I don’t really have anything insightful for this post. I just want you to look…..and stare…..and stare again at that the amazing V-neck sweater that William Katt wore in the 1986 horror movie House. In fact, I dare you to look away. You will be hypnotized. Oh yes. You will……..
One of my guilty pleasures from the world of 80’s horror was the movie Terror In The Aisles – a feature film documentary filled with a compilation of clips from some of your favorite horror movies that were released prior to this 1984 release date. Oh, and it was hosted by Donald Pleasence and Nancy Allen! It also sported a sweet poster to boot, and speaking of sweet…..check out this promotional rubber skull that I saw pop up on eBay:
I’m not even going to bother lying. I want that thing. Do I want it for $50 though? Therein lies the question going through my mind as I type this. Regardless of the price, it’s kind of a cool piece of 80’s horror history – and something that you could proudly display as well. It measures about 8″ X 5″ and looks to be in overall good condition. If you are interested in knowing more about this promotional rubber skull from Terror In The Aisles, then head on over HERE. If you haven’t seen the movie btw, I recommend it because it’s a good time and you get to see Donald Pleasance!
Al Pacino won Best Actor at the 1993 Academy Awards for his role in Scent Of A Woman, but there was some terrible injustice going on while he was graciously accepting his award. And that injustice is that Clint Howard was NOT nominated for his breathtaking and groundbreaking role in Ticks. For those in the dark here, Ticks is a horror movie about giant killer ticks. It definitely delivers what it promises in the title.
Welcome to Monday Bloody Monday where I am indeed going to give Mr. Clint Howard the shine that he deserves from his role as Jarvis Tanner in Ticks. Behold greatness and watch as Clint tells the daughter of Micky Dolenz from The Monkees that he’s infested. Then brace yourself for acting impact while his head explodes over her. After watching, feel free to contact the Academy with a barrage of emails voicing your displeasure over this HUGE oversight. We should all be very ticked off about this. Puns!
Has your life been boring lately? Have you felt the need to get some aggression out? Are you tired of the current establishment that’s going on in our country right now? If you answered yes to at least two of those questions, then I have the cure to what ails you: Slayer! Lamb Of God! Behemoth! Yes, those three monumental metal bands are headed out on a US tour this summer – starting July 12th in Bemidji, MN:
Yeaaaaaah! Nothing like an angry Cerberus guarding the ‘Gates Of Hell’ on the flyer to get you even more in the mood for this tour. Now, personally speaking – I’ve seen Slayer more than a few times…..but it’s actually Lamb Of God that I’m most amped to see because I have unfortunately never experienced them live. If you want to see if this metal trifecta is heading near your town, then you can go to Slayer’s website HERE or Lamb Of God’s HERE for more info. Do your part and keep live metal alive and snatch up those tickets! Devil horns up!!!!!
If you read the headline and you don’t know about this, just take a minute or two (and grab some Kleenex) and feast your eyes on what’s below:
Not much really needs to be said about Phangasm. It’s a porn parody of Phantasm. Enjoy the poster and seek the movie out, and enjoy watching The Tall Man getting his silver balls fondled.
As big of a horror movie fan as I am, I might be an even bigger Seinfeld TV show fan. And surprisingly, horror did play a part in some ways on the show! Case in point: Jerry kept a VHS copy of Child’s Play 2 in his living room. But more importantly, there were two very creepy dolls that made an appearance throughout the show’s run. First up – George’s girlfriend Susan’s doll that looked eerily and creepily similar to George’s Mom:
Gah! Oh the horror! Real-life George’s Mom was almost as terrifying, but that replica doll is the stuff that nightmares are made of. Clearly in the episode, George wanted to get rid of it because it creeped him out so much too – but in the end it was George’s Dad who destroyed it and tore it apart with his bare hands. 20-something year old spoiler alert. Sorry. But anyway, she was terrifying – but there was another doll that was possibly even more terrifying and may or may not have had the ability to run. And that doll would be the ever popular Mr. Marbles!
Now, even though Kramer had said that Mr. Marbles was harmless – it still had Jerry scared while he was living in Kramer’s apartment (aka The Red Menace). Jerry even thought he heard Mr. Marbles scurrying across the floor in the middle of the night at one point. The bottom line in all of this is that ventriloquist dummies and dolls that look like your mother are frightening. The other bottom line is that Mr. Marbles is a great name. Sweet dreams, everybody!
