Review: Cabin Fever (2016)

When I first heard that Eli Roth’s Cabin Fever was being remade, I had to do some serious math in my head.  Add the 2, multiply the 4, carry the 3 and……holy shit – it’s been almost 15 years since it was released!  Even though that seems like a somewhat high number and makes me feel slightly old, I’m not sure it’s long enough to warrant the remake treatment.  But with Eli Roth’s blessing and guidance, writer Randy Pearlstein and director Travis Zariwny set out to accomplish just that, with early news breaking that they would ‘put their own spin’ on Roth’s original.  Well they must have been drinking contaminated water when they said that, because the only spinning going on here is from your head wondering why this was even made.  Harsh?  Yeah.  So let’s get into it.   Continue reading

Review: Clown (2015)

I’ve got coulrophobia.  No, it’s not contagious and it’s not something that I have to go get checked out at the doctor for.  There is no medicine.  There is no cure. Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns.  And thanks to the new Eli Roth produced horror movie Clown, my coulrophobia is out of control.  Continue reading

Ebay Find Of The Week: Eli Roth Torso Prop From ‘Piranha 3D’ (2010)

2010’s Piranha 3D had a lot of things:  Boobs.  Boobs.  Boobs.  Sorry, I got sidetracked on the boobs from the movie.  Of course there were other things going on besides real and fake breasts, and one of those things was the exceptional death of director Eli Roth (who was playing a wet T-shirt contest MC) by speedboat:

Tremendous.  So imagine my surprise when I was browsing around Ebay today and actually found someone selling an Eli Roth torso prop from the movie that was supposedly used in that scene.  Yes, it’s my duty to inform some of you out there in Movieland that Eli’s real head did not actually explode on impact from the boat.  They used a prop, and below is a pic of it and what the seller is offering on Ebay.


Sweet Jesus, that’s pretty creepy.  Good job on the chest hair though as it seems pretty accurate compared to the real Eli Roth.  Unfortunately if you want this rare prop, it’s going to cost you at least $1000.  But the seller is accepting offers, so that’s always a plus.  Head on over to the listing HERE and take a look at more pics and a better description of what this actually is.  There is no COA proof, but if you look at it – how the hell could it not not be real?  Unless someone just has a strange infatuation with Eli Roth and likes making lifelike props of him.  It could happen.

Very Bad Things: ‘Cabin Fever’ Already Getting A Remake And Eli Roth Is Involved??

Pardon me, but I’m a bit dizzy from shaking my head back and forth so much after this news.  Soooooooo apparently, there is a remake already in the works and ready to start shooting for Eli Roth’s debut horror offering from 2002, Cabin Fever.  Before I begin my rant, I will let it be known that I don’t consider the movie to be an undisputed horror classic or anything, but in my opinion it’s a fun and sick little flick that gets the job done on multiple levels.  Ok – now on with my rant.


It’s been 12 years since the original was released.  12 years.  Now, I’m not a remake timeframe expert or anything, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that 12 years is a bit premature to roll out a redo.  This unfortunately screams cash-grab because there is honestly no reason that I can think of to go forward with this plan.  At least Eli Roth isn’t really involved and at least they’re not going to use the exact script used in the original.

Eli Roth will serve as producer/executive producer Travis Zariwny directing, working off of the EXACT script from the original

Motherfucker.  Well, I guess if I sat through Cabin Fever: Patient Zero, I can sit through a pointless remake that will most likely include a Cerina Vincent look-a-like shaving her infected scabby legs.  Whatever…..I do love to be proven wrong, so with that I say good luck and Godspeed, Eli Roth and the Cabin Fever remake crew……may you find solace in your search for a new karate kid who loves his pancakes.

So Apparently A ‘Cabin Fever’ Remake Is Coming?


Ok – I had to get that out of the way real quick.  Word broke a few days ago that after the massive success of the last Cabin Fever sequel called Cabin Fever: Patient Zero, a remake of the original 2002 Eli Roth movie is in place instead of another fantastic sequel.  In case you’re not up on the sarcasm these days, that last sentence was drenched in it.

I get that people need to make money in these hard times.  I myself have a nice little side business going with selling old Garbage Pail Kids stickers on Ebay right now, so I understand that the struggle is real.  But why oh why do we have to even attempt to remake movies that are only 12 years old?  It stings even more for me with this one, because I honestly love Eli Roth’s original Cabin Fever.  The movie gave me an excessive fear of karate-kicking kids who like to yell “Pancakes!” and a fear of shaving my legs if I ever did shave my legs.


No matter how much bitching I or anyone else does, it seems that quite possibly the most unnecessary horror remake ever (in terms of time between the original) will be happening for sure. Maybe for this one, they’ll get another star of The Goonies to get onboard to drum up interest since Sean Astin starred in Cabin Fever: Patient Zero and that did so well.  But nope, not even the ‘Truffle Shuffle’ will be able to save this remake from the impending doom that surrounds it and everyone involved.

I take this time to plead to Eli Roth if he has any say at all, to not allow this to happen.  In the meantime while that pleading takes place and we all try and wash the taste out of our mouths of this terrible news, let’s watch that karate-kicking kid hop around and yell “Pancakes!” to make our day better:

Review: Cabin Fever – Patient Zero (2014)

One of the highest compliments that a third movie in a horror franchise can get is “Well, at least it was better than the second one.”  Welcome to that compliment and welcome to Cabin Fever: Patient Zero, the third film in the Cabin Fever franchise and the second one that is going straight to DVD.  But as the great Harvey Keitel once said, “Well let’s not start sucking each other’s dicks quite yet….”   Continue reading

News: All Bets Off……Here’s Eli Roth’s Goretorium Promo Trailer!

When I first heard that Eli Roth was developing a year round horror filled extravaganza on The Strip in Las Vegas, I was a little skeptical that it would ever see the light of day. There is still outrage in the streets that a full length feature of Thanksgiving never emerged, and what ever happened to Trailer Trash?!  But you can rest easy this time because Mr. Roth is making good on his word and his Goretorium will be opening on September 27th!  Not only that, but the official promo trailer is out and it’s just as demented as you would think, considering the mind it comes from….check out the brain bashing teaser vid below! You have been warned.

Yeah I know…..pretty great huh?  They call it a teaser for a reason though, so let me spill my guts about what’s included in this year round Vegas attraction:    Continue reading