Horror Movie Posters I Love: Mortuary (1983)

Show me a good 80’s horror movie poster and I will pretty much be putty in your hands. And speaking of hands, one of my favorite posters from the 80’s horror genre involves a hand!  Yes, the 1983 movie called Mortuary has one of the more striking posters to involve a hand raising up out of a dirt grave.  Check it out below:


Yeah!  How about that hand?!  Not only is that artwork boner worthy, but the taglines are classic too.  Even the font on the title of Mortuary is making me drool.  And you all know how I love to drool.  This movie is best known for one of the first on-screen performances of the late great Bill Paxton.  And honestly, that’s the only real reason you should seek it out.  But, we’re talking posters here – and the Mortuary poster is top notch Grade A goodness.

I often sit and daydream about if today’s horror movies had posters that looked this good. I really have no life, so I have the time.  Some do go the retro route, but nothing will beat anything from the original decade where a crappy movie could have such a kick-ass poster.  So, kudos to you Mortuary, and all of your snazzy poster artwork and clever taglines.  Oh, and RIP to Bill Paxton.

Monday Bloody Monday: The Deadly Spawn (1983)

What’s the best way to get you out of your Monday funk?  By watching 15 minutes of pure over-the-top gory awesomeness from 1983’s ‘so bad it’s good’ alien schlockfest, The Deadly Spawn.

Now if you’ve never seen The Deadly Spawn, I’m hear to tell you that you’re completely missing out.  What boggles my mind is that I remember watching this on basic TV in the afternoon, with full gore intact, when I was about 10-years-old.  If you have a fetish for seeing old people get attacked and bitten by baby aliens with jagged teeth, then today’s your lucky day.  Make sure to check out the clip around 7 minutes in if you want to see that madness unfold, but I highly recommend watching the whole 15 minutes.

Overacting Scene Of The Day: Artie And The Boiling Water From ‘Sleepaway Camp’ (1983)

In 1983’s Sleepaway Camp, Artie the head cook got what he deserved after trying to unsuccessfully molest Angela.  A big old pot of scalding hot water tumbles on top of him, burning him from limb to limb.  And yes, as I said – he deserved it.  However, what we as the audience didn’t deserve was the 20 second long overacting from Artie after it happened.  Granted, I’m sure it hurt.  And I’m sure I would have screamed too.  But this is low-budget cinema we’re talking about here, and Artie went all out for that coveted gold statue that he never had a chance to receive.  Click below and behold the work of a true thespian, ladies and gentlemen:

Give Me The Creeps: ‘Ice Skating Attack’ From ‘Curtains’ (1983)

Creepy doll?  Check.  Creepy mask?  Check.  Typical stupid 80’s horror movie decisions?  Double check.  Welcome to my recurring feature called Give Me The Creeps, where I tell you what scenes from horror movies make me sleep with a nightlight on.

In my opinion, daylight horror movie killings are always creepier than if they’re at night.  And one of the best and most effective scenes that accomplishes the daylight atmosphere is from the 1983 underrated slasher flick, Curtains.  If you’ve seen it, then you know what’s coming.  If you haven’t, you might rethink going on an ice skating excursion this winter.

The thing that’s brilliant about this scene other than the fact that it takes place in broad daylight, is just how well it’s set up.  Sure there’s some cheesy 80’s music to start with, but once Christie finds that creepy ass doll in the snow – you know it’s about to be on.  The killer’s ‘old hag’ mask is one of the creepiest ever in my opinion, and the slow motion skating/stalking more than puts my nerves on edge.  Gotta love that grunting that the killer does too when he or she (I won’t tell if you haven’t seen the movie) is swinging that sickle back and forth.  This is arguably the best scene from Curtains, but you should definitely check out the whole movie if you haven’t.  Synapse Films just released it on Blu-ray, so there’s no excuse not to!


Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘The Death Of Moochie’ From John Carpenter’s ‘Christine’ (1983)

We need more people named Moochie in horror movies.  I know that’s a random pleading, but my mind is pretty much always set on random.  In 1983, we were granted a Moochie in the John Carpenter movie version of Stephen King’s killer car novel, Christine, and he gets his shine on this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday.

It’s always entertaining when chubby people people in horror movies try and run away from the killer.  In this case, the killer runs on regular unleaded and ends up backing our portly friend here up against a wall.  Now, had Moochie lost a couple of pounds, he may have been able to just jump up on top of Christine and break away to his freedom.  But alas, he didn’t lose those pounds and has a switchblade as his only defense.  Needless to say, it doesn’t end well for the chunky Moochie, so watch the clip below to see his unfortunate demise.