Anticipation Alert: It Follows (2015)

2014 for the most part was pretty uneventful as far as horror movies go in my opinion.  Yes, there were some winners with a lot of stinkers mixed in, but 2015 is looking like it will get off on the right foot with the spooky independent flick, It Follows.

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Not digging the poster too much, but what I am digging is the buzz that’s going around associated with It Follows.  Of course I’m always a bit skeptical when a horror movie is being toted as “The scariest movie in years…..“, but I’m a sucker for that kind of hype.  I keep hearing that the soundtrack is amazing too, and I’m always a sucker for an amazing soundtrack.

I’ve tried to steer clear of any spoilers or even of details involving the plotline. This sounds like a movie that you need to go into fresh, and all I really know about the premise is that it involves sex and weird encounters after the sex. Luckily for everyone with anticipation like me, there was a new teaser trailer released this week to give you blue balls before It Follows gets it’s US release in 2015.  Watch it and get excited.  But not too excited, because then you might be let down if it ends up not being “The scariest movie in years…..

Creepy Toys I Wish I Would Have Gotten For Christmas…….

Throughout my Christmas years as a child, my parents always came through on the present front for me.  Whether it was some Transformers pajamas or the innovative Atari 2600, I was usually left with a smile on my face when Christmas morning was all said and done.  My horror mind started young though, and when I think back to past holiday presents, I realize that I didn’t ever really get anything too creepy.  This realization got even deeper when I found this amazing creepy toy from 1975:

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That creeper fucker is none other than Hugo: The Man Of A Thousand Faces!  Granted, I was born in 1976, one year after this incredible specimen was released, but I’m sure my parents could have found one at a garage sale for me since Ebay and Craigslist didn’t exist back then.  If you look closely at that pic by the way, Hugo is actually staring straight into your soul.

Now, the schtick here is obviously to change Hugo’s face to make him a completely different person each time.  This is apparently where the fun begins, because you can make Hugo:  a pirate, a Fu Manchu, a Fu Manchu pirate, or even a Fu Manchu pirate with fangs.  The possibilities are endless!  Actually, due to the name of the product, there are apparently only 1000 possibilities.

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Not only could you have hours of creepy fun changing Hugo’s face and hoping he didn’t come kill you in your sleep, you could also stick your hand up his ass and make him a puppet!  Such a shame that toys like this don’t exist anymore. I’m sure Mr. Potato Head was pretty pissed by the way that Hugo came out and stole his thunder for a year.  The good news is that even though creepy face Hugo didn’t last long, he can be bought and abused off Ebay for hundreds of dollars.  Hugo: The Man Of A Thousand Faces lives on!

Ebay Find Of The Week: ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2′ Promotional Standee

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth……and an awesome Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 promotional standee!

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I had posted a pic of the original order form for one of these standees up on my Facebook page a few months back, and it looks like you could grab one back in 1986 for $19.95 if you acted quickly.  But now it’s almost 2015 and the price has gone up slightly to almost $600.  Fuuuuuuuuuuck.  $600?  Don’t believe me?  Check out the Ebay link HERE.  Now, although I can’t really justify the $600 price tag, at least you do have the option to make an offer.  So for all of you still shopping for that special horror lover in your life, surprise the shit out of them and pick this up – and in the process scare the shit out of them when they walk through the door and see it.

Great Moments In Horror Hair History: David’s Mullet In ‘The Lost Boys’ (1987)

I’m about to write about something so rare…..so unmentionable…..so not worth the build up that I’m giving it, but I’m going to keep building it up because it has to be done.  I’m talking about a mullet hairstyle that actually looks…….COOL.

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And there you have it.  That’s none other than David (Kiefer Sutherland) from the 1987 vampire flick, The Lost Boys.  And that’s his mullet.  Bucking the trend that this hairstyle is laughable, David allowed us to accept it in it’s cool vampire form and realize that there could be a better way for the mullet.  In 1988, Night Of The Demons took note and attempted to replicate the style on top of the head of Stooge (Hal Havins).  Nothing compares to David’s though, and for that very reason he is now enshrined into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History!  As a bonus, this guy in the video below wasn’t in a horror movie, but he deserves some recognition for what him and his mullet do to those melons.

Dirty Horror Presents: “Bastaaaaaaaaaard!!!”

Few actresses have ever shown their range and thespian abilities like Lynda Day George in the 1982 slasher movie, Pieces.  Such poise.  Such grace. Such gratuitous over-acting.  All of this adds up to one of the best moments in horror movie history.  Strap yourselves in and prepare yourself for: “Bastaaaaaaaaaard!!!

