I grew up with a pretty extreme fear of giant rats and chickens. Clearly that sounds ridiculous, but try telling that to a 7-year-old boy who watched 1976’s The Food Of The Gods on public television one Saturday afternoon. Continue reading
Well, file this one under ‘random’. Upon searching for rare horror Ebay items, I came across something from Frank Henenlotter’s (Basket Case, Frankenhooker) 1988 amazing and awesomely bad horror comedy: Brain Damage.
Good thing I was looking for an obscure promotional somewhat used and dirty white promotional horror movie hat, because I struck gold! Now let’s all go to the Ebay link HERE and see how much this slice of awesomeness costs. Hmmmmm – $49.99, huh? Well, that’s a bit too rich for my blood. But hold on! You’re able to make an offer. That gives us, the buyer, a little power now. I would probably go about $20 for this considering the condition it’s in, but maybe your pockets are deeper than mine. I will say this – you’re probably never going to find a Brain Damage hat ever again on Ebay. So it does add to the value for sure. While you mull it over, please enjoy the following NSFW clip below from the movie:
It’s moments like this when I love the internet. For those of you who don’t know about the 1985 B-movie extravaganza called The Stuff, you really need to do some research. It has drama. It has intrigue. It has something that you eat that eats you from the inside out. And it has a character named Chocolate Chip Charlie. All of this somewhat pointless info is leading up to me telling you that someone over in the UK has recreated an actual tub of ‘The Stuff‘ and you can purchase one on Ebay!
Yes. Those are the actual replicas that you can purchase. Pretty impressive if I do say so myself. Just think of how impressed your B-movie loving friends would be if they went to your fridge for a cold one and got an eyeful of The Stuff instead. Yes, the seller is located in the UK, but they do ship to the US and it’s honestly not a bad price in total to get your hands on one of these (about $30 total). Head on over to the Ebay page right HERE and feel free to click ‘Buy It Now‘. Just be warned. If the carton arrives and it has a delicious white treat inside, proceed cautiously because this may happen:
2104 is almost here! And I know what you’re thinking…..why haven’t there been any good horror movies centered around New Year’s Eve? And to that I say…..Pfffft! Have you not seen New Year’s Evil??? Ok – that’s a bad example because it sucks. But maybe when you were younger, you stumbled across this gem from 1987:
Yes….it’s Bloody New Year! And it even has a snappy tagline to coincide with the joyous ringing in of a new year: ‘Should old aquaintance be forgot? Or just brutally murdered.‘ Ooooooh. Are you intrigued? Well, you really shouldn’t be because the point of this post is to ask if the VHS cover is better than the actual movie. And in this case, it is.
Haha! Look at that skeleton on the cover! Here’s got a New Year’s party favor in his mouth AND a party hat on! And trust me, it’s more entertaining than anything in the movie. However, if you are looking for a horror movie that is based around New Year’s Eve that makes absolutely no sense at all, in a cheesy good kind of way, give Bloody New Year a whirl. For me, I’ll just keep looking at that VHS cover for my entertainment. Haha – did I mention that the skeleton has a party favor in his mouth!?! And that disco ball in the background only means one thing: that skeleton is gonna get down and get funky! Happy New Year, everyone!
*Did I leave the iron on when I left the house?*
Nothing worse than an 80’s horror movie VHS cover cock tease, right? Oh you know what I’m talking about. Back in the days when you actually rented movies from video stores, you would be drawn in by the VHS cover which would include numerous visual tricks and snappy taglines to make you slap your money down. Case in point: 1987’s misleading, Blue Monkey.
…………………..oh I’m sorry. I was distracted by those scantily clad sexy nurses with their cleavage baring work outfits on. Which proves my point! A ha! Shazaam! Bingo! Sexy nurses always seem to be a selling point I guess, and there are a few of them in the movie, but do you know what isn’t in the movie? A blue monkey! See, I have a slight obsession with monkeys. And you can thank Lancelot Link Secret Chimp for that.
When I saw the title ‘Blue Monkey‘ in the video store as a 12-year-old boy, I immediately knew I had to rent it, and did so after my erection went down from looking at the sexy nurses on the cover. To my amazement though, there were no blue monkeys to be found when I watched it. Only slimy praying mantis insect looking things that don’t resemble blue monkeys at all! All the more reason that they should have went with the original title ‘Insect‘ as shown below.
It was the classic ‘bait and switch’, which was even more common in the 80’s. And particularly in the horror genre. At the end of the day though, what do we really care as long as we get to see a cheesy horror movie, right? That’s what was endearing about what I consider to be the golden age of horror. Even the shittiest movies had a certain charm to them, and usually some decent non-CGI visual effects too. I guess Blue Monkey doesn’t deserve that bad of a rap then after all, even with the shortage of actual blue monkeys. For those of you who need to fill your monkey quota this week though, please enjoy this episode of Lancelot Link Secret Chimp where they dress up as the Long Ranger and Tonto.