of never interrupting a zombie while he’s enjoying his meal………

Review: 31 (2016)

Let’s all go to the lobby…..Let’s all go to the lobby…..Let’s all go to the lobby, to get ourselves a treat!  Delicious things to eat, the popcorn can’t be beat…..The sparkling drinks are just dandy, the chocolate bars and nut candy…..So let’s all go to the lobby, to get ourselves a treat!  Why am I starting this review of Rob Zombie’s new movie 31 with lyrics from an old 50’s tune that you would hear play before a movie starts?  Beats the fuck outta me, but it’s more interesting than most of what’s going on in 31 unfortunately.   Continue reading

Anticipation Alert: Ouija – Origin Of Evil (2016)

Wait, wait, wait!  Don’t judge me just yet.  Give the post a chance.  Let’s get the obvious out of the way.  2014’s stinker called Ouija was a indeed a piece of crap.  And somehow (I just looked this up) it made over $100 million at the box office worldwide.  Let me repeat that loudly:  $100 MILLION!  Well because of that, it’s not a shit movie shocker that a sequel was announced.  Normally I would yawn and flip off my computer at the same time when I hear something like that, but I saw that director Mike Flanagan (Hush, Oculus) was attached and suddenly became a little intrigued.

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Look who’s having fun with a Ouija board up there!  Her eye is quite large.  So anyway, Ouija: Origin Of Evil was announced and is actually coming out October 21st – just in time for Halloween.  I think that’s one of the other reasons why I’m somewhat interested in this because any horror movie that comes out around Halloween is worth a little of my time.  Granted, the PG-13 rating is a downer – but give me some creepy goodness and we can work around that negative.

Did I mention that Henry Thomas from E.T. is in this?  Well there you go.  Another reason to possibly check it out.  Don’t worry, I’ll totally eat crow if this sucks but it can’t be worse than the shit bomb that was unleashed upon us in 2014.  On a side note – I’ve never owned a Ouija board and kind of want one.  I can summons my Grandma and ask her if she still needs me to mow her lawn.  Check out the trailer for Ouija: Origin Of Evil below, and try and ignore some of the CGI:

Monday Bloody Monday: ‘The Trailer Scene’ From ‘The Hills Have Eyes’ (2006)

Few moments in horror movie history leave me in a state of shock and awe.  And no, the entire Gingerdead Man movie is not among these moments.  But there is one moment that always comes to mind, and that would be the ‘trailer scene’ in The Hills Have Eyes remake from 2006.

Welcome to Monday Bloody Monday where I am indeed going back to the scene that still makes me feel uneasy when I watch it.  Quite possibly the most brutal scene ever in a bigger budget horror movie.  I realize this was a Hills Have Eyes remake and there was a somewhat similar scene in the original Wes Craven offering, but I literally feel the need to take a shower after watching the remake version.  Watching Pluto and Lizard (great names for some mutants btw) terrorize this family with rape and murder tendencies makes my skin crawl.  Oh – and that gunshot to the Mom?  Whew.