With Valentine’s Day a mere three days away, there are only two things you should really be thinking about. First: what are you’re going to get your girlfriend or wife so that your ass isn’t sleeping on the couch? Second: what horror movie are you going to watch in honor of this fake holiday? The first one I can’t help with, but I’ll pray for you. The second is pretty easy considering there is only one Valentine’s Day themed horror movie that has quite possibly the greatest cinematic mustache of all time!
Yes ladies (and some gentlemen), that impressive flavor saver you’re looking at up there belongs to none other than Hollis. He’s a not really lean, sometimes pretty mean, gorgeous furry-lipped machine! And he can be all yours this Valentine’s Day if you watch the underrated 1981 slasher flick, My Bloody Valentine. His mustache deserved it’s own name in the credits. So it seems only fitting to salute this monumental lady tickler and give it the respect that it deserves. Feels only right to give you one more glance at it before I go too. And I bet you won’t even notice that there are three other people in the pic because you’ll be staring at Hollis’ cookie duster the whole time………
Here’s hoping that you and your family have a great Xmas day and hopefully you are happy with everything that Santa put under your tree and in your stockings. But in case you didn’t get what you wanted this year and are pissed off at your spouse or significant other, I’m here to save the day! Upon my upteenth viewing of Bob Clark’s other classic Christmas time movie, Black Christmas, I realized what I could give my Dirty Horror readers as the gift that would keep on giving and sometimes need to be brushed as well. Yes, it’s this cop’s moustache from Black Christmas:
My hat’s off to you, unknown cop, because you have us guessing whether your flavor saver is indeed real or fake. No matter if it is or isn’t, because you accomplished everything you were going for, plus much more! It’s thick. It’s lustrous. It’s every woman’s dream from the 70’s and every man’s envy at the same time. You may not have had any lines in the movie unknown cop, but you didn’t need them. Your moustache did all of the talking without moving it’s bushy mouth. I dare you one more time to look at it below and try not to get that special feeling that I know you’re fighting. I’ll even throw in four more people so you can see how this hairy beast stands out:
So there you go. Merry Black Christmas everyone! Sorry, no refunds for your gift by the way. And if you want to see this moustache in minimal action, I highly recommend watching the 1974 ground breaking and influential slasher movie, Black Christmas. I would also advise watching it back to back with Bob Clark’s more known Christmas classic, A Christmas Story. No moustaches or skitzophrenic serial killers in that one, but I did spot a random latex Frankenstein mask in the aftermath of present unwrapping on Christmas morning while Randy sleeps, so look out for that!