Great Moments In Horror Hair History: ‘Chop Top’ From ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2’ (1986)

This version of Great Moments In Horror Hair History is for the ones who might not have the luscious locks that I usually talk about in these posts.  It’s for the ones who wake up everyday and look in the mirror and realize that Fabio’s flowing golden mane is not on their heads.  I am an equal opportunist though, and I wanted to highlight and give praise to someone in horror movie history that had the confidence to make a difference without the having the hair to go with it.  He did have a metal plate in his head though…….

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Chop Top!!!!  Even though the hair is minimal, there’s enough going on to make you take notice.  Maybe not for the right reasons, but you’re taking notice nonetheless.  The metal plate does reflect…..oops, I mean deflect you from focusing on his stringy follicles – but just imagine if Chop Top would have done a shampoo commercial back in the 80’s.  Oh sure – he may have called you a ‘dog dick’ in the process of lathering up his strands, but tell me that wouldn’t have been effective!  So needless to say after gazing up at that pic and taking everything into account, I hereby induct Chop Top into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History!  Now can we talk about those teeth?

Is The VHS Cover Better Than The Movie: Offerings (1989)

Ahhhh…..the good ol’ days of browsing the video store and picking up any and every VHS copy of a horror movie.  Some I rented, some I put back down.  But if I did pick it up, chances are that it had something deliciously sweet on the cover art.  I never rented the movie that I’m about to talk about, but I did recently watch it on Amazon Prime.  And that movie is called Offerings – a 1989 (looks older than that) slasher/comedy that sucks off John Carpenter’s Halloween hard (among other slasher movies as well) and might be one of the best worst horror movies ever!

Let’s get down to business though.  Take a look at the original VHS cover art:

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Now, from looking at that cover you would think you would be in store for some great slasher goodness, right?  Even the tagline ‘Remember him before he dismembers you!” is pretty snazzy.  And my eyes keep going back to the great artwork of the guy holding the gift dripping with blood.  I bet the ‘offerings’ they’re speaking of are people’s severed body parts!

Offerings is pretty much the stereotypical ‘bully gets revenge’ horror movie.  Not that it’s a bad thing mind you – but what is bad is the acting, the camera work, the soundtrack, and pretty much everything else in it that borrows super heavily from Halloween.  But……therein lies the charm, my friends!  Offerings is a terrible movie – no doubt about that.  It’s the kind of bad that is best viewed with a group of friends either stoned and/or ridiculously drunk.  If you’re a fan of horror movies with bad puns btw, then this will hit all of the right spots and give you a horrorgasm.  Enjoy the trailer below for proof, but don’t forget to glance back up at that surprisingly good VHS cover art before you leave the post!

This Mini Figure Of The Troll From ‘Cat’s Eye’ Is Going To Take Your Breath Away!

Apologies for the lame ‘stealing breath’ reference in the post title.  But anyway, if you’re familiar with Retroband (The company that has made numerous awesome horror themed figures over the last few years), then you should know that they have an offshoot project entitled Deadly Delivery going on where mini figures have been produced of everything from the Necronomicon book of Evil Dead fame to Belial from Basket Case.  And coming soon……….drumroll please……….The little troll from Cat’s Eye!

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Alright!  No word on what color it will be painted or anything, but I would be cool with that clay-colored version personally.  This was posted on the Deadly Delivery Instagram page a few weeks ago, so if you want to follow the updates then you can do so HERE.  On a sidenote, I really need to revisit Cat’s Eye soon.  It was always a favorite of mine growing up, and holds a special place in my PG-13 horror heart.  Stay tuned for more info on the mini troll figure from Deadly Delivery and make sure to hold your breath after you order it. Had to get one more lame ass reference in there.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Humongous (1982)

Here’s a fun little story:  I remember being a kid, we’ll say I was about 8-years-old.  I woke up in the middle of the night and went out into the living room and my Mom was watching TV.  I asked her what she was watching – and she said “Some movie called Humongous.  Now get your ass back to bed”.  And that’s how I learned about the 1982 horror movie called Humongous!

But I’m not here to talk about my Mom scolding me for being up in the middle of the night while she caught up on her random 80’s horror movies.  I’m here to talk about the awesomeness of the poster for Humongous.

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Now is Humongous a good horror movie?  Nope – hardly not.  But it does get to brag and boast about it’s poster which has a pretty great tagline:  It’s loose….It’s angry….And it’s getting hungry!  I love me a good tagline.  I also love the baby building blocks that spell out the name of the movie as well.  Sure it’s cheesy, but I don’t mind cheese.  Especially cheddar.  Do you need to seek out Humongous and watch it?  Probably not.  But you can gaze your eyes upon that poster and realize and understand why 80’s horror was just so great.  Viva la 80’s horror!  Btw – what the hell was my Mom watching this movie for?

