Let’s Get Pumped Up And Watch The ‘Home Sweet Home’ Trailer From 1981!

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: “Tony, was there ever a terrible 80’s slasher movie that starred that Body By Jake exercise video guy?” I bet about 100 people think this every day actually. I’m here to finally not only answer that question and thought, but to also present to you the trailer for that very movie called Home Sweet Home! Be warned though, the trailer pretty much shows the entire movie in a little over a minute. Not that it matters.

There’s a lot to unpack here: That Griswold family looking station wagon, the woman who’s not wearing a bra, the apparent electrocution of a mime, the close-up of the old lady at the end that clearly isn’t a real old lady, and last but not least…..Jake Steinfeld’s hair. It’s also clear that he had been doing his own workout video before he shot this movie, because dude is buff. Buffness aside, this is a stupidly fun stereotypical 80’s slasher movie that a lot of people probably don’t know about. So seek out Home Sweet Home if you can, and enjoy the cheese. Now I want some cheese. Cheddar, more specifically.

The Other April Fool’s Day Movie: ‘Slaughter High’ (1986)

Shit!  April Fool’s Day is almost over and I forgot to talk about my favorite April Fool’s Day  themed movie!  This might shock you, but the movie is not…….April Fool’s Day.  Oh, I enjoy that movie and Biff from Back To The Future is in it and all – but my favorite movie based on April 1st is……..Slaughter High!  Which was actually called April Fool’s Day when it was filmed.  This is all very confusing.  Let’s watch the original trailer!

What the hell is up with that voiceover guy?  Is this a horror movie or a wacky 80’s teen sex romp?  Nevertheless, that theme music is the shit – and bad voiceover guy aside, Slaughter High is a pretty underrated 80’s slasher movie in my opinion.

It has the classic ‘kid gets bullied and comes back to kill all of his tormentors‘ storyline, some great death scenes (gut-buster anyone?), and a villain that actually could have spawned some sequels had the actor who portrayed him not passed away after the film was shot.  Well that was a downer.  Ummmmm……how about that theme music?!?!?  The lesson in all of this (other than a voiceover guy can use too many bad puns), is to remember Slaughter High when you think of another April Fool’s Day themed movie to watch on April 1st.  Did I mention that theme music btw?

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Gimme A Hand And A Beer’ From ‘Blood Rage’ (1987)

Oh wow….I didn’t realize how long it’s been since my last incarnation of Sunday Bloody Sunday.  I know you all have been fiending and getting the shakes for a new one, so I am here to bring you joy and good news!  And what a way to come back than with a classic scene from 1987’s Blood Rage, pretty much the only true horror movie based around the holiday of Thanksgiving.

Now – if you haven’t seen Blood Rage, then you are missing out.  I will say however, that if you are a fan of Old Style beer – you might want to look away from this clip because it could be quite disturbing for you.  Fun fact:  My first sip of beer was from a can of Old Style.  What else you need to know about the following clip is that the practical effects are top notch cheese.  God bless, fucking 80’s horror and Blood Rage!  Now watch below.  And RIP to that can of beer.  Oh – and that hand too.

Let’s Toast……To That ‘Alcohol Death’ Scene From ‘Sorority Row’ (2009)

I recently revisited the 80’s slasher movie The House On Sorority Row and realized that this movie has been criminally underrated on my 80’s slasher scale.  And it got me to thinking……about those hot girls in the 2009 loose remake called Sorority Row.  So many hot girls.  Sorry, I’m getting sidetracked due to my one-track mind……but it also got me to thinking about that death scene where the girl gets the bottle of alcohol shoved down her throat.

Cheers, to that death scene!  The movie itself was fairly run-of-the-mill as far as slashers go, but it did have some hot girls in it.  Did I mention the hot girls btw?  Because there are definitely hot girls in there.  Oh!  And that bottle death scene that you watched above.  To me, it’s a top notch kill with some great practical effects and a nasty little throat slit to boot. So because it’s a slow news day (other than all of that ‘Trump Vs. The NFL’ crap going on), I felt the need to spotlight this scene from Sorority Row and also overemphasize the hotness of the girls in the movie.  I’m proud of myself for refraining from an oral sex joke about that bottle going down her throat btw.

Rental Regrets: Sorority House Massacre (1986)

Here we go again with my walk down Rental Regrets lane, where I come up with a horror movie from the 80’s that I kinda wish I would have rented.  I watched literally hundereds of horror movies back then, but there are always a few that slipped through my chubby teenage fingers while I was at my favorite Mom & Pop video store.  So what forgotten 80’s horror nugget is on my brain today?

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Oh yeah!  It’s Sorority House Massacre – another slasher movies in a sea of slasher movies that came out at that time.  But look – there’s a scantily-dressed young lady on the cover about to remove her lingerie!  How did I not rent this?!?  Well, to be honest – I was most likely bored of the ‘slasher genre’ in the 80’s.  They were a dime a dozen, and as much as I like girls running around in their underwear and having pillow fights while I murderer watches from an outside window……I became numb to all of it.  But I have to say, I’m having regrets from not renting Sorority House Massacre and I think what sealed it for me (other than the above lingerie) was when I finally watched the trailer on Youtube:

Does this movie take place in Bedrock?  Because I could have sworn I heard some Flintstones sound effects in there a few times.  Anyway, time for me to stop procrastinating and start watching this sucker.  Until then, I’ll just keep gazing up at the hot and sexy……..tagline ‘A slash course in absolute terror!‘.

