Thanksgiving is only three months away! So it’s time to get your electric turkey carver ready to slice through that delicious succulent bird. But wait – maybe you should practice first just to make sure your skills are up to par so you don’t embarrass yourself in front of your family when you start cutting. And what better way to practice than on a demonically possessed arm? Right, Natalie from the 2013 Evil Dead remake?
Yeeesh. That was realistically gruesome. There were a lot of moments in the Evil Dead remake that made me say “Holy Shit!“, and this was definitely one of them. Natalie was pretty defiant of cellar dwelling possessed Mia and just kept cutting and cutting that arm until it eventually fell off. Mission accomplished, Natalie! Except it really wasn’t, and you still turned into a demon and died a horrible death. Gotta love her gusto though and she gets kudos for giving it the old college try!
You know the moment when you gasp while watching a horror movie and proceed to yell out “Holy Shit!” at that certain moment that is so astonishing, it deserves that kind of reaction? Well, it’s been a while since a scene has made me do that. So thank you to Starry Eyes, a mind fuck of a movie, for delivering those “Holy Shit!” goods.
If you haven’t seen the movie, then I would suggest not watching the clip below. But maybe you’re just curious and are the type of person who looks up spoilers ahead of time because you just can’t wait. Starry Eyes for all intent and purposes is a pretty damn good little horror movie. Starts slow, and the storyline will sometimes have you ripping your hair out (those who have seen the movie will get that reference), but the last 30 minutes are bat-shit crazy. And I mean that in a good way. But there is a moment where you will be asking yourself “Did that just really happen?“. And that moment puts the fire extinguisher scene from Irreversible to shame. Yeah, I took it there. So watch below if you want – or just do yourself a favor and watch the whole movie soon, as it’s now up on Netflix. I’m not sure I can look at a dumbbell the same after this by the way.
With the passing of Halloween this year, I came to a profound realization that I kind of missed the Saw movies. Personally, I’ll take those over the Paranormal Activity franchise as far as Halloween-time releases go, but unfortunately the last Saw movie in 2010 (Saw 3D: The Final Chapter) left a bad taste in my mouth. Luckily, I have 2009’s Saw VI to fall back on if I want my Jigsaw fix.
Make no mistake, I know these movies aren’t good. Sure, the first Saw film had the twist heard round the world – but after that, the franchise became a bit of a muddled mess. Which is why I was surprised that I enjoyed Saw VI as much as I did. Maybe because it dealt with the health care system and the slugs that run it. The joy of watching them get there comeuppance put a mild smile on my face. And contributing to that mild smile was the ‘WTF’ opening scene where two people have to cut off pounds of flesh from their bodies and try to outweigh each other’s flesh poundage to win the prize of not dying.
Even though this scene is more ridiculous than Taylor Swift trying to rap, it still gets an overall ‘Holy Shit!‘ response from me every time I watch it. It honestly makes you ponder what you would do in a situation where you have to chop off your arm so you could save your ass. Kudos to the girl for her facial expressions while she was hacking away at her appendage. She sure was determined and focused, and in life that’s all you can really ask for from a person. Now let’s end this post with an embarrassing pic of her that makes her look like she’s severely constipated.
In 2005, director Neil Marshall blew my mind with his jump-scare heavy creature feature, The Descent. And he didn’t waste any time getting us hooked because in the scene I’m highlighting for this edition of Holy Sh*t Horror, the opening credits haven’t even ended yet before the insanity begins and you’re left with your mouth open. Don’t drool though, because that’s gross.
Now, if this clip below isn’t a PSA to make sure you keep your eyes on the road while you’re driving, I don’t what is. It’s also a PSA about what can happen to you if karma catches you cheating on your wife.
I love being startled by something unexpected in a horror movie. It lets me know that I need to be kept on my toes and be ready for anything. Kind of like when young Regan in The Exorcist was inappropriately banging herself with a crucifix. Definitely a “Did that just really happen?” kind of moment. In 2009, director Ti West gave us one of those moments in his fantastic slow-burn horror movie, The House Of The Devil.
I love this film, but it’s one that you have to be patient with. And if you have the patience, you’ll be rewarded with scenes like the one where Megan (Greta Gerwig) is confronted by Victor Ulman (A.J. Bowen) as she tries to enjoy a cigarette while sitting in her car. It will make you think of ducking if someone ever stops you and asks “Are you not the babysitter?”
Now there have been a lot of ‘gunshot to the head’ death scenes in horror movies over the years, but that one just might be my favorite. Obviously you know that something is probably going to happen to Megan, but it’s the sheer suddenness of it all that puts this headshot on the top of the list for me and made me say “Holy shit!“. Poor Megan. She probably wishes she had stuck around and ate some more pizza instead of leaving and getting her nicotine fix. They sure do like pizza in this movie by the way.
I’m not sure if the makers of 28 Weeks Later ever thought about giving away some promotional diapers at their screenings, because some of us could have used them during that opening scene. No, I didn’t poop my pants everybody….but I do recall saying “Holy Shit!” after the 8 minute introduction was over. Now, I’m not about to say that this sequel as a whole is better than Danny Boyle’s groundbreaking first from 2002, but the opening for 28 Weeks Later is easily on par with anything in 28 Days Later.
For those who have seen it, you know what I’m talking about. And hopefully you share my enthusiasm as well. If you haven’t seen it, the best I can do right now is provide a link from Youtube of the scene in full, but shown through the eyes of a camcorder. You see, the copyright gods won’t let anyone put up actual clips from the movie, so this will have to suffice. I can say that it’s some of the better bootleg footage out there in terms of quality, so we have that going for us.
