Why Can’t We Make Michael Myers Scary Again?

Ok, so I haven’t officially done a review for the new Halloween on my site yet…..but here’s my review of it in a nutshell:

Loved the look of it, loved most of the nods to the original, loved the look of Michael Myers and the fact that Nick Castle was back.  Hated most of the humor, didn’t love the whole ‘I’ve been waiting 40 years for him to escape so I can kill him’ Jamie Lee Curtis storyline, and most importantly……I hated that Michael Myers wasn’t scary. 

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Which brings me to this brief rant.  Now, I enjoyed the new movie just fine.  I didn’t love it.  I didn’t think it was amazing.  And it probably won’t even be in my Top 5 for the year.  But I liked it.  Why can’t we make Michael Myers scary again though?  Oh – I’m sure some people will say that he was scary in this.  Stomping a head into pieces does not make him scary.  Appearing in the shadows, popping up in the background of a shot so you can barely see him, and methodically stalking a victim makes him scary.  And the mask breathing.  None of which was really found here.

I think that’s why the humor was a huge miss for me.  I get it – Danny McBride and David Gordon Green write comedy.  But I don’t need that in a Halloween movie.  Sure, a little humor can help break up the flow of a horror movie in a good way – because the contrast that comes later on with the dread and killing can make it all the more unsettling.  I just really missed my scary Michael when I watched this ‘sequel’.  I even think back to Halloween II (which I honestly love btw), and that scene where Jamie Lee Curtis is crawling across the hospital parking lot.  Just so well done.

I have faith though.  Because there will be a sequel to the new Halloween (money talks…..and Michael’s breathing at the end) – and I am hoping…..and praying…..that Michael Myers can and will be scary again.  And btw – what the hell happened to the asshole boyfriend in the movie?  He didn’t deserve to die?  Psssshhhh.

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Fingers In The Eyes’ From ‘Halloween III – Season Of The Witch’ (1982)

One of my biggest fears is having my eyes gouged out of their sockets.  Mostly because it would hurt like a sonofabitch, and also because it would mean that I wouldn’t be able to see.  And I kind of need to see.  But anyway, it you get your eyes gouged just right…..and in the process get some bones broken……you wouldn’t need to worry about seeing, because you would most likely be dead.  Kind of like that guy in the hospital in Halloween III: Season Of The Witch!

Quick sidenote:  I love this movie.  But moving on to this edition of Sunday Bloody Sunday, yes we’re talking about gouged-out eyes.  Aside from being known for the masks and Silver Shamrock jingle, Halloween III had some pretty sweet death scenes.  And when shop owner Harry Grimbridge thinks he’s safe in the hospital and a mysterious stranger comes into his room, one of those pretty sweet death scenes occurs.  And we get a bonus death somewhat afterwards in the form of gasoline and a lighter!  Btw – how rude is it to wake up Tom Atkins while he’s napping?!?  Ughhhhhh.  Watch it below.  Happy Halloween!!

Halloween Mask Ideas: Creepy Bootleg Michael Jackson ‘Thriller’ Mask!

Hey!  Halloween is coming!  Do you want to find the one mask that will amaze your friends?  Do you want to find the one mask that will stupify your friends?  And do you want to find the one mask will instantly make you dance EXACTLY like Michael Jackson in the Thriller music video???  Ok.  The last part isn’t guaranteed to work, but give it a shot. And feast your eyes on THIS!

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Yikes!  Scarrrrry!  But also pretty fucking awesome.  Yes, that is a mask that is supposed to be zombified Michael Jackson from his infamous Thriller music video.  And apparently (according to the eBay listing), this is a Mexican bootleg.  Take that info as you will, but you should know from reading that part that you will not be able to find this in your local Spirit Halloween store.  But do you want one?  Then head on over to the eBay listing HERE and get your bid on.  Trust me, you’ll be the hit of the party!  Or you’ll frighten a lot of people, but it’s a win-win situation.  Happy Halloween!

‘H40: Halloween 40 Years Of Terror’ Convention Coming To Pasadena This Weekend!

It’s almost time, kids!  Yes, Halloween is almost upon us.  Not just the new movie, but also our favorite time of the year that lands on October 31st.  And what better way to get ready for both than with a massive convention celebrating all of the Halloween movies from the famed franchise – including that upcoming new one!

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The H40: Halloween 40 Years Of Terror convention begins this weekend (October 12-14) in Pasadena, California – which btw is the home of the actual Michael Myers house from the original 1978 film (stop by and check it out while you’re in town for the convention).  The guest list for H40 is impressive.  Below are just a few of the highlights for me:

Nick Castle (the original Michael Myers), PJ Soles (Halloween), Tom Atkins (Halloween III), Tyler Mane (Rob Zombie’s Halloween), David Gordon Green (writer/director Halloween 2018), Rhian Rees (Halloween 2018), and more!

On top of all of your favorite past and present Halloween franchise representers, there will be a ton of panels throughout the weekend highlighting a lot of the films.  Also, the vendors will be out in full frightful force selling all of the best merchandise.  Specifically – make sure to stop by the booths of Mondo, Jason Edmiston, Ghoulish Gary Pullin for some super limited Halloween themed posters and vinyl.

For more info and ticket purchasing for the H40: Halloween 40 Years Of Terror convention, head on over HERE now.  And I will see everyone there this weekend!

Review: ‘Horror Made Here’ Festival Of Frights (Burbank, CA)

What’s that, you say?  More haunted houses???  Why yes.  ‘Tis the season!  Ok, so I have to say that I went to the Warner Brothers backlot Horror Made Here festival last year (which was their first year doing it) and even though I did have fun – I felt that it was lacking in the ‘ooomph’ department.  Well, I am here to tell you that this year’s festival has ‘ooomph’ and then some!   Continue reading

Review: The Queen Mary’s ‘Dark Harbor’ (Long Beach, CA)

There’s nothing creepier than going through a haunt on something that is actually said to be haunted.  Such is the case on the legendary Queen Mary ship in Long Beach, California.  You can go on real ‘haunted’ tours year-round, but around Halloween……things get kicked up a notch with Dark Harbor! (said in super scary voice)   Continue reading

Great Moments In Horror Hair History: Cujo The Dog (1983)

Who says only stereotypical blonde bimbos in 80’s horror movies can have great hair?  Move over, stereotypical blonde bimbos…..there’s new fur in town.  I know it might be ‘ruff’ to realize that a rabid St. Bernard dog might show you up in the hair department, but let me introduce you to………..Cujo!

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Control yourself, everybody.  There are enough blood-soaked luscious locks to go around.  Oh sure, Cujo could use a bath.  He is a bit smelly, especially with the overpowering iron-based blood dripping all over his hair.  But you can’t deny, he’s quite the specimen.  Don’t let a little foaming at the mouth stop us from inducting Cujo into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History!  Now someone get him a napkin, please.

Halloween Candy Madness: Peanut Butter Kisses

One of my fondest memories of Halloween (besides the time that a crazy neighbor threw chocolate-covered grasshoppers at me and my friends) was getting home from a night of trick-or-treating and dumping my candy out on the kitchen table to gaze at my sugary prizes.  Oh it was exciting.  I would take my bucket…..lift the bucket high over my head…..and then see:

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Sonofabitch.  It’s those damned dreaded Peanut Butter Kisses!!  (smoke comes out nostrils and ears)  Do you ever want to know what a stomach ache tastes like?  Eat some Peanut Butter Kisses.  Now look, I get it – adults in the neighborhood didn’t want to spend a lot on Halloween candy, so they would opt for the ‘cheaper’ options to try and get by. And yes, I also get that the colors of the wrapping are festive for Halloween.  So it should be a ‘win-win’ situation, right?  Nope.

But alas, there is a bit of charm associated with Peanut Butter Kisses because they DO symbolize Halloween and yes……some people even (gulp) like them.  So maybe I’ve been too harsh in the past on these acquired taste (only if you have any true taste) candies, and I should embrace them for what they are:  Terrible tasting peanut butter flavored taffy candy that still makes me smile because they scream ‘Halloween’.  And sometimes, that’s all that matters, right?  Yay, Halloween!

Review: ‘Son Of Monsterpalooza’ Convention (Burbank, CA) 2018

Ok.  Now I’m officially ready for the Halloween season.  And why, you ask?  Because the latest Son Of Monsterpalooza convention got me in the mood (insert sexy horror music here).  I was lucky enough to be there most of the weekend, and once again – this convention didn’t disappoint!

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The thing that I love about Son Of Monsterpalooza (and it’s father, Monsterpalooza) – is that it focuses on the literal art of makeup FX.  You can see numerous booths set up with actual live makeup and prosthetics being applied to models as you walk around the convention, adding to the overall atmosphere.  Aside from that, celebrities were in attendance as well (Kathy Najimy, Piper Laurie, Lance Henriksen, etc) – and it’s always fun to take a trip down memory lane while you have them sign some of your favorite memorabilia.  Did I mention that Tony Todd was among the celebs there doing a free poster signing for his new movie, Hell Fest??

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Probably my favorite part of this year’s Son Of Monsterpalooza were the Son Of Conjoined rooms that were filled with some amazing art and sculptures (not to mention it was super cool in there if you needed relief from the heat).  I found myself going through each more than once, with a nice touch at the end of one of the rooms being a creepy display for The Nun (with a little live actor surprise involved).   All in all, Son Of Monsterpalooza once again delivered in every way possible.  Now, bring on Monsterpalooza early next year!

Review: The Nun (2018)

Ah……The Conjuring Universe.  It might not be as cool or hip as the Marvel Universe – but it’s still a thing.  I dug the first two entries of The Conjuring.  Did not dig Annabelle, but I have an unmistakable love for Annabelle: Creation.  And so now in the world of horror spin-offs, we have The Nun aka Valak – who first terrified us in The Conjuring 2 and now gets the spotlight for her first movie focusing solely on the Valak character.  So is she just as terrifying here as she was in The Conjuring 2?  Ummm.  No.  Let us pray…….

I’m going to do something different with this review.  I’m not going to get into the specifics of the storyline (dark shadows, creepy nuns, bad jump scares….rinse, repeat) – I’m going to rant about how they fucked this up so badly.  You have a creeeeeepy character in Valak (god bless actress Bonnie Aarons for doing her best with what she was given here) and you choose to focus more on an exorcised kid and other nuns not named Valak. Adding insult to injury, Valak gets a terrible backstory involving Jesus’ blood (and an equally terrible ‘Holy shit’ joke) and the biggest sin:  she’s barely given any screen time until almost the end of the movie (with a part in the middle involving Taissa Farmiga running from Valak being the effective exception).

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Everything that should be spooky, creepy, frightening is stripped away here and dumbed down with non-effective jump scares.  There are multiple moments in The Nun when you think a scene is going to pay off, and then as soon as it should………we cut to another scene and never revisit the previous.  Oy.  See, but here’s the thing – The Nun made over 50 million at the box office this weekend.  So, I would imagine that a sequel will be on the way (after another Conjuring movie, and an Annabelle one, and another spin-off for The Crooked Man).  You see…..money talks.  And unfortunately at times (if not all of the time), that’s what matters to the studio.  The Nun and the Valak character in general deserved way better than this.  Perhaps the real creepiness of the character will be resurrected in the inevitable sequel.  But until then…….Jesus wept.

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(1 Out Of 5)