Very Bad Things: ‘Cabin Fever’ Already Getting A Remake And Eli Roth Is Involved??

Pardon me, but I’m a bit dizzy from shaking my head back and forth so much after this news.  Soooooooo apparently, there is a remake already in the works and ready to start shooting for Eli Roth’s debut horror offering from 2002, Cabin Fever.  Before I begin my rant, I will let it be known that I don’t consider the movie to be an undisputed horror classic or anything, but in my opinion it’s a fun and sick little flick that gets the job done on multiple levels.  Ok – now on with my rant.

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It’s been 12 years since the original was released.  12 years.  Now, I’m not a remake timeframe expert or anything, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that 12 years is a bit premature to roll out a redo.  This unfortunately screams cash-grab because there is honestly no reason that I can think of to go forward with this plan.  At least Eli Roth isn’t really involved and at least they’re not going to use the exact script used in the original.

Eli Roth will serve as producer/executive producer Travis Zariwny directing, working off of the EXACT script from the original

Motherfucker.  Well, I guess if I sat through Cabin Fever: Patient Zero, I can sit through a pointless remake that will most likely include a Cerina Vincent look-a-like shaving her infected scabby legs.  Whatever…..I do love to be proven wrong, so with that I say good luck and Godspeed, Eli Roth and the Cabin Fever remake crew……may you find solace in your search for a new karate kid who loves his pancakes.

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Mikey’s Death’ From ‘Halloween 5: The Revenge Of Michael Myers’ (1989)

Kudos to the Halloween franchise for having a character based off of The Fonz from the TV show Happy Days.  That’s right, in 1989′s Halloween 5: The Revenge Of Michael Myers, the character of Mikey (Jonathan Chapin) oozed with the coolness and cockiness of The Fonz, complete with black leather jacket and the constant task of checking himself out in the mirror.

So, on this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday I’m highlighting the scene where Michael Myers fucks with Mikey’s car with a sharp garden tool.  And we all know, you don’t fuck with Mikey’s car!  Problem for Mikey is, you don’t fuck with Michael Myers either as he quickly finds out when Michael uses that sharp garden tool on his head.  Mikey ain’t pretty no more……and neither is that terrible mask that Michael Myers wore in this sequel.

Review: Annabelle (2014)

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…….

Oh – sorry…..I fell asleep watching Annabelle and I think I just woke up.  Let me go watch it again and I’ll get back to you with the review.

Ok – done!  I know, I know….I’m about 2 weeks late with a review for this movie, but good things come to those who wait.  Unfortunately, no good things came to me from watching this piece of crap and I’ll share my thoughts on that now.    Continue reading

And The Award For The Most Disturbing Horror Poster Of The Year Goes To……..

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Make it stop!  Make it stop!!!!  Perhaps I’m overreacting because I’m deathly afraid of spiders, but this may be the most unnerving horror movie poster ever. Just glancing at it makes you envision what it would be and feel like to have your eyes forced open while tiny spiders crawl all over them and your face. Shudder.  Kudos to those involved with the marketing for Phobia and I’m not even sure if something like this happens in the actual movie, but based on the poster alone, I’ll be watching.

For those who are interested in seeing and knowing more about Phobia, it will be going the DVD route on November 25th.  I’m always down for supporting the indie horror films, and hopefully Phobia can live up to the hype of the poster. Check out the new trailer below too, but I’m sorry to report that no spiders on the eyeballs are shown.  I’m sure that you all are extremely crushed.

Creepy ‘Old-Timey Halloween Costume’ Pic Of the Day!

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Required Halloween Viewing: The Funhouse (1981)

Sorry to burst your bubble Michael Myers, but you’re not the only required viewing on Halloween night.  Granted, I’ll be watching my fair share of the Halloween franchise leading up to and on October 31st, but it’s not the only game in town that sets the mood for All Hallows’ Eve.  Isn’t that right Tobe Hooper’s 1981 underrated slasher, The Funhouse?

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Easily one of my favorite guilty horror pleasures ever, this movie screams Halloween night viewing.  It even has an opening scene that pays homage to the 1978 John Carpenter classic!  And it’s just as incestuous as well.  But incest aside, The Funhouse is definitely fun.  Sorry for my lazy writing, but it’s Monday so give me a break.  I myself love the old school dark rides that you’d find at amusement parks and creepy small town carnivals, so I was immediately in just based off of that alone.

The Funhouse is definitely a slow burn horror movie, but while it’s burning you get rewarding things like:  actor Kevin Conway taking on three separate roles, a big giant fat laughing lady that sits atop the funhouse attraction, a creepy Frankenstein mask wearing creature that has equally creepy make-up effects underneath that mask courtesy of legendary artist Rick Baker, and four stupid teens who think it’ll be ok to spend the night in a carnival ride.

