Asshole Kids Of Horror: Curtis From ‘Bloody Birthday’ (1981)

Thank God for YouTube, because someone was kind enough to string together some of Curtis’ greatest hits and quips from the 1981 slasher Bloody Birthday.  Oh wait – who’s Curtis, you ask?  Well, he’s one of the three bratty ass kids causing a ruckus because of a solar eclipse or something.

Bloody Birthday is ridiculous, but fun.  And Curtis’ snarky and sassy ways are a big part of that ridiculous fun.  He’s pretty terrible at shooting a gun btw.  Curtis (Billy Jayne) is one of those horror villains that deserves a nasty demise.  Unfortunately, the worst he gets is wrestled to the ground and tied up by one of Mike Seaver’s friends from the TV show Growing Pains (the one not named Boner).  But anyway, please enjoy the Curtis compilation below!

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘That Kid On The Bike’ From ‘The Toxic Avenger’ (1984)

“Hi.  My name is Tony, and I’m a Troma-holic.”

“Hi, Tony!!!!” (other Troma-holics)

For those unaware, I’ve been a fan of Lloyd Kaufman and his Troma universe since day one, and I’m a proud Tromite!  So today on Sunday Bloody Sunday, I’m taking it back to when Troma became a household name in 1984 with the b-movie to end all b-movies…..The Toxic Avenger.

Let’s skip the foreplay and just get on with the kid on the bike getting his head run over by a car courtesy of bully Bozo and his cronies.  And if you haven’t seen this movie…..for shame!  Yeah, I’m talking to YOU.

When Conjoined Twins Go Wild: Belial From ‘Basket Case’ (1982)

Man, we’ve all been there:  Fed up with life, the world just constantly beating us down, and our former conjoined twin pushing us to act unruly and trash a hotel room.  Yeah, it pretty much happens every day – especially with cheesy stop motion effects courtesy of the 80’s.

But yes, I’m talking about the movie Basket Case.  A true ‘b-movie’ classic, not just in the form of 80’s horror – but cinema in general.  And one of the more enjoyably ridiculous scenes is when our favorite little wicker basket dweller Belial goes on a rampage and tears apart the hotel room that he and his brother Duane are staying in.  So please, stop what you’re doing and click the link below and enjoy.  Belial would have wanted it that way.

Anticipation Alert: Antlers (2020)

Finally!  A horror movie about a killer moose!  Wait, what?  Antlers is NOT about a killer moose?  Goddammit.  Well, regardless – the new trailer is out and it got that horror bone in my body twitching.  Watch below and let’s discuss afterwards:

Glad to see Felicity still getting some work.  But anyway – kudos to whoever did the sound design and music for the trailer.  And only having one word of dialogue definitely amped the intensity factor.  Obviously, attaching Guillermo del Toro’s name to the project is a plus, but that same name was also attached to Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark (slight eye roll).

Antlers looks like a whole different beast though (literally), and even though the trailer somewhat showed the creature – I’m still super intrigued as to what might be going on. Unfortunately, we will have to wait until next year (more specifically April) to get a better look at that creature and everything else.  Until then, I shall hold out hope for that ‘killer moose’ movie that is just begging to be made.

Who Remembers ‘The Pumpkin Karver’??? No, Seriously – Who?

Quick!  What’s your favorite Halloween-themed movie???  Put your hand down if you’re going to say Halloween.  Or if you shouted, Trick ‘r Treat.  Or if Ernest Scared Stupid is your destiny.  The overwhelmingly obvious answer is The Pumpkin Karver!  Ok, maybe not.  But that was fun for a second.

Ah yes, The Pumpkin Karver.  The 2006 gem of a movie that you can rent now on DVD through Netflix.  Seriously though, why is Netflix still doing the DVD mail-in option?  Just put that shit up to stream!  My anger towards Netflix sidetracked me, but my love for good horror movies did not deter me from watching The Pumpkin Karver one time.  Luckily, someone strung together some of the film’s best (and worst) scenes and bookended it with Ween’s “Where’d The Cheese Go” for some awesome reason.  Click below and enjoy!

Let’s Watch 10 Minutes Of Scissorman From The ‘Clock Tower’ Video Game…….

One of the most frustrating and equally terrifying video games experiences I ever had was when I would sit down and play Clock Tower on my Playstation.  Inspired by Dario Argento films (and you can tell by the dialogue and music alone), Clock Tower made me throw my Playstation controller against the wall numerous times (sorry, wall) – but also made me sweat and nearly pee my pants as well (sorry for the gross visual).

Well, someone was nice enough to put up about 10 minutes of some gameplay from Clock Tower involving our favorite Scissorman stalking his prey.  I’ll admit, the constant clanking of the giant scissors got on my nerves, but the overall stalking element always won me over.

Ok, so from watching that footage – I concluded that:

–  You can fight off a guy holding massive killer sheers with a sheet, umbrella, and a fire extinguisher.  

–  This game has a lot of vomiting. 

–  Don’t hide under a bed from the Scissorman. 

–  The security guard voice over at the beginning is some of the best around. 

–  The scissor clanking is still annoying. 

Don’t………Forget About This Retro ‘Don’t Go In The House’ Trailer!

