Holy Exploding Heads And Robots! ‘Chopping Mall’ Is Getting Released On Blu-Ray!

Easily one of my most cherished 80’s horror movies has always been Chopping Mall. What started with an amazing poster transitioned into a pretty amazing movie if you like cheesy 80’s acting, robots, boobs, and a nice exploding head.  And now according to Bloody Disgusting, we will now be able to see all of that in glorious Blu-ray form!

Vestron Video (google the name youngsters if you don’t know) is making a comeback and will be releasing Chopping Mall AND Blood Diner on September 27th.  Focusing on the former for now, we will get a load of special features – including:

AUDIO COMMENTARIES:
• Director/Co-Writer Jim Wynorski, Actress Kelli Maroney, and Co-Writer/2nd Unit Director Steve Mitchell
• Historians/Authors Nathaniel Thompson (Mondo Video) and Ryan Turek (Shock Till You Drop)
• Director/Co-Writer Jim Wynorski and Co-Writer/2nd Unit Director Steve Mitchell
FEATURETTES:
• “Back to the Mall”
• “Chopping Chopping Mall”
• “The Killbots”
• “Scoring Chopping Mall”
• “The Robot Speaks”
• “The Lost Scene”
• “Army of One”
• “Chopping Mall: Creating the Killbots”
• Isolated Score Track by Chuck Cirino
• Trailer

It’s a happy day in horror land, folks!  Just think, you will now be able to see the clip below in Blu-ray quality.  Stay tuned for more info on the preorder details.

Bad Moments In Horror Trailer Voiceover History: Don’t Go Into The Woods…..Alone! (1981)

One of the great things about 80’s horror movies were the trailers that would be released before the movie came out, and more specifically the voiceover that would accompany them.  The trailer for The Burning comes to mind as one of the better ones, but unfortunately for every good one – there’s a terrible one. Enter in the trailer for the low-budget slasher from 1981 called Don’t Go Into The Woods…..Alone!  You have to shout the last part of the title because of the exclamation mark.  Now granted, this movie is not good in it’s own right – but the voiceover in the teaser below is in a class all it’s own:

I commend the guy for trying to add a little bit of slam poetry to the voiceover, but I suspect that wasn’t his intention.  He sounds confused while reading it – and because of that it’s our gain because it’s unintentionally awesome.  God bless the 80’s.

“Something’s out there in the woods and it’s……killing people!”

I did learn from the trailer that Ingrid and Peter couldn’t believe that it happened to them, so there’s that I guess.  But all jokes aside, this is a great little slice of 80’s horror nostalgia and deserves to be seen by everyone with an affection towards that era.  So I salute you, voiceover guy from the Don’t Go Into The Woods…..Alone!  The horror world is a better place because of your inability to correctly read from a script.   

Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Crotch Kill’ From ‘The Mutilator’ (1985)

Sometimes, a horror movie can be so amazing….so groundbreaking….so instrumental in shaping the course of mankind….that it will leave you in awe after witnessing it.  The Mutilator unfortunately is not one of those horror movies.  But it has a ‘death by hook to the female crotch’ kill, so it ain’t all bad!

Welcome to this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday where I’m shining a little light on a slasher flick from 1985 that isn’t that well known, but is loved by those who have seen it.  As much as you can love a bad horror movie I guess.  The Mutilator isn’t good – but it did have a kick ass movie poster (look it up if you haven’t seen it), a killer tagline (By sword, by pick, by ax, bye bye…), a not-so killer theme song, and the aforementioned ‘death by hook to the female crotch’ death scene.  Click below if you’re curious, and if you’re feeling really adventurous – then click on the second link that contains the opening credits and theme song:

Give Me The Creeps: Arcane’s Transformation Scene In ‘Swamp Thing’ (1982)

As a 7-year-old boy, I had a lot of guilty pleasures.  Astro Pops candy.  Digging up worms in the backyard.  And the movie, Swamp Thing.  Bear in mind that I’m aware that Swamp Thing isn’t really that good and I always forget that the man who directed A Nightmare On Elm Street (Wes Craven) directed it, but it’s the definition of a guilty pleasure to me.  Of course as an impressionable young boy, Adrienne Barbeau’s breasts in the movie didn’t hurt in the pleasure department.

We’re talking creepy shit in this post though, and believe it or not – Swamp Thing actually gave me the creeps.  It’s one scene in particular, where our villain Arcane (Louis Jourdan) drinks the magic potion and proceeds to turn into a hairy life-size He-Man character.  It’s before he gets all hairy though where the creep factor was really in full effect.

Yeah – that Arcane monster costume is pretty ridiculous.  But focus on what happened in the clip before he got to that point.  The blood running down in his face while his hands are bubbling and smoking.  The Harry Manfredini spooky soundtrack full of eerie strings.  It’s creepy shit.  And I’m not afraid to admit that it still kind of makes me shudder.  You know what doesn’t make me shudder though?

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Horror Movie Posters I Love: Ghoulies (1985)

I love a good pun.  And something that I love even more than good puns are slimy green creatures with bad teeth that stick their heads up out of toilets.  So, naturally it was a win-win situation for me when I first gazed upon the poster for Ghoulies back in 1985.

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Take a good look at that beauty of a poster……because the actual movie is pretty awful so the poster is really all that we have going for us unfortunately. Yes, Ghoulies as a film is not good.  But dammit if those involved with the marketing knocked it out of the park, because the poster and cover art for the VHS lured people into watching this crap.  Sure, it’s an 80’s guilty pleasure to some and uncomfortable toilet paper to others – but you can’t deny the sheer genius of the tagline ‘They’ll Get You In The End!” along with the image of that green Ghoulie coming out of the crapper.  Speaking of crap and crappers, they rode that toilet theme all the way to Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go To College. That’s right….they actually went to college.

GHOULIES-3-GHOULIES-GO-TO-COLLEGE-VESTRON-VIDEO

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Chopping Mall (1986)

Remember horror movies in the 80’s?  It was a time where you didn’t have to watch the SyFy Channel to see something ridiculous like a tornado spewing sharks around Los Angeles.  It was a time where you could have a movie named Chopping Mall that involved killer robots shooting lasers at a bunch of kids having a sleepover in a mall.  And it was a time where you were pretty guaranteed to see Barbara Crampton’s breasts in every movie that she was in. Bottom line:  I absolutely love Chopping Mall.  And it was the poster and VHS box cover art that sparked it all off for me.

Hahaha!  ‘Where Shopping Costs You An Arm And A Leg!‘  Get it?  To me, this poster and movie is the epitome of 80’s cheesy horror movies.  It’s high up on the pedestal, the ladder, and the totem poll.  If you haven’t seen Chopping Mall (a.k.a Killbots), you must.  And if you’ve seen it and have always dreamed of seeing up on the big screen, I have good news!

Director Jim Wynorski has announced that he and others involved with the cult classic are trying to get screenings across the US going on ASAP.  And if there’s a horror movie that needs to be seen on the big screen with a bunch of drunk and stoned people, it’s Chopping Mall. How about getting a special edition Blu-ray while we’re at it?  Stay tuned for more info on the screenings and go grab Chopping Mall on DVD for now to get your cheesy horror fix and see one of the best exploding head scenes ever.