Horror Movie Posters I Love: Humongous (1982)

Here’s a fun little story:  I remember being a kid, we’ll say I was about 8-years-old.  I woke up in the middle of the night and went out into the living room and my Mom was watching TV.  I asked her what she was watching – and she said “Some movie called Humongous.  Now get your ass back to bed”.  And that’s how I learned about the 1982 horror movie called Humongous!

But I’m not here to talk about my Mom scolding me for being up in the middle of the night while she caught up on her random 80’s horror movies.  I’m here to talk about the awesomeness of the poster for Humongous.

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Now is Humongous a good horror movie?  Nope – hardly not.  But it does get to brag and boast about it’s poster which has a pretty great tagline:  It’s loose….It’s angry….And it’s getting hungry!  I love me a good tagline.  I also love the baby building blocks that spell out the name of the movie as well.  Sure it’s cheesy, but I don’t mind cheese.  Especially cheddar.  Do you need to seek out Humongous and watch it?  Probably not.  But you can gaze your eyes upon that poster and realize and understand why 80’s horror was just so great.  Viva la 80’s horror!  Btw – what the hell was my Mom watching this movie for?

Fun Fact: Trick Or Treat (Not Trick ‘R Treat) Has A Surprising Tomatometer On Rotten Tomatoes!

Sometimes when I get bored, I type older horror movies into the Rotten Tomatoes ‘search box’ and see what the Tomatometer is.  And since it’s that time of the year for Halloween-themed horror movies, I figured I would type in a movie that is synonymous with Halloween:  Trick Or Treat.  Now I know that some of you newbies to the horror world might think I meant the fantastic anthology horror movie that came out in 2007 (with a slightly different name), but I am talking about the heavy metal horror awesomeness that came out in 1986!

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So what would you guess that the Tomatometer is for Trick Or Treat?  10%?  40%?  Hmmmmmm……try 71%!  Granted that’s only out of 7 reviews (5 fresh and 2 rotten), but impressive nonetheless considering the type of horror movie that Trick Or Treat is.  The storyline:  Ridiculous.  The soundtrack:  Straight 80’s metal goodness.  But in a time when the 80’s were churning out a lot of cheesy horror movies, it’s nice to see this one get some love on Rotten Tomatoes.  As one reviewer put it – “Yes, it’s trash, but it’s special trash to me.”  Couldn’t have said better myself random reviewer!

So the next time you’re thinking of a cheesy old school horror movie, and you want to see if any reviewers gave it any love – look it up on Rotten Tomatoes and you may be surprised!  Jesus – this whole post sounded like I just jerked off Rotten Tomatoes and gave them a bunch of free publicity.  They could have at least bought me dinner first.

WTF Did I Just Watch: Mad Ron’s Prevues From Hell (1987)

As I was scrolling through the ‘Horror’ section on Netflix a few weeks ago, I realized that I’m just bored with a lot of the offerings on there.  Then my friend Chris told me about something that he and his son had watched.  Something gloriously bad.  Something from the 80’s.  Something called Mad Ron’s Prevues From Hell!  Who’s Mad Ron, you ask?  This is Mad Ron!

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Oh, hi Mad Ron!  He sure looks like a character.  Ok – so what the hell is Mad Ron’s Prevues From Hell?  Well, it’s a terribly shot movie from 1987 where a ventriloquist named Nick and his zombie dummy named Happy show the audience in a movie theater (who happen to be zombies) old schlocky trailers and TV spots from various horror movies from the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s.  While this is going on, Mad Ron is locked up in the projection room (see pic above) for everyone’s safety.  In between the trailers are spoofy shorts involving the zombies in the movie theater that seem to go on forever…..and ever…..and ever.  Oh hey look – that zombie is pouring blood on his popcorn instead of butter!  For 15 minutes.  We got the joke in the first 30 seconds.

This movie screams the 80’s and that’s what I loved about it.  And I actually saw some trailers that I had never seen before, like Three On A Meathook or The Maniacs Are Loose.  There are some old favorites as well like Deep Red, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Black Christmas (under one of it’s original titles Silent Night, Evil Night).  It almost felt like I was watching a snuff film at times, and I may or may have not taken a shower after my viewing.  So, if you enjoy 80’s horror or just really bad movie productions – then please do yourself a favor and seek out Mad Ron’s Prevues From Hell on Netflix.  If it’s been taken down from there, then seek it out on DVD on Amazon.  Now take a bow Nick and Happy!