Once the “In The House, In A Heartbeat” song kicks in, you know the rage-infested zombie shit is gonna hit the fan. And when Don chooses himself over his wife and a random hungry kid, that’s when the reality of the situation sets in. From there, we’re treated to a great zombie chase scene and then one of the best zombie water moments since Lucio Fulci’s infamous shark biting in 1979’s, Zombie. This is how you do an opening sequence people, and luckily the rest of the movie didn’t dramatically fall off after this impressive little setup. So thank you 28 Weeks Later for your “Holy Shit!” moment and for almost (I can’t specify ‘almost’ enough) making me soil myself. Now can we finally get 28 Months Later, please?
Talk about blowing your load too early. 2002’s Ghost Ship did just that. I remember the first time I saw it and I was in definite “Holy Shit!” mode after seeing the opening scene. It was jaw-dropping indeed, but then after it, I think watching some Sea Monkeys have sex would have been much more entertaining.
So this week on Sunday Bloody Sunday, I’m giving you the opening scene from Ghost Ship where a lot of partygoers get sliced in half by a wire cable. The scene gets a lot of cheers, but also a lot of boos afterwards because the rest of the movie turns into complete shit. This also marks the first time that I’ve put a video up on Sunday Bloody Sunday because the point usually is to give you the scenes in picture form, like the good ol’ days. I like to keep you on your toes though, so rejoice below with me in what is hands down one of the best opening horror movie scenes ever! Gotta love the shot of the one woman reaching over to her severed lower half, trying to somehow put herself back together. Silly broad.
A lot of times in horror movies that are borderline shitty, a really inventive death scene can somewhat make up for the shittiness. Case in point: 2008’s, Mirrors. I remember being pretty excited for this one because Alexandre Aja (High Tension, The Hills Have Eyes) was behind the camera and Jack Bauer (Keifer Sutherland) was the lead! What could go wrong, right? Well, the story was ridiculous and it just wasn’t scary. But, and it’s a big but, Mirrors had some crazy WTF moments (the opening scene was gnarly) and quite possibly a Top 5 death scene of all time in my book.
So on Sunday Bloody Sunday this week, I’ll do my best to spotlight the death scene of the lovely Amy Smart. Commonly referred to as the ‘bathtub scene’, I’m well aware that pics don’t really do the moment justice. Because there isn’t a high quality version up on Youtube though, I’m giving it to you in picture form, but feel free to go watch one of the low quality versions on Youtube though to get a better idea. Amy Smart’s reflection in the mirror causes her to rip her jaw apart and this is where I would say something with a pun like, “It’s jaw-dropping!”. Honestly couldn’t believe they took it as far as they did, but for gorehounds like me, I was a happy camper. Now look below, but you’ve been warned:
Quick! What’s the best sewer death scene in a horror movie? Hate to disappoint all of you Friday The 13th Part 8 fans out there who are in love with Jason getting toxic waste shot in his face until he looked like a ridiculous Muppet version of himself. The best sewer death scene ever goes to the demise of little Eddie Beckner in the fantastic 1988 remake, The Blob. Showcasing that iconic scene on Sunday Bloody Sunday was a no-brainer, as it will always go down in my horror history books as one the best “Holy Sh*t!” moments ever. So reminisce with me and pay respects to the untimely expiration of little Eddie Beckner. Fun fact by the way: little Eddie Beckner grew up a little later on in life and somehow was reincarnated to accidentally shoot and kill himself while doing a fun gun trick on a Beverly Hills 90210 episode. He can’t catch a break.
*when I grow up I want to become a hideous, mangled, oozing mess…..*
Well, I guess it should be common knowledge that if you capture a violent tribal woman and try to “civilize” her by locking her up in cellar, it probably isn’t going to end well for you. Especially after she already has bitten off your finger and your young son has performed violent sexual acts on her to boot. Nope, I’m not talking about a taboo/lost episode of The Brady Bunch, I’m talking about Lucky McKee’s 2011 arguably amazing film, The Woman. Definitely not for everyone and it’s definitely a movie that you will most likely either love or hate. I myself, loved it, but then again, I also love McKee’s 2002 directorial debut, May. The point of this ongoing feature on Dirty Horror though is to highlight moments in horror movies that make you say “Holy Sh*t!”. And thankfully, The Woman has a lot of them.
*let me get you some Tempur-Pedic chains so you’ll be more comfortable *
Let’s fast forward to the end and I will be nice and give you a “spoiler warning” now. If you haven’t seen The Woman, then I suggest you stop reading and refrain from clicking the Youtube clip that’s coming up. Or if you don’t care and want to watch anyway, by all means click away. In a not so sentimental father and son bonding moment, Chris (the Dad) and Brian (the son) finally pay for what they’ve done to the star of the movie, The Woman. Sharp objects are swung, bodies are cut in half, and a heart is ripped out and eaten for good measure. This whole section of the movie had me saying “Holy Sh*t!”, and it definitely brought things full circle storywise. Standing ovation to Lucky McKee (and author Jack Ketchum) for going balls to the wall with the finale and giving the audience a satisfying, albeit disgusting, ending. Again, it’s not for everyone, but give The Woman a chance and you just might dig it as much as I did. Now enough talking and let’s get on with the clip! Oh yeah, btw – if you haven’t guessed, this clip is NSFW: