Great Moments In Horror Hair History: ‘Chop Top’ From ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2’ (1986)

This version of Great Moments In Horror Hair History is for the ones who might not have the luscious locks that I usually talk about in these posts.  It’s for the ones who wake up everyday and look in the mirror and realize that Fabio’s flowing golden mane is not on their heads.  I am an equal opportunist though, and I wanted to highlight and give praise to someone in horror movie history that had the confidence to make a difference without the having the hair to go with it.  He did have a metal plate in his head though…….

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Chop Top!!!!  Even though the hair is minimal, there’s enough going on to make you take notice.  Maybe not for the right reasons, but you’re taking notice nonetheless.  The metal plate does reflect…..oops, I mean deflect you from focusing on his stringy follicles – but just imagine if Chop Top would have done a shampoo commercial back in the 80’s.  Oh sure – he may have called you a ‘dog dick’ in the process of lathering up his strands, but tell me that wouldn’t have been effective!  So needless to say after gazing up at that pic and taking everything into account, I hereby induct Chop Top into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History!  Now can we talk about those teeth?

Great Moments In Horror Hair History: Johnny Depp In ‘A Nightmare On Elm Street’ (1984)

Valentine’s Day may be long gone now (even though it was just yesterday), but that’s not going to stop me from giving you ladies (and some men) out there a special treat.  Let me talk about hair for a minute.  More specifically some hair from 80’s horror movies and even more specifically, the hair on none other than Johnny Depp (Glen) from A Nightmare On Elm Street!

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Don’t you just want to run your fingers all through that follicle goodness?  I guess you would say it’s a poofy-feathered do that doesn’t require much Aqua Net to give it that bouncy youthful look.  What the hell did I just write there?  Clearing I’m stammering because I’m so taken by Glen’s hypnotic hair.  Let’s just be glad that the pic didn’t show his cut-off football shirt, or else none of us would be able to concentrate!

Tis a sad thing that this pic was pretty much the last we saw of Glen before he became bed food and a glorious spouting pool of blood.  So with that, it gives me great honor to induct Glen aka Johnny Depp into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History! Now get back to work and stop staring!

Great Moments In Horror Hair History: Malachai From ‘Children Of The Corn’ (1984)

Sometimes if you are a young kid growing up in a small town, you feel the need to want to kill anyone over the age of 18 to appease a religious entity so you can have a full and healthy corn harvest for the year.  A bit excessive?  Yes.  But think of all of that delicious buttery corn you can eat because of it!  Sometimes, corn isn’t important though and hair is.  A random sentence, sure, but when you’re talking about a hair specimen as glorious as the one on top of Malachai from Children Of The Corn – you’ll let all of that randomness slide.

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Issac can’t even concentrate while Malachai is yelling at him because his hair his so hypnotizing and magnificent.  Bonus points for it being red btw.  I’m almost half-waiting for Issac to bring some shampoo up into the shot and “Feel the rain on your skin….” to start playing in the background.  Sure, Malachai was pretty scary in Children Of The Corn – but his hair definitely was not.  So without further adieu, it gives me great honor to induct Malachai aka Courtney Gains into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History! Now all of you outlanders get out of this post!

Great Moments In Horror Hair History: Suzy Putterman And O.D. From ‘TerrorVision’ (1986)

What’s better than one great 80’s horror movie haircut?  Well, that would be TWO great 80’s horror movie haircuts!  Much like Bonnie & Clyde, the duo of Suzy Putterman and O.D. (yes, his name was O.D.) from 1986’s weird horror/comedy TerrorVision were the perfect couple with perfect 80’s hair to boot.

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Nothing says the 80’s like a sweet mullet and some Rainbow Brite hair.  Suzy Putterman (Diane Franklin) and O.D. (Jon Gries) were the power couple in TerrorVision, and when they weren’t trying to civilize their googly-eyed large alien friend, they were flaunting their retro dos with no inhibitions.

Let’s be real, TerrorVision is not a great movie by any stretch of the imagination, but it is fun.  And pretty gooey too.  And gooey is always good.  Not to mention that O.D. sported a W.A.S.P. T-shirt throughout the movie, which perfectly accentuated his mullet.  Now I have to say, that is a first.  Not one, but two heads of hair are being welcomed into the illustrious Dirty Horror Hair Hall Of Fame.  So without further adieu, it gives me great honor to induct Suzy Putterman and O.D. into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History!  Now I really want to go find a W.A.S.P T-shirt on eBay.

Great Moments In Horror Hair History: Samantha’s Hair From ‘Night Of The Comet’ (1984)

(Sexy synthy 80’s music starts playing)  Alright guys, and some girls, it’s time to take a trip back to 1984’s campy classic Night Of The Comet.  And no, I’m not here to talk about the fact that this movie is still heavily underrated.  I’m here to talk sexy hair.  And not just any sexy hair.  I’m here to talk about THIS sexy hair!

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Hell yeah.  That right there is Kelli Maroney, who played Samantha in the movie and battled post-apocalyptic zombies with a machine gun.  If you haven’t seen Night Of The Comet, then hopefully that last sentence sold you on doing so.  I know I’m not alone at having a crush on Samantha in her pink and blue cheerleader outfit, but just try and focus on the hair for now.  It does look a little mangy, and I could see myself maybe getting my hand stuck in it – but you can’t deny that it’s glorious and about as 80’s as 80’s hair can get.   So because of that, it gives me great honor to induct Samantha into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History!  Now let’s direct our focus back onto the cheerleader outfit.

