Christmas Crap: Elves (1989)

The necessary holiday horror movie is a little tough to come by.  Of course you can go with Black Christmas, Silent Night Deadly Night, or even Gremlins if you so choose.  Or you can go with the festive film that tells the tale of evil Nazi elves that must mate with a virgin on Christmas Eve to produce an unstoppable master race.  Yes, I’m talking about 1989’s Elves, a movie that truly belongs in the Christmas Crap sack.  I have fond memories of seeing the VHS box for this clunker when I was younger in our local Mom & Pop video store.  And it proved to me that sometimes a movie poster or VHS cover back then could be deceiving!  The hell you say?!  Here’s the cover:

Well I guess after a second look, the awful tagline font could have been a dead giveaway that this movie was shit.  But I was young, so give me a break. Anyway, that was the cover that lured me in.  And here’s what I actually got:

Now unfortunately, Elves has never been released on DVD, but if there is a petition for it to be, I would sign it in a minute and you should too.  If you still have a VCR though, you can round up a used copy for about $30.  It’s a horror movie, and a holiday movie at that, that deserves to be seen, even if it’s not for all of the right reasons.  Need more convincing?  I’ll leave you with this clip where our hero, Grizzly Adams, demands an explanation on these mischievous Nazi elves:

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