Are you taking notes, Meryl Streep?  You damn well better be.  Lynda Day George took that to another level and we’re all better people for it.  You want to know the sad thing about that clip though?  It’s not even the best part in the movie.  Pieces is in another realm when it comes to bad horror, and I mean that in the most endearing way possible.  Unfortunately, the Blu-ray gods have yet to release this craptastic masterpiece, which is a god damn tragedy.  Seek it out on DVD if you can, and maybe you can surprise that horror movie lover in your life for the holidays!

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Monday Bloody Monday: ‘Dog Bites Blind Guy’ From ‘Suspiria’ (1977)

What is it with Italian horror movies killing off blind people?  In 1985′s Demons, a poor blind guy bit the dust by having his non-seeing eyes smooshed in.  The precursor to that happened in 1977′s Suspiria, when Dario Argento thought he would set the gold standard for blind people cruelty and let a guide dog take a chunk out of his sightless master’s jugular.

So, on this special edition of Monday Bloody Monday, we’re going to all gather around and watch that scene from Suspiria.  Two things come to mind when I revisit this moment by the way.  First, german shepherds are awesome dogs.  And second, what the hell happened to Dario Argento?  It’s sad to watch a fantastic movie like this and then watch his attempts at filmmaking nowadays where he has Dracula turning into a giant praying mantis.  But I digress.  Now let’s watch a blind guy get his throat ripped out by a dog.

So…..Verne Troyer Is A Killer Garden Gnome

Move over Zombeavers….there’s a new unnecessary, but awesome, horror movie on the block.  I have to caution any of you though if you have Gnomophobia:  The paralyzing fear of garden gnomes.  A new horror/comedy called Gnome Alone…..yes, it’s called Gnome Alone…..is about to be unleashed on DVD and Digital HD on January 20th and it stars none other than Mini-Me himself, Verne Troyer as a wise-cracking killer garden gnome. 

Well I knew there would be bad puns galore here, but what I wasn’t expecting was to actually be creeped out by Verne Troyer as a garden gnome.  And apparently, creepy garden gnomes love to play tricks like putting chickens in your car.  You kooky gnomey bastards.  For those wondering, the plot for Gnome Alone revolves around a college student who is involved in a bad hit-and-run accident where the dying victim gives her…………oh who gives a shit. It’s a movie about a killer garden gnome.  That’s all that you really need to know.

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Give Me The Creeps: ‘Billy’s Eye’ From ‘Black Christmas’ (1974)

You know who would really be the life of your holiday party this year?  Billy from 1974′s classic slasher, Black Christmas!  He would definitely have you covered if you needed the following:  some plastic bags for whatever reason, an obscene phone call that emphasizes the word ‘cunt’, and a creepy peeping eyeball.

Speaking of creepy – not many movies creep me out more than Bob Clark’s, Black Christmas.  A definite pioneer in the slasher genre, it manages to make your skin crawl just off of the opening sequence alone.  But the scene with Billy’s aforementioned creepy eye takes the creepy cake for sure.  So let’s all watch together as Jess (Olivia Hussey) runs frantically through the house and encounters Billy and his eerie peeping peeper.

Ebay Find Of The Week: ‘Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker’ Movie Poster

Looking for that perfect gift for the horror fan in your life?  It is the holiday season, so if you’re not looking, you should be somewhat ashamed of yourself. But if that special horror-enthusiastic person you know is a fan of Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker, then I may have just found you the perfect gift!

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Oh wow!  Is that a Silent Night Deadly Night 5 poster???  For the two people who are actual fans of this movie, it’s ok to show your excitement.  But yes, that is indeed an actual 27 X 40 poster that can be yours on Ebay for only $10. Unfortunately, Mickey Rooney is not included.  Nor is that smug kid on the poster either.  But at $10, it’s actually kind of a steal to own a piece of ‘bad horror film’ memorabilia.  So if you’re interested, head over to the Ebay listing HERE and snatch it up.  If not, feel free to go spend your $10 on some delicious holiday cookies.

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Zombie Pie Fight’ From ‘Dawn Of The Dead’ (1978)

Every time I watch a new episode of The Walking Dead, I keep wondering when Rick and the crew are going to wise up and realize that whipped cream pies and seltzer water are the real weapons to use against zombies.  Swords and semi-automatic weapons are just for sissies.

On this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday, I’m going back to a simpler time when zombies liked to hang out at shopping malls.  Yep, I’m talking about George Romero’s Dawn Of The Dead from the wonderful year of 1978.  Oh sure, it’s all fun and games at first for this biker gang led by make-up effects legend Tom Savini.  But these zombies can only take so many delicious sugary pies to the face before they make sure the bikers get their just desserts as well.  Bonus points there for my clever pun.  Enjoy the pre-biker gang slaughter below: