Ebay Find Of The Week (Father’s Day Edition): Witchcraft IV Promotional T-Shirt!

Do you love your father? Do you want to blow his mind with the BEST Father’s Day gift ever this year? Well, let me tell you…..what I’m about to put on your radar should be illegal, because it is just that good. But you’re all my friends here, so I don’t mind sharing when I find something so monumental….so amazing….so ridiculously terrible….that I just want all six of my readers to know about it! Behold, the Father’s Day gift to end all Father’s Day gifts: A ‘Witchcraft IV‘ promotional T-shirt!

And it’s purple! Geez, you’re welcome. But I know what you’re saying: “Tony, my Dad really likes Witchcraft III more because it is the superior straight-to-video awful movie“. I get that. But what we have here is a T-shirt specimen that is ridiculously rare because there was probably only one made due to the fact that there was probably only one person that actually saw this movie.

Even better than the news about the rarity of this shirt, is the price! It’s only $135! Wait, that has to be wrong. It has to be $13.50 and is just a typo on the listing. It does have an ‘Or Best Offer‘ option though, so I bet you can still get it for $13.50! Go to the link HERE and get to work. And a heartfelt Happy Father’s Day to my dad and all of the dads out there who took their sons or daughters to video stores for horror movies in the 80’s and 90’s!

Best Terrible Transformation Ever: Sleepwalkers (1992)

We’ve all had those moments where we’re having a bad day and just wish we could transform into a giant werewolf cat.  Which makes this scene in 1992’s ridiculous Sleepwalkers even more relatable!  Now, I’ve talked about this movie before – and even with the Stephen King stamp on it, Sleepwalkers is a pretty hard pill to swallow.

But…….in some ways, I love it.  It’s pure ridiculousness, and Clovis The Cat is a true American hero!  Now watch below as Charles (Brian Krause) gets spooked by Clovis with a comically bad (but good) scary transformation.

Dirty Horror Memory Lane: That Werewolf Movie Called ‘Full Eclipse’ (1993)

Quick!  What’s the best werewolf movie to come out in 1993???  Sort of a trick question…..because there was kind of only one werewolf movie that came out in 1993.  And that werewolf movie is…….Full Eclipse!  See, they probably didn’t want to call it Full Moon because that’s kinda too obvious.  Plus, in this movie – a full eclipse renders the werewolves to be indestructible, even against silver!  But enough gabbing about eclipses and whatnot, let’s watch the original trailer.  Oh, and sidenote:  Mario Van Peebles is in this!

Yeah, as you can gather from the trailer – there’s a shit ton of guns, jumping, biting, clawing, and Mr. Van Peebles in Full Eclipse.  I still remember seeing the VHS in my local video store (I believe it was the unrated version).  Directed by Anthony Hickox (who also directed Waxwork and Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth), this movie is the epitome of a guilty pleasure.

And if you are having a hankering to see Full Eclipse on the big screen, I have pretty sweet news if you live in the Los Angeles area.  There will be a special screening on February 7th at The Hayworth Theater in downtown LA……and Anthony Hickox will be in attendance!  Someone get Mario on the phone too while we’re at it.

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Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Alfonso Ribeiro Turns Into A Giant Tick’ From ‘Ticks’ (1993)

Ya know, yesterday I was having a conversation about ticks with my friends.  What?  You don’t have random tick conversations with YOUR friends?  Psssh.  But anyway, no tick conversation would be complete without mentioning the movie Ticks from 1993.  It is without a doubt, the ‘mother of all tick movies’!  And pretty much the only one.

Welcome to another lovely edition of Sunday Bloody Sunday, where we are taking a trip to Ticks country and revisiting one of the best scenes from the film.  And this scene stars none other than your favorite Tom Jones dancing sidekick to The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air……Alfonso Ribeiro!  Only this time he’s not dancing like a white guy.  He’s turning into a giant tick.  But it’s equally entertaining!  Watch and enjoy:

So I Revisited 1991’s ‘Body Parts’ Recently…….

Guy loses arm in a horrible car crash.  Guy gets new arm attached from a convicted serial killer who just recently died on death row.  Guy meets other guys who also have had said serial killer’s limbs attached to their bodies as well.  Guy stops evil doctors from re-collecting all of the serial killer’s body parts back (oh and there’s an attached severed head in there too somewhere).  Sorry.  26-year-old spoiler alerts.

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Ah yes.  The 1991 movie known as Body Parts.  One of actor Jeff Fahey’s finest moments.  And Brad Dourif is in it too.  Directed and co-written by Eric Red (Bad Moon, The Hitcher, Near Dark), Body Parts is a 90’s horror movie that actually feels soooo 80’s. I mean that as a compliment of course.  The storyline, for better or worse, is possibly one of the most ridiculous in terms of believability.  But then again, if you’re watching a 90’s horror movie named Body Parts – chances are you’re throwing logic immediately out the window.

