Review: Hereditary (2018)

Ants.  They may not look creepy on the surface, but put them in a horror movie and good things will happen.  And thanks to the new movie Hereditary, you get to see a lot of ants!  And other fucked up shit too that might scar you for life.  Let’s discuss!   Continue reading

Never Forget………

FakeVainBoar-size_restricted

Oh yeah, and the new Halloween trailer came out today.  I shall reserve my judgement until I see the final product.  But……I am fairly impressed with what I have seen so far. Not as impressed as I was, and always will be, with Ben Tramer’s drunken stooper before he got the life snatched out of him by that cop car though.  RIP.

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Alfonso Ribeiro Turns Into A Giant Tick’ From ‘Ticks’ (1993)

Ya know, yesterday I was having a conversation about ticks with my friends.  What?  You don’t have random tick conversations with YOUR friends?  Psssh.  But anyway, no tick conversation would be complete without mentioning the movie Ticks from 1993.  It is without a doubt, the ‘mother of all tick movies’!  And pretty much the only one.

Welcome to another lovely edition of Sunday Bloody Sunday, where we are taking a trip to Ticks country and revisiting one of the best scenes from the film.  And this scene stars none other than your favorite Tom Jones dancing sidekick to The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air……Alfonso Ribeiro!  Only this time he’s not dancing like a white guy.  He’s turning into a giant tick.  But it’s equally entertaining!  Watch and enjoy:

Anticipation Alert: Upgrade (2018)

Ok, I can admit when I’m wrong.  I originally scoffed and slightly rolled my eyes when I first saw the trailer for the new movie Upgrade.  At the time, I may have been under the influence of something – and also, it hadn’t been confirmed that the movie would indeed be Rated R (which, for a revenge premise is a must in my book).  And yes, that revenge premise has been done to death (no puns needed) – so I was aggressively skeptical.  But……then this Red Band Teaser was released the other week:

Wowsers – that head shot!  BTW – the lead actor in Upgrade, Logan Marshall Green, is in one of my favorite movies in recent years called The Invitation.  Just wanted to add that bit of info.  Upgrade was also written and directed by Leigh Whannell (Saw, Insidious) and is produced by Blumhouse Productions (of course it is….cha-ching!)  But anyway, I am fully onboard now with this one and will most likely do a double-feature with another movie I have been waiting on this weekend called Hereditary.  Cheers to both!  And cheers to gratuitous head shots!

That Time Siskel & Ebert Shit All Over ‘Hellbound: Hellraiser II’ (1988)

Ah yes, one of my favorite guilty pleasures is back:  Finding old Siskel & Ebert horror movie reviews on Youtube!  Sometimes these two would surprise me with their views on 80’s and 90’s horror……and then other times things would go as according to plan.  Such was the case with the 1988 review of Hellhound: Hellraiser II.  Peep the video below and take a toboggan slide into hell…….

Well clearly all those involved with this movie missed an opportunity to call it Skinned Alive…..at least according to the late great Gene Siskel.  Now granted, I didn’t expect these two to like Hellraiser II – but it always tripped me out with how ‘out of touch’ they sounded with most horror movies they reviewed.  Easily my favorite bit from this particular review was Mr. Ebert proclaiming his annoyance with Kirsty (Ashley Laurence) and Tiffany’s (Imogen Boorman) names being said too much in the film (lol)!  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again by the way, if you are ever in need of an escape from reality……go on Youtube and watch Siskel & Ebert review old horror movies.  It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Gimme A Hand And A Beer’ From ‘Blood Rage’ (1987)

Oh wow….I didn’t realize how long it’s been since my last incarnation of Sunday Bloody Sunday.  I know you all have been fiending and getting the shakes for a new one, so I am here to bring you joy and good news!  And what a way to come back than with a classic scene from 1987’s Blood Rage, pretty much the only true horror movie based around the holiday of Thanksgiving.

Now – if you haven’t seen Blood Rage, then you are missing out.  I will say however, that if you are a fan of Old Style beer – you might want to look away from this clip because it could be quite disturbing for you.  Fun fact:  My first sip of beer was from a can of Old Style.  What else you need to know about the following clip is that the practical effects are top notch cheese.  God bless, fucking 80’s horror and Blood Rage!  Now watch below.  And RIP to that can of beer.  Oh – and that hand too.

Grab Your Official ‘Dawn Of The Dead’ Trading Cards From ‘Fright-Rags’ Now!!

You’re never too old to collect trading cards.  Especially if they are Dawn Of The Dead trading cards!  Wait.  What?  Yep, that’s right.  Fresh off of their successful Re-Animator trading cards, Fright-Rags recently unleashed a preorder for their Dawn Of The Dead card packs!

