Very Bad Good Things: Blood Hook (1986)

So I’m sitting down and eating some Gorton’s battered fish the other night, and it got me to thinking about I Know What You Did Last Summer.  And then that got me to thinking about what a terrible villain Benjamin Willis was.  And then THAT got me thinking about the 1986 horror/comedy Blood Hook, and how the killer in that movie is the real #1 ‘killer fisherman’ character of all time!  Well, the competition isn’t really steep – given there aren’t many killer fishermen in horror movies.  Pretty much just him and Benjamin.  But let’s take a peek at Blood Hook!

Sounds like George Takei might have been doing some voiceover work back then.  But anyway, that there was the original trailer for Blood Hook – and it was around this time that Troma picked it up for distribution.  Sadly and surprisingly, a lot of the gore was cut and therein lied most of the fun with this movie.

But, have no fear!  Vinegar Syndrome re-released it a few years ago in all of its original gory giant fishhook glory!  You can find a copy HERE or if you want to find a copy with the limited slipcover, then good luck hunting it down on eBay.  Give it a watch though – it will definitely have you ‘reeling’.  Ugh, that was bad.  My apologies.  It’s not like I’m on here ‘fishing’ for compliments for my bad humor and puns.  Ok, I’m done.

Fin.

And Now……Vomit Talk: With Seth Brundle!

Hey everybody!  Welcome to Vomit Talk.  I’m your host, Seth Brundle!  You might know me from one of the greatest remakes of all time – The Fly!  And today, as the title suggested, I want to talk about vomit.  Yeah, being a fly is tough.  I don’t have any teeth, so I have to find fun new ways to enjoy my meals.  Like…..vomiting!  Remember that time I did that thing to that guy Stathis in the movie?  (audience applause)

Well, let’s reminisce and take a look back at it now!

(audience laughter)

Hahaha – man, those were some good times!  Don’t worry about Stathis though.  He survived and even appeared in the inferior (but somewhat fun) sequel!  I apologize if my vomiting grossed some of you out while you were eating breakfast.  I’m a fly and can’t help it!  (audience awwwws)

I will say, that I’m still impressed with the effects that were used in this movie, especially for its time, and to this day I think it’s one of David Cronenberg’s best movies.  I’m equally impressed as well with the amount of vomit that came out of my mouth!  (audience groans)

So join us next time on Vomit Talk, where I’ll show you what I’m having for dinner.  Careful if you’re in the first few rows though, you might get wet and disintegrate!  (over-the-top audience laughter and applause)

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘The Wedding Attack’ From ‘Alligator’ (1980)

Whoa!  The return of Sunday Bloody Sunday!  Since everybody has ‘alligator fever’ right now because of the newly released ‘creature feature’ Crawl (I shall be seeing it today btw), I figured I would go back to my original killer alligator movie that I adored as a child:  Alligator!  (they really knew how to give a horror movie a title back then)

Yes, Alligator – the 80’s movie that showed us the downside to flushing a baby alligator down the toilet.  And probably one of the most famous scenes in the movie is the ‘wedding scene’.  Do you like seeing people scurry in a panic bumping into each other and falling into a pool?  Do you like seeing a giant mutated alligator whack those people with his giant mutated tail and send them hilariously flying through the air?  Do you like seeing a wedding cake get demolished?  If you answered yes to at least one of those questions, then please watch the carnage unfold below:

Klaus Kinski Creeps Me Out!

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Ahhh!!!  See?  He’s creepy!  And he’s wearing lipstick!  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  It just…..makes him a little creepier.  The point of this post?  Not much – just to get it out there that Klaus Kinski is creepy.  Oh – and if you haven’t seen Crawlspace (a nice little flick from the 80’s horror golden era), then give it a whirl and watch Klaus go full Nazi on a bunch of people.  And yes, as the title suggests, there is a crawlspace involved.  For added incentive, watch the trailer below:

The Magic Of The Trailer For ‘Slugs’ (1988)

Many things hold a special place in my heart.  My parents.  My memories of my dog, Snickers.  And the movie Slugs.  Yes……Slugs.  A movie about killer man-eating slugs. Trust me, in 1988 it was a thing.  And what better way to capture the wonderment of this national treasure than to watch the original theatrical trailer for the movie.  Now, let the voiceover consume everything inside you while you watch and listen…….

They Ooze.  They Slime.  The Kill.  I love that tagline.  But anyway, the other reason I’m bringing up Slugs is that the Arrow Video release of the Blu-ray is about to go out of print!  So what does that mean?  Go buy a copy NOW, ya dummy.  Don’t let this go the route of Creepshow 2 (where you’re paying triple the price to get a copy).  You’ll thank me later.  And maybe the next time you do see a slug, you’ll be a little kinder to it as well.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Blood Diner (1987)

We need more horror movies based around a diner where two brothers murder people to appease their dead serial killer uncle, attempting to resurrect a goddess named Sheetar. What?  There’s no market for that anymore?  Pfffft.  But anyway, who remembers Blood Diner????  That wacky horror/comedy directed by Jackie Kong that developed a strong cult following since it’s 30-some year old release in 1987.  Yes, the movie is tremendous trash – but I want to talk about the original poster, which I remember used to hang in my local Mom & Pop video store.

