Tag Archives: horror hijinks

Horror Hijinx: The Tragic Death Of Ben Tramer From ‘Halloween II’ (1981)

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Few moments in horror movie history have such a profound affect on the soul as the death of Ben Tramer in 1981’s, Halloween II.  It was tragic.  It was unexpected.  It was ridiculous.  Dr. Loomis was hellbent on stopping Michael Myers, so much so that he was willing to kill anyone looking remotely like him. And this is why poor Ben Tramer met his fiery, over-the-top demise.

It hurts more every time I watch that and it also makes me laugh more every time as well.  Sure, Ben Tramer was drunk as a skunk and extremely disoriented while walking in the middle of the street with his Captain Kirk Halloween mask on.  But he didn’t deserve to die that way and was taken away far too soon from the Halloween movie franchise.

Laurie Strode had a serious crush on him, and he revealed in the original Halloween that he kinda thought she was cute too.  You see, Dr. Loomis not only killed Ben Tramer that fateful night, but he killed young love as well.  What a monster!!  Not only that, but I really think Loomis needed some glasses because this Michael Myers imposter looked nothing like the real one.  No sense in dwelling on the past I guess, because Ben Tramer is no more.  After watching your yearly Halloween marathon this year, just make sure you pour out a bowl full of those orange and black wrapped peanut butter things in memory of him.

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Horror Hijinx: The Best Sleeping Bag Death Scene Ever?

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If you read the title of the post, I already know that a lot of you are thinking that I’m about to show you the sleeping bag death scene from Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood.  Yes it’s pretty iconic, but I’m here to tell you that it’s NOT the best sleeping bag death scene ever.  I’ll prepare myself now to duck at whatever you’re going to throw at me.

Ok, now that you’re done hurling insults and objects at me – let’s get on with it and see if I can back up my statement.  In 1979, a somewhat little known creature feature called Prophecy was released.  Directed by John Frankenheimer and starring Talia Shire (Rocky), this movie is about a giant mutated bear-type thing that kills people in the forest.  And boy oh boy….it doesn’t discriminate!  Watch what the mutated killing machine does to this poor kid trying to hop away in his zipped up sleeping bag.  Apparently the sleeping bag isn’t the only thing made of feathers.

Told you!

Horror Hijinks: The Guy Who Ate The Quarter In ‘C.H.U.D.’ (1984)

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I think we’ve all probably tried different diets throughout our life to help get our bodies a little thinner.  But did you know that one of the secret remedies to lose weight is eating quarters?  It’s true!  Just ask this random guy in a Lacoste polo shirt from the 1984 horror flick, C.H.U.D.

Not only did he chow down on that dirty quarter from the payphone, he proceeded to have a not-so-intimidating staring contest with Daniel Stern afterwards.  Definitely a true WTF moment and one that belongs in a movie like C.H.U.D. for sure.  How hard do you think it is to pass a quarter after you eat it btw?

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Horror Hijinks: “We Hear You’re Looking For Candyman, Bitch.”

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Unintentional comedy in a horror movie is always a bonus.  Some might look at it in a negative way, because the comedy might take you out of the moment.  But I for one, am all for it!  Case in point:  1992’s, Candyman.

To be honest, Candyman is one of the only movies that truly gave me the creeps.  I love the villain (Tony Todd nails it) and LOVE the whole backstory involved with him.  The hook.  The bees.  The gruff, deep voice.  It freaked me out too because I used to play the ‘Bloody Mary’ game when I was little, where you had to say her name multiple times while looking in a mirror to see if she would appear.  So, obviously the similarities are there with Candyman.

Let’s talk comedy though and about one scene in particular.  After Helen goes snooping around a bathroom trying to get answers about the Candyman legend, she’s encountered by a group of thugs and is roughed up.  And the main thug says “We hear you’re looking for Candyman, bitch!” right before the roughing up begins.  Cut to the police station where a few guys are put up in a lineup for Helen to see and hear as they mutter the memorable line and BOOM!  Pure comedy gold:

Wow.  Put a steak on that eye, Helen.  That’s quite a Fred Flintstone influenced shiner you have there.  But anyway, I can’t help but laugh every time I see this scene.  And it provides some ever so slight balance to all of the horrifying things that have happened up until this moment in the movie.  Gotta love the contrast of voices between the first and second guy too.  In fact, I think I know why I love this scene so much now.  It reminds me of Eddie Murphy’s classic ‘banana in the tailpipe’ line from Beverly Hills Cop!

Horror Hijinks: Children Of The Living Dead (2001)

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Wow.  2001 was a shit year for horror movies.  Save for Jeepers Creepers and Session 9 maybe, if you gaze your peepers upon a list of the horror selection that came out that year, you may be surprised at just how deep the shit goes.  And nothing falls deeper onto that shit list than the sad attempt at capitalizing off of the “Living Dead” genre called Children Of The Living Dead.

Children Of The Living Dead is mind-blowingly bad.  So bad that it almost makes House Of The Dead look like an Oscar contender.  So bad that in one scene, you actually see an extra who is playing a dead zombie scratch their nose as if no one could see.  And so bad that the best part of the movie is watching Tom Savini run around for the opening 10 minutes shooting cap guns (not joking) and practicing his kung-fu moves.  We’re even duped on the title.  I was expecting an onslaught of undead underage children munching on people left and right considering the movie is called Children Of The Living Dead. That may have actually kept my interest.  But alas, even the munching is lame. And I really hate lame munching.

I realized that I need to look at this piece of shit zombie movie as a comedy though to fully appreciate the level of shittiness that it truly is on.  And when you do that my friends, it’s actually not that bad!  Take the clip below for instance.  Ladies and gentlemen – I present to you the comedy stylings of Abbot Hayes!

Oh that Abbot Hayes sure knows how to work the room, doesn’t he?  If only Gary had gotten that windshield fixed, maybe their van wouldn’t have flown off the cliff.  And maybe then I wouldn’t have been reminded of Toonces The Driving Cat from Saturday Night Live:

As much as I enjoy watching that bad driving cat plunge off the cliff, let’s get back to Children Of The Living Dead to close this sucker out.  My advice if you haven’t seen it is to get really drunk.  Really, really drunk.  Maybe even smoke a joint or two.  Then sit back, watch it, and take it all in.  You can play a fun drinking game too that whenever the dubbing is off for the actor’s lines, you take a drink.  You’ll be fucked up by the time Tom Savini shoots his first cap gun.  Enjoy!