Tag Archives: bad horror sequels

When Pregnancies Go Bad: Species 2 (1998)

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I don’t have any children, but if I did I would imagine that watching them be born would be a wondrous and breathtaking experience.  I’m sure there’s nothing gross about it, unless of course you have it in your head that birth is something like in that scene in 1998’s Species 2.  Why the hell are you watching Species 2 btw?

Oh, it was ME that was watching Species 2.  Guilty as charged!  But anyway, it’s a pretty terrible movie – save for some entertaining gore and Natasha Henstridge getting topless again.  Let us not forget about the infamous birthing scene though, over-exaggerated facial expressions and all.  Check it out below and stay to the end for Marg Helgenberger to tell you just how awful it is:

Ebay Find Of The Week: ‘Return Of The Living Dead Part II’ Australian Poster

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When it comes to disappointing horror movie sequels, 1988’s Return Of The Living Dead Part II is definitely up at the top of that list for me.  Such a downgrade to the 1985 original, it attempted the horror/comedy hybrid and pretty much failed miserably and had an annoying kid as the lead character to boot.  But sometimes from trash, there is treasure found.  Behold the Australian promotional poster for the movie that I found on Ebay recently:

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Now if a zombie just walked around giving everyone the middle finger throughout Return Of The Living Dead Part II, then I probably wouldn’t hate it as much as I do.  Zombies with a big “Fuck You” attitude always wins me over in the end.  I had never seen this poster before, so obviously it’s fairly rare. This copy seems as though it’s in pretty good shape too, but it will cost you. About $125 before shipping to be more exact.  If you’re feeling like you really need this Australian poster for Return Of The Living Dead Part II, then head on over to the listing link HERE and snatch it up!  Just steer clear of the actual movie.

Worst Fights In Horror History: Wishmaster 4: The Prophecy Fulfilled (2002)

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Sometimes it’s amazing to know that certain things in the world actually exist. For instance – did you know that a motorized ice cream cone exists?  If you didn’t, then please feel free to Google it and have your mind blown.  And did you also know that four (yes, I said four) Wishmaster horror movies exist? Yeah, if your mind wasn’t blown by the motorized ice cream cone, then it surely is now.

Thanks to my friend alcohol, I was able to finally sit down and watch the 4th installment in the Wishmaster franchise, and I have to say that it was as gloriously bad as I had hoped.  Our favorite wish-granting demon Djinn is back and this time he wants to fall in love.  Awwwwww.  But before he tries to seal the deal with a lucky lady, he has to have an epic fight in an alleyway with a meathead bouncer.

Well that was…..pretty awful.  Can we talk for a minute about how we see Djinn literally smash the bouncer’s hand apart and then in the next shot, his hand is completely intact?  Continuity is for suckers.  And my boy Djinn should have gone to some voice-acting classes.  He doesn’t sound very menacing, especially when he’s having a monologue with the now deceased bouncer about what day they pick up the trash.  Speaking of which, gotta love how the bouncer just “floated” over to the dumpster so conveniently and being impaled by a pipe.  It’s all in good cheesy Direct-to-DVD fun though, and Wishmaster 4 definitely delivered the goofy goods and also delivered one of the worst fight scenes in horror history.  What’s that?  You wish to see that clip again?  GRANTED!

Ebay Find Of The Week: ‘Jack Frost 2: Revenge Of The Mutant Killer Snowman’

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The day is finally here!  It’s the day where I post something up about Jack Frost 2: Revenge Of The Killer Snowman.  Yes, as if one killer snowman movie wasn’t enough – in the year 2000 they done went and made a sequel. And it was equally as terrible as the first.  Congrats on that.  But this is about Ebay horror finds of the week, so feast your eyes upon this!

