I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: “Tony, was there ever a terrible 80’s slasher movie that starred that Body By Jake exercise video guy?” I bet about 100 people think this every day actually. I’m here to finally not only answer that question and thought, but to also present to you the trailer for that very movie called Home Sweet Home! Be warned though, the trailer pretty much shows the entire movie in a little over a minute. Not that it matters.
There’s a lot to unpack here: That Griswold family looking station wagon, the woman who’s not wearing a bra, the apparent electrocution of a mime, the close-up of the old lady at the end that clearly isn’t a real old lady, and last but not least…..Jake Steinfeld’s hair. It’s also clear that he had been doing his own workout video before he shot this movie, because dude is buff. Buffness aside, this is a stupidly fun stereotypical 80’s slasher movie that a lot of people probably don’t know about. So seek out Home Sweet Home if you can, and enjoy the cheese. Now I want some cheese. Cheddar, more specifically.
Shit! April Fool’s Day is almost over and I forgot to talk about my favorite April Fool’s Day themed movie! This might shock you, but the movie is not…….April Fool’s Day. Oh, I enjoy that movie and Biff from Back To The Future is in it and all – but my favorite movie based on April 1st is……..Slaughter High! Which was actually called April Fool’s Day when it was filmed. This is all very confusing. Let’s watch the original trailer!
What the hell is up with that voiceover guy? Is this a horror movie or a wacky 80’s teen sex romp? Nevertheless, that theme music is the shit – and bad voiceover guy aside, Slaughter High is a pretty underrated 80’s slasher movie in my opinion.
It has the classic ‘kid gets bullied and comes back to kill all of his tormentors‘ storyline, some great death scenes (gut-buster anyone?), and a villain that actually could have spawned some sequels had the actor who portrayed him not passed away after the film was shot. Well that was a downer. Ummmmm……how about that theme music?!?!? The lesson in all of this (other than a voiceover guy can use too many bad puns), is to remember Slaughter High when you think of another April Fool’s Day themed movie to watch on April 1st. Did I mention that theme music btw?
Thank God for YouTube, because someone was kind enough to string together some of Curtis’ greatest hits and quips from the 1981 slasher Bloody Birthday. Oh wait – who’s Curtis, you ask? Well, he’s one of the three bratty ass kids causing a ruckus because of a solar eclipse or something.
Bloody Birthday is ridiculous, but fun. And Curtis’ snarky and sassy ways are a big part of that ridiculous fun. He’s pretty terrible at shooting a gun btw. Curtis (Billy Jayne) is one of those horror villains that deserves a nasty demise. Unfortunately, the worst he gets is wrestled to the ground and tied up by one of Mike Seaver’s friends from the TV show Growing Pains (the one not named Boner). But anyway, please enjoy the Curtis compilation below!
There’s nothing worse than being the redheaded stepchild of the 80’s slasher genre. Oh sure, you may have gotten picked up once or twice in the video store – but it may have always been a mercy fuck because Friday The 13th or Halloween wasn’t in stock.
Well – on this week’s Monday Bloody Monday, I’m giving some love to one of my favorite 80’s slasher stepchildren: The Mutilator. Now you may also know it by it’s other name Fall Break, but to me it will always be The Mutilator. Recently released on snazzy Blu-ray, I sat down and watched it again the other night and what a treat it was! Everything that an 80’s slasher should have: Bad acting, bad music, and great gore. Speaking of that gore, that’s why I’m here in this post today. Watch the clip below for all of the death scenes and obviously there are spoilers abound if you haven’t seen the movie. And if you haven’t – do yourself a favor and watch The Mutilator. Bet you won’t be able to get the theme song out of your head too.
One of the great things about 80’s horror movies were the trailers that would be released before the movie came out, and more specifically the voiceover that would accompany them. The trailer for The Burning comes to mind as one of the better ones, but unfortunately for every good one – there’s a terrible one. Enter in the trailer for the low-budget slasher from 1981 called Don’t Go Into The Woods…..Alone! You have to shout the last part of the title because of the exclamation mark. Now granted, this movie is not good in it’s own right – but the voiceover in the teaser below is in a class all it’s own:
I commend the guy for trying to add a little bit of slam poetry to the voiceover, but I suspect that wasn’t his intention. He sounds confused while reading it – and because of that it’s our gain because it’s unintentionally awesome. God bless the 80’s.
“Something’s out there in the woods and it’s……killing people!”
I did learn from the trailer that Ingrid and Peter couldn’t believe that it happened to them, so there’s that I guess. But all jokes aside, this is a great little slice of 80’s horror nostalgia and deserves to be seen by everyone with an affection towards that era. So I salute you, voiceover guy from the Don’t Go Into The Woods…..Alone! The horror world is a better place because of your inability to correctly read from a script.