This version of Great Moments In Horror Hair History is for the ones who might not have the luscious locks that I usually talk about in these posts. It’s for the ones who wake up everyday and look in the mirror and realize that Fabio’s flowing golden mane is not on their heads. I am an equal opportunist though, and I wanted to highlight and give praise to someone in horror movie history that had the confidence to make a difference without the having the hair to go with it. He did have a metal plate in his head though…….
Chop Top!!!! Even though the hair is minimal, there’s enough going on to make you take notice. Maybe not for the right reasons, but you’re taking notice nonetheless. The metal plate does reflect…..oops, I mean deflect you from focusing on his stringy follicles – but just imagine if Chop Top would have done a shampoo commercial back in the 80’s. Oh sure – he may have called you a ‘dog dick’ in the process of lathering up his strands, but tell me that wouldn’t have been effective! So needless to say after gazing up at that pic and taking everything into account, I hereby induct Chop Top into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History! Now can we talk about those teeth?
Sometimes if you are a young kid growing up in a small town, you feel the need to want to kill anyone over the age of 18 to appease a religious entity so you can have a full and healthy corn harvest for the year. A bit excessive? Yes. But think of all of that delicious buttery corn you can eat because of it! Sometimes, corn isn’t important though and hair is. A random sentence, sure, but when you’re talking about a hair specimen as glorious as the one on top of Malachai from Children Of The Corn – you’ll let all of that randomness slide.
Issac can’t even concentrate while Malachai is yelling at him because his hair his so hypnotizing and magnificent. Bonus points for it being red btw. I’m almost half-waiting for Issac to bring some shampoo up into the shot and “Feel the rain on your skin….” to start playing in the background. Sure, Malachai was pretty scary in Children Of The Corn – but his hair definitely was not. So without further adieu, it gives me great honor to induct Malachai aka Courtney Gains into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History! Now all of you outlanders get out of this post!
As we all mourn the loss of the great Wes Craven, I felt the need to put a little spotlight on one of his movies that didn’t involve Freddy Krueger. And that movie would be The People Under The Stairs. A bit too quirky and weird for me to really appreciate back in 1991 as a 15-year-old boy, I’ve grown to love it and it’s partially because of one thing. Ving Rhames? Nope. The crazy relationship between Man (Everett McGill) and Woman (Wendy Robie)? Not quite. It’s because of………………THIS HAIR!!!
How many times do you think someone went to their hair stylist back in 1991 and said “Give me the Roach, please“. Yes, one of the most memorable parts of The People Under The Stairs was indeed Roach, played by actor Sean Whalen. And that was indeed a hell of thing when Roach sacrificed himself to help get Alice and Fool (great name btw) out of the house and bravely died because of it. Sappy stuff aside, the real appeal of Roach was how his hair stood out (and stood up). You know you have some great hair when it upstages the fact that you have had your tongue cut out. So because of that, it gives me great honor to induct Roach into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History! You and your sub-par tongue deserve it, buddy.
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I’m about to write about something so rare…..so unmentionable…..so not worth the build up that I’m giving it, but I’m going to keep building it up because it has to be done. I’m talking about a mullet hairstyle that actually looks…….COOL.
And there you have it. That’s none other than David (Kiefer Sutherland) from the 1987 vampire flick, The Lost Boys. And that’s his mullet. Bucking the trend that this hairstyle is laughable, David allowed us to accept it in it’s cool vampire form and realize that there could be a better way for the mullet. In 1988, Night Of The Demons took note and attempted to replicate the style on top of the head of Stooge (Hal Havins). Nothing compares to David’s though, and for that very reason he is now enshrined into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History! As a bonus, this guy in the video below wasn’t in a horror movie, but he deserves some recognition for what him and his mullet do to those melons.
Easily one of my favorite horror remakes of all time is 1988’s, The Blob. So many reasons for this statement: Shawnee Smith, the sink drain kill scene, Shawnee Smith, the kid getting demolished by The Blob in the sewer, Shawnee Smith, the amazing retro vibe that the movie has, and of course – Shawnee Smith. Yes, I had a small crush on her back in the days. But one moment trumps all of these things. One thing so spectacular….so breathtakingly special….so inspiring and monumental that words can’t do it any justice. I’m talking about………
………Kevin Dillon’s hair!!!! Oh yeah. The mullet was still all the rage in 1988, but let’s be serious here – the mullet never loses it’s hypnotic luster. I recently sat down with The Blob again and found myself getting lost in those dreamy locks, and it proved to be quite distracting. How the hell am I supposed to watch Paul get swallowed up by The Blob when all I can think about is when Kevin Dillon’s hair will come back onscreen and grace us with it’s presence. It’s definitely a problem. I manage though, and get through the whole movie but find myself having mullet withdrawals afterwards. And it’s because of this, that Kevin Dillion is undoubtedly part of the ‘Great Moments In Horror Hair History‘ club! Is there anything you’d like to add to this post, Shawnee Smith?
Not many things could upstage a scene in a horror movie where a demonic creature pisses on a priest and “baptizes” him. But a sweet mullet haircut sure as hell could.
Rawhead Rex is a 1986 hilariously ‘bad but good’ horror movie that was conceived by the master mind of Clive Barker. I’m not going to get too much into the storyline that revolves around an evil pagan god with big ass teeth tearing some shit up in a little Irish town. I’m talking about hair here! And my oh my does Rawhead Rex have a sweet set of locks on that big cranium of his. The hair definitely has a Gene Simmons kind of texture to it, but if anything – that makes it even more amazing. So because of that alone, it’s no surprise to proclaim that Rawhead Rex and his hair was indeed a Great Moment In Horror Hair History!
“In the still of the night I hear the wolf howl, honey – sniffin’ around your door!!!!!” Sorry, I had to get my quick Whitesnake karaoke fix in written form considering I’m about to do a story about Tawny Kitaen who was famous for sexing it up in their videos. We’re strictly talking hair here though, which in many ways can be equally as sexy. In 1986, Tawny and her ginger locks starred in Kevin Tenney’s underrated horror flick, Witchboard.
Breathtaking. When Tawny wasn’t fighting off the powers of an evil Ouija board in the movie, she was flaunting her 80’s hair around like nobody’s business. And what a mesmerizing mane it was. It’s not everyday that hair takes center stage over a murderous Ouija board, but in this case it did. And I for one, had no complaints at all. So with that being said, I can easily announce that Tawny Kitaen’s hair in Witchboard was a Great Moment In Horror Hair History! Now let’s reminisce and watch her have some fun on top of some automobiles.
The Jewfro. A hairstyle that not many could pull off. A hairstyle that can be a bit distracting. And a hairstyle that’s pretty self-explanatory: A Jewish person that has an afro. And in 1982, one man brought this hairstyle to the forefront in the third entry of the Friday The 13th franchise. Behold! Shelly and his tantalizing Jewfro!
Ok. Maybe not the best picture to accentuate it, but you get the idea. Shelly sure was a jokester and pretty ticklish as was evident in the scene above, but none of his friends in Friday The 13th Part III ever joked with him about his curly mop on top. Sure they made fun of him for being annoying and slightly overweight, but his hair was off limits. That’s obviously because of how glorious it was. And quite practical too. Imagine all of the great things he could hide in there! A stapler. His wallet. A jar of vaseline. The possibilities are endless.
So today we honor you Shelly (inspirational music starts to play), and your Jewfro that unknowingly became your sidekick up until you got your throat slit by Jason and had your hockey mask stolen. There will never be another one quite like yours, and you will forever remain on top of that horror movie Jewfro mountain that so few people inhabit (music swells and ends with a big over the top crescendo).