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Awwwww yeah!  Those are exactly what you think they are.  Replicas of the little killer snowmen from Jack Frost 2!  And someone is selling them on Ebay for $25 and they’re made to order.  And you can get them bloody or non-bloody, so it’s all about choices.  The best part of this listing, besides the fact that these are actually real, is the title the seller used:  jason jack frost 2 freddy myers mask horror prop bust dvd bluray movie snowman.  It’s almost as if he has a severe case of Ebay ADD and just starting typing random horror terms.  Whatever the case, you can purchase one HERE if you want – and if you need more convincing, feel free to check out the trailer below for Jack Frost 2: Revenge Of The Killer Snowman:

Ebay Find Of The Day! ‘Jaws 3D’ Prop Tooth

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From the channels of Ebay’s darkest regions comes something so rare…..so sought after…..so incredibly not worthy of this build up that only a picture can do it justice.  Feast your eyes on……………A PROP TOOTH FROM JAWS 3D!

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Oh sure, at first glance it looks like an ice cream cone with two lopsided scoops.  It’s much more than that though.  This prop tooth was actually used in the mouth of the terrible looking shark from the terrible 1983 sequel, Jaws 3D.  If that’s not enough to get you to plunk down $199.99, then maybe the title for the Ebay listing will:  Jaws 3D used prop tooth rare shark star wars Indiana Jones movie horror action.

Yes, that’s the actual listing title.  Not sure what Indiana Jones and Star Wars have to do with a prop shark tooth from Jaws 3D, but the seller really sounds motivated.  Judge for yourself and bid cautiously right HERE and maybe they’ll throw in a Louis Gossett, Jr. autograph just to make the deal even more sweet.

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Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘The Raft’ Death Scenes From ‘Creepshow 2’ (1987)

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What better way to forget about the winter weather than by watching a clip that features some horny teenagers in bathing suits from 1987’s underwhelming anthology flick, Creepshow 2?  Now if that doesn’t warm you up and make you forget about the 23 inches of snow outside of your house, nothing will!

But on Sunday Bloody Sunday, I showcase some of my favorite death scenes from past and present horror movies, so don’t expect to feel entirely toasty and fuzzy after watching the clips.  As I mentioned, this week I’m diving into what I consider the best of the three stories from Creepshow 2.  I’m talking about ‘The Raft‘ and I must have been chewing some Doublemint gum because I’m going to double your pleasure with TWO clips this week!  Don’t say I never give you anything.

Review: Cabin Fever – Patient Zero (2014)

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One of the highest compliments that a third movie in a horror franchise can get is “Well, at least it was better than the second one.”  Welcome to that compliment and welcome to Cabin Fever: Patient Zero, the third film in the Cabin Fever franchise and the second one that is going straight to DVD.  But as the great Harvey Keitel once said, “Well let’s not start sucking each other’s dicks quite yet….”   Continue reading →

Ebay Find Of The Day! A Giant ‘Children Of The Corn III: Urban Harvest’ Inflatable Corn On The Cob

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If you’re a horror memorabilia collector and have been searching for a giant inflatable corn on the cob from 1995’s Children Of The Corn III:  Urban Harvest, I’m hear to announce that it’s your lucky day!  Yes, due to my excessive amount of free time, I tracked down this gem that’s going for only $149.99 on Ebay right now!

Now that’s what I call A-MAIZE-ING!  Not only is this item the perfect find for the biggest Children Of The Corn enthusiast, but also perfect if you’ve wanted to have a piece of memorabilia from Charlize Theron’s first movie role!  That’s right, she was in this piece of shit.  It was an uncredited role mind you, but a role nonetheless and she would go on to pave the way for Naomi Watts and Eva Mendes.  They starred in some later Children Of The Corn sequels that were all shitty as well.

Let’s get back to the inflatable corn on the cob though.  Now, at the time of this posting, you only have 24 days and 1 hour to snatch this rarity up.  Which gives you plenty of time to find the ridiculous amount of money that’s being asked for it.   To buy though, you need to go HERE.  And as a sign of a good seller, this guy is going to deflate it before sending it to you!  What a kind gesture!  The only problem with that though, is that you’ll have to do all of the work yourself after it arrives in the mail.  But think of the reward you’ll have after that last bit of air is pumped in.  A giant inflatable corn on the cob from a terrible sequel that you can show off to your friends so they can make fun of you.  Happy Bidding!

