The Horror Forecast For The Next Few Months In Theaters Calls For…….Nothing.

The horror business is really booming on television right now.  I’m talking about you, The Walking Dead.  And you, American Horror Story.  But not so much about you Dracula, because you’re probably going to get cancelled.  The point I’m trying to make here is that to get your horror fix nowadays, there are more than enough viable ways to get it on the old boob tube.  So that must mean that since horror is all the rage on TV, we’re going to have a lot to choose from on the big screen too, right?  Nope.  No sir.  No ma’am.  No shit.

I did a little piece last month about the absence of horror movies for October and more importantly, for Halloween.  Sure we had the Carrie remake to satisfy our urge, but unfortunately, I had to go eat ten Snickers bars afterward to get my true satisfaction due to the fact that the movie sucked ass.  And now I look into my magic horror crystal ball toward the future months ahead and I see………….absolutely nothing.  You might think I’m exaggerating, oh but I’m not.  Not unless you’re seriously excited about Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones.

You know the excitement you get when a big horror movie is coming out?  Well prepare to push that excitement to the limit when I, Frankenstein comes out on January 24th!  Oh yeah!  Looks like if you’ve been yearning for something that could be just as terrible as Van Helsing, you’ll be in luck on January 24th. And if you’re not tired of the whole found footage “my baby might be the Devil” storyline, make sure to check out Devil’s Due a week earlier on January 17th! Wow!  Maybe I was wrong about all of this!  Sarcasm can go a long way, especially when you’re talking about crappy horror movies that are coming out in theaters over the next few months.

In fact, it’s not until The Purge 2 on June 20th, that a somewhat favorable horror movie comes out, and even that one’s a little suspect.  But seriously. June 20th?  There will be a few diamonds in the rough along the way that will most likely be limited releases (Wolf Creek 2, Here Comes The Devil), but the horror well looks to be pretty dry my friends.  Unless of course you’ve been fiending for Leprechaun: Origins.  So turn on your televisions horror fans and relish in the silver lining throughout all of this.  The fact that you can save some movie theater cash and go see Saw VIII ten times when it comes out in October.  Now that is a silver lining.

Jumping Jigsaws! Is There A ‘Saw 8’ Coming Soon?

If it’s Halloween, then it must be Saw.”  I’ve kinda missed hearing that actually. Think about this past Halloween and the vacancy there was with horror movies in theaters.  Oh yeah, I forgot about Carrie.  On second thought, I’d like to keep forgetting about Carrie.  But there was no Paranormal Activity.  No new reboot from the Halloween franchise.  And no new Saw movie because they ended it back in 2010 with a terrible 3D movie that was not a good way to wrap up the mediocre horror franchise.  Well, seems that Lionsgate was noticing the horror movie absence this year because it has been announced that they want to develop Saw 8!

*I’m not a drug expert, but it may be time for an intervention*

Money, money, money.  That’s what it’s all about because even if Saw had it’s fair share of lackluster sequels, it still made that green.  As I stated previously, I didn’t like the final Saw (or what would have seemed to be apparently).  But I dug Saw 6 and didn’t mind Saw, Saw 2, and Saw 3 as well.  And because I’m not fully onboard with the Paranormal Activity franchise, I’m actually kind of open to the idea of a new Saw sequel.  Not quite sure where they’re going to go with the story, but I would advise those involved to take their time and not rush it.  Give me a decent story and some over-the-top traps/kills and I’ll be a happy horror camper.  Anything to take that bad taste of the Carrie remake out of my mouth. Yuck.

Review: Carrie (2013)

Meh.  I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of those in this review.  I really hate pointless remakes, especially when dealing in the horror genre.  Trying to keep an open mind can be tough when a remake is in the works, and my mind was already three-fourths closed when the remake was announced for 1976’s horror classic, Carrie.  Yes, the movie where the term ‘dirty pillows’ was introduced along with pig’s blood at the prom.  Directed by Brian De Palma with Oscar nominated performances from Sissy Spacek and Piper Laurie, the original Carrie stands the test of time based off of those performances and it’s vivid and intense imagery throughout.  So what about the remake?  Does it do the original justice?  Does it add anything new?  Meh.    Continue reading

Get Out The Room Podcast: Featuring Halloween, Trailer Talk, Tyra Banks’ Forehead, And Yours Truly!

Well it finally happened.  It has been suggested that Tyra Banks should have used her big ass forehead to give multiple head butts to Michael Myers in the sh*t Halloween sequel that she starred in, Halloween: Resurrection.  And yes, that’s just one of the many entertaining and insightful tidbits from this week’s Get Out The Room podcast. And along for the ride this time was yours truly!

That’s right, the guys over at this insightful and often hilarious horror podcast asked me to stop by and lend my voice and horror knowledge to such topics as:  American Horror Story, the trailers for the Evil Dead and Carrie remakes, and the Halloween franchise. In addition to that, I give my all-time top 10 list of horror movies, which after more thought, I need to put The Exorcist and The Shining on there (came up with it on the spot and was three beers in, so you do the math).  The guys over at Get Out The Room know their sh*t, so what are you waiting for?  Click HERE, HERE, or HERE and listen now and support their horror cause!

*No Michael!  Don’t do it!  You’ll ruin your chance to become America’s Next Top Horror Model!*

 

Call The Fire Department! New Carrie Remake Teaser Hits Online

Well, whether or not you want it, the remake to Brian De Palma’s 1976 version of Carrie is coming in 2013.  Unfortunately for me, it’s one of those remakes that I really have no desire to see.  The original should stand alone and be left alone, simply based off of the performances of Sissy Spacek and Piper Laurie. Sure, every movie can use some updating here or there, but especially in regards to horror “classics” for me, there’s really no need for it.  But in any case, the new teaser trailer for the Carrie remake is up, so check it out if you want to see Chloe Grace Moretz all bloody after the infamous high school burning scene.  I have a feeling this one will be a paint by numbers remake, but we shall see for sure when it hits theaters sometime in 2013!