Give Me The Creeps: The Opening Scene From ‘Children Of The Corn’ (1984)

Growing up living next to a cornfield, there were always certain things that worried me.  What if the scarecrows came to life and attacked my house in the middle of the night?  Or what if I was running through the cornfield chasing after a baseball and one of the cornstalk leaves accidentally slit my throat? Better still – what if a group of kids in town decided to murder all of the adults to ensure a successful corn harvest and sacrifice someone in the cornfield to appease a God called ‘He Who Walks Behind The Rows‘?  That last one sounds like something from a movie.  Oh – it is from a movie!  Duh.

When the movie adaptation of Stephen King’s short story for Children Of The Corn came out in 1984, I remember watching it on cable around that same time as a young boy.  I had just started getting into horror movies, so I was adventurous and hadn’t really been affected by anything except maybe the truck explosion scene in George Romero’s Night Of The Living Dead.  But dammit if that opening scene to Children Of The Corn still doesn’t fuck me up:

Three things come to mind when I watch that clip:

-  The coffee in Gatlin, Nebraska is pretty terrible.  

-  Milkshake whipped cream mustaches are funny even during mass murders.

-  If you need to test the effectiveness of your meat slicer, put someone’s hand in it. 

Now unfortunately, the rest of the movie didn’t live up to the hype of the opening scene.  Sure, we get a pretty good bad guy in Isaac and get a classic line from his right hand man Malachai (“Outlander!!!!!  We have your woman!”) – but overall everything was downhill after the intro for the most part.  But what an intro it was, and it’s quite the high honor that it kind of still gives me the creeps.  So to recap, Children Of The Corn opening scene = good.  The rest of Children Of The Corn = not so good.  Now let’s see a pic of Malachai’s luscious red hair to round this sucker out.

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Anticipation Alert: Tales Of Halloween (2015)

Halloween is only three months away, and I’m already getting all of my ‘required viewing’ horror movies lined up to start the celebration.  In 2007, the ridiculously good anthology flick Trick ‘r Treat came busting onto the scene and has earned a right into that ‘required viewing’ category.  And speaking of Halloween anthology movies, I’m pretty excited this year because a new one called Tales Of Halloween is coming out on October 16th (limited theaters and VOD), and if the trailer below is any indication – we’re in for a fun ride:

Early word and buzz on this is that it’s as fun as the trailer looks.  Comprised of 10 short stories each done by a different director that intertwine throughout, Tales Of Halloween looks to be exactly what we need to cure our Halloween movie blues.  And the fact that there are some of your favorite horror actors, actresses, and directors involved only sweetens the deal.  Who you ask?  How about Neil Marshall, Darren Lynn Bousman, Lucky McKee, Lin Shaye, Adrienne Barbeau, John Landis, and Barbara Crampton to name a few.  So get ready for Tales Of Halloween hitting select theaters on October 16th and you will also have the option to relax in your own home and check it out on VOD.

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Belial Gets Busy’ From ‘Basket Case’ (1982)

As far as Siamese twin horror movies go, Basket Case is on the top of the list.  It’s a short list that pretty much only contains Basket Case, but that’s nothing to sneeze at and is an accomplishment nonetheless.

So on this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday, it only feels right to give some shine to Belial, our favorite little monstrosity that lives in a wicker basket that his brother Duane carries around in the 1982 horror/comedy Basket Case.  Only problem is that from time to time, Belial likes to hop out of his basket and play.  His version of playing is carving you up with his fingernails and then tearing your insides out to round out the fun.  He’s quite a character!  Case in point – the clip below:

Introducing The New Funko ‘Regan’ Figure From ‘The Exorcist’……Now With More Pea Soup!

CKYaVThUkAE-ecZI’ve been on a Funko figure collecting kick lately (still waiting for a reasonable price for the unmasked Jason Voorhees from Comic-Con), so I was deliciously delighted to see that our favorite head-spinning vulgar mouthed possessed girl Regan from The Exorcist is getting the Funko treatment!  Said to be released in October, just in time for Halloween, this figure is pretty visually striking.  I vote for a variant version with the spinning head btw.  You can track down one of these Regan figures for a good price (around $10-12) up for pre-order on Ebay and a variety of websites.

Dirty Horror Dance-Off: ‘Fright Night’ Vs. ‘Fright Night Part 2′

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for dance-off!  A bit random, yes – but a good dance-off can really make or break the week.  Our first competitors are Jerry Dandrige and Amy Peterson from the 1985 movie Fright Night.  Jerry is sporting a rather large neck-hole sweater to bust his moves in and the duo will be dancing to the Evelyn ‘Champagne’ King song “Give It Up“.  Let’s see what they’ve got!

Oooooh.  Steamy!  You could really feel the chemistry between the two of them.  That is until Charley Brewster showed up and started cockblocking and ruined the mood.  Speaking of Charley, he’s up next in the Dirty Horror Dance- Off with his partner Regine Dandrige (ooooh sibling rivalry going on!) from the 1988 sequel Fright Night Part 2.  I’m not sure that they’ll be able to top the sensuality and poise of our first couple, but let’s see what they can do to the tune of “Come To Me” by Deborah Holland.

