Here we go with one of my favorite recurring posts about VHS horror movies that I wish I would have rented, but never did. Now – there is one movie that always sticks out in my head that I passed over in my many trips to my local Mom & Pop video stores in the 80’s. The cover was enticing. The tagline was even more enticing. But yet I wasn’t enticed enough to ever rent it. And that movie is……………Junior!
Sorry for the subpar quality pic – it’s the best that Google Images could offer. But anyway, I can’t tell you how many times I picked up the VHS copy of Junior and put it down. The artwork is actually pretty sweet considering this was 1985. The burning boat in the background is intriguing as well because it makes me want to know why the boat is on fire and who is in the boat when it’s on fire. Genius marketing on their part. Considering I still haven’t seen Junior, I have no real clue as to what it’s about other than that it’s going for the ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre knock-off‘ gold. Good thing we have IMDB to clarify about the plot:
K.C. and Jo are two hardened female ex-cons who decide to build a marina on a lake in backwoods Texas to start a life for themselves, only to be hassled by the redneck locals who do not like outsiders, and that the lakeshore is their own regular hangout. But K.C. and Jo’s worst troubles come from Junior, a slow-witted psycho redneck who gets the ok from his equally demented mother to kill the two.
Oooooh – two hardened female ex-cons, huh? I see Caged Heat potential sex going on here. And what a shocker – redneck locals who don’t like outsiders and a psycho redneck with a psycho mother. Nevertheless…………….oh wait – BREAKING JUNIOR NEWS! Here’s another poster that popped up on Google Images:
Ehhhhhhh. I’ll stick with the original artwork. As much as I love seeing Junior in his wife beater overcompensating for his probable small penis with his large chainsaw, the original cover art is far superior. And how the hell do you leave ‘The‘ out of ‘Friday The 13th‘ at the top of the poster? Nice touch using the chainsaw as an ‘I’ in the title though. For those curious about this movie (and how the hell could you not be?), there’s a full version up on Youtube. Let’s all waste an hour and a half of our lives together and see what kind of wacky situations Junior gets himself in…….
Much like that overstuffed burrito I just ate, I’m full of regrets. Most would say I’m also full of something else, but regrets are what we’re talking about right now. And I always had regrets back in my VHS-renting days of horror movies that I couldn’t quite pull the trigger on. Enter into the mix the 1987 blockbuster Scared Stiff! I figured if I threw the word ‘blockbuster’ in there that you would be more inclined to keep reading.
Ahhhh – look at that beauty. How did I never rent this? Oh I’m sure I just passed it by and rented Slumber Party Massacre II for the tenth time. I’m always a sucker for good title font, and I actually kind of dig it here. Reading the synopsis more closely, it looks as though the plot revolved around voodoo curses and slave owners. Not exactly my cup of tea when I was a 13-year-old horror movie upstart, but I’m sure I could have taken a chance on it. Looks as though Variety magazine was quoted as saying that Scared Stiff was “……..too explicit for the squeamish.” What the hell, man?! I love explicit things! Only one way to settle this once and for all and see if I should finally watch it. To the Youtube trailer!
Oh man. I’m sold! And it looks as though the only thing that’s really explicit is the bad acting. And those terrible effects too. This has ‘pack and bowl and watch’ written all over it. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Scared Stiff has probably not gotten the Blu-ray treatment thus far. That’s ok, I’m sure I can find a watchable version on eBay. Let me look……(do do do….do do do….do do do). Ok, I’m back. Didn’t find a VHS or DVD, but I did find THIS. For those who don’t want to click the link, it’s a promotional paper weight for the film. So……if you’ve ever wanted a Scared Stiff paper weight, there you go.
Back in the day, I was a VHS renting madman. That sounds a lot more ominous than it is. Basically, I’ve rented a lot of horror movies in my lifetime – more specifically from the 80’s and early 90’s when renting movies was actually a thing. But there were always those movies that eluded me for one reason or another. I could never quite pull the trigger and rent them. And because of that, I’ve had regrets that haunt me in the deepest channels of my mind. Maybe not that dramatic, but regrets can still be a bitch. Take for instance the 1990 movie, Demon Wind:
Now for those who don’t know, Demon Wind had one of those fancy lenticular VHS covers that moved when you tilted it back and forth. I remember picking it up and being hypnotized by the cover, but for some reason I just didn’t deem the movie worthy of my time. Perhaps it was because of the taglines ‘There’s something deadly in the air‘ and ‘It’ll blow you away‘. My younger mind may have thought that Demon Wind was about a deadly fart that you couldn’t escape once it got into the air. When in fact it’s just about a bunch of stupid kids who go up to a farm to investigate some missing grandparents or something. Luckily though, someone on Youtube was kind enough to compile a ‘best of‘ clip highlighting some of the classic moments to help sway me into possibly watching the full movie. Spoiler alerts obviously.
Ok. What the hell was I thinking not renting this movie back in the day? First of all, the magician scene was probably one of the best and most ridiculous scenes I’ve ever witnessed in a horror movie. And that alone makes Demon Wind a must-watch in my book. Add to that the terrible special effects and make-up, and we have ourselves a winner here as far as ‘best horror movie to watch when you’re fucked up‘. It looks like the original VHS version with the lenticular cover goes for upwards of $35 and there seems to only be a Region 2 DVD release. All signs point to Scream Factory or someone like that giving this the high-quality transfer that it deserves. I was wrong about you Demon Wind. You’re more than just a deadly fart movie. So much more.
It can’t be argued too much that Madman Marz is the red-headed stepchild horror villain from 80’s slasher movies. Some of you may be reading this and not even know who Madman Marz is. For shame! Because in my opinion, the 1982 extra cheesy slasher film Madman defined what 80’s horror movies were all about back then, and deserves more recognition.
