Dirty Horror’s Rapid Reviews: ‘The Girl With All The Gifts’, ‘Beyond The Gates’, ‘Alien: Covenant’

It’s that time again where I don’t have a lot of time to write full reviews for recent movies that I have had the pleasure of viewing, so I will sum each of them up in a few sentences of my thoughts.  Sound good?  Here we go!    Continue reading

Random 80’s Videos With Zombies: ‘Jeopardy’ By ‘The Greg Kihn Band’ (1983)

Quick!  What’s the best music video that has zombies in it from the 80’s?!?  Most of you just shouted out Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller‘ which was not only rude, but also incorrect.  Now kindly stop throwing tomatoes at me.  Ok, now that you got that out of your system, I am here to tell you that the answer is definitely ‘Jeopardy‘ by The Greg Kihn Band!

Now before we get onto the feature presentation, let me just tell you that this video is probably one of the reasons I became addicted to MTV in the 80’s.  This one and ‘Legs‘ by ZZ Top of course for obvious reasons.  Is the video dumb with bad acting and bad effects?  Yes.  Is that what makes it amazing though?  Yes and yes.  As an early fan of horror, I was drawn to the horror aspect of it (the skeletons, zombies, giant worm creature, etc) and looking back at it now, it was actually pretty impressive for it’s time.  The video as a whole is basically warning you that marriage sucks btw.  Some fun things to look out for in the video:

*  Greg Kihn’s hair

*  The creepy look on the tall tan guy’s face in the tux at the ceremony

*  The priest’s ‘finger in the hole’ sexual innuendo

*  The best guitar playing with a piece of wood ever

*  The bride looking kinda hot with her Pat Benatar hair

Now enjoy the video for yourself and don’t get married:

Great Moments In Horror Hair History: ‘Chop Top’ From ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2’ (1986)

This version of Great Moments In Horror Hair History is for the ones who might not have the luscious locks that I usually talk about in these posts.  It’s for the ones who wake up everyday and look in the mirror and realize that Fabio’s flowing golden mane is not on their heads.  I am an equal opportunist though, and I wanted to highlight and give praise to someone in horror movie history that had the confidence to make a difference without the having the hair to go with it.  He did have a metal plate in his head though…….

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Chop Top!!!!  Even though the hair is minimal, there’s enough going on to make you take notice.  Maybe not for the right reasons, but you’re taking notice nonetheless.  The metal plate does reflect…..oops, I mean deflect you from focusing on his stringy follicles – but just imagine if Chop Top would have done a shampoo commercial back in the 80’s.  Oh sure – he may have called you a ‘dog dick’ in the process of lathering up his strands, but tell me that wouldn’t have been effective!  So needless to say after gazing up at that pic and taking everything into account, I hereby induct Chop Top into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History!  Now can we talk about those teeth?

Monday Bloody Monday: ‘Death By Dildos’ From ‘Deathgasm’ (2015)

Dildos!  Anal beads!  Chainsaws!  If that doesn’t get your attention, then I don’t know what the hell will.  But enough about my personal life, let’s also talk about the movie Deathgasm and why it’s one of the best horror movies in years.  And yeah, it has some dildos in it that are used as weapons against some demons too.

Welcome to Monday Bloody Monday where I am indeed showcasing the scene in Deathgasm where our heroes Zakk and Brodie take on some nasty demons with some rather large dildos, followed promptly by a rather large chainsaw.  Guarantee you haven’t really seen anything like this – so be forewarned before clicking ‘Play’ below.  And don’t watch it at work.  Most companies have a ‘no dildo‘ policy.

Ebay Find Of The Week: ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ Shot Glass!

Shots!  Shots!  Shots!  Shots!  Fitting considering it’s Cinco de Mayo and I’m craving tequila.  But anyway, why take a shot out of a boring shot glass that you picked up on your road trip to Nebraska when you can put your lips onto this promotional shot glass from the remake/reboot of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre?!?

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Unfortunately, they weren’t able to coordinate Jessica Biel’s wondrous white tank top into the design of the shot glass, but it’s a shot glass nonetheless.  Some good news is that the seller on eBay has about 10 of these and is accepting offers and is including ‘free shipping’ as well.  So, I’m guessing you could probably snag one for around $5 in total.  If you’re feeling like you need this in your life, then go to the listing HERE and do your business.  Or you can just go to Youtube and look up slow-mo shots of Jessica Biel running around in that white tank top.  Your choice.

