Who says only stereotypical blonde bimbos in 80’s horror movies can have great hair? Move over, stereotypical blonde bimbos…..there’s new fur in town. I know it might be ‘ruff’ to realize that a rabid St. Bernard dog might show you up in the hair department, but let me introduce you to………..Cujo!
Control yourself, everybody. There are enough blood-soaked luscious locks to go around. Oh sure, Cujo could use a bath. He is a bit smelly, especially with the overpowering iron-based blood dripping all over his hair. But you can’t deny, he’s quite the specimen. Don’t let a little foaming at the mouth stop us from inducting Cujo into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History! Now someone get him a napkin, please.
Pretty bad apparently. I heard the news the other day that there was indeed a Cujo remake in the works. At first glance, it’s not a terrible idea to update the 1983 original, because it’s a movie that actually could benefit from the remake treatment. All of those thoughts quickly drifted out of my mind when I found out this potential remake is going to be called not just Cujo, but C.U.J.O. – and that of course would stand for Canine Unit Joint Operations. What do you think of that Dee Wallace Stone?
Yeah – we’re right there with you, sister. Now, not much has been said about what the actual plot of this remake will be, but judging from the title, here’s what I can determine: We’re going to have a bunch of slobbering and foaming at the mouth Saint Bernards who got bit by rabid bats running around in the military and carrying out special co-op missions while a grown up version of the kid from Who’s The Boss watches on and applauds their progress.
While I hope I’m wrong (except for the part about Danny Pintauro returning), it does seem as though there’s going to be some kind of military element involved here. Which makes absolutely no fucking sense. This sounds like it should be more a Man’s Best Friend remake instead of a Cujo one. For those not aware, Man’s Best Friend was a pretty terrible 1993 movie about a killer Mastiff dog who can climb trees to eat cats and it also had this precious tagline: Nature created him. Science perfected him. But no one can control him. So to take that bad taste out of our mouths of the upcoming Cujo – oh I’m sorry – C.U.J.O. remake, let’s watch the trailer to Man’s Best Friend instead.