Dirty Horror’s Best & Worst Of 2017!

It seems just like yesterday that I was downing an entire bottle of champagne by myself in my apartment while the clock struck midnight on December 31st.  The point of that sentence is not to indicate that I live a lonely and pathetic existence, but to state the fact that another year has come and gone and it’s time to talk about the best and worst horror movies of 2017!  Fun fact:  There were a lot of good horror movies this past year.  So I’ll try to narrow those down to my Top 5.  You’re free to disagree if you’d like.  Let’s get to it!

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Review – Annabelle: Creation (2017)

It’s hard to believe that The Conjuring spinoff flick called Annabelle came out almost 3 years ago.  It seems like just yesterday that I was throwing tomatoes at the screen and yelling obscenities after watching that atrocity.  But, I have good news!  A prequel to that very movie called Annabelle: Creation has arrived and……….wait for it…………..it’s good!!!  Oh – and pretty fucking scary too.   Continue reading

Beware Of ‘Pennywise The Dancing Clown’ And His………………Wig!!!!!!!!

I for one, am very excited about the upcoming revamped movie version of Stephen King’s IT.  I’ve been reading the novel to better prepare myself, and luckily there has been tons of new merchandise popping up to give the anticipation a little boost.  Case in point, the brand new Funko Pop! figures that were announced and revealed this week.  There will be 4 in total as of right now:  A regular orange-haired Pennywise that holds a paper boat, one that holds a balloon (Hot Topic Exclusive), a special ‘Chase’ version with a more sepia color tone, and then the Walmart Exclusive of Pennywise……….in a wig!

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Oh my shit.  Now at first glance, I would expect some My Chemical Romance or Fall Out Boy to be playing while I look at this figure.  Emo Pennywise is pretty rad.  I guess. But anyway, this is indeed a big scene from the trailer (and movie) for IT where Pennywise is wearing a wig – masking himself until he reveals his true self to The Loser’s Club.  Did it need it’s own figure?  Ehhhhh – maybe not.  It does make me want to go buy some Pantene shampoo or something though.  Regardless of my feelings for this particular Funko Pop!, I am digging the other ones and succumbed to the pressure and bought a ‘Chase’ version on eBay yesterday.  I wouldn’t mind a figure based on The Leper from the book btw.  Now get ready for IT, as it floats into theaters on September 8th!  That bad pun was free of charge.

Anticipation Alert: Cult Of Chucky (2017)

On the low, I kind of enjoyed 2013’s Curse Of Chucky…..and mostly for it’s return to Child’s Play true horror roots.  Gone were the over-the-top jokes and Three Stooges schtick (which I liked up to the point of Seed Of Chucky), allowing Don Mancini to finally get back to making Chucky somewhat scary again.  Even though it pretty much went straight to VOD/DVD, Curse Of Chucky was a critical and fan success….thus spawning the new sequel Cult Of Chucky which recently got a brand new trailer:

Definitely has the straight-to-video vibe going on, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing.  The ‘horror’ element is definitely back for this sequel, as is the original Andy (Alex Vincent) and Jennifer Tilly too!  What isn’t back is Chucky’s original face.  My biggest gripe with the trailer is that Chucky just looks……off.  There is definitely some CGI involved with his facial movements which is worrisome (and yes, the stitches seem to be gone) – but I will reserve judgement until I see the final product.  As a whole, I’m excited for Cult Of Chucky because it seems to harken back to the days of mindless/fun horror.  Look for it to hit VOD and DVD/Blu-ray on October 3rd, just in time for Halloween!

You Know You’re Old When They Make A Horror Movie About Polaroid Cameras………

Yet another post about a horror movie that’s really making me feel my age.  Polaroid cameras were all the rage when I was growing up in the 80’s.  For you youngsters out there, it was a camera that would instantly print out a pic after you took it – and then for added effect, you would shake the pic to make sure it came out right.  Hence the term ‘Shake it like a Polaroid picture‘ from Outkast!  So anyway, there’s a new horror movie called Polaroid:

WTF did I just watch?  Ok (deep breath) – I get it.  Horror movies are popular.  And horror movies are relatively easy to make.  But the more that crap like this gets put into actual theaters, the more that it stains the ‘horror movie; name in general.  Nothing about this looks original (Goosebumps, anyone?), and from a technical standpoint it looks so awful that I’m finding myself wanting to rather stare at the jar of peanut butter on my desk instead of watching that trailer again.

But anyway – I’m sure Polaroid will make some money (key word ‘some’), and the studio will stand behind it.  But me – I’m more interested in going onto eBay right now, buy an actual vintage Polaroid camera, and take pictures of that jar of peanut butter that’s on my desk.