Mannequins: Lifeless plastic beings that creep me out a lot more than they should. I can remember feeling conflicted when I was a young boy and would see nude mannequins in department stores while shopping with my Mom. Should I have covered my eyes? Should I have opened my eyes wider? This is going off the rails quickly and I’m losing focus of my original statement, which is that mannequins can be creepy as fuck! The movie Tourist Trap is good proof of that – but 1991’s Puppet Master II actually has one of the creepiest mannequins ever. Behold! Toulon The Mannequin!
Oh sure – he looks all suave and debonaire there in his fancy tuxedo. But trust me, don’t let that fool you. Toulon, if some of you don’t know, created most of the puppets in the Puppet Master franchise and in this particular scenario from Puppet Master II – he was resurrected and has transferred his soul into the mannequin at the end of the movie for some reason (there’s a twisted love story thrown in there somewhere). Stupid plot aside, Toulon makes a creepy ass mannequin and is worth the price of admission alone to watch the movie in full. Just don’t go on expecting much more in the series after this, unless of course you are a sucker for terrible sequels? (slowly raises hand)
Happy Memorial Day, everybody! And what better to remember and celebrate, than the infamous ‘blender’ scene from that terrible movie Captivity. A for certain Saw rip-off, I stumbled upon Captivity for the first time in a long time yesterday on Showtime or something. Being that I just can’t resist Elisha Cuthbert because of her exceptionally luscious “acting” skills, I had to take a trip down memory lane and re-watch it.
So, welcome to Monday Bloody Monday – where I’m going to probably ruin your breakfast or lunch if you watch the clip below. Ever wondered what a ‘body part’ smoothie would taste like? Oh sure, maybe if you added a little lemon juice and strawberries it wouldn’t be so bad, but Elisha Cuthbert’s character in the movie wasn’t so lucky. Nope. Instead she gets delicious blended severed ears and whatnot, literally forced down her throat! Enjoy below – and if you really want to experience torture, then watch the whole movie.
2017 so far has been a pretty righteous year for horror movies. A little something for everybody both in and out of the cinema is always a plus, and one of the upcoming offerings that I’m most looking forward to is It Comes At Night. Why, you ask? Because it has a creepy red door! And any movie with a creepy red door is ok in my book. Check out the trailer below:
Paranoia! That could have probably been another title for this movie since it seems that paranoia runs rampant in this one. First of all, Joel Edgerton is one of my favorite actors working right now – so you know he’s gonna bring the goods. And second, that music that kicks in around the second half of the trailer is soooooo good and definitely reminds of the original Evil Dead score in spots (the plucky strings, etc). But anyway, it looks as though if you were let down horror-wise by Alien: Covenant, then It Comes At Night should satisfy your quench. Not sure how wide of a release it will get, but it drops on June 9th – so seek it out if you can. And stay away from red doors!
Quick! What’s the best music video that has zombies in it from the 80’s?!? Most of you just shouted out Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller‘ which was not only rude, but also incorrect. Now kindly stop throwing tomatoes at me. Ok, now that you got that out of your system, I am here to tell you that the answer is definitely ‘Jeopardy‘ by The Greg Kihn Band!
Now before we get onto the feature presentation, let me just tell you that this video is probably one of the reasons I became addicted to MTV in the 80’s. This one and ‘Legs‘ by ZZ Top of course for obvious reasons. Is the video dumb with bad acting and bad effects? Yes. Is that what makes it amazing though? Yes and yes. As an early fan of horror, I was drawn to the horror aspect of it (the skeletons, zombies, giant worm creature, etc) and looking back at it now, it was actually pretty impressive for it’s time. The video as a whole is basically warning you that marriage sucks btw. Some fun things to look out for in the video:
* Greg Kihn’s hair
* The creepy look on the tall tan guy’s face in the tux at the ceremony
* The priest’s ‘finger in the hole’ sexual innuendo
* The best guitar playing with a piece of wood ever
* The bride looking kinda hot with her Pat Benatar hair
Now enjoy the video for yourself and don’t get married: