Great Moments In Horror Hair History: Stripe From ‘Gremlins’ (1984)

Oh, don’t get your bright lights all up in a bunch.  I know Gremlins might not technically be a ‘horror’ movie, but it definitely had scenes that creeped me out out as a kid (kitchen scene, anyone?)  It is however, undoubtedly a Christmas movie.  Don’t believe me?  Just watch Phoebe Cates recount the heartwarming story about how her Dad once dressed up as Santa and got stuck in the chimney after breaking his neck, leaving a rotting dead corpse smell that would eventually give up the mystery as to where he disappeared to.  But anyway……let’s talk about hair!  More specifically – Stripe The Gremlin!

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Oh yes.  Look at that sweet chalky fluff on top of Stripe’s head.  Now, granted – there’s not much on the sides….but who needs side hair when you have that glorious achievement running straight down the middle!  Unfortunately, Stripe and his luscious locks would meet their demise in a gooey climax that scarred me as a child – but him and his hair will proudly live on.  So please join me in inducting Stripe into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History!  Here’s your award, Stripe.  Any words before we go?  “Award…..Caca!

Holy Shit Horror: ‘Senicide Scene’ From ‘Midsommar’ (2019)

**This Post Contains Spoilers**

Ah, Midsommar.  Not quite my favorite horror movie of 2019 – but a damn fine effort and it definitely contained one or two ‘holy shit‘ moments, and made me never want to visit Sweden in the foreseeable future (although I do enjoy meatballs).

Since the movie is still relatively fresh, I don’t want to spoil too much.  But the one scene that really made me say “Holy Shit!“, was when a geriatric man and woman leap off a cliff to go along with the commune customs regarding senicide (the abandonment to death, suicide, or killing of the elderly).

First, the woman goes and the outcome is….ummmmm….rough to watch.  But director Ari Aster doesn’t stop there!  Oh no siree, Bob!  Next, the gentleman takes center stage on top of the cliff and….yeah….also pretty rough to watch.  It takes a lot for me to wince at on-screen violence.  Midsommar combined two winces into one scene.  Bravo.  Watch below, but if you haven’t seen it – you’ve been warned!

Sonofa…….why did I watch that again????  Anyway, go watch Midsommar if you haven’t already.  Hail, Paemon!  Wait, that’s the wrong movie.

Asshole Kids Of Horror: Curtis From ‘Bloody Birthday’ (1981)

Thank God for YouTube, because someone was kind enough to string together some of Curtis’ greatest hits and quips from the 1981 slasher Bloody Birthday.  Oh wait – who’s Curtis, you ask?  Well, he’s one of the three bratty ass kids causing a ruckus because of a solar eclipse or something.

Bloody Birthday is ridiculous, but fun.  And Curtis’ snarky and sassy ways are a big part of that ridiculous fun.  He’s pretty terrible at shooting a gun btw.  Curtis (Billy Jayne) is one of those horror villains that deserves a nasty demise.  Unfortunately, the worst he gets is wrestled to the ground and tied up by one of Mike Seaver’s friends from the TV show Growing Pains (the one not named Boner).  But anyway, please enjoy the Curtis compilation below!

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘That Kid On The Bike’ From ‘The Toxic Avenger’ (1984)

“Hi.  My name is Tony, and I’m a Troma-holic.”

“Hi, Tony!!!!” (other Troma-holics)

For those unaware, I’ve been a fan of Lloyd Kaufman and his Troma universe since day one, and I’m a proud Tromite!  So today on Sunday Bloody Sunday, I’m taking it back to when Troma became a household name in 1984 with the b-movie to end all b-movies…..The Toxic Avenger.

Let’s skip the foreplay and just get on with the kid on the bike getting his head run over by a car courtesy of bully Bozo and his cronies.  And if you haven’t seen this movie…..for shame!  Yeah, I’m talking to YOU.

When Conjoined Twins Go Wild: Belial From ‘Basket Case’ (1982)

Man, we’ve all been there:  Fed up with life, the world just constantly beating us down, and our former conjoined twin pushing us to act unruly and trash a hotel room.  Yeah, it pretty much happens every day – especially with cheesy stop motion effects courtesy of the 80’s.

But yes, I’m talking about the movie Basket Case.  A true ‘b-movie’ classic, not just in the form of 80’s horror – but cinema in general.  And one of the more enjoyably ridiculous scenes is when our favorite little wicker basket dweller Belial goes on a rampage and tears apart the hotel room that he and his brother Duane are staying in.  So please, stop what you’re doing and click the link below and enjoy.  Belial would have wanted it that way.

Anticipation Alert: Antlers (2020)

Finally!  A horror movie about a killer moose!  Wait, what?  Antlers is NOT about a killer moose?  Goddammit.  Well, regardless – the new trailer is out and it got that horror bone in my body twitching.  Watch below and let’s discuss afterwards:

Glad to see Felicity still getting some work.  But anyway – kudos to whoever did the sound design and music for the trailer.  And only having one word of dialogue definitely amped the intensity factor.  Obviously, attaching Guillermo del Toro’s name to the project is a plus, but that same name was also attached to Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark (slight eye roll).

