Review: The Conjuring 2 (2016)

Pfffft.  Screw that new Ghostbusters movie coming out next week.  Ed and Lorraine Warren are the REAL ghostbusters and they’re all about busting up the fun that several nasty entities are having in the long awaited sequel to James Wans’ 2013’s stellar flick The Conjuring, appropriately titled The Conjuring 2.  The question on everyone’s mind when a horror sequel comes out is always whether or not it’s as good, or maybe even better, than the original.  And I’ve read some reviews calling this new incarnation ‘The best horror sequel ever!‘.  Well, as the great Harvey Keitel once said…..Let’s not go sucking each other’s dicks just yet.   Continue reading

Ebay Find Of The Week: ‘House II: The Second Story’ Keychain!

Good thing I’m in the market for a new overpriced 80’s horror movie keychain! Upon searching for keychains on Ebay for some reason, I stumbled upon something so rare… special… unnecessary…..that I just had to share the good news with you.  Brace yourselves as you gaze upon this promotional keychain from the 1987 horror/comedy, House II: The Second Story!


Oh it’s beautiful, and I’m actually having trouble finding the words to describe such a remarkable specimen.  And it’s even better if you like the color yellow! Now for those who don’t know, House II: The Second Story was a sequel to the entertaining first movie in 1986 called House.  Personally, I didn’t really like the sequel, but I’m sure there are fans out there who will clamor towards this keychain.  But (and it’s a big but), it’s going for $25 on Ebay right now.  There is the option to ‘Make An Offer’, so you have that going for you.  Head on over to the listing HERE and take a look.  I’ll stand back cautiously while the stampede settles down to claim this one……

Fun With Tongues: ‘Amityville 2: The Possession’ (1982)

Isn’t it just the worst when you’re a priest trying to perform an exorcism, and the demon you’re trying to exorcise turns into a hot lipstick wearing woman who proceeds to taunt and tease you with her tongue?

Amityville 2: The Possession is definitely better than it has any right to be, and maybe the hot girl’s tongue is one of the reasons.  I’m grasping at non-existent straws at this point, but let’s all watch that tongue in action below as Father Adamsky (James Olson) finds himself on the receiving end of it.

Ummmmmm: The Rocking Horse Scene From ‘Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II’ (1987)

One of my favorite surprising horror sequels of all time is Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II from 1987.  It easily surpassed the original Prom Night in my opinion even though it didn’t have Leslie Nielsen, Jamie Lee Curtis in a bra, or a fantastic disco soundtrack.  The sequel had something that the original couldn’t even come close to though:  a horny rocking horse.

Yeah, that was pretty disturbing.  And I’m not talking about the old man make-out session.  Putting something like a horny rocking horse with a big tongue in a horror movie was pretty much the norm when it came to 80’s horror.  Which is yet another reason why I miss that era.  Sigh.  Thankfully, we have avenues like Youtube to relive those magical times.  It’s too bad the horny rocking horse didn’t ever get a spin-off movie.  It would have been tremendous.

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Death By Frisbee’ From ‘Phantasm III – Lord Of The Dead’ (1994)

In my honest opinion, if you’re a looter douchebag with greasy hair that wears a tight t-shirt and gold chains with big dollar signs on them, you deserve to get your throat slit by a frisbee.  I should problem explain that sentence a little more in depth.

On this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday, it’s time to enter the lovely world of Don Coscarelli’s Phantasm.  More specifically, Phantasm III: Lord Of The Dead, an above-average sequel that if anything is as enjoyable as it is ridiculous.  Case in point:  A wannabe thug gets his throat slit when a kid throws a frisbee at him after he breaks into the kid’s house with his wardrobe-challenged crew.  Don’t believe me?  Then feast your eyes on the clip below and prepare to see your first death by frisbee.

Horror Hijinx: The Tragic Death Of Ben Tramer From ‘Halloween II’ (1981)

Few moments in horror movie history have such a profound affect on the soul as the death of Ben Tramer in 1981’s, Halloween II.  It was tragic.  It was unexpected.  It was ridiculous.  Dr. Loomis was hellbent on stopping Michael Myers, so much so that he was willing to kill anyone looking remotely like him. And this is why poor Ben Tramer met his fiery, over-the-top demise.

It hurts more every time I watch that and it also makes me laugh more every time as well.  Sure, Ben Tramer was drunk as a skunk and extremely disoriented while walking in the middle of the street with his Captain Kirk Halloween mask on.  But he didn’t deserve to die that way and was taken away far too soon from the Halloween movie franchise.

Laurie Strode had a serious crush on him, and he revealed in the original Halloween that he kinda thought she was cute too.  You see, Dr. Loomis not only killed Ben Tramer that fateful night, but he killed young love as well.  What a monster!!  Not only that, but I really think Loomis needed some glasses because this Michael Myers imposter looked nothing like the real one.  No sense in dwelling on the past I guess, because Ben Tramer is no more.  After watching your yearly Halloween marathon this year, just make sure you pour out a bowl full of those orange and black wrapped peanut butter things in memory of him.


Did You Know That There Was A ‘Candyman: Farewell To The Flesh’ Board Game?