16253-DawnOfTheDead-WaxPacks-SinglePack_1024x1024

Gotta love that design!  And, as a bonus – each pack will actually glow-in-the-dark.  In addition to getting 9 trading cards and 1 sticker in each pack, you could also receive a randomly inserted artist sketch or chase card as well.  As I mentioned earlier….Fright-Rags released a Re-Animator set last year and having bought more than a few packs myself, I can say that the quality is superb.  I expect the same with these, and you can go over to the Fright-Rags site HERE to order some.  Act fast though, because there are only about 150 single packs left.  You can also buy a sealed box for $120 right HERE as well.

So What Happens If This New ‘Halloween’ Movie Sucks?

Getting your hopes up is a terrible epidemic that affects millions of people every year.  Especially people who are fans of horror movies.  Last year, my hopes were way up for the new incarnation of Stephen King’s IT – and although I liked it, I was not in the majority that LOVED it.  Hence, my hopes were dashed because they were up way too high.  So what happens this year when October 19th rolls around?  Well, it’s my birthday of course!  Oh – not just mine actually…..but a certain mask-wearing/knife-wielding killer from Haddonfield, Illinois named Michael Myers’ as well.  And yes, he comes home on that date in theaters nationwide!

The new Halloween has some interesting twists coming along with it in the writer/director categories.  Directed and co-written by David Gordon Green (Pineapple Express), he isn’t exactly the first choice for a horror movie.  But, I’ll reserve judgement until my peepers see it for myself.  A favorite of mine, Danny McBride, co-wrote it along with Green and Jeff Fradley.  What does all of this mean for the tone?  Who fucking knows.  But what I do fucking know is that John Carpenter IS onboard as a consultant and will do most or all of the music for the movie.  Oh – and did I mention that Jamie Lee Curtis is back reprising her role as Laurie Strode?  I guess I really didn’t need to mention that unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last few months.

MV5BNzgyNTc2NzEyNl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNzY0NjU1MzI@._V1_SY1000_SX1000_AL_

Now, recently some news got out about some early test screenings for Halloween.  And the word was not good.  You can take these opinions with a grain of salt and a Michael Myers grunt, as I will again reserve judgement until I see the final product for myself.  The poster that came out last week was alright, but people were figuratively sucking it off because the mask was shown…..but I kinda thought it didn’t look much different than Rob Zombie’s mask in his Halloween movies (one of the only redeeming qualities btw).  To each his or her own though, the excitement level for Halloween is steadily building steam.  When the trailer drops, so will the horror panties.  I don’t know that the hell that even met.  But anyway…….

So what if it sucks?  What if my hopes are so high, that if it does suck…..I go running out of the theater like a madman and dash into the street without looking and get hit by a car like Ben Tramer???  Oh, let’s hope that doesn’t happen.  And let’s hope that Halloween doesn’t suck, because I really do want to have a good birthday.  We shall see.  And if you want to get me something for my birthday, I’m an extra large.

Has Anybody Seen My Turkey Baster? (Don’t Breathe – 2016)

You know, I was just talking to my friend the other day and told him that there is an extreme shortage of semen-filled turkey basters in horror movies nowadays.  Luckily for me, I can go back and revisit the solid 2016 horror/thriller flick Don’t Breathe to get my fix.

For those of you who have not seen Don’t Breathe since it’s release two years ago, I guess I kind of sort of already spoiled the fact that there’s a semen-filled turkey baster scene.  But not just any semen-filled turkey baster scene……THE semen-filled turkey baster scene!  Now watch below as Rocky (Jane Levy) gets her revenge with a (you guessed it) turkey baster.

Now the first thing that comes to mind besides mouthwash after I watch that clip, is how fucking good this movie was.  To me, Don’t Breathe lived up to the hype even though it’s not technically a full-blown horror movie.  A sequel seems to be coming, but if you ask me they should just leave it alone.  And speaking of coming, I do wonder if another turkey baster will make it’s way onto the big screen when the sequel does hit.  We can only dream.

On Second Thought: ‘The Relic’ Is A Really Good Creature Feature Horror Movie!

With the abundance of CGI in horror movies nowadays (although there are a few exceptions), it’s nice to take a trip down ‘Practical Effects Lane‘ once in a while and appreciate a simpler time when a movie monster didn’t look like a video game.

Thinking about this, my thoughts transcended me to 1997 for the ‘creature feature’ known as The Relic.  The story is somewhat simple (monster runs amok in a Chicago museum), but what I didn’t necessarily “love” back then when I first watched it – I have grown to appreciate more so here in 2018.  Let’s have a taste below of what I’m talking about:

Oh – slight disclaimer:  There are quite a few beheadings in this movie.  But as you can see from the clip, the practical effects on the monster are rather impressive.  And it will be no surprise to anyone that those effects were done by Stan Winston’s FX company.  I do love me a good ‘creature feature’ movie and love it even more when I can see the work that’s put into creating the monster.  And if you have the same goals while watching a monster movie and you haven’t seen The Relic, then seek it out and enjoy the throwback nature of it.  Did I mention it’s set in Chicago btw???  I’m from that area, so that enhanced my experience.  I’m sure that fact bored the hell out of you.