I’ve been listening to your reader requests and you told me that you want more barbed wire on Dirty Horror. And being that I want to give the fans what they want, this week on Sunday Bloody Sunday, I’m giving you more barbed wire! 2003’s backwoods inbred cannibal film, Wrong Turn, brought a pleasant surprise to my horror mind and eyes when it came out. It was tense, violent, and had some hot girls thrown in to round out the winning formula. Unfortunately, one of those girls didn’t last long, and perhaps got the nastiest death scene out of the bunch.
Poor Francine (Lindy Booth) was just trying to find her boyfriend in the woods after she thought he wandered off. The bad news for her is that she doesn’t find him, but instead finds his severed ear. Then she finds a nice chunk of barbed wire wrapped around her mouth courtesy of one of our mutated inbred hillbillies. It happens everyday. RIP Francine – your irrelevant Wrong Turn character is being irrelevant with God now.
How do you make up for cheesy disco music in a subpar slasher movie? Why you give the audience an amazing beheading – that’s how! Throwing Leslie Nielsen in there doesn’t hurt either. Yep, this week on Sunday Bloody Sunday, I’m talking about the 1980 whodunit horror flick, Prom Night. And I’m specifically talking about the super awesome decapitation of our favorite ugly high schooler, Lou. Yep, not only does he get his noggin lopped off backstage, but then it gets a post-slashing grand entrance onto the floor so everyone can see! Pretty memorable as far as beheadings go, so give it up for Lou everyone…..he’s clearly shoulders and shoulders above everyone else.
Spiders. The one thing that will make me scream like a little girl and cower behind a chair in an instant. Spiders are also the culprit of making me swerve off the road while I’m driving and almost flip my car when I see one dangling in front of my face. As a big guy, it’s definitely not my proudest moment when it happens. So it comes as no surprise of course, that one of the horror movie scenes that gave me the creeps growing up and still does, is from the 1987 Martin Sheen voodoo flick, The Believers.
The scene in question involves Helen (Jessica Halliday), who plays Martin Sheen’s love interest in the movie and has also been given the old voodoo hex by the voodoo clan unfortunately. All because Sheen is sticking his nose where he shouldn’t. So Helen develops this new nasty sore on her cheek that is irritated and it keeps getting bigger and bigger. Then the unthinkable happens. Prepare to itch yourself for a while after watching this clip:
Now remember, The Believers was made back in the 80s, so those are real spiders folks. No CGI critters here (I’m looking at you Urban Legends: Bloody Mary). And even without the infamous spider scene, this flick still holds up today and has some great performances and other creepy scenes to boot. But our arachnid friends take center stage here, and they deserve all of the praise and more than they’re receiving in this write-up. Speaking of giving praise, how about we give some to that crazy, white-eyed, dancing voodoo guy from the movie as well. Go crazy, white-eyed, dancing voodoo guy! It’s your birthday!
Controversy! Scandal! Intrigue! All words that are clearly overhyping the story that I’m about to bring to you. Upon our nightly routine of channel surfing, my wife and I stumbled upon the new Gordon Ramsey show Hotel Hell on Fox. We were excited by the thought of Mr. Ramsey creating yet another show, bringing his total close to 54 now I believe (give or take). We continued to watch in amazement as he yet again critiqued food and employee conduct, as well as giving the viewing audience numerous shirtless and nude shots of himself, clearly trying to reel in the ladies (and some men) by showing a little skin and T&A.
*one, two, freddy’s coming for you*
But then when the show went to break, it happened……I finally saw the logo for Hotel Hell and the revelation was released upon us! Gordon and his crew stole their logo from the 1980 horror underground classic Motel Hell! Continue reading →
Not gonna lie, it takes a lot to give me the creeps – so this is going to be a recurring feature that will give you, the reader, an idea of just what does give me the creeps! First up, actress Geretta Geretta changing over to a demon in the aptly titled Italian classic Demons. I remember watching this with my Dad when I was about 11. The original VHS box was a little deceiving because it had a demon on it (from the movie) that sort of resembled an evil Muppet. Not all that scary (shrug)
*wocka wocka wocka!*
So, everything was going along so nicely – the bad dubbing, Tony The Pimp (who hadn’t really had any golden lines up to this point), the blind guy who wouldn’t shut up…..Oh, but I wonder what’s going to happen after that girl put that mask on in the lobby and cut herself!? Yep – here we go. Continue reading →
Why are we worried about a future zombie apocalypse when all we need to do is shove some tasty pies in their face to stop them? Yes……one of the most ridiculous and intentional “funny” moments ever in a horror movie has to be when Tom Savini and his biker gang thugs don’t feel any sense of danger from the zombies that are moping around the mall.
*isn’t it bad enough that JCPenny’s is closed?*
So, they run around messing with them and we wait for the Three Stooges to show up. At least they didn’t spray them with seltzer water – oh wait, they did. Do you think Zack Snyder is kicking himself for not including this in his remake? You’re right – zombie baby was a much better addition. Only question I have I guess is what kind of pies were they? Most likely banana cream or the delicious all whipped cream pie with no crust. They could have at least given the zombies something good to taste, like blueberry or strawberry rhubarb. So here’s to you George Romero, for injecting some delectable pies into your zombie movie and onto the zombies themselves! Delicious!
I was sitting here thinking about how I got introduced to the world of horror and it finally came to me…..my Dad woke me up one day and scared the shit out of me with a Gene Simmons Kiss mask on when I was 5 years old – no wait, I’m thinking of Happy Gilmore’s grandma from that movie – although my Dad would end up creeping me out later in life with a cheaply made Santa Clause beard and mask that still haunts me to this day.
*photo not completely accurate*
But no, my first real introduction to horror was watching Night Of The Living Dead on my Grandma’s rabbit-eared TV in her kitchen after eating some chicken and polenta. It frightened me, to the point where I constantly looked out of my front window across the street of my house to the cornfield to see if any zombies were coming to eat me or some bugs off of our trees (sidenote: that cornfield has now been turned into a lovely row of houses). And from that point on, I was fully immersed into the world of horror. Continue reading →