This version of Great Moments In Horror Hair History is for the ones who might not have the luscious locks that I usually talk about in these posts. It’s for the ones who wake up everyday and look in the mirror and realize that Fabio’s flowing golden mane is not on their heads. I am an equal opportunist though, and I wanted to highlight and give praise to someone in horror movie history that had the confidence to make a difference without the having the hair to go with it. He did have a metal plate in his head though…….
Chop Top!!!! Even though the hair is minimal, there’s enough going on to make you take notice. Maybe not for the right reasons, but you’re taking notice nonetheless. The metal plate does reflect…..oops, I mean deflect you from focusing on his stringy follicles – but just imagine if Chop Top would have done a shampoo commercial back in the 80’s. Oh sure – he may have called you a ‘dog dick’ in the process of lathering up his strands, but tell me that wouldn’t have been effective! So needless to say after gazing up at that pic and taking everything into account, I hereby induct Chop Top into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History! Now can we talk about those teeth?
January 4th is almost upon us. And I could really care less honestly. That’s the day that the next chapter in the Leatherface saga begins and my anticipation couldn’t be any lower. Perhaps it’s the fact that it’s in 3D that turns me off? Or maybe because every trailer or clip I’ve seen reminds of something that should be going straight to DVD? Texas Chainsaw 3D has gotten a “ringing” endorsement from original TCM director, Tobe Hooper, that has appeared on numerous ads and posters. It seems awfully forced though, so I continue to sit here typing this post without the slightest bit of horror-filled giddiness, and I almost feel guilty for it.
Incredible is a strong word to use by the way Tobe. Careful with that. I suppose I should be a little gung-ho though that this new incarnation sports cameos from past TCM alums such as Gunnar Hansen, Marilyn Burns, and Bill Moseley….but for right now anyway, it’s just not enough. God this is depressing. But here’s the thing. I like having lowered expectations when it comes to movies, and especially when it comes to horror movies. So maybe this is a good thing? Yeah, yeah – and maybe after I leave the theatre I’ll be literally shaking from the amazing movie experience I just had! (inspirational music inserted here) Yeah! And then I’ll have faith in the TCMfranchise again and happily bring on any and all upcoming sequels, prequels, or reboots! Yeah!!! Ok – I’m feeling better about this! More exclamation points!!!!!!!!!
*you know what they say about guys with big chainsaws*
Hey, guess what? They’re making another attempt at revitalizing a classic horror franchise! Yay!! Slight sarcasm there, but somewhat well deserved. News broke earlier in the year that Lionsgate would be relaunching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre in 2013, but this time it would be in 3D! Ooooooh! Now before I get into the storyline for the new revamp, let me vent about 3D. Unless it’s going to be the fun, midnight movie variety a la Friday The 13th Part 3, where popcorn and yo-yos are flying at the screen, count me out. I just don’t want to see my horror movies in 3D, unless the intentional cheese factor is there. Who wouldn’t want to see an eyeball literally come springing out at the screen after all?
So the set up for the new Leatherface romp is this: Texas Chainsaw 3D continues the story of the homicidal Sawyer family and picks up where the Tobe Hooper 1974 classic left off. After Sally (Marilyn Burns) escapes, word around town spreads about the evil that’s going on at the Sawyer farmhouse and they proceed to burn it to the ground, killing every last member of the family – or so they thought. Flash forward decades later and we meet a young woman named Heather who learns she’s inherited a Texas estate (lavish mansion) from her grandmother she never knew she had. After embarking on a road trip with her friends to check it out, she stumbles upon a horror that awaits in the mansion’s dank cellars…..
I will say that the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre still rattles the old nerves every time I watch it. But some of the sequels, like Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, rattle the old funny bone and I can’t get enough of Matthew McConaughey’s bat shit, over the top performance. Continue reading →