Rental Regrets: Sorority House Massacre (1986)

Here we go again with my walk down Rental Regrets lane, where I come up with a horror movie from the 80’s that I kinda wish I would have rented.  I watched literally hundereds of horror movies back then, but there are always a few that slipped through my chubby teenage fingers while I was at my favorite Mom & Pop video store.  So what forgotten 80’s horror nugget is on my brain today?

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Oh yeah!  It’s Sorority House Massacre – another slasher movies in a sea of slasher movies that came out at that time.  But look – there’s a scantily-dressed young lady on the cover about to remove her lingerie!  How did I not rent this?!?  Well, to be honest – I was most likely bored of the ‘slasher genre’ in the 80’s.  They were a dime a dozen, and as much as I like girls running around in their underwear and having pillow fights while I murderer watches from an outside window……I became numb to all of it.  But I have to say, I’m having regrets from not renting Sorority House Massacre and I think what sealed it for me (other than the above lingerie) was when I finally watched the trailer on Youtube:

Does this movie take place in Bedrock?  Because I could have sworn I heard some Flintstones sound effects in there a few times.  Anyway, time for me to stop procrastinating and start watching this sucker.  Until then, I’ll just keep gazing up at the hot and sexy……..tagline ‘A slash course in absolute terror!‘.

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Head Explosion’ From ‘The Prowler’ (1981)

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I figured I’d get the romance started with an exploding head from the 1981 splatterific slasher movie The Prowler.  Flowers and chocolates are pretty much overrated anyway, so exploding heads are the way to go nowadays.

Welcome to Sunday Bloody Sunday, where as I’ve already mentioned – I’m shining a spotlight onto an exploding head from The Prowler.  But who’s exploding head is it?  Well…..therein lies the rub.  It’s a scene from the end of the movie, so if you haven’t seen it – then this would be considered a big spoiler.  That being because the exploding head is that of the revealed killer!  Dun Dun Duhhhhhh.  Yeah, it’s kind of like a super graphic Scooby-Doo ending.  But anyway, click away below and you’re been warned if you haven’t seen the movie!  P.S. – Kudos to Tom Savini for the FX work.

Monday Bloody Monday: ‘Meat Grinder Death’ From ‘Slaughterhouse’ (1987)

While being bored on a Friday night recently, I discovered the 1987 horror/comedy slasher Slaughterhouse.  It’s a charming little story about a father and son who own a, you guessed it…..slaughterhouse!  They’re in danger of losing it to some big shots in town, so of course they decide to kill everyone to get even.  Hilarity (both intentional and not) ensues, and I have to say that it was actually a refreshing watch.

Sooooooo, welcome to Monday Bloody Monday where I’m going to highlight a scene from the movie where Buddy Bacon (of course that’s his name) and his dimwitted son Lester take justice into their own hands and into their own meat grinder.  Gotta love Buddy’s facial expressions during this scene.  God bless 80’s horror and god bless Slaughterhouse!  Oh – I almost forgot!  I’m going to include a special PSA from the movie that warns you about smoking in the movie theater.  Because that apparently happened in the 80’s.  Enjoy!

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Alone In The Dark (1982)

Back in the day, horror movie posters could make or break whether you would put down your hard earned cash to watch a film.  Trailers helped as well (more so nowadays), but if you saw a poster hanging in the theater lobby in the 80’s – you would most likely either be drawn to it or just walk right past it.  So once in a while, I like to go back and find old horror movie posters that I love, even if the actual movie ended up being crap.  Case in point: this poster for the 1982 slasher Alone In The Dark.

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This poster realllllllly makes me want to watch a slasher movie.  Maybe even go buy an axe too.  Actually, I really miss the old school slasher films and would give my right nut to get some decent additions to the sub genre nowadays.  That sounds extreme, I know, but that should tell you how much I love slashers.  I also love this poster, even though it’s simple.  And it reminds me of the original poster for Maniac, which only makes my love grow fonder.

As for the actual Alone In The Dark film, I wouldn’t get your hopes up if you haven’t seen it.  Sorry to bring this post down.  Sure it has big names like Jack Palance, Donald Pleasence, and Martin Landau – but overall it’s nothing more than a tepid (albeit somewhat enjoyable) 80’s slasher movie about mental patients who escape a hospital.  Yawwwwwn. You can watch it on Youtube if you’d like, but instead I would suggest gazing up at the poster again and drooling all over your keyboard.  Just make sure to have a towel handy because drooling isn’t very attractive.

Hooray For Gruesome Stupidity! Siskel & Ebert’s Review of ‘Terror Train’ (1980)

With the year 2016 approaching at the end of the week, it’s time to dive into the shallow pile of horror movies that are set around the moment of New Year’s Eve.  Not many to choose from, but Terror Train is always a crowd favorite.  Not to Siskel & Ebert apparently though……

Gruesome stupidity!  Oh if I had a dime for every time I heard that about a horror movie, I would really only have a dime because that’s the first time I’ve ever heard anyone use that phrase.  Good ol’ Siskel & Ebert and their horror movie hating ways.  I think any self-respecting horror movie fan knows that Terror Train wasn’t made to win any Oscars.  Which is why I always love watching these old clips from when Siskel & Ebert would review horror movies because they just don’t seem to get it.  And I’m pretty sure that there weren’t “buckets of blood” in the movie.  In fact, Terror Train was pretty tame when it came to the gore.  But alas, it’s still fun to listen to people who hate horror movies talk about hating horror movies.  Happy New Year, everybody!

