Alright – you’ve read about my best horror movies of 2012, now it’s time to scrape that bottom of the barrel and do the deed of naming the Top 5 worst horror movies from the year that almost was. But why only Top 5? Because I said so, that’s why, and because none of these movies deserved a Top 10. So let’s kick off the festivities and get this sh*t movie party started!
Well, what hasn’t been said about this piece of crap that already hasn’t been said in numerous posts and podcasts? Quite possibly the worst attempt at a slasher movie that I’ve ever seen, mostly in part I think that all of those involved were actually trying to accomplish something fresh and worthwhile. They took a fairly interesting premise and villain (including a pretty sweet mask concept) and loaded it with terrible acting (Caitlin Gerard, come on down!) and a ridiculous plot. It got off easy coming in at number 5.
Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle. Haven’t heard or said that phrase in a long time, but it’s still better than anything written in Smiley. Let’s move on to the rest of the list!
Wow. Somehow Smiley edged out Smiley for the three spot. It’s persistent, I’ll give it that.
I seem to see a pattern here, do you? A shitty movie pattern, but a pattern nonetheless.
Hooray! Smiley with the clean sweep! I don’t know that it’s ever happened before, but if anyone can snag all five spots for worst movie of the year, it’s Smiley. It’s going to be a tough 2013 for two reasons though. One, I don’t think any movie will accomplish what this movie has. And two, it brings me much pain and sadness to say that this could very well be my last Smiley post. But much like horror movies who end up having unnecessary sequels though, I’ll leave the gate just slightly open. Now look at a picture of my wife wearing a Smiley Halloween mask.
Btw – dishonorable mentions for other horrible horror movies from 2012 are: Piranha 3DD, The Devil Inside, ATM, and Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines. Here’s hoping that Texas Chainsaw 3D doesn’t end up on the 2013 list.