Ebay Find Of The Week: ‘Ghoulies’ Promotional Hand Puppet!

If you’ve got the quarantine blues, I have come to the rescue with something that I found on eBay guaranteed to provide you with hours of fun!  And that something is………an official promotional Ghoulies hand puppet!

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Did I say hours of fun?  Sorry, I’m a liar.  A few minutes is probably a little more accurate.  But, if you love Ghoulies – then this is the hand puppet for you!  Actually, kind of a lame hand puppet if you think about it.  Shouldn’t it just be of the green Ghoulie filling up the whole thing so you could move him around like an actual puppet?  But I digress.

It’s still fun and if you’d like to check out more info on it (there’s not really much more than what I told you though, honestly) – you can go HERE and get filled in.  Gotta admit though, the “They’ll get you in the end!” tagline was always pretty amazing.

What About Bob? That Annoying Kid From ‘The House By The Cemetery’ (1981)

As I sit here in quarantine, I think to myself….what could possibly make this worse.  Running out of toilet paper?  Running out of oily rags that I could use as mock toilet paper?  Or how about being quarantined with the kid from The Babadook!!??  Oh god, no!  Anything but that!  Well, I will tell you – as much flack as that kid gets (and rightfully so) for being an annoying obnoxious little shit, he’s got nothing on my boy Bob from the 1981 Italian ridiculousness called The House By The Cemetery.

Now, if you’ve seen the movie – then you know all about Bob.  A little boy with an uncanny high-pitched (almost middle-aged woman’s) voice that will surely have you looking for cotton to stuff into your abused earholes.  It wasn’t all Bob’s fault, mind you – the main culprit was terrible English dubbing (as was the case in a lot of Italian horror movies from the 70’s and 80’s).  Now, I must warn you.  The clip below is not for the squeamish.  I don’t mean because it’s gory, but…..well…..you’ll see (or should I say hear).  Take it away, Bob!

Oh you know the Mom wanted to keep his shrill-voice having ass locked in that basement.  I ain’t saying that I want a kid to die in a horror movie, but…….I would understand.  God bless whoever strung together those clips of dear old Bob for all of us to enjoy on Youtube!  Btw – Bob really hit that high note with that scream when he saw the decapitated head, didn’t he??

Well, this post was just to show you that the kid from The Babadook isn’t the only kid in a horror movie that deserves to die a slow agonizing death.  I mean that in the kindest, gentlest way possible of course.  But go check out The House By The Cemetery on Shudder if you haven’t seen it.  Oh, who am I kidding – I just scared everyone away with the 3 1/2 minute Bob-A-Thon.

The Other April Fool’s Day Movie: ‘Slaughter High’ (1986)

Shit!  April Fool’s Day is almost over and I forgot to talk about my favorite April Fool’s Day  themed movie!  This might shock you, but the movie is not…….April Fool’s Day.  Oh, I enjoy that movie and Biff from Back To The Future is in it and all – but my favorite movie based on April 1st is……..Slaughter High!  Which was actually called April Fool’s Day when it was filmed.  This is all very confusing.  Let’s watch the original trailer!

What the hell is up with that voiceover guy?  Is this a horror movie or a wacky 80’s teen sex romp?  Nevertheless, that theme music is the shit – and bad voiceover guy aside, Slaughter High is a pretty underrated 80’s slasher movie in my opinion.

It has the classic ‘kid gets bullied and comes back to kill all of his tormentors‘ storyline, some great death scenes (gut-buster anyone?), and a villain that actually could have spawned some sequels had the actor who portrayed him not passed away after the film was shot.  Well that was a downer.  Ummmmm……how about that theme music?!?!?  The lesson in all of this (other than a voiceover guy can use too many bad puns), is to remember Slaughter High when you think of another April Fool’s Day themed movie to watch on April 1st.  Did I mention that theme music btw?

Quarantine Movie Of The Week: Bliss (2019)

**Knock Knock** (door opens)

I’m here for the Bliss party.” “Wait, what?  It was last month??  Dammit.

