Review: Terrifier (2018)

Coulrophobia.  I can say that I somewhat suffer from it.  And no, it’s not a fear of mayonnaise (although that is a crippling fear for me).  Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns. It’s not uncommon.  And with the triumphant return of Pennywise the Clown last year in the IT remake, clowns are even more the rage now.  But while Pennywise relies vocally to get his point across, my good friend Art the Clown from the new throwback gore-fest Terrifier relies heavy on facial expressions and sawing bodies in half to get HIS across.    Continue reading

Review: Burn The Priest ‘Legion: XX’ (2018)

It’s always good to remember where you came from.  And luckily, long-time metal powerhouse Lamb Of God have done just that.  For those who don’t know – before frontman Randy Blythe joined the group, Lamb Of God was known as Burn The Priest. Shortly after Blythe put his stamp on the crew, they changed their name and went on to form a metal legacy that continues on today.  But as I stated at the start, you should never forget where you came from – so Burn The Priest has reformed 20 years later to deliver a brand new album full of covers called Legion: XX, featuring tracks that influenced them when they were starting out!

The album kicks open the front door with a cover of ‘Inherit The Earth‘ by 80’s thrash band The Accused.  It’s a different vocal style you may be accustomed to hearing from Blythe, but one that will grab you by the balls and not let go (don’t worry, it won’t feel too uncomfortable).  Mark Morton’s guitar is the co-star of ‘Inherit the Earth‘, ripping and shredding it’s way through the track – which by the way, when it ends…..you want more. Up next is a cover of ‘Honey Bucket‘, one of my favorite songs from The Melvins.  From there, Burn The Priest put their personal  touch on tracks from Bad Brains, Ministry, Agnostic Front, S.O.D., and more.

Even if you’re not necessarily a Lamb Of God fan, you will find something on Legion: XX to sink your metal teeth into.  I personally gave the album the ‘road trip’ test last weekend. I was never bored, and it helped me deal with the aggression that was building up from the idiotic California drivers while on my journey.  Case in point:  I fully support this new Burn The Priest project, even if it is just a project of 10 cover songs.  It’s a bit of a tease, but the good kind of tease.  Slap it in, hit play, and let it go…….you won’t be disappointed.

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(4 Out Of 5)

Review: Revenge (2018)

I never really wanted or felt the need to eat peyote.  That is, until I just watched the new revenge-based movie appropriately titled Revenge.  Because now – I realize that if I have a tree branch sticking out of my stomach, I can just take a healthy dose of peyote and everything will work itself out!  Ok, this isn’t a review for peyote…..this is a review for one of the best (and most brutal) revenge movies I’ve ever seen.  Nope, I’m not hallucinating while I type that.  It’s true.  And I’m going to get into why it’s true right about now.   Continue reading

Review: Mom and Dad (2018)

If you are easily offended and do not like to see children in movies be killed by their parents after having their minds taken over by a static transmission from the TV, then you should probably stay away from the horror/comedy Mom and Dad.  However, if you want to see Nicolas Cage go completely bonkers like only Nicolas Cage can and get chased around the house by an equally bonkers Lance Henriksen……then you need to watch Mom and Dad.  It’s a crapshoot.    Continue reading

Dirty Horror’s Rapid Reviews: ‘The Ritual’ & ‘Verónica’

What do a best friend hiking trip in Sweden and a bad Ouija board experience during a solar eclipse have in common?  Well, nothing actually – but they are both the premises of two recent horror movies that hit the wonderful world of Netflix.  Let’s start with these poor bastards that did some hiking in Sweden:

The Ritual (2018)

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This one took me by surprise.  A British horror film (directed by David Bruckner) set in Sweden that follows four friends who keep a pact to go on a hiking expedition after another one of their friends was killed six months prior.  Now of course, when you have people hiking in some creepy woods in a horror movie then bad shit’s going to happen.  The rub with The Ritual is that it’s pretty unpredictable.  A hybrid of The Blair Witch Project and The Wicker Man with a little monster action thrown in, this movie is beautifully shot and packs the emotional punch lacking in a lot of horror movies.  It also packs a pretty great literal punch towards the climax.  And The Ritual is creepy.  Did I mention it’s creepy?  Yeah.  Go watch it.

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(4 Out Of 5)

Verónica (2018)

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There have been some decent Ouija board related horror movies throughout the years (Witchboard, Ouija: Origin Of Evil), but none that have really hit me where it hurts like this new offering titled Verónica.  A spanish horror film directed by Paco Plaza (who gave us the impressive Rec franchise) that manages to take the somewhat tired ‘possession’ storyline to new creepy and emotional levels.  The plot is fairly standard (a girl and her friends attempt to use a Ouija board to speak to her dead father during a solar eclipse), but manages to still be riveting.  The acting is superb (especially Sandra Escacena playing Verónica) and Paco Plaza has a knack for utilizing the camera so well, especially during those ‘wait, did I just see something in the background?‘ shots.  I felt it could have been trimmed by about 10 minutes or so, but that’s a minor complaint for a movie like Verónica.  Go watch it!

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(4 Out Of 5)

Review: Insidious – The Last Key (2018)

I have a rule of thumb for any movie in a horror franchise that has the word ‘LAST’ in it’s title.  That rule would be that it should be the last entry into that particular franchise.  Done. Finished. Finito.  Such is very much the case with Insidious: The Last Key, a desperate attempt to keep the Insidious series going with yet another prequel and even worse…..without any true scares.  Let’s tiptoe into the review and get started.

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Review: Better Watch Out (2017)

What says Christmas more than a 12-year-old boy that has a crush on his 17-year-old babysitter?  Actually, that has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas – but in the new holiday horror movie Better Watch Out, it sure does!

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Review: Red Christmas (2017)

You better watch out, you better not cry……you better not pout because there’s a really good Christmas horror movie that you need to watch this year!  I know, I know – it’s Halloween season.  But I had the pleasure of finally sitting down and watching Craig Anderson’s Red Christmas and it indeed got me into the Christmas horror movie spirit!

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Dirty Horror’s Rapid Reviews: ‘Leatherface’, ‘Cult Of Chucky’, ‘Gerald’s Game’

Ugh.  I’ve been neglecting my blog.  I’m sorry, baby……I promise I’ll take better care of you and shower you with my witty sarcasm and pointless posts about 80’s horror movies.  But first, how about some reviews!  Considering I have actually been watching some of the current crop of horror movies, I figured I’d share my brief thoughts on some.  Emphasis on ‘brief’.  Let’s go!

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Review: The Queen Mary: Dark Harbor (Long Beach, CA)

‘Tis the season for Halloween haunted houses and spooky attractions!  Last weekend, I did my usual trek to Universal Studios Hollywood for Halloween Horror Nights.  After that, I was already itching to do more.  So next up, The Queen Mary: Dark Harbor in Long Beach, CA!

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