Creepy Toys I Wish I Would Have Gotten For Christmas…….

Throughout my Christmas years as a child, my parents always came through on the present front for me.  Whether it was some Transformers pajamas or the innovative Atari 2600, I was usually left with a smile on my face when Christmas morning was all said and done.  My horror mind started young though, and when I think back to past holiday presents, I realize that I didn’t ever really get anything too creepy.  This realization got even deeper when I found this amazing creepy toy from 1975:

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That creeper fucker is none other than Hugo: The Man Of A Thousand Faces!  Granted, I was born in 1976, one year after this incredible specimen was released, but I’m sure my parents could have found one at a garage sale for me since Ebay and Craigslist didn’t exist back then.  If you look closely at that pic by the way, Hugo is actually staring straight into your soul.

Now, the schtick here is obviously to change Hugo’s face to make him a completely different person each time.  This is apparently where the fun begins, because you can make Hugo:  a pirate, a Fu Manchu, a Fu Manchu pirate, or even a Fu Manchu pirate with fangs.  The possibilities are endless!  Actually, due to the name of the product, there are apparently only 1000 possibilities.

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Not only could you have hours of creepy fun changing Hugo’s face and hoping he didn’t come kill you in your sleep, you could also stick your hand up his ass and make him a puppet!  Such a shame that toys like this don’t exist anymore. I’m sure Mr. Potato Head was pretty pissed by the way that Hugo came out and stole his thunder for a year.  The good news is that even though creepy face Hugo didn’t last long, he can be bought and abused off Ebay for hundreds of dollars.  Hugo: The Man Of A Thousand Faces lives on!

Dirty Horror Memory Lane: Madballs (1980’s)

I think I can speak for most guys who are into horror and say that it wasn’t uncommon to get caught playing with your balls when you were younger.  What I meant to say was that it wasn’t uncommon to get caught playing with your Madballs when you were younger.  There – that sounds much better.  Yes, Madballs!  The gross-out 80’s foam ball toy that had a variety of names like Screamin Meemie, Slobulus, and of course Crack Head.

Catchy little jingle in that commercial.  Madballs were all the rage for about a year or two and actually made a comeback in 2007.  They even spawned comic books, video games, and their very own cartoon.  I have fond memories of taking my Madballs to church with me, which might be sacrilegious to some and awesome to others.  I even still have my original Screamin Meemie on the premises and he’s resting comfortably in my closet as we speak.

Madballs were so popular in the 80’s, they even had their own crappy knock-offs that to this day earn more money than the originals on Ebay auctions.  That’s right – if you find a Blurp Ball, Weird Ball, or Wacki Ball at the flea market, make sure you pick it up because it could net you some sweet cash if you do.  The bottom line is that Madballs were about as 80’s as 80’s toys could get.  And they added a horror element as well, which made them a necessity for me.  I tried to pass my collection down a generation to my nephews, but they were scared shitless of them.  Pshhh.  Kids nowadays.

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