Raise Your Hand If You’re A Fan Of The Unnecessary (But Fun) ‘Terror In The Aisles’

When I was a mere 8-years-old, I had already seen my fair share of horror movies. Not sure my Mom approved of that, but it was what it was. So when the ‘climactic scene’ compilation Terror In The Aisles came out in 1984….it was kind of like the Cliff Notes version of horror movies up until that year, spliced together to show you all of the good stuff and no filler (which for a kid with ADD and Transformers on his mind, was a godsend).

I mean, revisiting Terror In The Aisles now – does it seem a bit unnecessary? Sure. We do get Donald Pleasence & Nancy Allen doing their best Siskel & Ebert impersonation throughout the movie though, so that’s something. Ironically, Gene Siskel gave the movie ‘zero stars’, but he was a tool and never showed horror movies much love anyway. And also ironic is the fact that Donald and Nancy do not make an appearance in the film’s original trailer:

But at the end of the day, Terror In The Aisles had a great poster to promote it – and can still provide fun background visuals if you watch it. At this point in time, you’re probably not going to see anything from the clips shown that you haven’t already seen (unless you’re a bear and have been hibernating for 40 years and haven’t seen Rosemary’s Baby or The Exorcist……which would kind of be cool because you would be a bear). If you’d like to take a trip down memory lane, or just want to experience it for the first time – Scream Factory recently released a new transfer on Blu-ray. Have fun watching, and you can curse Gene Siskel while you do.

Movies That You Wanted To Rent, But Didn’t: Terror On Tape (1983)

I can honestly admit that I was addicted to renting horror movies in the 80’s. It’s ok – I know that I had a problem, and I’m here to come clean and try to make things right with all of those who were around me at that time in my life.  I can remember renting upwards of 10 movies at a time, some I never even would get around to watching.  But the true travesty of all of this, was that there were horror movies that I passed by, and for whatever reason never rented. One of those movies had a pretty tantalizing cover, so I’m not sure what stopped me from giving up my hard-earned dollar to give it a shot in my VCR. And that movie was 1983’s, Terror On Tape.

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How on Earth could I not rent a movie that claims to have ‘a compilation of the most terrifying scenes from 20 of the scariest horror movies ever made‘?  And if you flipped the cover over, that list of movies included a movie called Vampire Hookers.  A movie called Vampire Hookers!!  What the hell was I thinking?  I guess I was too worried about renting Sleepaway Camp for the tenth time.  I actually really dig compilation flicks, and honestly loved Terror In The Aisles which came out about a year later in 1984.  I felt like I undoubtably dropped the ball on Terror On Tape, even more so when I found this excerpt on Youtube from it:

Alright.  That sealed it for me.  Bad costumes, bad acting, and a set piece that looks like it’s straight out of a bad porn movie.  This lovely piece of cinema looks like it speaks volumes as to why I love 80’s horror so much. Extra cheese indeed!  There’s something endearing about a horror movie that knows where it stands as far as overall quality goes.  I definitely need to track down Terror On Tape, but something tells me that it just won’t give me the satisfaction that it would have had I rented it back in 1983.  Nevertheless, this looks like required viewing.  Off to Ebay I go!

On Second Thought: Killing Someone With An Ear Of Corn Is Pretty Amazing

If you had to kill someone, how would you do it?  I know – that’s a heavy question for a Thursday.  But if your answer includes corn on the cob, then you’re either a hardcore vegetarian or you’ve been daydreaming about 1992’s killer human cat movie, Sleepwalkers.

I’ve spoken about this particular scene before, but it’s so random and so strange that it needs to be spoken about again.  Sleepwalkers I suppose, would be the definition of a ‘guilty pleasure’.  It has a preposterous plot, some cheesy morphing effects, and an eyebrow-raising incestuous relationship between mother and son (Mary and Charles Brady).  Only one thing could upstage incest though, and that’s a death scene that involves a delicious ear of corn.

As far as snappy one-liners go, it doesn’t get much better than “No vegetables, no dessert!“.  What the hell is up with the music though?  A bit too orchestral for a horror movie if you ask me, but then again we’re talking about a movie here where vegetables are being used as killing tools.  Pushing all of the bad shit aside from Sleepwalkers (and trust me there is plenty), this corn cob scene forgives most of it and almost single-handedly pushes the movie into cult horror status.  Not only that, but it reminds me of when I would eat corn on the cob as a child and act like I was a typewriter, munching back and forth and even making the appropriate sound effects.  Please disregard that last sentence.

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Sunday Bloody Sunday: ‘Punch To The Face’ From ‘Demon Knight’ (1995)

Believe it or not, punching your fist through someone’s head can have it’s downside.  It might get stuck, and in turn, make your hand very uncomfortable.  Especially when a guardian of a key containing the blood of Jesus Christ is playing a game of cat and mouse with you.

Welcome to this week’s Sunday Bloody Sunday where I’m spotlighting one of my favorite horror guilty pleasures of all time:  1995’s, Demon Knight.  My love for this movie deserves it’s own separate post, but I’ll give you a delicious taste with a scene that really kicks things off in the movie.  And that scene would be when Billy Zane’s character puts his fist through the head of the local Barney Fife.  Hilarity ensues as he tries to get it unstuck, and the result is a headless town sheriff.  It happens more often than you think.