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Head Explosion’ From ‘The Prowler’ (1981)

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I figured I’d get the romance started with an exploding head from the 1981 splatterific slasher movie The Prowler.  Flowers and chocolates are pretty much overrated anyway, so exploding heads are the way to go nowadays.

Welcome to Sunday Bloody Sunday, where as I’ve already mentioned – I’m shining a spotlight onto an exploding head from The Prowler.  But who’s exploding head is it?  Well…..therein lies the rub.  It’s a scene from the end of the movie, so if you haven’t seen it – then this would be considered a big spoiler.  That being because the exploding head is that of the revealed killer!  Dun Dun Duhhhhhh.  Yeah, it’s kind of like a super graphic Scooby-Doo ending.  But anyway, click away below and you’re been warned if you haven’t seen the movie!  P.S. – Kudos to Tom Savini for the FX work.

Monday Bloody Monday: ‘Meat Grinder Death’ From ‘Slaughterhouse’ (1987)

While being bored on a Friday night recently, I discovered the 1987 horror/comedy slasher Slaughterhouse.  It’s a charming little story about a father and son who own a, you guessed it…..slaughterhouse!  They’re in danger of losing it to some big shots in town, so of course they decide to kill everyone to get even.  Hilarity (both intentional and not) ensues, and I have to say that it was actually a refreshing watch.

Sooooooo, welcome to Monday Bloody Monday where I’m going to highlight a scene from the movie where Buddy Bacon (of course that’s his name) and his dimwitted son Lester take justice into their own hands and into their own meat grinder.  Gotta love Buddy’s facial expressions during this scene.  God bless 80’s horror and god bless Slaughterhouse!  Oh – I almost forgot!  I’m going to include a special PSA from the movie that warns you about smoking in the movie theater.  Because that apparently happened in the 80’s.  Enjoy!

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Alone In The Dark (1982)

Back in the day, horror movie posters could make or break whether you would put down your hard earned cash to watch a film.  Trailers helped as well (more so nowadays), but if you saw a poster hanging in the theater lobby in the 80’s – you would most likely either be drawn to it or just walk right past it.  So once in a while, I like to go back and find old horror movie posters that I love, even if the actual movie ended up being crap.  Case in point: this poster for the 1982 slasher Alone In The Dark.

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This poster realllllllly makes me want to watch a slasher movie.  Maybe even go buy an axe too.  Actually, I really miss the old school slasher films and would give my right nut to get some decent additions to the sub genre nowadays.  That sounds extreme, I know, but that should tell you how much I love slashers.  I also love this poster, even though it’s simple.  And it reminds me of the original poster for Maniac, which only makes my love grow fonder.

As for the actual Alone In The Dark film, I wouldn’t get your hopes up if you haven’t seen it.  Sorry to bring this post down.  Sure it has big names like Jack Palance, Donald Pleasence, and Martin Landau – but overall it’s nothing more than a tepid (albeit somewhat enjoyable) 80’s slasher movie about mental patients who escape a hospital.  Yawwwwwn. You can watch it on Youtube if you’d like, but instead I would suggest gazing up at the poster again and drooling all over your keyboard.  Just make sure to have a towel handy because drooling isn’t very attractive.

Hooray For Gruesome Stupidity! Siskel & Ebert’s Review of ‘Terror Train’ (1980)

With the year 2016 approaching at the end of the week, it’s time to dive into the shallow pile of horror movies that are set around the moment of New Year’s Eve.  Not many to choose from, but Terror Train is always a crowd favorite.  Not to Siskel & Ebert apparently though……

Gruesome stupidity!  Oh if I had a dime for every time I heard that about a horror movie, I would really only have a dime because that’s the first time I’ve ever heard anyone use that phrase.  Good ol’ Siskel & Ebert and their horror movie hating ways.  I think any self-respecting horror movie fan knows that Terror Train wasn’t made to win any Oscars.  Which is why I always love watching these old clips from when Siskel & Ebert would review horror movies because they just don’t seem to get it.  And I’m pretty sure that there weren’t “buckets of blood” in the movie.  In fact, Terror Train was pretty tame when it came to the gore.  But alas, it’s still fun to listen to people who hate horror movies talk about hating horror movies.  Happy New Year, everybody!

Sunday Bloody Sunday: Death Scenes From ‘Madman’ (1982)

It can’t be argued too much that Madman Marz is the red-headed stepchild horror villain from 80’s slasher movies.  Some of you may be reading this and not even know who Madman Marz is.  For shame!  Because in my opinion, the 1982 extra cheesy slasher film Madman defined what 80’s horror movies were all about back then, and deserves more recognition.

So, on this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday I’m giving it some of that recognition!  Oh, I could go on and on about the amazingly bad hot tub scene that’s in the movie (of which you can see HERE), but I would much rather focus on the death scenes.  Did I also mention that Madman has some of the BEST sound effects and music ever?  Gaze upon the carnage below to hear for yourself, and look out for my favorite at #9 in the clip.  How the Academy overlooked her performance at the Oscars that year is a travesty.