Monday Bloody Monday: ‘Meat Grinder Death’ From ‘Slaughterhouse’ (1987)

While being bored on a Friday night recently, I discovered the 1987 horror/comedy slasher Slaughterhouse.  It’s a charming little story about a father and son who own a, you guessed it…..slaughterhouse!  They’re in danger of losing it to some big shots in town, so of course they decide to kill everyone to get even.  Hilarity (both intentional and not) ensues, and I have to say that it was actually a refreshing watch.

Sooooooo, welcome to Monday Bloody Monday where I’m going to highlight a scene from the movie where Buddy Bacon (of course that’s his name) and his dimwitted son Lester take justice into their own hands and into their own meat grinder.  Gotta love Buddy’s facial expressions during this scene.  God bless 80’s horror and god bless Slaughterhouse!  Oh – I almost forgot!  I’m going to include a special PSA from the movie that warns you about smoking in the movie theater.  Because that apparently happened in the 80’s.  Enjoy!

Rental Regrets: Junior (1985)

Here we go with one of my favorite recurring posts about VHS horror movies that I wish I would have rented, but never did.  Now – there is one movie that always sticks out in my head that I passed over in my many trips to my local Mom & Pop video stores in the 80’s. The cover was enticing.  The tagline was even more enticing.  But yet I wasn’t enticed enough to ever rent it.  And that movie is……………Junior!

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Sorry for the subpar quality pic – it’s the best that Google Images could offer.  But anyway, I can’t tell you how many times I picked up the VHS copy of Junior and put it down.  The artwork is actually pretty sweet considering this was 1985.  The burning boat in the background is intriguing as well because it makes me want to know why the boat is on fire and who is in the boat when it’s on fire.  Genius marketing on their part.  Considering I still haven’t seen Junior, I have no real clue as to what it’s about other than that it’s going for the ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre knock-off‘ gold.  Good thing we have IMDB to clarify about the plot:

K.C. and Jo are two hardened female ex-cons who decide to build a marina on a lake in backwoods Texas to start a life for themselves, only to be hassled by the redneck locals who do not like outsiders, and that the lakeshore is their own regular hangout. But K.C. and Jo’s worst troubles come from Junior, a slow-witted psycho redneck who gets the ok from his equally demented mother to kill the two. 

Oooooh – two hardened female ex-cons, huh?  I see Caged Heat potential sex going on here.  And what a shocker – redneck locals who don’t like outsiders and a psycho redneck with a psycho mother.  Nevertheless…………….oh wait – BREAKING JUNIOR NEWS! Here’s another poster that popped up on Google Images:

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Ehhhhhhh.  I’ll stick with the original artwork.  As much as I love seeing Junior in his wife beater overcompensating for his probable small penis with his large chainsaw, the original cover art is far superior.  And how the hell do you leave ‘The‘ out of ‘Friday The 13th‘ at the top of the poster?  Nice touch using the chainsaw as an ‘I’ in the title though.  For those curious about this movie (and how the hell could you not be?), there’s a full version up on Youtube.  Let’s all waste an hour and a half of our lives together and see what kind of wacky situations Junior gets himself in…….

Horror Movie Posters I Love: The Beast Within (1982)

One of the strangest (and somewhat entertaining) movies I remember witnessing in the 80’s was The Beast Within.  Granted, I was only 6-years-old when this movie came out so I didn’t get a chance to go to the theater and see it.  Had I been old enough though, I would have seen a poster in the lobby for the film warning me:  BEWARE! This Motion Picture Contains Scenes Of Graphic And Violent Horror.

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A tactic commonly used for older horror films, the warning shown on the poster would have only made me want to see The Beast Within even more.  Hence why I love this particular poster.  Not only that, I love the color contrast of the red and black and also the font for ‘Beast‘ written across the silhouetted outline of Michael about to transform into Billy.  Slight spoiler alert there.

Another spoiler alert would be that there’s an uncomfortable rape scene towards the end of the movie.  Kudos to The Beast Within for using practical effects btw, even if it evokes more laughter than terror.  Don’t believe me? Check out the legendary (I like to throw that term around loosely) transformation below, and if that doesn’t sell you on the movie – nothing will.

Monday Bloody Monday: ‘Exploding Head On A Plate’ From ‘The Horror Show’ (1989)

I realized while I was eating breakfast the other day, that I haven’t had a lot of posts on my site focusing on exploding heads.  Yes, it was a random thought – but an important one nonetheless.  Because now I can start to go in the right direction, and I’ll even kick things off with a lesser known exploding head to boot!