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At the end of the day, The Funhouse doesn’t reinvent anything when it comes to the horror genre, but in it’s own special way it separates itself from the slasher herd.  The money shot doesn’t disappoint when The Monster reveals himself before strangling the big breasted fortune teller to death – and from there on out it really becomes a nifty little ‘cat and mouse’ game.  A horror movie is usually only as good as it’s villain, and in The Funhouse the combo of The Monster and Funhouse Barker take on that role and satisfy those who watch in the process.  So do yourself a favor this Halloween and give this ‘little slasher movie that could’ a shot.  You could do a lot worse.  Right, Halloween: Resurrection?

FUNHOUSE, THE

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Exploding Head’ From ‘Halloween – The Curse Of Michael Myers’ (1995)

An exploding head can always save a shitty horror movie.  Just ask Halloween: The Curse Of Michael Myers about that.  That’s right, the infamous 6th installment to the Halloween franchise is renowned for numerous on-set issues and unwanted studio involvement.  Luckily no one interfered with the exploding head scene though.

So on this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday, I’m honoring the cranium collapse of John Strode (Bradford English) courtesy of Michael Myers and some electricity.  Michael was definitely pissed off in this movie, and an excessive exploding head is clearly evidence of that.  I actually just sat down and watched the infamous Producer’s Cut of this sequel that was restored to amazing quality in the new Halloween Complete Collection box set.  Color me impressed, because it actually kind of made the whole ridiculous underground cult storyline a little more acceptable.  But enough about that – let’s get on with the exploding head!

Give Me The Creeps: ‘Beetle Mania’ From ‘Prince Of Darkness’ (1987)

I’ve got super good news for you if you have a fascination or fetish with black beetles!  When it comes to scenes from horror movies that give me the creeps, I can usually count on anything associated with a numerous amount bugs to do the trick.  So a big thank you and also a big fuck you to John Carpenter’s 1987 flick, Prince Of Darkness is in order.  Although the movie as a whole is hit-or-miss, there are a ton of creepy scenes to make your skin crawl.  None more so than the moment below when Wyndham (Robert Grasmere) returns from the dead with a disturbing auto-tuned voice and a bunch of beetle friends in tow.

Wow – his head just literally rolled right off, huh?  Well, I guess if I was a walking corpse with thousands of beetles inhabiting my body, my head probably wouldn’t stand a chance of remaining intact either.  Not only do the bugs creep me out, but when Wyndham says “Pray for death…..“, I feel the urge to urinate in my pants a little.  Being that Halloween is upon us, Prince Of Darkness is definitely required viewing on the night of October 31st. Scream Factory recently released an amazing Blu-ray version with loads of extras, so get on over to their site and grab it if you want.  Now, because you’ve been good throughout the post, I’ll tease you with half of Jameson Parker’s mustache from the movie.

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Dirty Horror Dance Party: Angela’s Dance From ‘Night Of The Demons’ (1988)

I’m feeling pretty funky today, so let’s have a dance party!  Who’s that I see in the distance wearing that sexy black dress?  Oh – it’s Angela from 1988′s Night Of The Demons!  Perfect timing since Halloween is coming soon and that movie takes place on Halloween night.  Angela looks like she’s ready to boogie, so let’s all sit back and get hypnotized by her moves as she gets down to ‘Stigmata Martyr’ by Bauhaus.  Unfortunately, Stooge shows up towards the end and fucks up the moment.

Terrible Halloween Mask Of The Week: Leatherface (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)

I’m really on a hot streak lately with finding some super unnecessarily hairy Halloween masks based on your favorite horror icons.  The other week I found a ‘Larry from The Three Stooges’ inspired rubber monstrosity of Michael Myers that you can see HERE.  And this week, I’ve stroke gold again with what looks to be a Leatherface mask fully equipped with some wild, untamed hair.

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Yeah, that just happened.  Now look – I know that everybody needs to find ways to make a buck and try to survive.  But who in holy hell thought that this was a good idea?  The face work is serviceable, albeit a little over-the-top, but can we talk about the hairy elephant in the room here?  I’m no Leatherface expert and it’s not my place to act like I know what he does in his spare time, but I highly doubt he goes to the hair salon and gets his hair put in curlers.  And that’s what happened here apparently.  Leatherface had a bad hair curler experience and it’s out of control at this point, leaving no hope in sight.  I tried to click the Ebay link to the mask and unfortunately it says there was an error in the listing.  And I believe that error was trying to sell it in the first place.