Rapid Review Roundup: A Quiet Place Part II, The Conjuring 3, & Caveat!

I just pinched myself because I enjoy feeling pain at times, and also because it’s FINALLY safe to go back to the movies! Well, not if you consider’talking 10-year-olds sitting next to you while watching a horror movie‘ safe…….but still somewhat safe nonetheless. And the first movie in well over a year that I did see in the theater was…..A Quiet Place Part II: Electric Boogaloo. What a snappy title that would have been.

My rapid review for A Quiet Place Part II would go something like this: This was definitely not a sophomore slump for John Krasinski. Loved the opening sequence that showed the preface to the madness that unfolded in the previous film. Tense and loud (in a good way) from beginning to end, but also quiet at times because that’s the movie’s sweet spot. That bear trap part though (yikes). Cillian Murphy can do no wrong. Not much bad to say about it honestly, other than that I think the series needs to end with this one. But…..a third one already got green-lit (shrug).

Let’s move on to The Conjuring 3: Electric Booglaoo! Oh, I mean – The Conjuring 3: The Devil Made Me Do It. For this one, I did not venture to the theater – but to my couch via HBO Max. So let’s talk: Very strong opening sequence in this one too. Uh oh – 20 mins in and I was already a little bored. I think I’m kinda over possession movies. But hey! Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson are still great. That big fat guy from the morgue though (yikes). Decent climax (that’s what she said), but I think I’m Conjuringed out. Definitely my least favorite in the series, but I didn’t hate it.

Time for the wildcard in this review roundup – a little Irish mood piece called Caveat, which is available to stream now on Shudder. So, let’s chew the fat on this one: Oh my, that toy bunny is pretty terrifying. One of my fears is having to be chained up to the point where I can’t reach the toilet in the bathroom. This movie is directed and written by Damian McCarthy and is his first feature! Extremely dark, unsettling, but interesting as well – it keeps things moving without slowing down too much. I had read that some thought the ending was abrupt and unsatisfying – but I disagree. Easily one of my biggest surprises of the year so far. Go check Caveat out on Shudder. PS – I liked it better than The Conjuring 3 (shrug again).

Update: ‘Antlers’ Is Still Coming This Year!

Few things have kept me staying positive this year so far. Yeah, we seem to be getting over the hump as far as this Covid thing. Yippee. And yeah, Ben Affleck and J-Lo seem to be back together. Hooray. But, the one thing that keeps me going this year is the fact that the movie Antlers (yes, that movie I have talked about constantly and will most certainly go into with my hopes way too high) is finally coming to theaters on October 29th!

Yeah, you can keep your Chris Rock wannabe Saw movies and your Halloween Kills (still a stupid fucking title btw) – I’m all about Antlers! I wonder how many antlers will be in the movie though. Just one pair? Several? A whole gaggle of antlers???? Only time will tell and we now know for sure that all will be seen and answered on October 29th! As I previously stated, my excitement for this movie has a good chance of setting the bar wayyyyyy too high and I could walk out of the theater cursing the very antlers that I was so interested in seeing. But…..I will keep my excitement level high! ANTLERS!

Give Me The Creeps: The Ending To ‘Dead Of Night’ (1977)

While scrolling through movies to watch on Amazon Prime last night, I stumbled upon something I hadn’t see since I was probably in my single digits age-wise. But before I tell you about the movie I found, let me preface that by saying that back in the 70’s and 80’s – there were some pretty creepy made-for-TV movies out. And one of those movies that always stuck with me was the 1977 anthology offering Dead Of Night.

Comprised of three tales, the only one really worth mentioning is the last one called ‘Bobby‘ (unless of course you enjoy watching Ed Begley Jr fawn over an old car). It’s a creepy little yarn about a mother who summons her deceased son back from the dead, after he drowned. And yes, his name is Bobby – hence the name of the story. Btw – if you want to do a fun drinking game, take a shot every time Bobby says “Mommy“. But anyway, when I saw this as a kid – it scared the shit out of me. Especially the very last shot. Now, if you want to watch the whole segment – seek it out on Amazon Prime. If you just want to see the last scene that I’m talking about, watch the Youtube clip below with subpar video quality.

Yeah, that’s 3 shots you have to take just from watching that 40 second clip. Mommy!

Here’s A Random Awkward Gif…

Oh! The Gate is a great movie, and these little fuckers creeped me out out. Oh, again! As luck and coincidence would have it, Terror Vision Records is releasing the original soundtrack on vinyl! (and cassette for the boomboxers)

They do great work with their soundtrack releases, so you’ll be in good hands. Head on over HERE and snatch up a copy, and get down with some Sacrifyx goodness!

That Time Roger Ebert Called ‘Day Of The Dead’ A Real Bloody, Gory Geek Show!

It’s time for one of my favorite moments: Going back and watching Siskel & Ebert tear apart horror movies! And in this episode, they go for the jugular of George Romero’s Day Of The Dead.

Well, at least they liked Dawn Of The Dead. I’ll give them that. I was a bit surprised that they hated the follow-up that much though. Day Of The Dead did take a bit to grow on me when I saw it in the 80’s, I do have to admit. I hold Dawn Of The Dead in such high regard, and Night Of The Living Dead was possibly the first movie that scared the shit out of me.

What Day Of The Dead did so well (besides the amazing effects) was create a true villain in Captain Rhodes (Joseph Pilato) in addition to the ghouls (as Mr. Ebert likes to call them). Rhodes in my opinion is one of the greatest villains in horror movie history. A true monster without the make-up on. And while you watch Day Of The Dead, it’s a certainty that Rhodes will get his by the end of the movie. And boy, does he – with also one of the greatest death scenes in horror movie history. So because of those factors alone, I have three words for Siskel & Ebert for their review: Choke On ‘Em!