Something had me looking for 70’s horror movie trailers at 5 in the morning today, and low and behold I found gold with the trailer for the 1979 film that one reviewer called ‘worthless and repugnant‘.  Yes, it’s Don’t Go In The House!  Fun fact:  The original title did actually have an exclamation point attached at the end.  Watch the grainy goodness of the trailer below, and we’ll discuss afterwards.

Sooooo……am I supposed to go into the house, or not?  I’m still confused about that. But anyway, I think I would go into the house.  The trailer just oozes nostalgia though. The voiceover, the visual grainy crackling, the title card popping up onto the screen several times.

To be honest, Don’t Go In The House is not a great movie……but, it is entertaining! Aside from some kooky scenes and acting, it does sport a pretty impressive score which Waxwork Records will be releasing soon for the first time ever on vinyl!  So be on the lookout for that, and go hunt the movie down and give it a watch so you can see for yourself if it is indeed ‘worthless and repugnant‘.

Review: The Queen Mary’s ‘Dark Harbor’ 2019 (Long Beach, CA)

Ahoy!  It’s time to set sail on the spoooooky and haunted (yeah – it’s said to be really haunted) Queen Mary in Long Beach, California for their 10th anniversary of Dark Harbor!  I was lucky enough to go on opening night, and it was the perfect way to kick off my Halloween season.

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From the opening moment when The Captain bellows to his fellow monsters to open the gate – you’re immersed into a world where you can walk by a snarling Scary Mary (my fav), before getting spooked by a 10-foot-tall creepy clown.  The atmosphere is top notch here (something that Universal Horror Nights is lacking), and Dark Harbor not only brings it in terms of that atmosphere – but also with the mazes.

With a total of 6 mazes in all, Dark Harbor has unleashed Rogue this year as it’s newest addition and it lived up to the hype.  My personal favorites Lullaby and Circus are back, with a few new twists that attendees from previous years will appreciate.  The scare actors really go for it in all of the mazes, which makes the interactions with them all the more fun (and terrifying).

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Once again, Dark Harbor satisfied all of my haunt needs this year and did itself proud for its 10 year anniversary!  If you find yourself in the Long Beach area or are looking for something to satisfy your own haunt needs this Halloween season, then go HERE for more info on the schedule and ticketing for The Queen Mary’s Dark Harbor experience! Scare ya, later!

Tears Of A Clown: RIP Sid Haig

‘Tis a sad day in the horror world, because we have lost the great Sid Haig at the age of 80.  I won’t bother getting into his long career in both television and movies (that’s what IMDB is for), but instead will tell a quick story of when I was lucky to meet and talk to him for the first time.

If you have gone to or frequent horror conventions, then there is a high probability that you saw Sid there.  Usually with his friend Bill Moseley in tow nearby, Sid would have his booth set up with glossy 8X10 pics from his acting career laid out for fans to choose from to be signed (Captain Spaulding being the most popular, of course).  His fee would always remain the same ($20 for a signed photo or poster – $10 to sign anything of your own that you brought), which is rare in the convention circuit.  Oh – and pictures/selfies were always free.  That day I had brought my DVD for The Devil’s Rejects to be signed, and I had actually just started this blog and had some stickers to pass around the convention.

I met Sid and he put his signature on the DVD cover and shook my hand.  Honestly couldn’t have been nicer.  He asked if I wanted a picture and I politely declined, and while I was leaving I gave him one of my Dirty Horror stickers.  As I was walking away, he yelled out “Tony, come here!”  So I went back and he said “You’re gonna do great with the blog – take a pic and I’ll hold up the sticker”.  I honestly kinda froze.  But he held the sticker up, and I took the picture……

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And that pretty much was who Sid seemed to be.  Judging from all of the posts on social media today from not just fans, but other acting colleagues, it’s obvious he touched a lot of people.

Now, the end of this story will only further prove my point of the greatness of Sid.  Being that I had brought my own DVD to get signed, the charge was $10.  Unbeknownst to me, I had given Sid a $20 bill.  As I’m walking away again (after getting my picture), I hear “Tony!  Tony!!!“.  I start my walk back to the booth and Sid yells over to me “You gave me a 20, I owe you $10!“.  I just kind of laughed (being that this was the second time I was walking away that Sid yelled out to me), and it made me realize even more that Sid was a pretty amazing guy.  Rest in peace, Sid.

All Severed Hands On Deck: The Queen Mary’s ‘Dark Harbor’ Launches September 26th!

One of my favorite Southern California haunts is the famed and spoooooooky Dark Harbor which takes place on and around The Queen Mary ship (rumored to be heavily haunted) in Long Beach, California.  And……they are about to set sail for their 10th year and are bringing along a new terrifying maze to celebrate!

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Yes, that there is Scary Mary and she will be back this year – along with The Captain, The Chef, The Ringmaster, and more!  As I mentioned earlier, there will be a brand new maze called Rogue to go along with 5 other spine-tingling mazes.  One of the things I love about Dark Harbor is that some of the mazes are actually located on The Queen Mary which gives you an even more unsettling feeling while you shuffle nervously from room to room.

In addition to the mazes, there will be numerous ghouls and ghosts roaming the grounds – as well as other entertainment to make you feel all the more welcome (or unwelcome if you wish).  Bottom line:  It’s going to be spooky.  It’s going to be fun.  And you need to go HERE now and grab tickets for Dark Harbor in Long Beach if you’re going to be in the area between September 26th-November 2nd.  Happy Haunting!