Here we go with one of my favorite recurring posts about VHS horror movies that I wish I would have rented, but never did. Now – there is one movie that always sticks out in my head that I passed over in my many trips to my local Mom & Pop video stores in the 80’s. The cover was enticing. The tagline was even more enticing. But yet I wasn’t enticed enough to ever rent it. And that movie is……………Junior!
Sorry for the subpar quality pic – it’s the best that Google Images could offer. But anyway, I can’t tell you how many times I picked up the VHS copy of Junior and put it down. The artwork is actually pretty sweet considering this was 1985. The burning boat in the background is intriguing as well because it makes me want to know why the boat is on fire and who is in the boat when it’s on fire. Genius marketing on their part. Considering I still haven’t seen Junior, I have no real clue as to what it’s about other than that it’s going for the ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre knock-off‘ gold. Good thing we have IMDB to clarify about the plot:
K.C. and Jo are two hardened female ex-cons who decide to build a marina on a lake in backwoods Texas to start a life for themselves, only to be hassled by the redneck locals who do not like outsiders, and that the lakeshore is their own regular hangout. But K.C. and Jo’s worst troubles come from Junior, a slow-witted psycho redneck who gets the ok from his equally demented mother to kill the two.
Oooooh – two hardened female ex-cons, huh? I see Caged Heat potential sex going on here. And what a shocker – redneck locals who don’t like outsiders and a psycho redneck with a psycho mother. Nevertheless…………….oh wait – BREAKING JUNIOR NEWS! Here’s another poster that popped up on Google Images:
Ehhhhhhh. I’ll stick with the original artwork. As much as I love seeing Junior in his wife beater overcompensating for his probable small penis with his large chainsaw, the original cover art is far superior. And how the hell do you leave ‘The‘ out of ‘Friday The 13th‘ at the top of the poster? Nice touch using the chainsaw as an ‘I’ in the title though. For those curious about this movie (and how the hell could you not be?), there’s a full version up on Youtube. Let’s all waste an hour and a half of our lives together and see what kind of wacky situations Junior gets himself in…….
I love a good pun. And something that I love even more than good puns are slimy green creatures with bad teeth that stick their heads up out of toilets. So, naturally it was a win-win situation for me when I first gazed upon the poster for Ghoulies back in 1985.
Take a good look at that beauty of a poster……because the actual movie is pretty awful so the poster is really all that we have going for us unfortunately. Yes, Ghoulies as a film is not good. But dammit if those involved with the marketing knocked it out of the park, because the poster and cover art for the VHS lured people into watching this crap. Sure, it’s an 80’s guilty pleasure to some and uncomfortable toilet paper to others – but you can’t deny the sheer genius of the tagline ‘They’ll Get You In The End!” along with the image of that green Ghoulie coming out of the crapper. Speaking of crap and crappers, they rode that toilet theme all the way to Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go To College. That’s right….they actually went to college.
I love a movie that knows where it belongs. And Adam Green definitely knows that his 2006 throwback slasher flick Hatchet (and the sequels for that matter) belongs in the 80’s. The only problem is that the original poster didn’t exactly have that true 80’s feel, but this one below done by artist Justin Osbourn sure as hell did.
Boing! Horror boner going on over here. TMI. Fright Rags put 250 of these beauties up for sale a while back and all were numbered and signed by Victor Crowley himself, Kane Hodder. This poster just screams 80’s and is everything that is right in the horror world. I read that Adam Green was so impressed as well that he would have used it to promote Hatchet during the release. Bad news is that I see none of these up on Ebay for sale. The good news is that you can just gaze at it here and get your fix.