Dirty Horror Memory Lane: Linnea Quigley’s Horror Workout (1990)

Yawn.  Boy oh boy – I sure am having trouble getting it going this morning.  I feel like a zombie, and probably look like one too.  If only there was a workout tape that I could pop in to motivate me that involves horror and famous Scream Queen Linnea Quigley…….oh wait a minute!  There is!  And it came out in 1990!  Yeah, I’m super late to the horror workout party.

Well that was something.  God bless, Linnea and god bless those zombies in the video clip for giving it their all.  But yes, that gem of a clip is from Linnea Quigley’s Horror Workout – released in 1990 to capitalize off of the B-movie horror boom and off of Linnea herself.  Originally released on VHS, it’s a great slice of horror nostalgia and you can now own it in glorious DVD quality!

Head on over HERE and snatch up your copy of the limited (to 1000) DVD and feel the burn as you bounce and stretch along with Linnea and the cheesy synthy 80’s music. Need more convincing by the way?  Hmmmmm…..well how about a clip of Linnea and her hot slumber party girlfriends gyrating and flexing for your enjoyment in unison?  You’re welcome.

Ebay Find Of The Week: ‘The Toxic Avenger’ Promotional Standee!

If you know anything about me, then you know that I love promotional standees for horror movies!  Actually, a lot of you probably don’t know that about me.  It’s kinda like a deep dark secret.  But anyway, once in a while I peruse eBay and see what pops up.  And quite possibly the ‘holy grail’ of promotional standees appeared during my recent search!

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Holy mops and toxic waste!  Tell me you wouldn’t be the envy of all of your friends if you had that greeting them at the door when they came over.  And how cool is it that it has an actual mop head attached?  Now – you’re probably asking what something like this costs.  Well………it would run you at least $250 (which honestly isn’t terrible considering the rarity of it), but the seller has a ‘Make Best Offer’ option as well.  Head on over to the listing HERE and snatch it up if you’re feeling impulsive and extra toxic today!

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Vamp (1986)

I’m sucker for fangs.  Ahhhhhh – see what I did there?  Unintentional puns are the best!  So it’s really no surprise that one of my favorite horror movie posters of all time is for the 1986 horror/comedy hybrid Vamp.

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Quite honestly, it’s a gorgeous poster.  Now just a quick sidebar:  If you haven’t seen Vamp, then you might not get the subtle awesomeness of the poster.  This post is strictly about just that, so I won’t disclose my feelings on the actual movie (but with Grace Jones, vampires, boobs, and pure cheesiness – how can you go wrong?).

The poster is simple, but it works.  The red from the lips pops right off, with the ‘V’ and the ‘M’ in the title forming a pair of fangs of course.  This movie is about vampires, so fangs are a must somewhere on the poster.  The only thing I’m not jazzed about is the Vamp tagline “A Frightening Comedy“.  Meh.  Pretty boring and could have used something more fun and clever to coincide with the tone of the movie.  But overall, I honestly love this poster and would display it proudly on a wall next to my Grace Jones shrine.  Fangs for reading this post and look out for the next installment of ‘Horror Movie Posters I Love‘!

Have You Heard About This ‘IT’ Teaser Trailer?

Alright, clearly I was being sarcastic in the title of the post because the new teaser trailer for the upcoming remake/reboot of Stephen King’s IT was unleashed this week.  And judging from the response, people like it!  They really, really like it!  If you haven’t seen it, you should be ashamed – so here’s your chance right now:

Well, let’s talk about the big circus elephant in the room.  What can we expect Bill Skarsgard to deliver as far as Pennywise is concerned, and can he fill Tim Curry’s big clown shoes?  Since this is a teaser trailer, we get glimpses of him – but don’t get to hear the voice or really see any of his personality (which will be key).  He does seem to have some endurance and speed though, as evident from the final shot of Pennywise speeding through the water in the sewer.

My overall reaction to the new IT teaser trailer was pretty positive and it definitely left me wanting more.  ‘The Loser’s Club’ all look like they were cast well, and the visuals from director Andres Muschietti are striking – a much needed improvement over the 1990 TV Mini-Series.  Set to be released in two parts, the first half of IT will be in theaters on September 8th.  I’m anticipating a pretty big box office take considering the online reaction to the teaser trailer, so the hype train is definitely rolling fast down the tracks.  I myself, am finally tackling the original Stephen King novel (all 1138 pages) so that I can compare and critique everything revolving around the book, the TV Mini-Series, and the new version. Until then, let’s all have a slice of this delicious Pennywise cake and await September 8th!

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Educational Video Time: So You Want To Use A Box Cutter To Cut Off Your Arm? (Splinter – 2008)

Quick!  What’s one of the best ‘creature feature’ horror movies to come out in the last 10 years?  If you just shouted out Splinter, then you win!  You actually win nothing, except for some much needed self-esteem for the day possibly.  But yes, one of my favorite ‘creature feature’ movies in some time is Splinter, a 2008 offering that introduced us to actor Shea Whigham (Boardwalk Empire) and also introduced on how to cut off someone’s arm with a box cutter and cinder block.

To be completely honest, it takes a lot in a movie to make me wince like a child.  And this scene definitely makes me do that.  It could possibly be the sawing back and forth on the arm with the box cutter…..or possibly the final blow with the cinder block that gets to me. Either way, it’s an effective gross-out scene and one that deserves multiple viewings if you’re into torturing yourself.  This most likely did wonders for box cutter sales at Home Depot btw.

Monday Bloody Monday: ‘Noah’s Death’ On ‘The Walking Dead’

Yeah, I know I’m technically about 2 years late on posting this death scene up and I have a very good explanation for it!  I’m extremely lazy.  Just kidding.  Kind of.  But yes, I was sitting here today and reminiscing about the best ‘revolving door death scene’ ever and I felt the need to resurrect it.

Sooooooo, on this edition of Monday Bloody Monday – I am revisiting the sad demise of Noah on The Walking Dead in Season 5.  And not only sad, but maybe one of the most (if not the most) brutal death scenes in the show’s history.  Greg Nicotero and his crew outdid themselves here, and did their job as far as making Tom Savini proud.  Oh yeah I should have mentioned at the beginning that this is a big spoiler alert.  Noah dies. And here it is in all of it’s gory glory!

Underappreciated Slashers: Girl House (2015)

Once in a while, a slasher film comes along that really gives me those funky 80’s slasher vibes.  What is the criteria for that, you ask?  Well…..hot girls, a lot of gore, and more hot girls!  Luckily we had a movie give us that criteria in 2015, but a lot of you may not have seen it.  It’s called Girl House.  And yes, it has girls in it.  See?

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Oh sure, there are girls in Girl House.  And really hot ones if I’m being completely honest. But what I really dug about the movie is that it doesn’t skimp on the gore either.  Yes, it’s the typical ‘bullied kid grows up to get revenge and kill a bunch of people who bullied him‘ scenario, but Girl House is actually well done on a technical level.  The practical effects hit the mark, and our killer named Loverboy is unapologetically brutal and brooding – exactly what a slasher villain should be!  Any horror movie that isn’t afraid to be brutal to kids gets a ‘horror stamp of approval’ from me as well.  See Exhibit A below:

Mean spirited?  Yeah.  But effective from a horror standpoint.  I admire horror movies that come with fresh ideas and give us something that we haven’t seen before.  But I also admire the horror movies that pay homage to a time when VHS copies of movies like Girl House were flying off the shelf at your local Mom & Pop rental stores.  So seek out this underappreciated slasher if you can, especially if you’re into a lack of plot and lots of gore. Oh – and did I mention the hot girls?  Yeah – lots of hot girls.

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Jump Scare Sunday: ‘Black Light Fun’ From ‘Lights Out’ (2016)

Now I will admit that although I liked last year’s Lights Out, I didn’t love it…..at least upon my first viewing.  But – I recently watched it again and have to say that there are some genuinely creepy and unsettling moments AND I may have even jumped a few times.  I’m usually jump scare immune, but dammit if this movie didn’t get me a few times.  More specifically, the black light scene below that someone was kind enough to upload onto Youtube.

If you’ve seen it, you know what’s coming.  If not, here’s a slight spoiler alert:  There’s a jump scare that comes in the clip.  Which you should have already known based on the title of this post.  Enjoy and change your pants afterwards!