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Lets Have Another Staring Contest…….

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My, what a big eye you have there.  Ok – this will be a challenge because the Hungry Beast from TerrorVision can distract you with his giant toothy smile and also the giant eye that I alluded to earlier.  Gotta stay focused here and see if you can break him from his concentration.  Steady…..Steady…..Keep your eyes on the prize.  Oh wait – did you just pull out an old W.A.S.P. cassette to distract him and take his eyes off of you?  That’s genius because this this dude’s into metal!  You win!!!

Rental Regrets: Junior (1985)

Here we go with one of my favorite recurring posts about VHS horror movies that I wish I would have rented, but never did.  Now – there is one movie that always sticks out in my head that I passed over in my many trips to my local Mom & Pop video stores in the 80’s. The cover was enticing.  The tagline was even more enticing.  But yet I wasn’t enticed enough to ever rent it.  And that movie is……………Junior!

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Sorry for the subpar quality pic – it’s the best that Google Images could offer.  But anyway, I can’t tell you how many times I picked up the VHS copy of Junior and put it down.  The artwork is actually pretty sweet considering this was 1985.  The burning boat in the background is intriguing as well because it makes me want to know why the boat is on fire and who is in the boat when it’s on fire.  Genius marketing on their part.  Considering I still haven’t seen Junior, I have no real clue as to what it’s about other than that it’s going for the ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre knock-off‘ gold.  Good thing we have IMDB to clarify about the plot:

K.C. and Jo are two hardened female ex-cons who decide to build a marina on a lake in backwoods Texas to start a life for themselves, only to be hassled by the redneck locals who do not like outsiders, and that the lakeshore is their own regular hangout. But K.C. and Jo’s worst troubles come from Junior, a slow-witted psycho redneck who gets the ok from his equally demented mother to kill the two. 

Oooooh – two hardened female ex-cons, huh?  I see Caged Heat potential sex going on here.  And what a shocker – redneck locals who don’t like outsiders and a psycho redneck with a psycho mother.  Nevertheless…………….oh wait – BREAKING JUNIOR NEWS! Here’s another poster that popped up on Google Images:

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Ehhhhhhh.  I’ll stick with the original artwork.  As much as I love seeing Junior in his wife beater overcompensating for his probable small penis with his large chainsaw, the original cover art is far superior.  And how the hell do you leave ‘The‘ out of ‘Friday The 13th‘ at the top of the poster?  Nice touch using the chainsaw as an ‘I’ in the title though.  For those curious about this movie (and how the hell could you not be?), there’s a full version up on Youtube.  Let’s all waste an hour and a half of our lives together and see what kind of wacky situations Junior gets himself in…….

Holy Exploding Heads And Robots! ‘Chopping Mall’ Is Getting Released On Blu-Ray!

Easily one of my most cherished 80’s horror movies has always been Chopping Mall. What started with an amazing poster transitioned into a pretty amazing movie if you like cheesy 80’s acting, robots, boobs, and a nice exploding head.  And now according to Bloody Disgusting, we will now be able to see all of that in glorious Blu-ray form!

Vestron Video (google the name youngsters if you don’t know) is making a comeback and will be releasing Chopping Mall AND Blood Diner on September 27th.  Focusing on the former for now, we will get a load of special features – including:

AUDIO COMMENTARIES:
• Director/Co-Writer Jim Wynorski, Actress Kelli Maroney, and Co-Writer/2nd Unit Director Steve Mitchell
• Historians/Authors Nathaniel Thompson (Mondo Video) and Ryan Turek (Shock Till You Drop)
• Director/Co-Writer Jim Wynorski and Co-Writer/2nd Unit Director Steve Mitchell
FEATURETTES:
• “Back to the Mall”
• “Chopping Chopping Mall”
• “The Killbots”
• “Scoring Chopping Mall”
• “The Robot Speaks”
• “The Lost Scene”
• “Army of One”
• “Chopping Mall: Creating the Killbots”
• Isolated Score Track by Chuck Cirino
• Trailer

It’s a happy day in horror land, folks!  Just think, you will now be able to see the clip below in Blu-ray quality.  Stay tuned for more info on the preorder details.