Does that poster really say “Freddie”?  Ugh.

Jumping Jigsaws! Is There A ‘Saw 8’ Coming Soon?

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“If it’s Halloween, then it must be Saw.”  I’ve kinda missed hearing that actually. Think about this past Halloween and the vacancy there was with horror movies in theaters.  Oh yeah, I forgot about Carrie.  On second thought, I’d like to keep forgetting about Carrie.  But there was no Paranormal Activity.  No new reboot from the Halloween franchise.  And no new Saw movie because they ended it back in 2010 with a terrible 3D movie that was not a good way to wrap up the mediocre horror franchise.  Well, seems that Lionsgate was noticing the horror movie absence this year because it has been announced that they want to develop Saw 8!

*I’m not a drug expert, but it may be time for an intervention*

Money, money, money.  That’s what it’s all about because even if Saw had it’s fair share of lackluster sequels, it still made that green.  As I stated previously, I didn’t like the final Saw (or what would have seemed to be apparently).  But I dug Saw 6 and didn’t mind Saw, Saw 2, and Saw 3 as well.  And because I’m not fully onboard with the Paranormal Activity franchise, I’m actually kind of open to the idea of a new Saw sequel.  Not quite sure where they’re going to go with the story, but I would advise those involved to take their time and not rush it.  Give me a decent story and some over-the-top traps/kills and I’ll be a happy horror camper.  Anything to take that bad taste of the Carrie remake out of my mouth. Yuck.

Gulp…..I’m A Little Worried About ‘Insidious: Chapter 2’

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I hate when I get like this, but I’m starting to get the shakes.  Not the good kind of shakes that you get when you’re about to bite into a delicious double cheeseburger after you’ve been hungry all day, but the kind of shakes you get when you feel you’re about to be let down by a new horror movie.  Oh those are the worst, aren’t they?  I was damn near convulsing before I saw the Nightmare On Elm Street remake and now I’m getting that same feeling for Insidious: Chapter 2.

*Wake up! You’re missing The Golden Girls marathon!*

Look….I dug Insidious and recently re-watched it.  Was I blown away the first time I saw it?  Not particularly, but I jumped a few times and thought it had an overall great “creep” factor.  Still think the daytime scene of the little boy dancing in the living room to “Tiptoe Through The Tulips” is as good as scary daytime scenes come in a horror movie.  When the sequel was announced, it was a predictable announcement, but I understood it.  And when I heard that it would immediately pick up after the first one, I was even more intrigued (I hate sequels that just start 5 years later or never even acknowledge the original).  Then I saw the first trailer and it just felt so…..I don’t know…..forced?

*I’ll take a box of Thin Mints and one box of Samoas please*

James Wan knows horror and he’s proven that, especially with this year’s triumph, The Conjuring.  I don’t doubt his abilities as a filmmaker at all, especially in the horror genre, but what I do doubt after viewings of TV spots and trailers is that Insidious: Chapter 2 needed to be made at all.  Like I said earlier, forced seems to be the best way to describe my feelings towards it and overall, it looks like a complete rehash from the original.  I’ve also read that there’s more comedy in this one, which is what I didn’t like about Insidious when the bumbling paranormal team shows up.  Skip the comedy and give me the horror!

*They’re called breath mints….*

Early buzz from screenings isn’t great, which is even more of a letdown.  I am however going to remain optimistic and hope that James Wan has enough tricks up his sleeve to put a grin on my face and walk out of the theater with a full tummy of horror goodness.  For the record, the Darth Maul looking red demon from Insidious didn’t bother me like it did most.  What did bother me was the guy in the leather trench coat with the long hair.  Ugh.  Hopefully the old pervy “He’s got your baby!” guy from the trailer replaces trench coat guy in Insidious: Chapter 2.  It’s the little things in life that matter most.