Sunday Bloody Sunday: Death Scenes From ‘Madman’ (1982)

It can’t be argued too much that Madman Marz is the red-headed stepchild horror villain from 80’s slasher movies.  Some of you may be reading this and not even know who Madman Marz is.  For shame!  Because in my opinion, the 1982 extra cheesy slasher film Madman defined what 80’s horror movies were all about back then, and deserves more recognition.

So, on this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday I’m giving it some of that recognition!  Oh, I could go on and on about the amazingly bad hot tub scene that’s in the movie (of which you can see HERE), but I would much rather focus on the death scenes.  Did I also mention that Madman has some of the BEST sound effects and music ever?  Gaze upon the carnage below to hear for yourself, and look out for my favorite at #9 in the clip.  How the Academy overlooked her performance at the Oscars that year is a travesty.

This ‘Lost After Dark’ Poster Might Be The Best I’ve Seen In A While……

Being that I’m a child of 80’s horror, anytime a new movie comes out that pays homage to that era, I get a bit giddy.  Such is the case when I saw the poster for the upcoming Canadian slasher called Lost After Dark.

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Great poster and it definitely oozes (I love that word by the way) that 80’s horror vibe.  The movie itself, based on the synopsis, seems to be a pretty straight forward slasher affair with a bunch of kids on the run from a band of hillbilly/cannibals that most likely have bad teeth and body odor.  Oh – and it stars Robert Patrick!  Look for Lost After Dark (written and directed by Ian Kessner) to hit Blu-ray and DVD on September 1st and to wet your appetite a little more, click on the trailer below and be transported back to the glory days of 80’s horror!

Bad Moments In Horror Trailer Voiceover History: Don’t Go Into The Woods…..Alone! (1981)

One of the great things about 80’s horror movies were the trailers that would be released before the movie came out, and more specifically the voiceover that would accompany them.  The trailer for The Burning comes to mind as one of the better ones, but unfortunately for every good one – there’s a terrible one. Enter in the trailer for the low-budget slasher from 1981 called Don’t Go Into The Woods…..Alone!  You have to shout the last part of the title because of the exclamation mark.  Now granted, this movie is not good in it’s own right – but the voiceover in the teaser below is in a class all it’s own:

I commend the guy for trying to add a little bit of slam poetry to the voiceover, but I suspect that wasn’t his intention.  He sounds confused while reading it – and because of that it’s our gain because it’s unintentionally awesome.  God bless the 80’s.

“Something’s out there in the woods and it’s……killing people!”

I did learn from the trailer that Ingrid and Peter couldn’t believe that it happened to them, so there’s that I guess.  But all jokes aside, this is a great little slice of 80’s horror nostalgia and deserves to be seen by everyone with an affection towards that era.  So I salute you, voiceover guy from the Don’t Go Into The Woods…..Alone!  The horror world is a better place because of your inability to correctly read from a script.   

Give Me The Creeps: ‘Ice Skating Attack’ From ‘Curtains’ (1983)

Creepy doll?  Check.  Creepy mask?  Check.  Typical stupid 80’s horror movie decisions?  Double check.  Welcome to my recurring feature called Give Me The Creeps, where I tell you what scenes from horror movies make me sleep with a nightlight on.

In my opinion, daylight horror movie killings are always creepier than if they’re at night.  And one of the best and most effective scenes that accomplishes the daylight atmosphere is from the 1983 underrated slasher flick, Curtains.  If you’ve seen it, then you know what’s coming.  If you haven’t, you might rethink going on an ice skating excursion this winter.

The thing that’s brilliant about this scene other than the fact that it takes place in broad daylight, is just how well it’s set up.  Sure there’s some cheesy 80’s music to start with, but once Christie finds that creepy ass doll in the snow – you know it’s about to be on.  The killer’s ‘old hag’ mask is one of the creepiest ever in my opinion, and the slow motion skating/stalking more than puts my nerves on edge.  Gotta love that grunting that the killer does too when he or she (I won’t tell if you haven’t seen the movie) is swinging that sickle back and forth.  This is arguably the best scene from Curtains, but you should definitely check out the whole movie if you haven’t.  Synapse Films just released it on Blu-ray, so there’s no excuse not to!

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Ebay Find Of The Week: Original Poster For ‘The Slumber Party Massacre’ (1982)

You gotta love a horror movie where the killer’s weapon of choice is a power drill.  Even better – when that drill is insinuated to be a penis throughout the movie and on the original poster and cover art as well.

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If you couldn’t figure it out by now, my ‘Ebay Find Of The Week’ is indeed the original 27″ X 40″ poster for 1982’s, The Slumber Party Massacre.  Sure, the movie is terrible.  But terrible in a great way mind you, and I know that a hardcore 80’s slasher fan would love to have that giant drill penis framed up on their bedroom wall.  Laugh if you want, but this beauty is going for $89.95 up on Ebay right HERE and it has 16 watchers at the moment.  Which basically means someone is going to snatch it up and that someone is going to be having drill penis poster parties in the near future.  And I bet this guy below is going to be the first one in line at the door.

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