Just Here To Give Tobe Hooper’s ‘Lifeforce’ A Little Love!

When I think of ‘bad but good’ 80’s horror movies, Tobe Hooper’s Lifeforce will almost certainly always get mentioned.  Space vampires?  Oh, ok.  Who doesn’t love space vampires?  And boobs.  Can’t forget about the boobs.  I unfortunately didn’t see said boobs (my apologies to actress Mathilda May), because my Mom would always make me cover my eyes when any melons would grace the TV screen.  Nonetheless, Lifeforce is a guilty pleasure – and some might even say an underrated gem?  This scene below used to scare the shit out of me as a kid, so please watch it.  And dig those practical effects, man!

When you look at the first half of Tobe Hooper’s career as a director, it’s pretty damn impressive.  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Poltergeist will always get top billing, but it’s those surprise smaller films like The Funhouse and Eaten Alive that gave his horror resume a boost.  And yes, Lifeforce is part of that boost as well.  Btw, did you know that Billy Idol was supposed to play the head vampire in the movie??  But alas, it was not meant to be as Billy’s touring schedule conflicted with the film’s production.  Nevertheless….even without Mr. Idol’s spikey blonde hair, Lifeforce still remains a goofy/fun ride.  Seek it out (Scream Factory did a nice release of it somewhat recently), and enjoy the space vampires, the boobs, and the boobs.  Boobs!

Ebay Find Of The Week: ‘Ghoulies’ Promotional Hand Puppet!

If you’ve got the quarantine blues, I have come to the rescue with something that I found on eBay guaranteed to provide you with hours of fun!  And that something is………an official promotional Ghoulies hand puppet!

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Did I say hours of fun?  Sorry, I’m a liar.  A few minutes is probably a little more accurate.  But, if you love Ghoulies – then this is the hand puppet for you!  Actually, kind of a lame hand puppet if you think about it.  Shouldn’t it just be of the green Ghoulie filling up the whole thing so you could move him around like an actual puppet?  But I digress.

It’s still fun and if you’d like to check out more info on it (there’s not really much more than what I told you though, honestly) – you can go HERE and get filled in.  Gotta admit though, the “They’ll get you in the end!” tagline was always pretty amazing.

That Time Sonny Bono Turned Into A Bunch Of Plants (Troll – 1986)

I was racking my brain trying to come up with a good clip that freaked me out as a child that I could ‘Cher’ with you.  I thought about it long and hard, and then said to myself “Wait – I got you, babe!”  Yes, I came up with the perfect clip along with some terrible puns and references to Sonny Bono as well.  Because…..Sonny Bono is in the clip!  See how that all worked out?  And the traumatizing clip is from 1986’s Troll, a fun little horror romp not really for kids (although a lot of kids probably watched it).  Now let’s watch Sonny Bono morph into a bunch of plants!

I mean, the troll is kinda cute – even if he is kind of an asshole.  The make-up effects are pretty top notch (as were most in the 80’s), and if you’re into former husbands of Cher turning into shrubbery….then Troll is the movie for you!  Unfortunately for Troll, it would be it’s successor Troll 2 that would go on to live in infamy as the movie everyone would cheer for.  Any movie that has a seductive ‘corn-on-the-cob popcorn scene’ is sure to always win the prize.  But we shall never forget you, Sonny Bono.  You sacrificed yourself for the greater good of greenery.

That Clown From 1988’s ‘Ghosthouse’ Though…….

Clowns freak me out.  Especially clown dolls – as my sister used to have one that sat in a rocking chair when I was younger that scared the shit out of me, thanks mostly in part to a little film called Poltergeist.  Hey – speaking of that movie!  There’s a 1988 Italian horror movie called Ghosthouse (written and directed by Umberto Lenzi) that pretty much blatantly steals the look of the clown from Poltergeist.  Issa ok though, because it’s still creepy as fuck AND has an accompanying ‘creepy as fuck’ song (thanks to composer Piero Montanari) to minimize the plagiarism.

Zoinks!  That clown made me wet myself.  He’s super, but the real champ of the scene and of the movie might be that song that pops up about every 2 minutes.  Ghosthouse was actually a first watch for me the other night, and I recommend it if you’re looking for a ‘so bad it’s good’ 80’s horror movie with no real plot.  Fun fact:  There’s a sequel called Witchery that stars both Linda Blair AND David Hasselhoff!  Yeah.  Chew on that for a minute.

Let’s All Watch The German Trailer For ‘Slugs’!