Review: It Comes At Night (2017)

There’s a debate raging in the world of horror right now!  And that debate is whether or not the new horror film It Comes At Night was marketed in a deceivingly unfair way.  I did a post about the original trailer a few months back and noted how creepy it looked (with accompanying creepy music as well).  Now granted, the trailer did make it look like a lot more would be happening in the movie from an action standpoint…….but after watching the movie, you know what?  I didn’t care about what the trailer may or may not have promised because I loved the movie anyway.    Continue reading

Anticipation Alert: It Comes At Night (2017)

2017 so far has been a pretty righteous year for horror movies.  A little something for everybody both in and out of the cinema is always a plus, and one of the upcoming offerings that I’m most looking forward to is It Comes At Night.  Why, you ask?  Because it has a creepy red door!  And any movie with a creepy red door is ok in my book.  Check out the trailer below:

Paranoia!  That could have probably been another title for this movie since it seems that paranoia runs rampant in this one.  First of all, Joel Edgerton is one of my favorite actors working right now – so you know he’s gonna bring the goods.  And second, that music that kicks in around the second half of the trailer is soooooo good and definitely reminds of the original Evil Dead score in spots (the plucky strings, etc).  But anyway, it looks as though if you were let down horror-wise by Alien: Covenant, then It Comes At Night should satisfy your quench.  Not sure how wide of a release it will get, but it drops on June 9th – so seek it out if you can.  And stay away from red doors!

Have You Heard About This ‘IT’ Teaser Trailer?

Alright, clearly I was being sarcastic in the title of the post because the new teaser trailer for the upcoming remake/reboot of Stephen King’s IT was unleashed this week.  And judging from the response, people like it!  They really, really like it!  If you haven’t seen it, you should be ashamed – so here’s your chance right now:

Well, let’s talk about the big circus elephant in the room.  What can we expect Bill Skarsgard to deliver as far as Pennywise is concerned, and can he fill Tim Curry’s big clown shoes?  Since this is a teaser trailer, we get glimpses of him – but don’t get to hear the voice or really see any of his personality (which will be key).  He does seem to have some endurance and speed though, as evident from the final shot of Pennywise speeding through the water in the sewer.

My overall reaction to the new IT teaser trailer was pretty positive and it definitely left me wanting more.  ‘The Loser’s Club’ all look like they were cast well, and the visuals from director Andres Muschietti are striking – a much needed improvement over the 1990 TV Mini-Series.  Set to be released in two parts, the first half of IT will be in theaters on September 8th.  I’m anticipating a pretty big box office take considering the online reaction to the teaser trailer, so the hype train is definitely rolling fast down the tracks.  I myself, am finally tackling the original Stephen King novel (all 1138 pages) so that I can compare and critique everything revolving around the book, the TV Mini-Series, and the new version. Until then, let’s all have a slice of this delicious Pennywise cake and await September 8th!

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Anticipation Alert: The Void (2017)

Let me kick this post off by saying that I’m pretty impressed with the crop of horror movies so far in 2017.  This week, Raw comes out (not a remake of the Eddie Murphy standup) and that’s been my most anticipated for a while now.  But…….and this is a BIG but.  The Void is gaining steam and is right on Raw’s tail.  What is The Void, you ask?  Well peep the new trailer and we’ll talk a little more afterwards:

I guess it’s pretty evident from the content in the trailer and some of the comments from reviews that were popping up throughout, that this is a throwback to the heyday of 80’s horror.  Written and directed by Jeremy Gillespie and Steven Kostanski, The Void seems to channel most of it’s energy and influence from John Carpenter (dig those practical effects towards the end of the trailer).  And there is clearly nothing wrong with Mr. Carpenter being an influence.  So far, the reviews are positive and the buzz is growing.  If you want to hop on the hype train, then just know that The Void will hit limited theaters (and possibly VOD) on April 7th.  Learn it.  Know it.  Live it.

Review: XX (2017)

Anthology films are like a box of chocolates…..you never know what you’re going to get. Unless of course you are eating a box of chocolates that has that little guide on it to show you what you’re going to get.  But anyway, anthology films (specifically horror movies) can be hit-or-miss.  Creepshow will forever be my favorite, but more recently the VHS franchise was the definition of being hit-or-miss as far as anthologies go.  Now comes along XX:  Four tales all directed by women that are intertwined with creepy stop-motion animation.  Will these gals go 4 for 4 or are we entering more hit-or-miss territory here? My money is on the latter unfortunately.    Continue reading