RIP George Romero & Joseph Pilato

It’s ‘Spirit Halloween’ Mask Roundup Time!

Although me and my fellow horror enthusiasts are down in the dumps about Halloween all but being canceled this year, we can still have fun with looking for terrible officially licensed masks!  We just can’t go to an actual Spirit Halloween store to try them on, because that would most likely be frowned upon in today’s Covid environment.  But luckily, there’s this thing called a website – and I found some good ones:    Continue reading

Just Here To Give Tobe Hooper’s ‘Lifeforce’ A Little Love!

When I think of ‘bad but good’ 80’s horror movies, Tobe Hooper’s Lifeforce will almost certainly always get mentioned.  Space vampires?  Oh, ok.  Who doesn’t love space vampires?  And boobs.  Can’t forget about the boobs.  I unfortunately didn’t see said boobs (my apologies to actress Mathilda May), because my Mom would always make me cover my eyes when any melons would grace the TV screen.  Nonetheless, Lifeforce is a guilty pleasure – and some might even say an underrated gem?  This scene below used to scare the shit out of me as a kid, so please watch it.  And dig those practical effects, man!

When you look at the first half of Tobe Hooper’s career as a director, it’s pretty damn impressive.  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Poltergeist will always get top billing, but it’s those surprise smaller films like The Funhouse and Eaten Alive that gave his horror resume a boost.  And yes, Lifeforce is part of that boost as well.  Btw, did you know that Billy Idol was supposed to play the head vampire in the movie??  But alas, it was not meant to be as Billy’s touring schedule conflicted with the film’s production.  Nevertheless….even without Mr. Idol’s spikey blonde hair, Lifeforce still remains a goofy/fun ride.  Seek it out (Scream Factory did a nice release of it somewhat recently), and enjoy the space vampires, the boobs, and the boobs.  Boobs!

I Never Knew My Mom Watched ‘Creature From The Black Lagoon’

There are numerous reasons why I haven’t written on here as much lately:  The threat of murder hornets consumed me, Coronavirus social distancing and mask wearing consumed me, and my Mom recently passed away.  In true fashion, I tried to be quirky and cute before hitting you with the real bad news – but that’s just how I tend to be.

Some of us look at our parents (or parent) as superheros.  That’s how I viewed my Mom.  She was a fighter – and just like any superhero, she fought hard until the end.  I guess I should be comparing her to Jason Voorhees or Pinhead on this particular blog, but you get the idea.  Nevertheless, now is the time that I celebrate her life and celebrate the Mom that she was.  And upon going through some of her things with my Dad this week, I found a diary of sorts where she wrote down things throughout her life as a project for my nephew when he was younger.  And wouldn’t you know, there was a section for ‘First Movie That You Saw In The Theater‘ – and she wrote “Creature from the Black Lagoon……scary!!!

Now I know that might not mean much to the casual person, but to me it was kind of a big deal.  You see, my Mom NEVER watched horror movies with me.  She did like Critters though if that counts.  My Dad was my horror compadre, and my Mom would make me cover my eyes when boobs popped up on the screen (that’s a whole different story).  But anyway, seeing that she wrote that about Creature from the Black Lagoon made me smile.  And that same day, I found another thing of hers – a 2019/2020 pocket calendar.  Inside, she had drawn a pumpkin on October 31st.  And that made me smile too.  Sometimes it’s just those little things that end up being the most special.

I’ll miss her.  And I’ll forever be her little monster.

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Submit To The Cosmic Creepiness With This New Video From ‘Vitskär Süden’!

Maybe you’re feeling as though this quarantine is reminiscent of hybrid movie brought to you by John Carpenter, David Lynch, and Panos Cosmatos.  Well, if that’s the case – then I’ve got the perfect soundtrack to go along with what’s going on in that mind of yours.

New ‘doom metal’ quartet Vitskär Süden is releasing their debut self-titled album today, and they’ve given us a visually haunting video for the song ‘Trickle of the Snail’ to go along with it.  Whet your appetite and check the video out below, and feel free to do some drugs in the process:

As previously mentioned, Vitskär Süde dropped their debut album TODAY on streaming platforms – and you can listen, download, and purchase directly from the band’s Bandcamp page HERE.  Grab it and get into it……before it grabs you! (insert ominous evil laugh)

Oh How I Miss Going To The Movies…….I Think.

One of the biggest travesties to come out of this quarantine lockdown besides beating people up for paper towels, is the fact that we cannot go to the movies to watch a horror movie!  Oh sure, 2020 brought us The Grudge remake to tide us over earlier in the year.  Wait, that just makes it worse!  Oh, the horror (or lack thereof).

Unfortunately, we will have to wait to see the Candyman reboot on the big screen.  And also A Quiet Place 2.  Oh, and Spiral.  Omg, and Antlers!  No, not Antlers!!!  That was actually my most anticipated movie of the year (sorry, Halloween Kills).  The truth is, none of us know what the future holds for the rest of 2020 when it comes to horror movie releases.  Some might pop up on a streaming site like Shudder.  Others might eventually get released into theaters, but with new guidelines to follow the social distancing rulebook.

I for one, can’t wait to get back into a movie theater with my ghoulfriend so we can be interrupted while watching the movie by people looking at their bright-ass phone screen.  Or listen to someone talking loudly to the person next to them instead of at least having the common courtesy to fucking whisper a little.  Or hear a baby crying during an R-rated horror movie that has several decapitations and bludgeonings.  Wait – why the hell do I want to go back into a movie theater again?  I dunno.  But stay safe, everyone!  Especially you ‘loud talkers’ in the theater.