Bad Moments In Horror Trailer Voiceover History: Don’t Go Into The Woods…..Alone! (1981)

One of the great things about 80’s horror movies were the trailers that would be released before the movie came out, and more specifically the voiceover that would accompany them.  The trailer for The Burning comes to mind as one of the better ones, but unfortunately for every good one – there’s a terrible one. Enter in the trailer for the low-budget slasher from 1981 called Don’t Go Into The Woods…..Alone!  You have to shout the last part of the title because of the exclamation mark.  Now granted, this movie is not good in it’s own right – but the voiceover in the teaser below is in a class all it’s own:

I commend the guy for trying to add a little bit of slam poetry to the voiceover, but I suspect that wasn’t his intention.  He sounds confused while reading it – and because of that it’s our gain because it’s unintentionally awesome.  God bless the 80’s.

“Something’s out there in the woods and it’s……killing people!”

I did learn from the trailer that Ingrid and Peter couldn’t believe that it happened to them, so there’s that I guess.  But all jokes aside, this is a great little slice of 80’s horror nostalgia and deserves to be seen by everyone with an affection towards that era.  So I salute you, voiceover guy from the Don’t Go Into The Woods…..Alone!  The horror world is a better place because of your inability to correctly read from a script.   

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Crotch Kill’ From ‘The Mutilator’ (1985)

Sometimes, a horror movie can be so amazing….so groundbreaking….so instrumental in shaping the course of mankind….that it will leave you in awe after witnessing it.  The Mutilator unfortunately is not one of those horror movies.  But it has a ‘death by hook to the female crotch’ kill, so it ain’t all bad!

Welcome to this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday where I’m shining a little light on a slasher flick from 1985 that isn’t that well known, but is loved by those who have seen it.  As much as you can love a bad horror movie I guess.  The Mutilator isn’t good – but it did have a kick ass movie poster (look it up if you haven’t seen it), a killer tagline (By sword, by pick, by ax, bye bye…), a not-so killer theme song, and the aforementioned ‘death by hook to the female crotch’ death scene.  Click below if you’re curious, and if you’re feeling really adventurous – then click on the second link that contains the opening credits and theme song:

Give Me The Creeps: Arcane’s Transformation Scene In ‘Swamp Thing’ (1982)

As a 7-year-old boy, I had a lot of guilty pleasures.  Astro Pops candy.  Digging up worms in the backyard.  And the movie, Swamp Thing.  Bear in mind that I’m aware that Swamp Thing isn’t really that good and I always forget that the man who directed A Nightmare On Elm Street (Wes Craven) directed it, but it’s the definition of a guilty pleasure to me.  Of course as an impressionable young boy, Adrienne Barbeau’s breasts in the movie didn’t hurt in the pleasure department.

We’re talking creepy shit in this post though, and believe it or not – Swamp Thing actually gave me the creeps.  It’s one scene in particular, where our villain Arcane (Louis Jourdan) drinks the magic potion and proceeds to turn into a hairy life-size He-Man character.  It’s before he gets all hairy though where the creep factor was really in full effect.

Yeah – that Arcane monster costume is pretty ridiculous.  But focus on what happened in the clip before he got to that point.  The blood running down in his face while his hands are bubbling and smoking.  The Harry Manfredini spooky soundtrack full of eerie strings.  It’s creepy shit.  And I’m not afraid to admit that it still kind of makes me shudder.  You know what doesn’t make me shudder though?

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Horror Movie Posters I Love: Ghoulies (1985)

I love a good pun.  And something that I love even more than good puns are slimy green creatures with bad teeth that stick their heads up out of toilets.  So, naturally it was a win-win situation for me when I first gazed upon the poster for Ghoulies back in 1985.

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Take a good look at that beauty of a poster……because the actual movie is pretty awful so the poster is really all that we have going for us unfortunately. Yes, Ghoulies as a film is not good.  But dammit if those involved with the marketing knocked it out of the park, because the poster and cover art for the VHS lured people into watching this crap.  Sure, it’s an 80’s guilty pleasure to some and uncomfortable toilet paper to others – but you can’t deny the sheer genius of the tagline ‘They’ll Get You In The End!” along with the image of that green Ghoulie coming out of the crapper.  Speaking of crap and crappers, they rode that toilet theme all the way to Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go To College. That’s right….they actually went to college.

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