Who loves board games??!!  And who loves board games that are based off of subpar horror movie sequels??!!  Well then do I have some good news for you.  In a random search for horror-themed games, I stumbled across this:


That’s right.  You’re looking at a promotional board game based on Candyman: Farewell To The Flesh that came out in 1995.  Now, even though I wasn’t crazy about the movie – I have to admit that this looks pretty cool.  Of course it could be a complete waste of time and utter horse shit, but at least it looks like they took some time on the design.  Here’s a brief synopsis of what it’s all about:

As you travel the streets of New Orleans looking for pieces of the puzzle to solve the Candyman Murder mysteries you have to make sure you do not become a victim yourself. To win, player must proceed clockwise along the streets of New Orleans and get to the Mansion with the key card in order to unlock the secret to Candyman’s power.


Not sure if this would be a game to gather the whole family around on a Friday night to play, but it definitely might be a game to get your friends together and drink heavily while you try to unlock the secret to Candyman’s power.  If you’re intrigued by the premise of the game and of the pics above, I have good news for you!  There is one up for sale on Ebay HERE right now.  I would imagine you might be able to walk away with it for no more than $50.  A small price to pay for an enjoyable piece of horror memorabilia.  Oh that’s right – I don’t know if it’s enjoyable or not.  Forgot I said it could be utter horse shit.  Up to you to take the gamble I guess!

Urine Trouble: Omar Epps In ‘Scream 2’ (1997)

Public bathrooms can sure be uncomfortable.  Especially those horse trough-style ones that usually appear in old baseball stadiums where you have to pee alongside strangers which can sometime get a little too close.  But none are more uncomfortable than a bathroom where a bunch of people dressed up like Ghostface from the Scream movies occupy the standup urinals, forcing you to use a smelly stall.

If you’ve seen Scream 2, then you know two things.  One:  it has a ridiculous ending where the lesbian sister from the old TV show Roseanne is the killer. Two:  it has a pretty effective opening sequence involving actor Omar Epps in the aforementioned Ghostface occupied bathroom (and also a nifty pre-opening credits death of Jada Pinkett).  We’re talking piss here though since the title of this ongoing feature is ‘Urine Trouble‘, and Omar Epps found himself in quite the pickle when he decided to eavesdrop on the stall next to him.  Speaking of pickles, why does he look like he starts to actually pee and then stops?  That shit stings when you do that.

Who’s got the juice now, Q?  Sorry – wrong Omar Epps 90’s movie reference there.  But yeah, Omar took a knife to the skull and tragically never got to release his bladder.  He may have pissed himself though while he laid bleeding on the floor, so at least there’s the prospect of that.  I dug Scream 2 for the most part, pretty much up until that big killer “reveal” at the end.  So in honor of that, let’s finish this post off with a pic of Laurie Metcalf attempting to do her best Pamela Voorhees impersonation with a gun instead of a machete.


Holy Shit Horror: The Opening Scene In ’28 Weeks Later’ (2007)

I’m not sure if the makers of 28 Weeks Later ever thought about giving away some promotional diapers at their screenings, because some of us could have used them during that opening scene.  No, I didn’t poop my pants everybody….but I do recall saying “Holy Shit!” after the 8 minute introduction was over.  Now, I’m not about to say that this sequel as a whole is better than Danny Boyle’s groundbreaking first from 2002, but the opening for 28 Weeks Later is easily on par with anything in 28 Days Later.

For those who have seen it, you know what I’m talking about.  And hopefully you share my enthusiasm as well.  If you haven’t seen it, the best I can do right now is provide a link from Youtube of the scene in full, but shown through the eyes of a camcorder.  You see, the copyright gods won’t let anyone put up actual clips from the movie, so this will have to suffice.  I can say that it’s some of the better bootleg footage out there in terms of quality, so we have that going for us.

Once the “In The House, In A Heartbeat” song kicks in, you know the rage-infested zombie shit is gonna hit the fan.  And when Don chooses himself over his wife and a random hungry kid, that’s when the reality of the situation sets in.  From there, we’re treated to a great zombie chase scene and then one of the best zombie water moments since Lucio Fulci’s infamous shark biting in 1979’s, Zombie.  This is how you do an opening sequence people, and luckily the rest of the movie didn’t dramatically fall off after this impressive little setup. So thank you 28 Weeks Later for your “Holy Shit!” moment and for almost (I can’t specify ‘almost’ enough) making me soil myself.  Now can we finally get 28 Months Later, please?


Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Nightclub Massacre’ From ‘Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth’ (1992)

There’s nothing better in a mediocre horror sequel than a memorable nightclub massacre.  And luckily for 1992’s Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth, it had that going for it.  It’s that time again for the one thing that everyone likes doing on Sunday!  Nope, not talking about going to church.  You can do that on your own time.  I’m talking about another edition of Sunday Bloody Sunday!  The time of the week where I give you some of my favorite memorable death scenes from the days of horror movie past.

And in case the title of the post and my other mentioning of it hasn’t clued you in yet, I’m taking you straight to the Boiler Room nightclub from Hellraiser III.  It’s the best place to grind up on that special someone you have had your eye on, knock back a few shots of whiskey, and get slaughtered by Pinhead.  Maybe not necessarily in that order.  Yeah, Pinhead shows up to the Boiler Room and starts getting his groove on like it’s nobody’s business.  For him that includes somehow turning into a giant icicle that stabs a girl in the mouth and commanding a bunch of CDs to impale a DJ’s head.  Oh, and he also loves to laugh!  And what a hearty laugh he has.  So sit back, grab a cold one, and enjoy watching Pinhead do his thing: