Anthology films are like a box of chocolates…..you never know what you’re going to get. Unless of course you are eating a box of chocolates that has that little guide on it to show you what you’re going to get. But anyway, anthology films (specifically horror movies) can be hit-or-miss. Creepshow will forever be my favorite, but more recently the VHS franchise was the definition of being hit-or-miss as far as anthologies go. Now comes along XX: Four tales all directed by women that are intertwined with creepy stop-motion animation. Will these gals go 4 for 4 or are we entering more hit-or-miss territory here? My money is on the latter unfortunately. Continue reading
I have a confession to make right now: I have some food stuck in my teeth. I know it might be a hard confession to comprehend, but it’s true. And I also have another confession: I kinda like Saw III. It might be one of my favorites in the ongoing Saw franchise. That might be just as hard to comprehend. Now if only I could combine my two confessions and get this damn food out from in between my teeth……..
Oh my stars! Today’s my lucky day! Yes, that is actually some promotional dental floss released in correspondence with the Saw III movie. And it’s complete with the hilarious tagline “Opening Wide This Halloween“. Now, the good news is that a seller on eBay is letting this go to one lucky bidder. The bad news is that it might be the most expensive dental floss you ever bought because it will set you back about $20. If you want to check out the listing and more pics, then head on over HERE. Or if you just want to sit there with food in your teeth like me, then you can do that as well.
Valentine’s Day may be long gone now (even though it was just yesterday), but that’s not going to stop me from giving you ladies (and some men) out there a special treat. Let me talk about hair for a minute. More specifically some hair from 80’s horror movies and even more specifically, the hair on none other than Johnny Depp (Glen) from A Nightmare On Elm Street!
Don’t you just want to run your fingers all through that follicle goodness? I guess you would say it’s a poofy-feathered do that doesn’t require much Aqua Net to give it that bouncy youthful look. What the hell did I just write there? Clearing I’m stammering because I’m so taken by Glen’s hypnotic hair. Let’s just be glad that the pic didn’t show his cut-off football shirt, or else none of us would be able to concentrate!
Tis a sad thing that this pic was pretty much the last we saw of Glen before he became bed food and a glorious spouting pool of blood. So with that, it gives me great honor to induct Glen aka Johnny Depp into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History! Now get back to work and stop staring!
With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I figured I’d get the romance started with an exploding head from the 1981 splatterific slasher movie The Prowler. Flowers and chocolates are pretty much overrated anyway, so exploding heads are the way to go nowadays.
Welcome to Sunday Bloody Sunday, where as I’ve already mentioned – I’m shining a spotlight onto an exploding head from The Prowler. But who’s exploding head is it? Well…..therein lies the rub. It’s a scene from the end of the movie, so if you haven’t seen it – then this would be considered a big spoiler. That being because the exploding head is that of the revealed killer! Dun Dun Duhhhhhh. Yeah, it’s kind of like a super graphic Scooby-Doo ending. But anyway, click away below and you’re been warned if you haven’t seen the movie! P.S. – Kudos to Tom Savini for the FX work.
With the anticipation and nervousness associated with the upcoming two-part movie based on Stephen King’s IT, I found myself looking for creepy clowns online. Much has been discussed and bitched about regarding the new images of the big screen version of Pennywise The Clown, so I found a clown that can easily replace him and be even creepier. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls…..I give to you: Krinkles The Clown!
Sleep with one eye open……gripping your pillow tight! Alright….Krinkles is pretty fucking creepy. It’s amazing what was geared towards kids in the 50’s and 60’s btw. I’m not sure what kind of boost creepy ol’ Krinkles gave to the Sugar Rice Krinkles brand cereal – but I’m sure every kid in America ran out to the stores so they could own a box with his disturbing face on the front. Krinkles is pretty jolly, I will give him that. I’ll also give him the fact that he would probably murder you in your sleep and cut you into little pieces.
Ahhhh…..the good ol’ days of browsing the video store and picking up any and every VHS copy of a horror movie. Some I rented, some I put back down. But if I did pick it up, chances are that it had something deliciously sweet on the cover art. I never rented the movie that I’m about to talk about, but I did recently watch it on Amazon Prime. And that movie is called Offerings – a 1989 (looks older than that) slasher/comedy that sucks off John Carpenter’s Halloween hard (among other slasher movies as well) and might be one of the best worst horror movies ever!
Let’s get down to business though. Take a look at the original VHS cover art:
Now, from looking at that cover you would think you would be in store for some great slasher goodness, right? Even the tagline ‘Remember him before he dismembers you!” is pretty snazzy. And my eyes keep going back to the great artwork of the guy holding the gift dripping with blood. I bet the ‘offerings’ they’re speaking of are people’s severed body parts!
Offerings is pretty much the stereotypical ‘bully gets revenge’ horror movie. Not that it’s a bad thing mind you – but what is bad is the acting, the camera work, the soundtrack, and pretty much everything else in it that borrows super heavily from Halloween. But……therein lies the charm, my friends! Offerings is a terrible movie – no doubt about that. It’s the kind of bad that is best viewed with a group of friends either stoned and/or ridiculously drunk. If you’re a fan of horror movies with bad puns btw, then this will hit all of the right spots and give you a horrorgasm. Enjoy the trailer below for proof, but don’t forget to glance back up at that surprisingly good VHS cover art before you leave the post!
I can admit that I do still own a VCR, even though it’s resting peacefully in my storage locker right now. I’ve been thinking of nudging it a little though and waking it up, because I’m on a bit of a VHS horror movie kick lately. I know I’m not the only one, so VHS lovers unite. And let’s all unite and look at this new clamshell VHS release for the infamous movie Faces Of Death from Gorgon Video!
Ahhhh. That cover just brought back memories of when I first watched Faces Of Death and watched the guy get the electric chair and have his eyeballs burst, with blood flowing down his face. Fake, sure, but still memorable. This is the original banned cover and comes in the already mentioned snazzy clamshell case. There’s something about the clamshell cases that makes me miss the VHS days even more by the way. If you’re interested in this, you can pick up a copy HERE for a mere $20 at Gorgon Video’s website. They are limited – so act fast so you can snatch it up, pop it in your VCR, and watch a chicken get it’s head cut off and cluck around with a bloody headless stump. Fun!
If you read my ‘Best Of 2016’ list, then you know that the Korean horror film The Wailing sat proudly atop it. There wasn’t much I could find wrong with this movie – except that I felt uncomfortable every time they called the stranger in the town ‘The Jap’. Speaking of uncomfortable, no scene in recent memory (except maybe something in Baskin) made me as uncomfortable and creeped out as the exorcism scene in The Wailing.
If you haven’t seen the movie, then I maybe wouldn’t watch the following clip. But, if you are the type that likes things spoiled for them – then by all means click away!
I don’t know much about exorcisms or the right/wrong way to conduct them, but dammit if that shaman wasn’t giving it his all! You get an ‘A’ for effort, my good man. More specifically, this whole scene gets an ‘A’ as the back and forth scenes between the shaman attempting to exorcise a demon from the little girl and the stranger (or Jap) performing his own ritual to try and stop it are about as mesmerizing and creepy as filmmaking can get. Literally felt hypnotized as I watched this. And then felt uneasy and dirty because it gave me the creeps and I felt the need for a shower afterwards. Please see The Wailing if you haven’t already, and please hire that shaman if you need some good exorcism work done!
Ok – get your rocks and tomatoes ready for throwing, because I’m here to say that I really liked Ridley Scott’s loose Alien prequel Prometheus! (ducks and runs for cover)
Visually, I think it’s amazing (and am actually going to give it a whirl in 3D on my TV this week) and I actually thought the ending was more satisfactory than most did. Which is why I didn’t have any issues with the announcement that Scott would be doing a new movie in the franchise that continue after Prometheus ended. And thy movie is called……ALIEN: Covenant! Oh – and here’s the trailer that dropped about a month ago.
Ok. Let’s discuss:
Now, I love how the trailer opens and how we get a bit of a glimpse at a ‘back burster’ instead of the usual ‘chest burster’. From there, it looks like visually that it picks up right where Prometheus left off – with Michael Fassbender portraying a different android this time around. I’m cool with that. And then….oh hey look! It’s Danny McBride! Alright, keeping my attention so far…….And then the whole “We don’t know what the fuck’s out there!” line comes. SMH.
From there on out, everything looks and feels sooooooo generic. Even the explosions. And the edgy ‘shower scene’ at the end reminded me of something you would see from one of the Alien Vs. Predator movies (and no, that’s not a compliment). So anyway, I’m hesitant at the moment with ALIEN: Covenant, but I will keep an open mind until May 19th when it opens in theaters. There is a ton of talent there on the acting side, Ridley Scott still has the goods, and we should definitely get more Xenomorph action this time around. Personally, I want Neill Blomkamp’s Alien movie. But until that time comes, I’ll gladly watch Danny McBride throwing the ‘La Flama Blanca’ smackdown around on some ugly ass aliens. That was mean. They’re not ugly – just misunderstood and unique.