Hey, guess what?  They’re making another attempt at revitalizing a classic horror franchise!  Yay!!  Slight sarcasm there, but somewhat well deserved. News broke earlier in the year that Lionsgate would be relaunching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre in 2013, but this time it would be in 3D! Ooooooh!  Now before I get into the storyline for the new revamp, let me vent about 3D.  Unless it’s going to be the fun, midnight movie variety a la Friday The 13th Part 3, where popcorn and yo-yos are flying at the screen, count me out.  I just don’t want to see my horror movies in 3D, unless the intentional cheese factor is there.  Who wouldn’t want to see an eyeball literally come springing out at the screen after all?

*BOING!!*

So the set up for the new Leatherface romp is this:  Texas Chainsaw 3D continues the story of the homicidal Sawyer family and picks up where the Tobe Hooper 1974 classic left off.  After Sally (Marilyn Burns) escapes, word around town spreads about the evil that’s going on at the Sawyer farmhouse and they proceed to burn it to the ground, killing every last member of the family – or so they thought.  Flash forward decades later and we meet a young woman named Heather who learns she’s inherited a Texas estate (lavish mansion) from her grandmother she never knew she had.  After embarking on a road trip with her friends to check it out, she stumbles upon a horror that awaits in the mansion’s dank cellars…..

I will say that the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre still rattles the old nerves every time I watch it.  But some of the sequels, like Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, rattle the old funny bone and I can’t get enough of Matthew McConaughey’s bat shit, over the top performance.  

But let’s be real, we want to be scared when we watch a Leatherface movie, not pissing our pants due to unintentional laughter.  Now the remake 2003 did manage to bring the intensity back a little, but it was almost too brutal to really have the effect that Tobe Hooper’s original did.  And we’ll just try and erase the 2006 “prequel” from our memory all together.

*lost photo of John Travolta in Hairspray*

Now let’s get to the real reason for this post shall we?  They just released the first poster for the Texas Chainsaw 3D movie, and I have to say that it definitely brings the creep factor back and I’m digging it.  But, it’s just a poster. So let’s not start doing the ‘Leatherface end of the original movie dance’ in the streets just yet before even seeing a teaser trailer or a production still.  It does give a little hope though that maybe they can get one of these reboots right (sorry Friday The 13th, Nightmare On Elm Street, Halloween, etc, etc, etc…..). Click on the poster below and give me your thoughts:

So get those $20 3D glasses ready folks.  Leatherface and his big juicy saw are going to be coming at your face in 2013!  Fun fact is that Gunnar Hansen (original Leatherface), Marilyn Burns (original heroine), and Bill Moseley (Chop Top from Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2) will all be making cameos in the new 3D extravaganza. Unfortunately, so will R&B singer Trey Songz.  Here’s hoping that he doesn’t make it past the opening credits (c’mon unofficial ‘black guy has to die in a horror movie’ rule). Stay tuned for more Texas Chainsaw 3D news here and if you’re in the LA area, make sure to go to Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights and check out their new Texas Chainsaw Massacre maze based off of the original 1974 film!

*ladies, when it’s that time of the month……*