Antlers looks like a whole different beast though (literally), and even though the trailer somewhat showed the creature – I’m still super intrigued as to what might be going on. Unfortunately, we will have to wait until next year (more specifically April) to get a better look at that creature and everything else.  Until then, I shall hold out hope for that ‘killer moose’ movie that is just begging to be made.

Who Remembers ‘The Pumpkin Karver’??? No, Seriously – Who?

Quick!  What’s your favorite Halloween-themed movie???  Put your hand down if you’re going to say Halloween.  Or if you shouted, Trick ‘r Treat.  Or if Ernest Scared Stupid is your destiny.  The overwhelmingly obvious answer is The Pumpkin Karver!  Ok, maybe not.  But that was fun for a second.

Ah yes, The Pumpkin Karver.  The 2006 gem of a movie that you can rent now on DVD through Netflix.  Seriously though, why is Netflix still doing the DVD mail-in option?  Just put that shit up to stream!  My anger towards Netflix sidetracked me, but my love for good horror movies did not deter me from watching The Pumpkin Karver one time.  Luckily, someone strung together some of the film’s best (and worst) scenes and bookended it with Ween’s “Where’d The Cheese Go” for some awesome reason.  Click below and enjoy!

Let’s Watch 10 Minutes Of Scissorman From The ‘Clock Tower’ Video Game…….

One of the most frustrating and equally terrifying video games experiences I ever had was when I would sit down and play Clock Tower on my Playstation.  Inspired by Dario Argento films (and you can tell by the dialogue and music alone), Clock Tower made me throw my Playstation controller against the wall numerous times (sorry, wall) – but also made me sweat and nearly pee my pants as well (sorry for the gross visual).

Well, someone was nice enough to put up about 10 minutes of some gameplay from Clock Tower involving our favorite Scissorman stalking his prey.  I’ll admit, the constant clanking of the giant scissors got on my nerves, but the overall stalking element always won me over.

Ok, so from watching that footage – I concluded that:

–  You can fight off a guy holding massive killer sheers with a sheet, umbrella, and a fire extinguisher.  

–  This game has a lot of vomiting. 

–  Don’t hide under a bed from the Scissorman. 

–  The security guard voice over at the beginning is some of the best around. 

–  The scissor clanking is still annoying. 

Don’t………Forget About This Retro ‘Don’t Go In The House’ Trailer!

Something had me looking for 70’s horror movie trailers at 5 in the morning today, and low and behold I found gold with the trailer for the 1979 film that one reviewer called ‘worthless and repugnant‘.  Yes, it’s Don’t Go In The House!  Fun fact:  The original title did actually have an exclamation point attached at the end.  Watch the grainy goodness of the trailer below, and we’ll discuss afterwards.

Sooooo……am I supposed to go into the house, or not?  I’m still confused about that. But anyway, I think I would go into the house.  The trailer just oozes nostalgia though. The voiceover, the visual grainy crackling, the title card popping up onto the screen several times.

To be honest, Don’t Go In The House is not a great movie……but, it is entertaining! Aside from some kooky scenes and acting, it does sport a pretty impressive score which Waxwork Records will be releasing soon for the first time ever on vinyl!  So be on the lookout for that, and go hunt the movie down and give it a watch so you can see for yourself if it is indeed ‘worthless and repugnant‘.

Review: The Queen Mary’s ‘Dark Harbor’ 2019 (Long Beach, CA)

Ahoy!  It’s time to set sail on the spoooooky and haunted (yeah – it’s said to be really haunted) Queen Mary in Long Beach, California for their 10th anniversary of Dark Harbor!  I was lucky enough to go on opening night, and it was the perfect way to kick off my Halloween season.

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From the opening moment when The Captain bellows to his fellow monsters to open the gate – you’re immersed into a world where you can walk by a snarling Scary Mary (my fav), before getting spooked by a 10-foot-tall creepy clown.  The atmosphere is top notch here (something that Universal Horror Nights is lacking), and Dark Harbor not only brings it in terms of that atmosphere – but also with the mazes.

With a total of 6 mazes in all, Dark Harbor has unleashed Rogue this year as it’s newest addition and it lived up to the hype.  My personal favorites Lullaby and Circus are back, with a few new twists that attendees from previous years will appreciate.  The scare actors really go for it in all of the mazes, which makes the interactions with them all the more fun (and terrifying).

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Once again, Dark Harbor satisfied all of my haunt needs this year and did itself proud for its 10 year anniversary!  If you find yourself in the Long Beach area or are looking for something to satisfy your own haunt needs this Halloween season, then go HERE for more info on the schedule and ticketing for The Queen Mary’s Dark Harbor experience! Scare ya, later!