Great Moments In Horror Hair History: Roach From ‘The People Under The Stairs’ (1991)

As we all mourn the loss of the great Wes Craven, I felt the need to put a little spotlight on one of his movies that didn’t involve Freddy Krueger.  And that movie would be The People Under The Stairs.  A bit too quirky and weird for me to really appreciate back in 1991 as a 15-year-old boy, I’ve grown to love it and it’s partially because of one thing.  Ving Rhames?  Nope.  The crazy relationship between Man (Everett McGill) and Woman (Wendy Robie)?  Not quite.  It’s because of………………THIS HAIR!!!

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How many times do you think someone went to their hair stylist back in 1991 and said “Give me the Roach, please“.  Yes, one of the most memorable parts of The People Under The Stairs was indeed Roach, played by actor Sean Whalen.  And that was indeed a hell of thing when Roach sacrificed himself to help get Alice and Fool (great name btw) out of the house and bravely died because of it.  Sappy stuff aside, the real appeal of Roach was how his hair stood out (and stood up).  You know you have some great hair when it upstages the fact that you have had your tongue cut out.  So because of that, it gives me great honor to induct Roach into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History!  You and your sub-par tongue deserve it, buddy.

Great Moments In Horror Hair History: William Katt

1976 was a monumental year, because that was the year that I was born.  Not trying to sound narcissistic, but I wouldn’t be giving you this insightful and sometime boring blog if I hadn’t been brought into this world.  But in 1976, something else was given to us.  Something more amazing and inspirational than myself.  Yes, that’s right – we were blessed with William Katt’s hair in the classic horror movie, Carrie:

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That’s right – the only thing that could upstage Sissy Spacek’s freckles would be that lovely blonde head mop up there in that photo.  William Katt would later go on to transition himself and that hair into The Greatest American Hero television show, but we’ll mostly always remember him as Tommy Ross – the nice guy who wanted to take Carrie to the prom and instead got knocked out on stage by a bucket full of pig’s blood.  Sadly in 1986, William Katt would cut most of his luscious locks off for the horror movie, House.  And he would replace the attention of that with this shirt:

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I’m sure you’re at as much of a lose words as I am.  So I’ll just let that image marinate in your brain for a little bit.  It was the 80’s, but some things are unforgivable, even during clothing-challenged decades.  But anyway – that shirt does not in any way deter me from having William Katt enshrined into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History!  Unfortunately his V-neck shirt is not going to be enshrined into anything.

Great Moments In Horror Hair History: David’s Mullet In ‘The Lost Boys’ (1987)

I’m about to write about something so rare…..so unmentionable…..so not worth the build up that I’m giving it, but I’m going to keep building it up because it has to be done.  I’m talking about a mullet hairstyle that actually looks…….COOL.

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And there you have it.  That’s none other than David (Kiefer Sutherland) from the 1987 vampire flick, The Lost Boys.  And that’s his mullet.  Bucking the trend that this hairstyle is laughable, David allowed us to accept it in it’s cool vampire form and realize that there could be a better way for the mullet.  In 1988, Night Of The Demons took note and attempted to replicate the style on top of the head of Stooge (Hal Havins).  Nothing compares to David’s though, and for that very reason he is now enshrined into the class of Great Moments In Horror Hair History!  As a bonus, this guy in the video below wasn’t in a horror movie, but he deserves some recognition for what him and his mullet do to those melons.

Great Moments In Horror Hair History: Kevin Dillon In ‘The Blob’ (1988)

Easily one of my favorite horror remakes of all time is 1988’s, The Blob.  So many reasons for this statement:  Shawnee Smith, the sink drain kill scene, Shawnee Smith, the kid getting demolished by The Blob in the sewer, Shawnee Smith, the amazing retro vibe that the movie has, and of course – Shawnee Smith.  Yes, I had a small crush on her back in the days.  But one moment trumps all of these things.  One thing so spectacular….so breathtakingly special….so inspiring and monumental that words can’t do it any justice.  I’m talking about………

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………Kevin Dillon’s hair!!!!  Oh yeah.  The mullet was still all the rage in 1988, but let’s be serious here – the mullet never loses it’s hypnotic luster.  I recently sat down with The Blob again and found myself getting lost in those dreamy locks, and it proved to be quite distracting.  How the hell am I supposed to watch Paul get swallowed up by The Blob when all I can think about is when Kevin Dillon’s hair will come back onscreen and grace us with it’s presence. It’s definitely a problem.  I manage though, and get through the whole movie but find myself having mullet withdrawals afterwards.  And it’s because of this, that Kevin Dillion is undoubtedly part of the ‘Great Moments In Horror Hair History‘ club!  Is there anything you’d like to add to this post, Shawnee Smith?

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Thank you, Shawnee.

Great Moments In Horror Hair History: Rawhead Rex (1986)

Not many things could upstage a scene in a horror movie where a demonic creature pisses on a priest and “baptizes” him.  But a sweet mullet haircut sure as hell could.

Rawhead Rex is a 1986 hilariously ‘bad but good’ horror movie that was conceived by the master mind of Clive Barker.  I’m not going to get too much into the storyline that revolves around an evil pagan god with big ass teeth tearing some shit up in a little Irish town.  I’m talking about hair here!  And my oh my does Rawhead Rex have a sweet set of locks on that big cranium of his.  The hair definitely has a Gene Simmons kind of texture to it, but if anything – that makes it even more amazing.  So because of that alone, it’s no surprise to proclaim that Rawhead Rex and his hair was indeed a Great Moment In Horror Hair History!

 

Business in the front:

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Party in the back:

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