Dirty Horror Memory Lane: Blood Suckers Pen (1983)

Here’s a tip for you youngsters:  When you get older, you’re going to start getting a complex and will reminisce a lot more about the good ol’ days.  Don’t fear it.  Just embrace it.  And since I’m 40 now, I do a lot of that reminiscing.  So I’m sitting here on a lazy Sunday and just remembered that I used to have a pen when I was little that had fake blood in it that apparently was supposed to be a vampire bat.  And those pens were called Blood Suckers!  Here’s a terrible quality commercial from Youtube:

I’m pretty sure I terrorized kids at school with these and might have even gotten yelled at by a teacher or two.  And it didn’t help that they were Rated PG:  Pretty Gross!  Haha – that cracks me up.  But anyway, I’m now on a search for one of these because I love to collect things from my childhood and try and forget that I’m officially over the hill.  It’s those little things that can make a difference.  So if anyone gets a tip on where to grab one of these Blood Suckers for a decent price (I scour eBay on the regular), then hit me up.  Until then, I’ll keep reminiscing and think back to a simpler time when I was a 7-year-old boy frightening little kids at school with my pretty gross vampire bat pen.

Random Post: Was Big Daddy Kane A Fan Of ‘Re-Animator’???

Slight disclaimer:  I’ve been sick for the last week, therefore my body is full of all sorts of fun medicine trying to get me back to normal.  Hence, this post might not make much sense.  

Alright!  Who remembers 1989?  And who remembers the great rapper Big Daddy Kane? Well – in that year, he released an album titled It’s A Big Daddy Thing.  And at the very beginning of the album and title track, none other than the 1985 horror classic Re-Animator was sampled!  Take a listen:

Being that I was heavily into hip hop back in the 80’s and also equally into horror movies, I was pretty excited to hear dialogue from Re-Animator at the top of this album.  So what’s the reference and connection?  Well, there is a character in the movie named Dan Cain (played by Bruce Abbott).  So, the correlation between his and BDK’s last name is pretty easy to understand in the line “Is Mr. Cain loose in this hospital?“.  But the other little fun nugget here is when the doctor says “I specifically told Dr. Riley to suspend him”. Producer Teddy Riley was responsible for one of the hit songs off the album called ‘I Get The Job Done‘.  So there we have another name correlation!

So at the end of the day – was Big Daddy Kane a Re-Animator fan?  Who fucking knows.  I’m high off of cough syrup and nasal spray, so let’s just go with it and enjoy the fact that movie was sampled for if anything:  a correlation between two names who were a part of the album.  Crackerjack journalism at it’s finest here, folks!

Anticipation Alert: Raw (2017)

How often do you hear news or see a headline that someone passes out in a movie theater because something onscreen was so intense….so horrifying….so disgusting that they just couldn’t stand it and had to drop to the floor or vomit.  I think the last time I can recall something like this happening was during a screening of the movie Bite.  And if you go back and read my review for Bite, then you’ll realize that the hype surrounding that was all a pile of bullshit.  But yes, hype is hype – and whether you want to believe the hype or not (Chuck D would advise you not to), it can be effective and help a movie strive.

The latest movie to jump onboard the ‘someone passed out in the theater’ train is Raw. It’s a delightful tale about a vegetarian who attends a veterinarian school and is forced into a hazing ritual which puts her onto the road of eating meat.  Let’s check out the Red Band trailer below and discuss:

I can tell you something before we go any further, and that’s that the French have a way of making some truly fucked up horror movies (Inside, High Tension, Martyrs).  So based off of that alone, I’m ready for Raw.  Add to that the fact that director Julia Ducournau seems to have skills behind the camera because the trailer if visually stunning.  Fucked up, but visually stunning.  And also probably one of the most effective trailers I’ve seen in a long time.  This is on the top of my list for 2017 and will be out in the US on March 10th.  I do have a feeling that Raw is going to be an acquired taste though.  That bad cannibal joke is free of charge.

This Mini Figure Of The Troll From ‘Cat’s Eye’ Is Going To Take Your Breath Away!

Apologies for the lame ‘stealing breath’ reference in the post title.  But anyway, if you’re familiar with Retroband (The company that has made numerous awesome horror themed figures over the last few years), then you should know that they have an offshoot project entitled Deadly Delivery going on where mini figures have been produced of everything from the Necronomicon book of Evil Dead fame to Belial from Basket Case.  And coming soon……….drumroll please……….The little troll from Cat’s Eye!

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Alright!  No word on what color it will be painted or anything, but I would be cool with that clay-colored version personally.  This was posted on the Deadly Delivery Instagram page a few weeks ago, so if you want to follow the updates then you can do so HERE.  On a sidenote, I really need to revisit Cat’s Eye soon.  It was always a favorite of mine growing up, and holds a special place in my PG-13 horror heart.  Stay tuned for more info on the mini troll figure from Deadly Delivery and make sure to hold your breath after you order it. Had to get one more lame ass reference in there.

Monday Bloody Monday: The Mutilator (1985)

There’s nothing worse than being the redheaded stepchild of the 80’s slasher genre.  Oh sure, you may have gotten picked up once or twice in the video store – but it may have always been a mercy fuck because Friday The 13th or Halloween wasn’t in stock.

