Horror Movie Posters I Love: The Devil’s Candy (2016)

It’s rare that I see a horror movie poster and get a boner.  What’s even more rare is when that poster doesn’t have a scantily clad woman on it, but instead has a guy with a wicked guitar and lots of blood.  Ok – this isn’t helping my cause.  Just take a look at the new poster for The Devil’s Candy and let the horror boners commence!

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BOING!!!  Ok, now I’m just hearing about The Devil’s Candy, but much like the poster – the movie itself sounds awesome too.  Check the brief synopsis below:

In this creepily haunted-house tale a struggling painter is possessed by satanic forces after he and his young family move into their dream home in rural Texas.

The Devil’s Candy premiered last year at the Toronto International Film Festival and the response seemed to be overwhelmingly positive.  No said date for a release here in the US and no trailer yet (which mildly kills my horror boner), but fear not – because the poster is a good sign of good things to come!  Satanic happenings?  Metal music?  Lots of blood?  Yes, yes, and yes please.  Stay tuned for more info on The Devil’s Candy!

Hey! That Horror Movie Poster Has My Name On It! (Xtro – 1983)

Well, I took about a week’s hiatus from writing and decided to come back with a ridiculous post about horror movie posters that have my first name on them. Nothing but the best bottom-of-the-barrel writing here, folks!  Oh, but it’s not just any movie or movie poster that I’m talking about.  It’s none other than the 1983 British alien horror movie Xtro!!!!

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See, my name is Tony.  And in the poster up there, in case you couldn’t see the large font, it says “When Tony grows up, he’s going to be just like Daddy!“. So naturally when I was younger and saw this, I got excited since me and the kid in the movie apparently had the same name.  And then I watched the movie and was less excited.  Actually, I take that back.  Xtro is pure entertaining horror movie trash and it should be praised for that.

Do you want to see an alien rape a woman?  Xtro has you covered!  Want to see a woman give birth to a full-grown alien man?  Xtro has that too!  In fact, the more that I think about it, Xtro has everything you could possibly want in an 80’s horror movie!  Including my name as a character in the movie and on the poster like I’ve already mentioned a few times.  Now I know what you’re thinking……How does a woman give birth to a full-grown man?  I wouldn’t leave you hanging with that inquisition, so check out the clip below to see!

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Creepers (1985)

Movies with two names kind of annoy me.  But so is usually the case when we’re talking about the Italian horror genre.  No matter if you want to call Dario Argento’s 1985 psychic/insect movie Creepers or Phenomena, it has one of the best posters EVER!

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Now for whatever reason, there is a version of this poster that isn’t exposing Jennifer Connelly’s half-decaying bug face, but clearly the un-edited version is the keeper here.  The image above is actually an ad for the promotion of the VHS version of Creepers, but the tagline on the original poster is “It Will Make Your Skin Crawl“.  Fitting, considering there are a bunch of bugs flying around that could actually make your skin crawl.

I have to confess that I haven’t seen this movie in years.  And after looking at this poster again, I definitely need to revisit it.  Not only does it have the late great Donald Pleasence in it, but how the fuck can you go wrong with a movie that has Iron Maiden and Motorhead on the soundtrack?  Another thing that this poster is making me realize is that we need more horror movies about bugs.  Whether it’s spiders, cockroaches, or maybe a random remake of 1988’s movie about killer slugs appropriately titled Slugs – everyone can relate to bugs!  Get on that Hollywood.  Until then, it’s off to Amazon to purchase Creepers or Phenomena or whatever the hell you want to call it.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Blood Beach (1980)

I’ve always been a bit scared of going into the ocean and I guess I have Jaws to thank for most of that fear.  Truth be told though, I think I’m more scared of jellyfish.  But what about the sand????  What if something besides crabs lurked in the sand????  Newsflash in case you didn’t know, but in 1980 there was a movie called Blood Beach that explored that very thought.  It’s a ‘so crappy, so good’ type of movie, but boy oh boy – what a poster it had!

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She’s really selling that ‘Oh my god I’m being swallowed into the sand!‘ expression, isn’t she?  Kudos on the Jaws-biting tagline btw.  This was at the beginning of the booming 80’s horror craze where basically anything went. Including killer sand apparently.  Gotta love it though, and I absolutely LOVE this poster!  It embodies everything that was great about 80’s horror movies and it definitely catches your eye for more than one reason.  That’s a pretty snazzy purple leopard-print bikini by the way.  Go seek out Blood Beach if you haven’t seen it (screen vets John Saxon and Burt Young are involved), and I apologize if I’ve given you Eremikophobia.  That’s the fear of sand – see, you learned something from this post.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: I, Madman (1989)

What the hell happened to the good horror movie posters?  They seem far and between now unfortunately, which is pretty depressing since they’re sometimes the best thing about a movie.  Not the case with the cinematic gem I’m highlighting this time around on ‘Horror Movie Posters I Love‘ though.  Ladies and gentleman, I present to you the poster for the 1989 underrated slasher flick:  I, Madman

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I used to have this poster hanging on my closet door when I was 13 years old.  True story.  Now, I could honestly go on and on about my love for the actual movie, but I’m focusing on the poster here.  It’s captures exactly what the film is about in it’s style and even has a couple cheesy 80’s taglines to round the awesomeness out.  I’m always a sucker for a good hypodermic needle too.  I, Madman is a fairly original horror gem if you haven’t seen it, and this poster does the movie tons of justice.  Seek the movie out if you can my friends (you can find a cheap copy on Ebay), and until then just keep dazing up at that horror poster goodness.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Hatchet (2006)

I love a movie that knows where it belongs.  And Adam Green definitely knows that his 2006 throwback slasher flick Hatchet (and the sequels for that matter) belongs in the 80’s.  The only problem is that the original poster didn’t exactly have that true 80’s feel, but this one below done by artist Justin Osbourn sure as hell did.

