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Very Bad Things: ‘Cabin Fever’ Already Getting A Remake And Eli Roth Is Involved??

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Pardon me, but I’m a bit dizzy from shaking my head back and forth so much after this news.  Soooooooo apparently, there is a remake already in the works and ready to start shooting for Eli Roth’s debut horror offering from 2002, Cabin Fever.  Before I begin my rant, I will let it be known that I don’t consider the movie to be an undisputed horror classic or anything, but in my opinion it’s a fun and sick little flick that gets the job done on multiple levels.  Ok – now on with my rant.

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It’s been 12 years since the original was released.  12 years.  Now, I’m not a remake timeframe expert or anything, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that 12 years is a bit premature to roll out a redo.  This unfortunately screams cash-grab because there is honestly no reason that I can think of to go forward with this plan.  At least Eli Roth isn’t really involved and at least they’re not going to use the exact script used in the original.

‘Eli Roth will serve as producer/executive producer Travis Zariwny directing, working off of the EXACT script from the original‘

Motherfucker.  Well, I guess if I sat through Cabin Fever: Patient Zero, I can sit through a pointless remake that will most likely include a Cerina Vincent look-a-like shaving her infected scabby legs.  Whatever…..I do love to be proven wrong, so with that I say good luck and Godspeed, Eli Roth and the Cabin Fever remake crew……may you find solace in your search for a new karate kid who loves his pancakes.

So Apparently A ‘Cabin Fever’ Remake Is Coming?

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Ok – I had to get that out of the way real quick.  Word broke a few days ago that after the massive success of the last Cabin Fever sequel called Cabin Fever: Patient Zero, a remake of the original 2002 Eli Roth movie is in place instead of another fantastic sequel.  In case you’re not up on the sarcasm these days, that last sentence was drenched in it.

I get that people need to make money in these hard times.  I myself have a nice little side business going with selling old Garbage Pail Kids stickers on Ebay right now, so I understand that the struggle is real.  But why oh why do we have to even attempt to remake movies that are only 12 years old?  It stings even more for me with this one, because I honestly love Eli Roth’s original Cabin Fever.  The movie gave me an excessive fear of karate-kicking kids who like to yell “Pancakes!” and a fear of shaving my legs if I ever did shave my legs.

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No matter how much bitching I or anyone else does, it seems that quite possibly the most unnecessary horror remake ever (in terms of time between the original) will be happening for sure. Maybe for this one, they’ll get another star of The Goonies to get onboard to drum up interest since Sean Astin starred in Cabin Fever: Patient Zero and that did so well.  But nope, not even the ‘Truffle Shuffle’ will be able to save this remake from the impending doom that surrounds it and everyone involved.

I take this time to plead to Eli Roth if he has any say at all, to not allow this to happen.  In the meantime while that pleading takes place and we all try and wash the taste out of our mouths of this terrible news, let’s watch that karate-kicking kid hop around and yell “Pancakes!” to make our day better: