So What Happens If This New ‘Halloween’ Movie Sucks?

Getting your hopes up is a terrible epidemic that affects millions of people every year.  Especially people who are fans of horror movies.  Last year, my hopes were way up for the new incarnation of Stephen King’s IT – and although I liked it, I was not in the majority that LOVED it.  Hence, my hopes were dashed because they were up way too high.  So what happens this year when October 19th rolls around?  Well, it’s my birthday of course!  Oh – not just mine actually…..but a certain mask-wearing/knife-wielding killer from Haddonfield, Illinois named Michael Myers’ as well.  And yes, he comes home on that date in theaters nationwide!

The new Halloween has some interesting twists coming along with it in the writer/director categories.  Directed and co-written by David Gordon Green (Pineapple Express), he isn’t exactly the first choice for a horror movie.  But, I’ll reserve judgement until my peepers see it for myself.  A favorite of mine, Danny McBride, co-wrote it along with Green and Jeff Fradley.  What does all of this mean for the tone?  Who fucking knows.  But what I do fucking know is that John Carpenter IS onboard as a consultant and will do most or all of the music for the movie.  Oh – and did I mention that Jamie Lee Curtis is back reprising her role as Laurie Strode?  I guess I really didn’t need to mention that unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last few months.


Now, recently some news got out about some early test screenings for Halloween.  And the word was not good.  You can take these opinions with a grain of salt and a Michael Myers grunt, as I will again reserve judgement until I see the final product for myself.  The poster that came out last week was alright, but people were figuratively sucking it off because the mask was shown…..but I kinda thought it didn’t look much different than Rob Zombie’s mask in his Halloween movies (one of the only redeeming qualities btw).  To each his or her own though, the excitement level for Halloween is steadily building steam.  When the trailer drops, so will the horror panties.  I don’t know that the hell that even met.  But anyway…….

So what if it sucks?  What if my hopes are so high, that if it does suck…..I go running out of the theater like a madman and dash into the street without looking and get hit by a car like Ben Tramer???  Oh, let’s hope that doesn’t happen.  And let’s hope that Halloween doesn’t suck, because I really do want to have a good birthday.  We shall see.  And if you want to get me something for my birthday, I’m an extra large.

Dirty Horror’s Rapid Reviews: ‘The Girl With All The Gifts’, ‘Beyond The Gates’, ‘Alien: Covenant’

It’s that time again where I don’t have a lot of time to write full reviews for recent movies that I have had the pleasure of viewing, so I will sum each of them up in a few sentences of my thoughts.  Sound good?  Here we go!    Continue reading

A Month Later And I Have Some Thoughts On The ‘Alien: Covenant’ Trailer……

Ok – get your rocks and tomatoes ready for throwing, because I’m here to say that I really liked Ridley Scott’s loose Alien prequel Prometheus!  (ducks and runs for cover)

Visually, I think it’s amazing (and am actually going to give it a whirl in 3D on my TV this week) and I actually thought the ending was more satisfactory than most did.  Which is why I didn’t have any issues with the announcement that Scott would be doing a new movie in the franchise that continue after Prometheus ended.  And thy movie is called……ALIEN: Covenant!  Oh – and here’s the trailer that dropped about a month ago.

Ok.  Let’s discuss:

Now, I love how the trailer opens and how we get a bit of a glimpse at a ‘back burster’ instead of the usual ‘chest burster’.  From there, it looks like visually that it picks up right where Prometheus left off – with Michael Fassbender portraying a different android this time around.  I’m cool with that.  And then….oh hey look!  It’s Danny McBride!  Alright, keeping my attention so far…….And then the whole “We don’t know what the fuck’s out there!” line comes.  SMH.

From there on out, everything looks and feels sooooooo generic.  Even the explosions.  And the edgy ‘shower scene’ at the end reminded me of something you would see from one of the Alien Vs. Predator movies (and no, that’s not a compliment).  So anyway, I’m hesitant at the moment with ALIEN: Covenant, but I will keep an open mind until May 19th when it opens in theaters.  There is a ton of talent there on the acting side, Ridley Scott still has the goods, and we should definitely get more Xenomorph action this time around.  Personally, I want Neill Blomkamp’s Alien movie.  But until that time comes, I’ll gladly watch Danny McBride throwing the ‘La Flama Blanca’ smackdown around on some ugly ass aliens.  That was mean.  They’re not ugly – just misunderstood and unique.