Back in 1989, a tragedy occurred. I fell victim once again to the misleading VHS cover. And this time, the culprit was the “words cannot describe just how bad it is” poor excuse for a horror movie, Beware! Children At Play. I’ll admit it – the cover pulled me in as I snatched off the rack of one of my favorite Mom & Pop rental establishments, Video Vision. The Troma symbol had never steered me wrong in the past, so I figured I’d be bad movie heaven, but in a disgusting/enjoyable kind of way of course.
The movie is crap people. But it does supply us with some unintentional humor that can make up for some of that crap. I liken it to another crapfest, Children Of The Living Dead, if you’d like a comparison. Now the ending of Beware! Children At Play is the bread and butter of the awfulness, but in light of certain tragedies that have occurred, I won’t be posting that up. So my runner up would be the following death scene of a Bible salesman just trying to spread the word of God:
And now: 7 observations I have after watching that:
1. I believe the guy he was trying to catch up to was named Braun.
2. He looks like Saul from Homeland.
3. At :30 in – Is there a reason the director wanted us to watch him walk up a hill for 20 seconds?
4. Being that the sickle was swung so slowly and poorly, it’s amazing that it cut his entire body completely in half.
5. Worst fall to the ground ever after being sliced in half.
6. Three legged dogs can actually run surprisingly fast.
7. I guess he raised the sickle up again at 1:21, which now miraculously doesn’t have blood on it btw, just to mock the Bible thumper.
Seek out Beware! Children At Play if you’re looking for a bad movie good time. It might not put out like you want it to at the end of the night, but at least you get to cop a decent feel or two so it’s not a total waste of time.