Smiley…..Will You Be My Valentine?

Ok guys, it’s that time of the year again when that special lady in your life is expecting something to really pull at her heart strings and make her weak at the knees.  Yes, Valentine’s Day is upon us and the good news for you is that I’m about to save your ass and give you a gift idea that will certainly guarantee some sweet baby-making action when February 14th arrives.  Get ready to click the link below because you can now pre-order the movie event from last year that will soon be the DVD event of this year!  Oh fuck it – let’s just get the joke over with:  the Smiley DVD is coming out on February 12th and you can order it HERE!

Yes, that’s right current McDonald’s commercial star Caitlin Gerard, Smiley is finally coming to your favorite DVD player and hopefully your DVD player won’t blow up when you play the movie.  And it’s chock full of bonus features like a making of featurette, deleted scenes (more torture, yay!), and of course, music highlights.  Ummmmm…..what?  Music highlights?  Ok.  Sure.  Whatever.  And the best part is that it’s only $9.99!  What a steal – is what I would say if this movie wasn’t complete shit.  You know what, I changed my mind.  Don’t go this route for your Valentine’s gift gentlemen.  Go the safe route and get her some delicious meat in the shape of a heart.  She’ll love that.

Review: Rites Of Spring (2011)

Well, as most of you who read this blog know, I really needed a good slasher flick to get the bad taste out of my mouth that is called Smiley.  I stumbled upon a poster for a new movie called Rites Of Spring and I was already intrigued based off of the retro feel that the poster gave me.  And boy do I love me some good retro horror! Unfortunately, the poster ended up being the best part about this mess of a movie and because of that, I would have to continue on with my journey to find the slasher movie that will take away that bad taste.   Continue reading

Breaking Dirty Horror News! Smiley Halloween Masks Now Available!

Looking for that perfect last minute Halloween costume idea?  Do you want to dress up like your favorite horror movie icon?  Well, ok…..what if you want to dress up as somebody from a sh*tty horror movie that recently came out, where the mask was really the only good thing about that sh*tty horror movie?  Then you’re in luck!  Yes straight off the non-success of the pretty much straight to DVD release of the horror non-classic Smiley, comes the Smiley Halloween mask released courtesy of the good folks over at Fright Catalog.  Now you too can walk around and do absolutely nothing and be boring just like Smiley!  Check it out below and take it all in (stretched ears not included):

Now as I stated above, the mask was really the only redeeming quality of Smiley, other than Caitlin Gerard’s lulz inducing performance and award winning weed smoking technique.  And for those still in the dark about the Smiley phenomenon, you can read my review HERE.  So get on over to Fright Catalog and order your Smiley mask HERE and get that rush delivery so you can have it in time to trick and treat with disappointing and lack luster results.  Slamming this movie never gets old people, and neither does this pic of Caitlin Gerard’s attempt at “screaming”:

Review: Smiley (2012)

Well, it was the moment of truth.  Would Smiley become a new horror icon big enough to stand amongst the crowd of Freddy, Jason, and Michael?  Would Smiley become the villain that would haunt your dreams and make you think twice about turning on your computer?  Or would Smiley just turn out to be a steaming hot pile of dog sh*t that no one should watch, remember, or give two sh*ts about?  I’ll go with the latter…..    Continue reading