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God I love that poster!  Oh, and that tagline “First They Greet You, Then They Eat You.” is perfection.  I know I’m beating a dead horse here, but there really wasn’t a better time for horror than in the 80’s.  The posters alone were on another level, and this Blood Diner one is no exception.  During that time, even if the movie ended up being crap – a good poster would lure you in and make you grab it off the shelf to take home and pop into your dusty-ass VHS player.  But enough of my blabbering about the days of old…….go watch Blood Diner if you haven’t already!  If you don’t, Sheetar will be paying you a visit.

Gifts For Horror Lovers: ‘My Demon Lover’ Promo Pin (1987)

I am here to save your Valentine’s Day!  With a completely random gift idea for that horror lover in your life that loves 80’s horror movies……and maybe more specifically – the 1987 horror/comedy My Demon Lover.  Yeah, it’s probably a very small group of you.  But what if I told you that you could own a very rare promotional pin that changes actor Scott Valentine (Nick from Family Ties) into a demon with one quick movement???

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I feel like I’ve hit a new low here.  But, yes!  That lovely promo pin from My Demon Lover can be yours if you head over HERE and either buy it or make an offer.  I would suggest making an offer.  A very low offer.  All kidding aside, I love finding these quirky little promo items on eBay because it reminds me of a simpler time in horror.  Now, don’t delay and snatch it up before another Scott Valentine fan does it before you.

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Fingers In The Eyes’ From ‘Halloween III – Season Of The Witch’ (1982)

One of my biggest fears is having my eyes gouged out of their sockets.  Mostly because it would hurt like a sonofabitch, and also because it would mean that I wouldn’t be able to see.  And I kind of need to see.  But anyway, it you get your eyes gouged just right…..and in the process get some bones broken……you wouldn’t need to worry about seeing, because you would most likely be dead.  Kind of like that guy in the hospital in Halloween III: Season Of The Witch!

Quick sidenote:  I love this movie.  But moving on to this edition of Sunday Bloody Sunday, yes we’re talking about gouged-out eyes.  Aside from being known for the masks and Silver Shamrock jingle, Halloween III had some pretty sweet death scenes.  And when shop owner Harry Grimbridge thinks he’s safe in the hospital and a mysterious stranger comes into his room, one of those pretty sweet death scenes occurs.  And we get a bonus death somewhat afterwards in the form of gasoline and a lighter!  Btw – how rude is it to wake up Tom Atkins while he’s napping?!?  Ughhhhhh.  Watch it below.  Happy Halloween!!

Man’s Best Fiend: The Hidden (1987)

Who doesn’t love dogs??  They’re cute.  Loyal.  And they can leap through doors and kill you if they’re inhabited by an otherworldly parasite.  Alright!  Welcome to one of my favorite 80’s horror movies (and sometimes criminally slept on)……a little movie called The Hidden that came out in 1987 (I was only 11-years-old…..yikes).

This movie, was on repeat for me back then.  And not just for Claudia Christian and her leather boots.  The plot was interesting (a bit of a knockoff of The Thing, but with it’s own flair), the performances were top-notch (Kyle MacLachlan and Michael Nouri killed it), and the practical effects were a step forward for that time.  But we’re here to talk dogs!  And there’s a scene in the movie where an adorable canine becomes a murderous (but still kinda adorable) canine.  Kudos to the dog trainer on this one!  Watch below as this little guy goes ‘leaps and bounds’ above anything else to get what he wants.

That Time Siskel & Ebert Shit All Over ‘Hellbound: Hellraiser II’ (1988)

Ah yes, one of my favorite guilty pleasures is back:  Finding old Siskel & Ebert horror movie reviews on Youtube!  Sometimes these two would surprise me with their views on 80’s and 90’s horror……and then other times things would go as according to plan.  Such was the case with the 1988 review of Hellhound: Hellraiser II.  Peep the video below and take a toboggan slide into hell…….

Well clearly all those involved with this movie missed an opportunity to call it Skinned Alive…..at least according to the late great Gene Siskel.  Now granted, I didn’t expect these two to like Hellraiser II – but it always tripped me out with how ‘out of touch’ they sounded with most horror movies they reviewed.  Easily my favorite bit from this particular review was Mr. Ebert proclaiming his annoyance with Kirsty (Ashley Laurence) and Tiffany’s (Imogen Boorman) names being said too much in the film (lol)!  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again by the way, if you are ever in need of an escape from reality……go on Youtube and watch Siskel & Ebert review old horror movies.  It’s the gift that keeps on giving.