So, on this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday I’m giving it some of that recognition! Oh, I could go on and on about the amazingly bad hot tub scene that’s in the movie (of which you can see HERE), but I would much rather focus on the death scenes. Did I also mention that Madman has some of the BEST sound effects and music ever? Gaze upon the carnage below to hear for yourself, and look out for my favorite at #9 in the clip. How the Academy overlooked her performance at the Oscars that year is a travesty.
If I’m making a list of my favorite horror movies from the 80’s, then The Stuff is going to be high on that list. Hey, don’t scoff at that! The Stuff is quintessential viewing, especially if you’re high or if you’re a Garrett Morris fan. Now, I could go on and on about Chocolate Chip Charlie, but I want to focus on the fake commercials that were in the movie. You really can’t go wrong with Abe Vigoda and the ‘Where’s The Beef?‘ lady, can you?
“Enough is never enough! Enough is never enough!” Oh sorry. I got carried away with that catchy theme song. Did you ever really wonder what The Stuff really tasted like by the way? I always envisioned it to be a mixture of marshmallow fluff and toothpaste, which doesn’t sound entirely appetizing, but it could have been delicious. And speaking of delicious, how about I take us out of this post with another fake commercial starring a woman who could possibly be a man or maybe inhaled a little too much helium before the shoot.
Sometimes it’s amazing to know that certain things in the world actually exist. For instance – did you know that a motorized ice cream cone exists? If you didn’t, then please feel free to Google it and have your mind blown. And did you also know that four (yes, I said four) Wishmaster horror movies exist? Yeah, if your mind wasn’t blown by the motorized ice cream cone, then it surely is now.
Thanks to my friend alcohol, I was able to finally sit down and watch the 4th installment in the Wishmaster franchise, and I have to say that it was as gloriously bad as I had hoped. Our favorite wish-granting demon Djinn is back and this time he wants to fall in love. Awwwwww. But before he tries to seal the deal with a lucky lady, he has to have an epic fight in an alleyway with a meathead bouncer.
Well that was…..pretty awful. Can we talk for a minute about how we see Djinn literally smash the bouncer’s hand apart and then in the next shot, his hand is completely intact? Continuity is for suckers. And my boy Djinn should have gone to some voice-acting classes. He doesn’t sound very menacing, especially when he’s having a monologue with the now deceased bouncer about what day they pick up the trash. Speaking of which, gotta love how the bouncer just “floated” over to the dumpster so conveniently and being impaled by a pipe. It’s all in good cheesy Direct-to-DVD fun though, and Wishmaster 4 definitely delivered the goofy goods and also delivered one of the worst fight scenes in horror history. What’s that? You wish to see that clip again? GRANTED!
As far as Siamese twin horror movies go, Basket Case is on the top of the list. It’s a short list that pretty much only contains Basket Case, but that’s nothing to sneeze at and is an accomplishment nonetheless.
So on this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday, it only feels right to give some shine to Belial, our favorite little monstrosity that lives in a wicker basket that his brother Duane carries around in the 1982 horror/comedy Basket Case. Only problem is that from time to time, Belial likes to hop out of his basket and play. His version of playing is carving you up with his fingernails and then tearing your insides out to round out the fun. He’s quite a character! Case in point – the clip below:
Nothing says a fun Saturday night like watching Ghoulies. Yeah, I said Ghoulies. I live a depressing life, but that’s not the focus here. The focus is on the fact that Ghoulies actually has a few good parts in it and isn’t just a clever poster with a slimy bald green monster popping up out of the toilet with the equally clever tagline “They’ll Get You In The End!” attached.
On this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday, I’m spotlighting one of my favorite and creepiest scenes from 1985’s Ghoulies and of course it involves a clown because I don’t like clowns. Actually, this is more of a clown/jester hybrid that ends up being a green sharp-toothed monster underneath. No, it doesn’t make any sense, but it sure is fun to watch!
What better way to celebrate Easter than with a cheesy 1972 horror movie about giant killer bunny rabbits? Sigh – I know…..it’s such a shame that we don’t have a definitive horror movie based around Easter. It would seem to be so easy considering all of the creepy old timey Easter Bunny pics that you can find on the internet. But alas, all we really have is a flick about huge mutant rabbits.
Welcome to Sunday Bloody Sunday, where I’m going full on B-movie this week with the 1972 ridiculousness called Night Of The Lepus. Someone was kind enough to string together some of the best scenes from it on Youtube, so please take a break from eating your marshmallow Peeps and watch it below. Fun fact btw: This movie was rated PG. Keep that in mind while you view the bloody bunny carnage in the clip.
I grew up in a small farm town in Indiana. For those of you who don’t know, Indiana is a Midwestern state with a lot of cornfields and rednecks. Oh – and Larry Bird has a car dealership there somewhere too. So naturally since I’m from an area that’s known to have redneck or two, a young boy who loved horror movies like me would obviously gravitate towards a movie called Redneck Zombies at my local video store, right?
“They’re Tobacco Chewin’, Gut Chompin’, Cannibal Kinfolk From Hell!” With a tagline like that, how the hell did I never rent this?!? Not only that, but this rare gift was given to us by none other than Troma Entertainment. Now, I very much enjoyed The Toxic Avenger in 1984, so what made me pass up renting Redneck Zombies back when I was obsessed with renting horror movies? I wish I had a simple answer my friends. I guess I was too busy watching Chopping Mall for the tenth time.
I think it’s finally time though….finally time to raise above the skepticism that I hold and sit down and give Redneck Zombies the viewing it so deserves. I’ll take baby steps first and watch this clip up on Youtube where the word ‘bodacious’ is used to the best of it’s word ability: