Underrated Xmas Horror: The Children (2008)

Ho Ho Ho!  It’s time to spread that holiday horror cheer and put a little something in your stocking (that sounded somewhat dirty) to make you smile!  And what is Santa going into his sack (keeps getting worse) for?  Well it’s the 2008 British horror movie, The Children! It takes place during Christmas, so just go with it.

To be honest, The Children is a heavily underrated Christmas-themed horror movie.  It’s creepy, well acted, well shot, and has some stomach-turning violence and gore (some against kids, so be warned).  If you haven’t seen it, seek it out and enjoy it over a big glass of egg nog or some kind of ‘high alcohol content’ beverage.  Below is a clip to get your holiday juices flowing.  And speaking of flowing, the aftermath of this scene is pretty gnarly. ‘Slay’ bells ring, are you listening……

Christmas Is Coming. And So Is ‘The Warm Side Of The Door’

Ok, Thanksgiving is over.  Now bring on Christmas so we can all tell our loved ones how much they’ve disappointed us throughout the year.  Oh no, wait – that’s Festivus.  But Christmas, yes!  Cookies and egg nog and sappy trees.  Doesn’t get much better than that!  Unless we’re talking about the classic Christmas song ‘The Warm Side Of The Door‘.  What – you’ve never heard of it?  Shut the warm side of the front door!!  Ok, it’s time to school you then.

See – there’s this movie called Silent Night, Deadly Night about a guy named Billy that dresses up like Santa Claus and kills people and whatnot.  But before Billy goes full loco, there’s a sweet little compilation scene of Billy working at the department store with the song ‘The Warm Side Of The Door‘ playing!  It’s a ridiculously awesome moment in the movie, and it catapulted the songwriter (Morgan Ames) to great heights in the music industry!  Actually it didn’t, but it’s a good song.  So enjoy it below and break it out during your holiday family or work function this year.  Apologies that I don’t have the actual scene from the movie with the song.  Maybe if you ask Santa for it for Christmas, you’ll get lucky.

Review: Better Watch Out (2017)

What says Christmas more than a 12-year-old boy that has a crush on his 17-year-old babysitter?  Actually, that has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas – but in the new holiday horror movie Better Watch Out, it sure does!

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Review: Red Christmas (2017)

You better watch out, you better not cry……you better not pout because there’s a really good Christmas horror movie that you need to watch this year!  I know, I know – it’s Halloween season.  But I had the pleasure of finally sitting down and watching Craig Anderson’s Red Christmas and it indeed got me into the Christmas horror movie spirit!

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Dirty Horror Presents: Jack Frost’s ‘Bad Pun Of The Week’!

Snow is falling outside.  Carolers are caroling in the streets.  And people are inside nestled around the fireplace while watching the 1997 horror (and I use that term loosely) movie Jack Frost.  A huge guilty pleasure of mine that has earned it’s place atop my ‘Required Viewing’ list for Chirstmas, Jack Frost is full of ridiculous moments and even more ridiculous puns.  So let’s treat ol’ Jack like a stand-up comic and have him deliver us his ‘Bad Pun Of The Week’!

Well it took a while to get to it, but boy did Jack Frost deliver that pun!  See, if you’re slow – he wanted a cigarette.  And the guy had an axe.  So when Jack shoved the axe down the guy’s throat (which didn’t quite look right if you think of the length of the handle and how it stuck in the guy’s mouth), he used the axe part in his pun when he talked about asking for a cigarette!  Hilarity.  If you’d like to watch that scene again in glorious Blu-ray quality, then go and purchase the newly released Blu-ray copy HERE.

Monday Bloody Monday: ‘Topless Wood Chipper Death’ From ‘Silent Night’ (2012)

It’s Christmastime!  Carolers are caroling.  The mistletoe is being hung.  And a topless women is getting thrown into a wood chipper in broad daylight by a psychotic Santa Claus.

