Ebay Find Of The Week: 36 Pack Of ‘Freddy’s Bubble Gum’!

Remember that first time you saw the original A Nightmare On Elm Street?  Freddy Krueger was literally something out of a nightmare.  He was creepy, maniacal, and just plain fucking scary.  But as the later NOES sequels went on, Freddy became more cartoonish – like a Three Stooges episode.  His evil was replaced with yucks and bad puns.  And the marketing they did for poor ol’ Freddy around these times?  Oh, the marketing.  Case in point:  Freddy’s Bubble Gum!

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Oh, Freddy :-/  But anyway, my point of this post isn’t to scold those involved with pimping Mr. Krueger out to the world with terrible ideas and concepts – my point for this is to let you know that you can buy that unopened box of Freddy’s Bubble Gum on eBay right now!  Yay?  For those who don’t know – the container is just a plastic tube filled with terrible tasting gum with a picture of Freddy at the top and a “clever” saying attached.  I mean look, it’s nostalgic – even if I don’t agree with the direction they took him.  So, if you want to own this piece of Freddy Krueger nostalgia….then head on over HERE to the eBay listing and snatch it up or make an offer.  I would advise against eating that gum though.

Dirty Horror’s Rapid Reviews: ‘The Ritual’ & ‘Verónica’

What do a best friend hiking trip in Sweden and a bad Ouija board experience during a solar eclipse have in common?  Well, nothing actually – but they are both the premises of two recent horror movies that hit the wonderful world of Netflix.  Let’s start with these poor bastards that did some hiking in Sweden:

The Ritual (2018)

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This one took me by surprise.  A British horror film (directed by David Bruckner) set in Sweden that follows four friends who keep a pact to go on a hiking expedition after another one of their friends was killed six months prior.  Now of course, when you have people hiking in some creepy woods in a horror movie then bad shit’s going to happen.  The rub with The Ritual is that it’s pretty unpredictable.  A hybrid of The Blair Witch Project and The Wicker Man with a little monster action thrown in, this movie is beautifully shot and packs the emotional punch lacking in a lot of horror movies.  It also packs a pretty great literal punch towards the climax.  And The Ritual is creepy.  Did I mention it’s creepy?  Yeah.  Go watch it.

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(4 Out Of 5)

Verónica (2018)

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There have been some decent Ouija board related horror movies throughout the years (Witchboard, Ouija: Origin Of Evil), but none that have really hit me where it hurts like this new offering titled Verónica.  A spanish horror film directed by Paco Plaza (who gave us the impressive Rec franchise) that manages to take the somewhat tired ‘possession’ storyline to new creepy and emotional levels.  The plot is fairly standard (a girl and her friends attempt to use a Ouija board to speak to her dead father during a solar eclipse), but manages to still be riveting.  The acting is superb (especially Sandra Escacena playing Verónica) and Paco Plaza has a knack for utilizing the camera so well, especially during those ‘wait, did I just see something in the background?‘ shots.  I felt it could have been trimmed by about 10 minutes or so, but that’s a minor complaint for a movie like Verónica.  Go watch it!

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(4 Out Of 5)

Let’s Have Another Staring Contest…….

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A bit of a challenge this week – because you have to beat not one, but two sets of eyes! You can do it though.  Just don’t be a dummy and fuck up.  Oh, I should mention that one of your opponents is actually a dummy.  Focus, my friend.  Sir Anthony Hopkins is going to try and break you while gazing into your eyes like a hungry Hannibal Lecter.  I would shift your focus to Fats the ventriloquist dummy, because he looks more weak.  I wish he would close his mouth though because that’s distracting.  Oh wait!  A sexy female ventriloquist dummy just came in the room and Fats looked away!  You win!!  And so does Fats because he’s about to have hot dummy sex in a minute.

Behold! The Best Compilation Clip Montage Of ‘Pieces’ Ever!!

Ok, so I’m a little biased because my friend did this – but, if you love the movie Pieces (and if you don’t, kindly get the fuck off my blog) then you should be entertained by the following compilation of some of the best (and worst) scenes in the movie.  All you need to know is that the ‘tennis scene’ is included.  Oh – and get down to the funky sounds of Ween at the beginning and end of the video too!  And you better like this, or you are nothing but a bastarrrrrrrrrrd!!!!!

I Seem To Have ‘The Brain’ On My Brain…..

Quick.  What’s the best horror movie about a gigantic man-eating brain?!?  Ahhh – if you didn’t say 1988’s Canadian horror yuck-fest The Brain, then you can see yourself out the door.  I hadn’t thought about this movie in ages.  I remember watching the VHS copy when I was like 12.  And although the premise is about as stupid as you would think for an 80’s horror movie (TV show host brainwashes his viewers and plans to rule the world), I dug the hell out of The Brain!

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Cut to why I’m writing about it now, and that would be because one of the best resin toy makers in the game, Deadly Delivery (a collab effort of Retroband and Zectron), recently released a mini version of our favorite man-eating brain!  You can catch a glimpse HERE, but unfortunately it is now sold out.  But it really got me to thinking about this movie.  And it really got me to thinking about how it needs a proper Blu-ray release too.  It never even received a proper DVD release either (sad frowny face).

So let’s all put our brains together and think about how we can make this happen.  More people need to see The Brain!  It’s common knowledge.  Oh, I know what we can do!  We can take it to the streets like they did in the 60’s.  I’m sure no one would be annoyed if I was preaching the greatness of The Brain through a megaphone while shoving clips from the movie in people’s faces as they walk out of Target after shopping.  But until we win the battle of getting this underrated 80’s horror gem it’s Blu-ray due, why don’t you just search on Youtube to watch the movie in full.  I’ll allow it.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Mortuary (1983)

Show me a good 80’s horror movie poster and I will pretty much be putty in your hands. And speaking of hands, one of my favorite posters from the 80’s horror genre involves a hand!  Yes, the 1983 movie called Mortuary has one of the more striking posters to involve a hand raising up out of a dirt grave.  Check it out below:

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Yeah!  How about that hand?!  Not only is that artwork boner worthy, but the taglines are classic too.  Even the font on the title of Mortuary is making me drool.  And you all know how I love to drool.  This movie is best known for one of the first on-screen performances of the late great Bill Paxton.  And honestly, that’s the only real reason you should seek it out.  But, we’re talking posters here – and the Mortuary poster is top notch Grade A goodness.

I often sit and daydream about if today’s horror movies had posters that looked this good. I really have no life, so I have the time.  Some do go the retro route, but nothing will beat anything from the original decade where a crappy movie could have such a kick-ass poster.  So, kudos to you Mortuary, and all of your snazzy poster artwork and clever taglines.  Oh, and RIP to Bill Paxton.

Give Me The Creeps: This New Trailer For ‘Hereditary’

It’s far and between that I watch a horror movie trailer, and then re-watch about five more times quickly after.  Such is the case for the new trailer for the film written and directed by Ari Aster called Hereditary.  Just the tease alone, that you’ll see below, made me want to go take a shower.

Not even sure where to begin with this one.  But first, yes – the buzz is already very strong on Hereditary thanks to it’s screening at Sundance last month.  Being toted as ‘This generation’s Exorcist‘, those are obviously very strong words.  Judging from the trailer though, that might not be crazy talk.

The visuals incorporating the dollhouse into real life are stunning, as is the last half where we see horrible things.  Horrible, horrible things.  A kid bashing his head against a desk, creepy crawlies crawling all over someone, a person engulfed in flames, and some serious chopping with a kitchen knife.  All of this is accompanied by some unnerving music that sets the tone for what this movie experience is going to be like.  Hereditary opens on June 8th.  Make sure you bring an extra pair of underwear to the screening though.  I’m thinking you might need it.

Let’s Listen To A Giddy Gene Siskel Talk About ‘Carnosaur’ (1993)

I’ve written about their show before, but one of my favorite memories of growing up was watching Siskel & Ebert every week to see if they were going to review any horror movies.  And nothing is more of trip than when they reviewed Roger Corman’s Carnosaur back in 1993.  I can’t do the clip any justice, but I will say that one of the highlights is Roger Ebert emphasizing that he thinks Stephen Spielberg will do a better job with the look of his dinosaurs in his upcoming movie (which of course was Jurassic Park).  And also Gene Siskel gleefully discussing and pleading his case for how good the plot was for the movie.  Just do yourself a favor and watch below, please 🙂

The ‘ASTRONOMICON CONVENTION’ Is Coming To Sterling Heights, Michigan On February 9th-11th!

I love me a good convention.  More specifically, one that showcases the best from the horror AND wrestling worlds!  So, it’s no surprise that I’m a little bummed out I don’t live closer to Michigan because the Astronomicon Convention is happening in just a few weeks and here are some of the big names that will be attending:  Sid Haig (House Of 1000 Corpses), Bill Moseley (House Of 1000 Corpses), Kane Hodder (Friday The 13th Part VII), Kevin Nash (WCW), Booker T (WCW), and more!

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What better way than to celebrate the weekend before Valentine’s Day, than with a romantic getaway to the Astronomicon Convention?  That’s right, the convention runs from February 9th-11th and the WWE’s very own Brother Love (Bruce Prichard) will be attendance to spread even more love!  Did I also mention that Sid Haig is supposed to actually be officiating a wedding that Saturday at the convention as Captain Spaulding? Want more info?  Go over to the main website HERE for the full lineup and for details about ticket purchases!

Review: Insidious – The Last Key (2018)

I have a rule of thumb for any movie in a horror franchise that has the word ‘LAST’ in it’s title.  That rule would be that it should be the last entry into that particular franchise.  Done. Finished. Finito.  Such is very much the case with Insidious: The Last Key, a desperate attempt to keep the Insidious series going with yet another prequel and even worse…..without any true scares.  Let’s tiptoe into the review and get started.

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