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Boing!  Horror boner going on over here.  TMI.  Fright Rags put 250 of these beauties up for sale a while back and all were numbered and signed by Victor Crowley himself, Kane Hodder.  This poster just screams 80’s and is everything that is right in the horror world.  I read that Adam Green was so impressed as well that he would have used it to promote Hatchet during the release.  Bad news is that I see none of these up on Ebay for sale.  The good news is that you can just gaze at it here and get your fix.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Popcorn (1991)

I love me a good horror movie that’s set in a movie theater.  The 1985 Italian gorefest Demons easily being my favorite, but one not far behind is a little genre gem called Popcorn.  Never heard of it?  You might not be alone.  This post however, is about posters and the Popcorn poster graced my eyes back in 1991 at my local Mom & Pop video store.

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Let’s talk taglines here.  ‘Buy a bag…Go home in a box.‘  That right there folks is part of what’s missing in horror movies nowadays.  Sure, it’s cheesy, but therein lies the charm.  And if you’ve seen Popcorn, you know that it’s full of charm.  Some might say it’s full of something else, but I digress.

I’ve said it before:  throw a skull on a poster and I’ll most likely be down no matter what.  And the Popcorn poster uses the skull wisely, managing to pull you in and give you a 50’s horror vibe at the same time.  I dig the mention of ‘The Possessor’ storyline in the top left corner as well. Overall, I just love the nostalgic feel of this poster!  Seek the movie out (it’s up on Youtube and I recommend it) if you will, or just gaze at the delicious artwork above to get your Popcorn fix on.  And throw some extra butter on it while you’re at it.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Terror In The Aisles (1984)

If I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again:  I love Taco Bell.  Oops….wrong revelation. What I meant to say is that if you throw a skull up on a horror movie poster, more than likely I’m going to love that poster.  So to no surprise, I loved the poster for the 1984 documentary, Terror In The Aisles:

Sure the tagline ‘It’s A Cute Above The Rest‘ is kind of cliche and cheesy.  But who cares.  Look at that skull!  I love the simplicity of it and if you look close, you can see a ton of horror titles within the skull.  For those who don’t know, Terror In The Aisles was a documentary that was surprisingly released in theaters in 1984.  With commentary both on screen and off from genre vets Donald Pleasence and Nancy Allen, it was basically a walkthrough of horror movie history, featuring a lot of ‘best of’ clips.  A huge guilty pleasure of mine, it was recently released as a special feature for the Halloween II Blu-ray release.  Even though the focus is on the poster, I’ll leave you with a TV commercial promoting Terror In The Aisles, just to give you more of a nostalgia fix.

When The Poster Is Better Than The Movie: Mountaintop Motel Massacre (1986)

Let that baby sink in for a minute.  Now that’s a cheesy 80’s horror movie poster!  Effective to say the least, the poster for 1986’s Mountaintop Motel Massacre brought the goodness.  Unfortunately, the movie was straight doodoo.

The plot involves a crazy old lady named Evelyn who murders people who stay at her motel.  And how does she do this?  By popping up from secret contraptions via a tunnel in the guest’s rooms and dropping off rattlesnakes, cockroaches, and rats.  And she swings a mean little sickle too.  Albeit she swings it very, very slowly and it boggled my mind how some of these grown ass men didn’t just kick her old ass down before she ended up stabbing them. Oh well.

Did I mention there’s a black guy named Crewshaw (yes, Crewshaw) who has some snappy dialogue and zingers throughout the movie?  Case in point: Crewshaw is awoken by having about fifty cockroaches crawling all over him thanks to Eveyln and promptly let’s off this jewel – “They shoulda called this a roach motel!“.  Oh, that Crewshaw!  Too bad he gets his hand chopped off and throat slit later.

My biggest reason why the poster for Mountaintop Motel Massacre is better than the actual movie is the classic case of ‘bait and switch’.  Unless my eyes are foggy, the crazy woman on the poster is that the same crazy woman in the movie.  False advertising!  For shame.  And the debate can rage on about whether or not I’ve proven my point with all of this, but there is one thing that I know we can all agree on:  Crewshaw and his awesome name will forever be missed.  RIP.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Chopping Mall (1986)

Remember horror movies in the 80’s?  It was a time where you didn’t have to watch the SyFy Channel to see something ridiculous like a tornado spewing sharks around Los Angeles.  It was a time where you could have a movie named Chopping Mall that involved killer robots shooting lasers at a bunch of kids having a sleepover in a mall.  And it was a time where you were pretty guaranteed to see Barbara Crampton’s breasts in every movie that she was in. Bottom line:  I absolutely love Chopping Mall.  And it was the poster and VHS box cover art that sparked it all off for me.

Hahaha!  ‘Where Shopping Costs You An Arm And A Leg!‘  Get it?  To me, this poster and movie is the epitome of 80’s cheesy horror movies.  It’s high up on the pedestal, the ladder, and the totem poll.  If you haven’t seen Chopping Mall (a.k.a Killbots), you must.  And if you’ve seen it and have always dreamed of seeing up on the big screen, I have good news!

Director Jim Wynorski has announced that he and others involved with the cult classic are trying to get screenings across the US going on ASAP.  And if there’s a horror movie that needs to be seen on the big screen with a bunch of drunk and stoned people, it’s Chopping Mall. How about getting a special edition Blu-ray while we’re at it?  Stay tuned for more info on the screenings and go grab Chopping Mall on DVD for now to get your cheesy horror fix and see one of the best exploding head scenes ever.