Welcome to Monday Bloody Monday, and since it’s the holiday season it feels only right to spotlight a Christmas-themed horror movie.  In 2012, Silent Night was released and was actually a decent little throwback to Silent Night, Deadly Night.  And just like in the latter, Santa is out to punish the naughty.  In this case, the naughty is a topless girl who is about to meet her grisly demise at the merciless hands of a wood chipper.  Grab some egg nog and click the link below:

Random Christmas Horror Movies: P2 (2007)

With Christmas fast approaching, I’ve started gathering up my favorite horror movies to watch around this time of the year.  Black Christmas?  Check! Silent Night, Deadly Night?  Check!  Jack Frost 2: Revenge Of The Mutant Killer Snowmen?  Double check!  But with my old age comes forgetfulness, and I always seem to not remember that the 2007 movie P2 is a Christmas horror movie and might deserve to be in my rotation.

P2 is a delightful tale about a woman named Angela (Rachel Nichols) who is stalked in her parking garage at work by a security guard named Thomas (Wes Bentley).  Fun fact:  Wes Bentley can be seen in the last few seasons of American Horror Story!  So anyway, in the movie it all takes place on Christmas Eve night which is a good indication that this is a Christmas horror movie.  Oh – and Elvis’ ‘Blue Christmas‘ makes an appearance during a stalking scene and that’s a bonus for me because I love that song.

And so the stalking goes on.  And Angela runs around in a low-cut wet shirt, with her two main large assets bouncing around like jingle bells.  Bouncing and bouncing and bouncing……..I’m sorry – what was I talking about?  Oh yeah – the stalking continues and it obviously comes to a predictable cliched climax. But before we can climax, we need to have more bloody fun!  So if you haven’t seen P2 and are deciding whether or not to give it a whirl, check out the clip below with one of the best ‘body smashing with a car’ kills ever.  Merry Christmas, everybody!

Ho-Ho-Holy Shit! The ‘Krampus’ Trailer Has Arrived!

I have to admit that I’ve become a bit obsessed and fascinated by the folklore involving Krampus, the horned and hoofed creature that would come around at Christmastime to torment bad little girls and boys.  Had I known about it as a child, I probably would have behaved much better considering the alternative if Krampus ever found me.  No child wants to be stuffed into a burlap sack and dragged away to a cave to be eaten.  And now finally, we will get a proper movie version of the story, thanks to writer/director Michael Dougherty, appropriately titled Krampus.

Well that looks like a lot of fun, doesn’t it?!?  For those living under a rock for the last 8 years, Michael Dougherty wrote and directed the AMAZING Halloween anthology movie, Trick ‘r Treat.  And if you’ve seen that (and shame on you if you haven’t), then you can see his stamp all over the Krampus trailer stylistically and with the tongue-in-cheek humor.

We haven’t had a really good Christmas horror movie in a while (Rare Exports was good, but more fantasy than horror in my opinion), so Krampus will be welcomed with open arms when it’s released in December.  Hopefully it will live up to the hype of the trailer and of the poster below, which somehow reminds me of another Christmastime horror movie called Elves.  Let’s just all hope that the comparisons stop at the poster for that one.  Look for Krampus in what will most likely be a small theater run (although I’m hoping for a bigger one) on December 4th!

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Ebay Find Of The Week: ‘Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker’ Movie Poster

Looking for that perfect gift for the horror fan in your life?  It is the holiday season, so if you’re not looking, you should be somewhat ashamed of yourself. But if that special horror-enthusiastic person you know is a fan of Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker, then I may have just found you the perfect gift!

$_57

Oh wow!  Is that a Silent Night Deadly Night 5 poster???  For the two people who are actual fans of this movie, it’s ok to show your excitement.  But yes, that is indeed an actual 27 X 40 poster that can be yours on Ebay for only $10. Unfortunately, Mickey Rooney is not included.  Nor is that smug kid on the poster either.  But at $10, it’s actually kind of a steal to own a piece of ‘bad horror film’ memorabilia.  So if you’re interested, head over to the Ebay listing HERE and snatch it up.  If not, feel free to go spend your $10 on some delicious holiday cookies.