Ah yes, I’m late to another party.  But not just any party……the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer!  Um, I mean……the Bliss party!  Ah yes – Bliss is writer/director Jeff Begos’ third feature film (his first being Almost Human, which honestly I didn’t love).  But with this one – Begos gave me a gore boner, and also gave me an eye boner too (if that’s a real thing)…..because those visuals and the overall style and vibe of Bliss left me having Mandy flashbacks (in a good way).  I debated throwing a clip from the movie in the post, but check the trailer out instead:

During these ‘end of days’ times we’re living in right now, Bliss was a perfect viewing – not because the subject matter matches our current quarantined conditions, but because it was a brisk and gory good time!  Did I mention the music?  The vampire aspect?  The standout performance of Dora Madison?  The gore? (the head snapback got me) And what about George Wendt? (Norm!)

Bliss clocks in around 80 minutes so it doesn’t really have any time to drag around.  Once the drugs make an appearance, the vampires aren’t far behind.  And from then on, sit back and enjoy the show (and possibly get a seizure from the visuals too).  While the storyline sort of made me think of 2015’s The Devil’s Candy (sans vampires of course), Bliss did enough to stand out on it’s own.  Being that I’ve already heard good things about Jeff Begos’ new movie VFW, I’m psyched to see not only that – but what he brings in the future as he seems to be hitting his stride.  Go check out Bliss on Shudder now!  They’re doing a free 30-day promo (Code = SHUTIN) for all my fellow quarantiners.  Not sure quarantiners is a word, but it is now.

Give Me The Creeps: ‘The Chapel Scene’ From ’28 Days Later’ (2002)

During these trying times while dealing with the spread of coronavirus, I give you some sage advice:  STAY OUT OF CHURCHES!  And also, stock up on toilet paper or you’ll be wiping your ass with leaves from outside.  But yes, if you believe anything from the 2002 classic 28 Days Later, then you know that you shouldn’t go poking around in churches.  Otherwise this might happen:

For my money, this is still one of the most effective scenes EVER (yes, ever) in a horror movie (or, movie in general).  Those two dudes that pop up when Jim says “Hello?” still get me shook to this very day and give me the creeps.  Hard to believe that we’ll be approaching a 20-year anniversary soon for this movie, as it has aged incredibly well and still remains a revelation for its style and overall influence that it had on the zombie subgenre.  But alas, like I said – these are trying times at the moment…..so hunker down, enjoy some good horror, and for God’s sake stay out of the churches!

Legendary Thrash Metal Band TESTAMENT Unleash New Tour & Album In April!

Dating alllllllll the way back to the 80’s, Testament has remained a fixture to this very day in the thrash metal scene.  Definitely one of the more underappreciated bands, they continue to bring it and continue to tour to bring it to YOU.  I saw them a few years back, and they blew my mind.  And now Testament is embarking on a new US Tour this April, along with Black Dahlia Murder and Municipal Waste, to promote their upcoming album TITANS OF CREATION.

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And speaking of the new album, what better way to get my attention than with a horror-themed first track called ‘Night Of The Witch‘?  Looking forward to hearing this one live when I see them in Anaheim on the tour, and it makes my anticipation for the album even greater.  So just a quick recap:  The new Testament album TITANS OF CREATION is out April 3rd everywhere.  The US Tour supporting that album kicks off April 20th in Phoenix.  And you can follow everything that is Testament right HERE.  Now, turn your speakers waaaaaaay up and check out the ‘Night Of The Witch‘ lyric video below.

That Time Sonny Bono Turned Into A Bunch Of Plants (Troll – 1986)

I was racking my brain trying to come up with a good clip that freaked me out as a child that I could ‘Cher’ with you.  I thought about it long and hard, and then said to myself “Wait – I got you, babe!”  Yes, I came up with the perfect clip along with some terrible puns and references to Sonny Bono as well.  Because…..Sonny Bono is in the clip!  See how that all worked out?  And the traumatizing clip is from 1986’s Troll, a fun little horror romp not really for kids (although a lot of kids probably watched it).  Now let’s watch Sonny Bono morph into a bunch of plants!

I mean, the troll is kinda cute – even if he is kind of an asshole.  The make-up effects are pretty top notch (as were most in the 80’s), and if you’re into former husbands of Cher turning into shrubbery….then Troll is the movie for you!  Unfortunately for Troll, it would be it’s successor Troll 2 that would go on to live in infamy as the movie everyone would cheer for.  Any movie that has a seductive ‘corn-on-the-cob popcorn scene’ is sure to always win the prize.  But we shall never forget you, Sonny Bono.  You sacrificed yourself for the greater good of greenery.

Hide Your Picnic Baskets! ‘Grizzly 2: Revenge’ Is Finally Coming!

While ‘Bear In A Cage‘ was all the rage courtesy of Midsommar last year, we all know what we were really wanting on the bear front.  And that would be……..a long-awaited sequel to the 1976 killer bear movie, Grizzly!  Ah yes, and what better title for a sequel than Grizzly 2: Electric Boogaloo.  Wait, that’s not it.  I meant to say Grizzly 2: Revenge. Ooooh – anything with the word ‘revenge’ in the title has to be good, right?

Long story short on this, is that this movie originally started production in the 80’s – but due to a shady producer and no money……the film was never completed.  One of the original producers has taken it upon herself to finally finish Grizzly 2: Revenge and you can see it soon!  And judging from the trailer below, it’s a bare necessity that you do.

Let’s digest that trailer for a minute.  Here are a few of my takeaways:

– Oh hey, look!  It’s George Clooney & Charlie Sheen!  I wonder if they die early on in the movie?  Spoiler alert:  They do. 

– Nurse Ratched!

– Oh, it’s that guy from Raiders Of The Lost Ark and he’s talking about a devil bear or something. 

– Insert random gigantic 50,000 person concert with 80’s music HERE. 

– Not the forklift!  

– Every good trailer needs an unnecessary slow motion grappling scene.

– Sweet bear sound effects, man. 

Ok, well – for better or probably worse, Grizzly 2: Revenge will be yours to see very soon!  Go to the official website HERE to stay in the know about everything Grizzly 2. Speaking of grizzlies, Grizzly Adams DID have a beard!

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Best Terrible Transformation Ever: Sleepwalkers (1992)

We’ve all had those moments where we’re having a bad day and just wish we could transform into a giant werewolf cat.  Which makes this scene in 1992’s ridiculous Sleepwalkers even more relatable!  Now, I’ve talked about this movie before – and even with the Stephen King stamp on it, Sleepwalkers is a pretty hard pill to swallow.

But…….in some ways, I love it.  It’s pure ridiculousness, and Clovis The Cat is a true American hero!  Now watch below as Charles (Brian Krause) gets spooked by Clovis with a comically bad (but good) scary transformation.

That Clown From 1988’s ‘Ghosthouse’ Though…….

Clowns freak me out.  Especially clown dolls – as my sister used to have one that sat in a rocking chair when I was younger that scared the shit out of me, thanks mostly in part to a little film called Poltergeist.  Hey – speaking of that movie!  There’s a 1988 Italian horror movie called Ghosthouse (written and directed by Umberto Lenzi) that pretty much blatantly steals the look of the clown from Poltergeist.  Issa ok though, because it’s still creepy as fuck AND has an accompanying ‘creepy as fuck’ song (thanks to composer Piero Montanari) to minimize the plagiarism.

Zoinks!  That clown made me wet myself.  He’s super, but the real champ of the scene and of the movie might be that song that pops up about every 2 minutes.  Ghosthouse was actually a first watch for me the other night, and I recommend it if you’re looking for a ‘so bad it’s good’ 80’s horror movie with no real plot.  Fun fact:  There’s a sequel called Witchery that stars both Linda Blair AND David Hasselhoff!  Yeah.  Chew on that for a minute.