Tag Archives: 80’s horror vhs

Is The VHS Cover Better Than The Movie: Offerings (1989)

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Ahhhh…..the good ol’ days of browsing the video store and picking up any and every VHS copy of a horror movie.  Some I rented, some I put back down.  But if I did pick it up, chances are that it had something deliciously sweet on the cover art.  I never rented the movie that I’m about to talk about, but I did recently watch it on Amazon Prime.  And that movie is called Offerings – a 1989 (looks older than that) slasher/comedy that sucks off John Carpenter’s Halloween hard (among other slasher movies as well) and might be one of the best worst horror movies ever!

Let’s get down to business though.  Take a look at the original VHS cover art:

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Now, from looking at that cover you would think you would be in store for some great slasher goodness, right?  Even the tagline ‘Remember him before he dismembers you!” is pretty snazzy.  And my eyes keep going back to the great artwork of the guy holding the gift dripping with blood.  I bet the ‘offerings’ they’re speaking of are people’s severed body parts!

Offerings is pretty much the stereotypical ‘bully gets revenge’ horror movie.  Not that it’s a bad thing mind you – but what is bad is the acting, the camera work, the soundtrack, and pretty much everything else in it that borrows super heavily from Halloween.  But……therein lies the charm, my friends!  Offerings is a terrible movie – no doubt about that.  It’s the kind of bad that is best viewed with a group of friends either stoned and/or ridiculously drunk.  If you’re a fan of horror movies with bad puns btw, then this will hit all of the right spots and give you a horrorgasm.  Enjoy the trailer below for proof, but don’t forget to glance back up at that surprisingly good VHS cover art before you leave the post!

Rental Regrets: Cellar Dweller (1988)

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Here we go again with another rental regret that I have weighing on my conscience from my horror movie renting days in the 80’s.  Now to clarify, this is a movie that I always saw at my local video store and for whatever reason passed over and rented something else. And now I’m having regrets!  Hence the name of the post.  And the movie I am speaking of is…………..

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Cellar Dweller!  Now, I can’t really give a valid reason as to why I never rented this – but I should have snatched it up considering those legs in the fishnet stockings on the cover. Rawwwwrrrr!  I would grab those too, Mr. Monster hand.  Ok, pervy me aside – the premise for Cellar Dweller sounds interesting enough:

Thirty years have passed since the grisly murder/suicide of Colin Childress, creator of the comic book, Cellar Dweller. But, as often happens to those ignorant of it, comic book artist Whitney Taylor is doomed to repeat history in a most grotesque way. Little does she know that her twisted renderings will soon reincarnate the bloody hysteria of Cellar Dweller.

Comic books, monsters, and a murder/suicide?  Talk about a trifecta.  Let’s take a look at the severely outdated trailer and get some more convincing:

Jeffrey Combs?  Lily Munster?  That guy from the 80’s show Head Of The Class that went on to be a bad director?  Pentagrams written on the cover of books?  Oh, how the hell did I pass this up (shakes fist vehemently in the air).  Not to mention that it’s directed by John Carl Buechler (Friday The 13th Part VII, Troll) to add some more interest.  Alright, I can be the bigger man and admit when I’m wrong.  And I’m going to right that wrong and seek out Cellar Dweller as soon as possible to enjoy the full viewing experience!