That Time That Gene Siskel Said ‘From Beyond’ Tickled Him……

Ah yes.  Thank the heavens for Youtube.  Because that’s where you can find old Siskel & Ebert clips from their show and see them reviewing old 80’s horror movies.  Up to bat in this post:  Stuart Gordon’s…….From Beyond!  Let’s hear what the boys had to say about it:

Where to begin with that.  Well, for starters – how about that kinky sex?!?!  Such prudes those two were.  How can you not appreciate Barbara Crampton in a leather dominatrix outfit??  But anyway, kudos to Gene for loving From Beyond!  He loved it so much that it “tickled” him too.  Sounds fun.  Roger was on the bubble with it – but at least he noted several times that he loved The Re-Animator.  It’s just called Re-Animator, Roger!  Geez.  I love watching these old reviews because it’s actually a huge piece of my childhood, and I can vividly remember watching this show just for the horror movie reviews.  Rest in peace to both of them – especially Gene.  Because he loved From Beyond, just not the kinky sex.

Sometimes I Want To Dance Like Trickster From ‘Brainscan’ (1994)

It’s Monday.  Groan.  It was tough getting up this morning.  But then I started to think of the 1994 horror movie Brainscan while I laid in bed.  No, I wasn’t fantasizing about Edward Furlong.  I started thinking about Trickster’s funky dance in the movie to the Primus song ‘Welcome To This World‘ and it got my body groovin.  And you know what?  I willed myself out of bed and got my lazy ass up to start the day!  Thanks, Trickster!  None of this is true by the way, but let’s all enjoy the clip below and appreciate a great moment in a not-so-great movie:

Check Out These Awesome Horror T-Shirts From The ‘Serial Killer Shop’!

Have you been looking for some new horror-influenced T-shirts to show off to all of your friends?  Have you always wanted a shirt based around the 1994 ‘so bad it’s good’ movie Brainscan?  Well…….I’ve got just the spot for you to fill all of your horror T-shirt needs.  And that spot is called the Serial Killer Shop!

Now, what you’ll find if you go to their site HERE are T-shirts that range in designs from actual serial killers to the aforementioned horror movies (and sometimes a combo of both).  Each is limited and an original drawn design, coming in both men’s and women’s sizes.  Below are a few designs shown in women’s sizes that I have in my possession……and will actually be giving away on my Dirty Horror Instagram page next week!  Follow after the pics for more info on that.

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So if you’re a horror-loving female (or guy trying to get brownie points with your girl) that wants a chance to win one of the shirts above, head on over to my IG page HERE and wait for the posts prompting you on what to do in the next few days.  If you just want to skip all of that and purchase one yourself right now, then you can go HERE for the Brainscan shirt or HERE for the Pinhead one……or go HERE for the American Psycho-influenced design!  Stay tuned for more from Serial Killer Shop and enjoy the shirts while you can!

Why ‘Tony The Pimp’ Is One Of The Greatest Characters In Horror Movie History!

Most horror movie characters come and go.  Literally.  Because most of them die.  But one horror movie character stands the test of time.  A character so phenomenal…..so monumental…..so great in his white suit as he fights demons and tells people to “Smash everything! Smash everything!” that he deserves all of this praise and more.  Feast your eyes and ears on the man….the myth…..Tony The Pimp from 1985’s Demons!

First off, much praise to whoever put that compilation up on Youtube.  Second, Tony The Pimp is played by actor Bobby Rhodes – so he obviously deserves most of the credit here.  And thirdly, how can sideburns be so devastating?  Tony The Pimp’s sideburns are no ordinary sideburns, that’s why.  He’s pretty much the black Chuck Norris.  Whether he’s kicking in a door because there’s no need for anything else or schooling a group of people on what an ‘Instrument Of Evil‘ is – Tony The Pimp lights up the screen and not just because he’s wearing that white suit.

The dubbing is a fantastic touch as well.  So get up out of your seats…..wave your hands in the air like you just don’t care…..and if you got on clean underwear, make some noise and show your love for Tony The Pimp!  And go watch Demons again because it’s an amazing movie.