Welcome to Monday Bloody Monday (sometimes known as Sunday Bloody Sunday) where I am indeed showcasing a very special exploding head.  And not just any exploding head – an exploding head from the 1989 movie The Horror Show!  Or as some of you may know it, House III (which really never made much sense to me).  So what do you get in the following clip besides an exploding head on a plate?  Well, you get Lance Henriksen yelling!  How’s that for doubling down?  Get at it below:

Rental Regrets: The Supernaturals (1986)

Back in the day, I was a VHS renting madman.  That sounds a lot more ominous than it is.  Basically, I’ve rented a lot of horror movies in my lifetime – more specifically from the 80’s and early 90’s when renting movies was actually a thing.  But there were always those movies that eluded me for one reason or another.  I could never quite pull the trigger and rent them.  And because of that, I’ve had regrets that haunt me in the deepest channels of my mind.  Maybe not that dramatic, but regrets can still be a bitch.  The next movie on the rental regrets list:  The Supernaturals.

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That’s still one of the best looking VHS covers of all time in my book.  So why didn’t I ever rent The Supernaturals?  Possibly because there wasn’t enough gore on the back of the box.  I do like my gore.  Or maybe because I was prejudice against Civil War zombies? Who knows.  The story itself sounded simple enough:  Rebels were slaughtered during The Civil War and over one hundred years later, those rebels come back to get revenge on the innocent descendants of their murderers.

The bad news is that The Supernaturals has never seen a proper DVD or Blu-ray release.  The good news is that the VHS rip of the film can be seen on Youtube if you search for it.  So guess who’s going to be watching that VHS rip while drinking a beer or two very soon?  This guy!  That’s right – I don’t want to hold onto these regrets for too long. If you’ve seen this movie, feel free to share your thoughts.  I do know that LeVar Burton of Reading Rainbow and Star Trek: The Next Generation fame is in it.  But even more random is that Maurice Gibb of The Bee Gees is also in it.  The hell you say?  Oh wait – I have proof!

5 Things That Make ‘Night Of The Demons’ The Best Halloween Movie Ever!

With October 31st approaching fast, everyone is getting ready to pick their favorite movie from the Halloween franchise to watch on Halloween night.  Is it going to be John Carpenter’s 1978 original?  Or maybe you’re in the mood for the Silver Shamrock jingle?  And what about the one with Busta Rhymes? Matter of fact, forget about all of those because the best Halloween-themed horror movie to watch on Halloween night involves lipstick and not a William Shatner mask from Star Trek.

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Yeah!!  Night Of The Demons is quite possibly (at least for me) the best Halloween-themed horror movie of all time.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Michael Myers and respect John Carpenter to death, but there’s just something about Night Of The Demons that puts it on top.  Actually, there are 5 things that put it on the top and here they are:

 

1.  The Lipstick Scene

How could this not be number one?  Now look – I know that I’m kind of taking the cheap way out and going with the weird gratuitous nudity scene right out the gate, but how could I not?  It was one thing to watch Linnea Quigley eroticly draw on her naked body with the pink lipstick, but then to make any magician proud – it disappears!  Into her nipple nonetheless.  Spoiler alert.

 

2.  The Soundtrack

Not only is the original soundtrack (composed by Dennis Michael Tenney) pure 80’s horror goodness, this movie has one of the best solo dance segments ever!  When Angela decides to dance to Bauhaus’ “Stigmata Martyr“, you can’t help but to be hypnotized………Don’t believe me?  Watch the clip below and find out:

 

3.  Stooge’s Hair

I remember watching Night Of The Demons when I was younger and actually wanting Stooge’s haircut.  Clearly there was something wrong with me, and I didn’t quite have enough to pull off a mullet, but looking back on it now – this might be my favorite 80’s movie haircut ever and it just adds to the overall feel of the movie.  Nothing says 80’s like a mullet with some lines and steps cut in on the sides of your hair.  Never has there been a better haircut for a movie character named Stooge.

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4.  This Movie Is So Fucking Fun! 

Few horror movies can really nail the whole ‘fun factor’, and Night Of The Demons is the exception.  Are you going to get Oscar nominated acting here? Nope.  But the dialogue is witty and clever and even though there are some creepy moments (Angela’s makeup and voice for one), the movie is the quintessential 80’s horror product that brings the fun.  Multiple viewings are usually a way to test the shelf life of a horror movie, and Night Of The Demons seems to get better with each viewing.  Oh – and there are quite a few pairs of boobs in it too to add to the ‘fun factor’.

 

5.  The Ending Is Perfect 

Growing up in a small Indiana town, I actually dealt with my fair share of cranky old people who hated Halloween and hated giving kids candy.  One guy used to give out rotten apples and chocolate covered crickets.  True story.  So at the end of Night Of The Demons, it always makes me smile to see that crabby old guy get his comeuppance when his ‘razor blades in the apple’ plan backfires.  Perfect way to end the movie and a perfect homage to Halloween in general.

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So there you have it.  If you haven’t seen Night Of The Demons (let me specify that I’m talking about the Kevin Tenney original from 1988, not the terrible remake), then do yourself a favor and watch it this year on Halloween. Scream Factory released a pretty amazing Blu-ray that has a great transfer and tons of extras a little while back.  And if you take your kids trick-or-treating this year, make sure to watch out for the cranky old guys with apples.