Hurry, everyone!  Grab a Pilsner, crank up the Rammstein, and put another sausage on the barbie!  Sorry, that joke was the wurst.  As was that one.  But yes, let’s get German!  Because I have quite possibly my favorite thing I’ve found in a while for you in this post.  And that is:  The German version of the trailer for the 1988 killer slug movie…..Slugs!  I did a post about the regular American version of the trailer like a sucker last year, but this one is far superior.  Just watch and listen, and try not giggle and have a fit when the voiceover guy says “Sluuuuugs!” (echo, echo, echo)

When Conjoined Twins Go Wild: Belial From ‘Basket Case’ (1982)

Man, we’ve all been there:  Fed up with life, the world just constantly beating us down, and our former conjoined twin pushing us to act unruly and trash a hotel room.  Yeah, it pretty much happens every day – especially with cheesy stop motion effects courtesy of the 80’s.

But yes, I’m talking about the movie Basket Case.  A true ‘b-movie’ classic, not just in the form of 80’s horror – but cinema in general.  And one of the more enjoyably ridiculous scenes is when our favorite little wicker basket dweller Belial goes on a rampage and tears apart the hotel room that he and his brother Duane are staying in.  So please, stop what you’re doing and click the link below and enjoy.  Belial would have wanted it that way.

Let’s All Groove To The Sound Of The ‘TerrorVision’ Theme Song!

Work got you down?  Is your significant other farting too much in front of you?  Well, I’ve got just the thing to turn that frown upside down and shake your blues loose.  And that thing is…..a theme song!  Not just any theme song though – the theme song from the 1986 horror cult classic TerrorVision.  Put together by the LA rock band The Fibonaccis – it’s easily one of my favorite horror theme songs ever, as it captures the vibe of the movie perfectly.  Now click ‘play’ below on the Youtube clip and thank me later…….

Ya know – after listening to that song again, I really anticipate hearing Fred Schneider from The B-52s jump in at some point (insert terrible Fred Schneider impersonation HERE). But alas, he did not – however we are still left with that 80’s horror soundtrack goodness and the TerrorVision soundtrack as a whole is pretty worthy of your time and earholes. Oh, and the movie ain’t too shabby either.  Especially if you’re into slimy orgies and guys who wear W.A.S.P. t-shirts

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Trick Or Treat (1986)

“What would we do baby, without us??  What would we dooooo baby, without us???” Oh, sorry.  For whatever reason I have the Family Ties theme song stuck in my head today. And then I got to thinking about Skippy (Marc Price) from that show.  And that of course got me to thinking about the 1986 horror/metal hybrid Trick Or Treat!  I always loved the original poster art for this movie, so I wanted to show some love to it.  So…….gaze your eyes on that Sammi Curr prize below!

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To me, this is a quintessential 80’s horror movie because it combines the horror AND the metal – two of my passions back then and still today.  But the poster art really stuck out to me, including the font used for the title.  The use of the jack-o-lantern is rad (figured I’d use an 80’s term there), and the tagline “What are you afraid of? It’s only rock & roll.” hits my horror spot.  Seek this movie out this coming Halloween, as I feel a lot of people forget about it.  A proper Blu-ray/DVD release would be ideal (I’m looking at you, Scream Factory) – but until then, scrounge up your old DVD copies and watch it on Youtube if you have to!  Sha la la la………

Trailer Trash: ‘Mountaintop Motel Massacre’ (1986)

WARNINGBefore you watch the original 1986 trailer for Mountaintop Motel Massacre, please be aware that the following are included in the trailer:

–  terrible car singing

–  a lazy voiceover guy who sounds like he wants to be anywhere but the trailer

–  wet t-shirts with protruding nipples

–  a lot of people just saying or yelling out different names

–  a guy saying the phrase “No way, Jose!” 

–  also, they pretty much give the whole movie away in the trailer

Well, if you still watched despite all of my warnings, then…..congratulations!   You were in for the ‘protruding nipples’, weren’t you?  But anyway – Mountaintop Motel Massacre (I always felt there should be a ‘The’ in the title) is good cheesy 80’s horror fun, and you can now own a sparkling Blu-ray transfer of it from Vinegar Syndrome HERE.  And yes, the ‘protruding nipples’ are included in the price.  Hooray!

Great Moments In Horror Hair History: Cujo The Dog (1983)

Who says only stereotypical blonde bimbos in 80’s horror movies can have great hair?  Move over, stereotypical blonde bimbos…..there’s new fur in town.  I know it might be ‘ruff’ to realize that a rabid St. Bernard dog might show you up in the hair department, but let me introduce you to………..Cujo!

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Control yourself, everybody.  There are enough blood-soaked luscious locks to go around.  Oh sure, Cujo could use a bath.  He is a bit smelly, especially with the overpowering iron-based blood dripping all over his hair.  But you can’t deny, he’s quite the specimen.  Don’t let a little foaming at the mouth stop us from inducting Cujo into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History!  Now someone get him a napkin, please.