One of the great things about 80’s horror movies were the trailers that would be released before the movie came out, and more specifically the voiceover that would accompany them. The trailer for The Burning comes to mind as one of the better ones, but unfortunately for every good one – there’s a terrible one. Enter in the trailer for the low-budget slasher from 1981 called Don’t Go Into The Woods…..Alone! You have to shout the last part of the title because of the exclamation mark. Now granted, this movie is not good in it’s own right – but the voiceover in the teaser below is in a class all it’s own:
I commend the guy for trying to add a little bit of slam poetry to the voiceover, but I suspect that wasn’t his intention. He sounds confused while reading it – and because of that it’s our gain because it’s unintentionally awesome. God bless the 80’s.
“Something’s out there in the woods and it’s……killing people!”
I did learn from the trailer that Ingrid and Peter couldn’t believe that it happened to them, so there’s that I guess. But all jokes aside, this is a great little slice of 80’s horror nostalgia and deserves to be seen by everyone with an affection towards that era. So I salute you, voiceover guy from the Don’t Go Into The Woods…..Alone! The horror world is a better place because of your inability to correctly read from a script.
Quick – who’s one of the most underrated horror villains of all time???? If your answer is the killer elevator from the 1983 Dutch movie, The Lift – I’m sorry to say that you’re wrong. An ambitious choice, but still wrong. The correct answer is Cropsy from 1981’s, The Burning! And for some reason, I was daydreaming about this movie this morning and decided to look up the trailer:
A few things stick out when I watch that. First being that I love Rick Wakeman’s wonderful 80’s synthy score. It fits perfectly, as do those amazing garden shears that are Cropsy’s weapon of choice. Spoiler Alert:He uses those things to great extent when he butchers a bunch of kids on canoes. The last thing that really stuck out about the trailer was the classic 80’s voiceover. Aside from sorely missing this aspect in trailers nowadays, I couldn’t help but think of a certain ‘fake’ trailer when I was listening to the guy saying “If you’re planning to go camping…..Don’t!“.
If you think you’ll see a better fake trailer than that one……you won’t! Ehhh – that doesn’t have the same impact as saying “Don’t!“. My apologies.