Well – on this week’s Monday Bloody Monday, I’m giving some love to one of my favorite 80’s slasher stepchildren:  The Mutilator.  Now you may also know it by it’s other name Fall Break, but to me it will always be The Mutilator.  Recently released on snazzy Blu-ray, I sat down and watched it again the other night and what a treat it was!  Everything that an 80’s slasher should have:  Bad acting, bad music, and great gore.  Speaking of that gore, that’s why I’m here in this post today.  Watch the clip below for all of the death scenes and obviously there are spoilers abound if you haven’t seen the movie.  And if you haven’t – do yourself a favor and watch The Mutilator.  Bet you won’t be able to get the theme song out of your head too.

That Time That Roger Ebert Said ‘Child’s Play 2’ Made Him Feel Unclean & Disturbed……

With the kinda great news that our favorite psychopathic killer doll Chucky would be gracing us with his screen presence again in the upcoming Cult Of Chucky, I thought it would be fun to snoop around Youtube for anything Child’s Play related.  And boy am I glad I did!  Remember Siskel & Ebert?  They were a thing one time.  And it’s not an exaggerated fact to say that they really didn’t like horror movies.  But man oh man are their reviews of horror movies fun to watch!  Let’s watch Roger Ebert confess that Child’s Play 2 made him feel “unclean and disturbed“:

Well, at least Ebert gave some props to the overall production value of the movie.  After he called it “Sick, unwholesome, and a completely malignant exercise!” though.  If you do watch a majority of their horror movie reviews, you would come to the conclusion that horror movies were responsible for the hunger and famine problems in the world today. But anyway, to say this is an enjoyable watch would be an understatement.  Btw guys (and I know they can’t read or hear this because they’re both dead now), Child’s Play 2 was a movie about a talking killer doll trying to play a game called ‘Hide The Soul’ with a little boy.  Let’s not overthink things, mmkay?

Rental Regrets: Cellar Dweller (1988)

Here we go again with another rental regret that I have weighing on my conscience from my horror movie renting days in the 80’s.  Now to clarify, this is a movie that I always saw at my local video store and for whatever reason passed over and rented something else. And now I’m having regrets!  Hence the name of the post.  And the movie I am speaking of is…………..

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Cellar Dweller!  Now, I can’t really give a valid reason as to why I never rented this – but I should have snatched it up considering those legs in the fishnet stockings on the cover. Rawwwwrrrr!  I would grab those too, Mr. Monster hand.  Ok, pervy me aside – the premise for Cellar Dweller sounds interesting enough:

Thirty years have passed since the grisly murder/suicide of Colin Childress, creator of the comic book, Cellar Dweller. But, as often happens to those ignorant of it, comic book artist Whitney Taylor is doomed to repeat history in a most grotesque way. Little does she know that her twisted renderings will soon reincarnate the bloody hysteria of Cellar Dweller.

Comic books, monsters, and a murder/suicide?  Talk about a trifecta.  Let’s take a look at the severely outdated trailer and get some more convincing:

Jeffrey Combs?  Lily Munster?  That guy from the 80’s show Head Of The Class that went on to be a bad director?  Pentagrams written on the cover of books?  Oh, how the hell did I pass this up (shakes fist vehemently in the air).  Not to mention that it’s directed by John Carl Buechler (Friday The 13th Part VII, Troll) to add some more interest.  Alright, I can be the bigger man and admit when I’m wrong.  And I’m going to right that wrong and seek out Cellar Dweller as soon as possible to enjoy the full viewing experience!

Stop! Hammer Time: Kill List (2011)

I’m really going to try and hammer this one home.  I mean, I’m really going to try and put the hammer down in regards to what this post is all about.  You see, there was this little movie called Kill List released in 2011.  And that little movie not only ended up as #1 on my list of movies for that year, but it also has a particular scene with a hammer (it all comes full circle now) that made me cover my eyes like a little boy seeing boobs for the first time.  The clip is below.  You’ve been warned.

Ouch!  Sonofabitch!  Who’s got some Tylenol?  Yes, that is one brutal scene.  I’m sure it worked wonders for the sale of that particular hammer though.  Did you see how easily it bashed that poor bastard’s head in?  It’s almost like it wasn’t a real head!  Kill List is great, but don’t take it from me – take it from the hammer that’s about to smack you across the face for not seeing the movie yet.  Please hammer, hurt ’em if they don’t go watch Kill List.  Ok, I’m done here.

Dirty Horror’s Best & Worst Of 2016!

2016 is about to come to an end.  That’s sounds somewhat ominous, but if we’re talking about horror movies then it can be looked at as both a celebration and a reflection.  A celebration of the movies that made us jump up and down with glee – and a reflection on the movies that made us throw something violently at the screen while watching them.  Let’s start with some celebrating though and get into my Top 5 Horror Movies Of 2016!   Continue reading

Ebay Find Of The Week: ‘The Ruins’ Promotional Tool Kit

Ho-Ho-Ho!!  Santa isn’t done bringing you presents yet!  And man oh man, do I have good news for any of you little boys and girls out there that were asking for a promotional tool kit from the 2008 killer plant movie, The Ruins!

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That’s right – everything you need to fend off those pesky plant vines that try to burrow into your body and under your skin and make you horribly disfigure yourself to try and get them out:  A compass!  A flashlight!  And something that kind of looks like a switchblade!  Truth be told, I kind of admire The Ruins and it’s one of the only horror movies that makes me “squirm”.  If you want to own this ultra-rare promotional tool kit from the movie, then head on over to the eBay listing HERE and either ‘Buy It Now’ or ‘Make An Offer’.  You’ll be glad you have this the next time a vine is rubbing up next to you trying to make a move.