I always remember seeing the poster for the movie hanging up in my local video store and appreciating the artistic side of it.  I hadn’t watched the actual movie though in quite some time.  Rewind back to the other night when I was surfing around through my channel guide and I saw Body Parts pop up on Cinemax (which on certain nights with a title like that, could be an entirely different kind of movie – bow chicka bow bow).  I was delighted to see that it still holds up!  Minus the obvious dummies used for Brad Dourif’s death scene of course.  Sorry.  Another 26-year-old spoiler alert.  But anyway, if you haven’t experienced the wonders of Eric Red’s Body Parts, then get off your ass and do it!  Or just sit on your couch and casually watch it on Cinemax or something.

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Monday Bloody Monday: ‘Infested Clint Howard’ From ‘Ticks’ (1993)

Al Pacino won Best Actor at the 1993 Academy Awards for his role in Scent Of A Woman, but there was some terrible injustice going on while he was graciously accepting his award.  And that injustice is that Clint Howard was NOT nominated for his breathtaking and groundbreaking role in Ticks.  For those in the dark here, Ticks is a horror movie about giant killer ticks.  It definitely delivers what it promises in the title.

Welcome to Monday Bloody Monday where I am indeed going to give Mr. Clint Howard the shine that he deserves from his role as Jarvis Tanner in Ticks.  Behold greatness and watch as Clint tells the daughter of Micky Dolenz from The Monkees that he’s infested.  Then brace yourself for acting impact while his head explodes over her.  After watching, feel free to contact the Academy with a barrage of emails voicing your displeasure over this HUGE oversight.  We should all be very ticked off about this.  Puns!

Monday Bloody Monday: ‘Exploding Sex’ From ‘Frankenhooker’ (1990)

Picking a good scene from Frankenhooker is like trying to choose a pie at Baker’s Square…..there’s just too many good ones to choose from!  And yes, I just actually got a Baker’s Square reference into a post.

Welcome to Monday Bloody Monday where I am indeed going to choose a scene from Frank Henenlotter’s 1990 horror comedy Frankenhooker.  Haven’t seen Frankenhooker by the way?  Then I should make you do the walk of shame like Cersei in Game Of Thrones.  Now I really wanted to put up the the scene where all of the hookers explode simultaneously, but Youtube isn’t cooperating.  So instead, I’ll throw you the scene where the creepy older guy looking for paid sex gets more than he bargained for.  He did look happy in the end though, so that’s all that matters.

On Second Thought: Killing Someone With An Ear Of Corn Is Pretty Amazing

If you had to kill someone, how would you do it?  I know – that’s a heavy question for a Thursday.  But if your answer includes corn on the cob, then you’re either a hardcore vegetarian or you’ve been daydreaming about 1992’s killer human cat movie, Sleepwalkers.

I’ve spoken about this particular scene before, but it’s so random and so strange that it needs to be spoken about again.  Sleepwalkers I suppose, would be the definition of a ‘guilty pleasure’.  It has a preposterous plot, some cheesy morphing effects, and an eyebrow-raising incestuous relationship between mother and son (Mary and Charles Brady).  Only one thing could upstage incest though, and that’s a death scene that involves a delicious ear of corn.

As far as snappy one-liners go, it doesn’t get much better than “No vegetables, no dessert!“.  What the hell is up with the music though?  A bit too orchestral for a horror movie if you ask me, but then again we’re talking about a movie here where vegetables are being used as killing tools.  Pushing all of the bad shit aside from Sleepwalkers (and trust me there is plenty), this corn cob scene forgives most of it and almost single-handedly pushes the movie into cult horror status.  Not only that, but it reminds me of when I would eat corn on the cob as a child and act like I was a typewriter, munching back and forth and even making the appropriate sound effects.  Please disregard that last sentence.

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Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Psychiatrist Death’ From ‘Candyman’ (1992)

Going to a psychiatrist can be such a drag, man.  Especially if you say “Candyman” five times and the hook-handed legend himself appears to cause some major bloody damage while grunting loudly.  Welcome to Sunday Bloody Sunday where I’m showcasing one of my favorite death scenes from 1992’s, Candyman.

I think this might be Candyman’s most dominating kill.  And by dominating, I mean he really gets that hook all up in the back of the psychiatrist and grunts and moans like nobody’s business.  He’s angry.  He’s pissed.  He may be a little turned on, but that’s debatable.  You can be the judge while you watch the clip below:

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Punch To The Face’ From ‘Demon Knight’ (1995)

Believe it or not, punching your fist through someone’s head can have it’s downside.  It might get stuck, and in turn, make your hand very uncomfortable.  Especially when a guardian of a key containing the blood of Jesus Christ is playing a game of cat and mouse with you.

Welcome to this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday where I’m spotlighting one of my favorite horror guilty pleasures of all time:  1995’s, Demon Knight.  My love for this movie deserves it’s own separate post, but I’ll give you a delicious taste with a scene that really kicks things off in the movie.  And that scene would be when Billy Zane’s character puts his fist through the head of the local Barney Fife.  Hilarity ensues as he tries to get it unstuck, and the result is a headless town sheriff.  It happens more often than you think.