Wow – talk about upping the ante!  Charley’s hands were all over Regine.  The black onlooking vampire with the impressive 80′s hair clearly approved.  Nice appearance by the rosary too.  I didn’t know that props were allowed, but we’ll let it slide here.  Hmmmmm……this is going to be tough.  On one hand, Jerry and Amy brought the heat fast and hard and Jerry’s sweater gets points regardless of this outcome.  On the other hand, Charley & Regine took it to another level, included some appropriate props, and Regine even went full vampire to try and secure the win.  So after tallying up the votes, the winner of the very first Dirty Horror Dance-Off is……………………

CHARLEY BREWSTER & REGINE DANDRIGE!!!!!!!

Regine went full vampire, and we all know that going full vampire results in a victory.

Let’s Have Another Staring Contest…….

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Ugh.  It’s the old ‘take out my eyeballs to distract you’ tactic.  Keep focused. Don’t break your concentration.  Make her break hers……….Congrats!  You win!  Now slap those eyeballs out of her hand and give her a high five for a good staring contest match.

God Bless The Greatness That Is Called ‘Psycho Cop’

In 1988 when Maniac Cop was released, most horror fans thought they had seen the greatest killer cop movie of all time.  Yes, I’m embellishing that quite a bit, but just go with it for the time being.  And then 1989 came and with that also came the birth of Psycho Cop!  That’s right – Psycho Cop….the clear and obvious knockoff of Maniac Cop, but with more cheese.  I do love me some extra cheese.

If ever there was a movie that needed to be released on Blu-ray, it’s Psycho Cop.  Officer Joe Vickers (Robert R. Shafer) is not to be fucked with and it’s a monumental performance for the ages of horror cinema.  If you couldn’t already tell, I like to make things sound much bigger and better than they actually are.  Who are we kidding…..Psycho Cop is pretty terrible, but in the best way possible.  It’s pure ‘alcohol consumption necessary’ viewing and needs to make no apologies for that.  And I bet that you’ll be saying the joke “What has 18 legs and 2 tits?” at the next party you attend.

 

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Water Park Massacre’ From ‘Piranha’ (1978)

Woo hoo!  Summertime is here and what better way to beat the heat than by going to your local beach or water park to relax and unwind.  Maybe even go old school and get in an inner tube and float around the refreshing water.  Oh – what’s that nibbling at your toes?  Probably just some bloodthirsty piranha that want to eat you.  Nothing to worry about.

On this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday, I am going back to 1978 for director Joe Dante’s highly enjoyable Jaws parody about killer piranha fish aptly called: Piranha.  And one of the best scenes, that was ramped up to a great gory glorious spectacle in Alexandre Aja’s 2010 remake, is the water park scene where no one is safe.  Adults, kids, and even sand castles.  You know it’s bad news when sand castles are being destroyed amidst the chaos of flesh-chomping piranha.  Watch the clip below and enjoy!

Ebay Find Of The Week: ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ Atari Video Game

I honestly never thought I would be doing a post about an Atari video game that costs $500.  But here we go!  Not just any Atari video game though – but The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Atari video game:

$_57I was actually surprised that the price was so high for this.  Not because it’s an old video game, but because it’s a shitty old video game.  Pretty much the best thing about it is the cover with the Columbo-looking guy hunting down Leatherface and the fact that Leatherface’s chainsaw in the game looks the cross between a faucet and a penis.  Nevermind the $500 price tag, if you are the hardcore horror collector, this is a must to own.  Go check out the listing on Ebay over HERE and make sure to check out some of the awesomely bad footage from the game down below:

How Bad Can You F*ck Up A ‘Cujo’ Remake?

Pretty bad apparently.  I heard the news the other day that there was indeed a Cujo remake in the works.  At first glance, it’s not a terrible idea to update the 1983 original, because it’s a movie that actually could benefit from the remake treatment.  All of those thoughts quickly drifted out of my mind when I found out this potential remake is going to be called not just Cujo, but C.U.J.O. – and that of course would stand for Canine Unit Joint Operations.  What do you think of that Dee Wallace Stone?

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Yeah – we’re right there with you, sister.  Now, not much has been said about what the actual plot of this remake will be, but judging from the title, here’s what I can determine:  We’re going to have a bunch of slobbering and foaming at the mouth Saint Bernards who got bit by rabid bats running around in the military and carrying out special co-op missions while a grown up version of the kid from Who’s The Boss watches on and applauds their progress.

While I hope I’m wrong (except for the part about Danny Pintauro returning), it does seem as though there’s going to be some kind of military element involved here.  Which makes absolutely no fucking sense.  This sounds like it should be more a Man’s Best Friend remake instead of a Cujo one.  For those not aware, Man’s Best Friend was a pretty terrible 1993 movie about a killer Mastiff dog who can climb trees to eat cats and it also had this precious tagline:  Nature created him. Science perfected him. But no one can control him.  So to take that bad taste out of our mouths of the upcoming Cujo – oh I’m sorry – C.U.J.O. remake, let’s watch the trailer to Man’s Best Friend instead.