So Apparently A ‘Cabin Fever’ Remake Is Coming?


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Ok – I had to get that out of the way real quick.  Word broke a few days ago that after the massive success of the last Cabin Fever sequel called Cabin Fever: Patient Zero, a remake of the original 2002 Eli Roth movie is in place instead of another fantastic sequel.  In case you’re not up on the sarcasm these days, that last sentence was drenched in it.

I get that people need to make money in these hard times.  I myself have a nice little side business going with selling old Garbage Pail Kids stickers on Ebay right now, so I understand that the struggle is real.  But why oh why do we have to even attempt to remake movies that are only 12 years old?  It stings even more for me with this one, because I honestly love Eli Roth’s original Cabin Fever.  The movie gave me an excessive fear of karate-kicking kids who like to yell “Pancakes!” and a fear of shaving my legs if I ever did shave my legs.

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No matter how much bitching I or anyone else does, it seems that quite possibly the most unnecessary horror remake ever (in terms of time between the original) will be happening for sure. Maybe for this one, they’ll get another star of The Goonies to get onboard to drum up interest since Sean Astin starred in Cabin Fever: Patient Zero and that did so well.  But nope, not even the ‘Truffle Shuffle’ will be able to save this remake from the impending doom that surrounds it and everyone involved.

I take this time to plead to Eli Roth if he has any say at all, to not allow this to happen.  In the meantime while that pleading takes place and we all try and wash the taste out of our mouths of this terrible news, let’s watch that karate-kicking kid hop around and yell “Pancakes!” to make our day better:

Give Me The Creeps: The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)

There have only been two things in my life that I’ve been obsessed with.  The delicious Crunchwrap Supreme from Taco Bell being one of them, and collecting Garbage Pail Kid stickers when I was younger being the other. Both gave me equal joy, but only one had nacho cheese and sour cream. And in 1987, as a 11-year-old boy nearing puberty, I was more than excited at the announcement that there was going to be a Garbage Pail Kids movie! Until I saw it and it scared the shit out of me.

Now, to be fair, I wasn’t sleeping with the light on or anything after I saw it.  But it did creep me the fuck out, which is why I’m giving it the due it deserves on this edition of Give Me The Creeps.

Sure the actual Garbage Pail Kid stickers were gross and shocking, especially for that time.  But what I saw up on the big screen in 1987 was even more shocking as they tried to bring my favorite stickers to life, and the key word there being ‘tried’.  It actually worked pretty well in regards to what they did with Ali Gator and even Nat Nerd, because they didn’t have a real human face look about them.  But it was the others that made me shudder, like Greaser Greg….Valerie Vomit….and even Windy Winston.  He liked to violently fart a lot by the way:

The Garbage Pail Kids Movie could have easily been a horror movie if it wanted to.  Imagine if you will, Messy Tessie stalking you down a hallway while her snot ran fluidly out of her nose.  That’s the stuff that nightmares are made of.  It’s all about those human-like faces that they tried to create.  And those human-like faces gave me the creeps and still do.  So, kudos to you Garbage Pail Kids Movie!  You may have bombed at the box office and been an overall terrible movie, but you know how to give someone the creeps.  By the way, the theme song for the Garbage Pail Kids cartoon was about as pointless as a theme song can be: