Horror Movie Posters I Love: Humongous (1982)

Here’s a fun little story:  I remember being a kid, we’ll say I was about 8-years-old.  I woke up in the middle of the night and went out into the living room and my Mom was watching TV.  I asked her what she was watching – and she said “Some movie called Humongous.  Now get your ass back to bed”.  And that’s how I learned about the 1982 horror movie called Humongous!

But I’m not here to talk about my Mom scolding me for being up in the middle of the night while she caught up on her random 80’s horror movies.  I’m here to talk about the awesomeness of the poster for Humongous.

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Now is Humongous a good horror movie?  Nope – hardly not.  But it does get to brag and boast about it’s poster which has a pretty great tagline:  It’s loose….It’s angry….And it’s getting hungry!  I love me a good tagline.  I also love the baby building blocks that spell out the name of the movie as well.  Sure it’s cheesy, but I don’t mind cheese.  Especially cheddar.  Do you need to seek out Humongous and watch it?  Probably not.  But you can gaze your eyes upon that poster and realize and understand why 80’s horror was just so great.  Viva la 80’s horror!  Btw – what the hell was my Mom watching this movie for?

Horror Movie Posters I Love: The Beast Within (1982)

One of the strangest (and somewhat entertaining) movies I remember witnessing in the 80’s was The Beast Within.  Granted, I was only 6-years-old when this movie came out so I didn’t get a chance to go to the theater and see it.  Had I been old enough though, I would have seen a poster in the lobby for the film warning me:  BEWARE! This Motion Picture Contains Scenes Of Graphic And Violent Horror.

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A tactic commonly used for older horror films, the warning shown on the poster would have only made me want to see The Beast Within even more.  Hence why I love this particular poster.  Not only that, I love the color contrast of the red and black and also the font for ‘Beast‘ written across the silhouetted outline of Michael about to transform into Billy.  Slight spoiler alert there.

Another spoiler alert would be that there’s an uncomfortable rape scene towards the end of the movie.  Kudos to The Beast Within for using practical effects btw, even if it evokes more laughter than terror.  Don’t believe me? Check out the legendary (I like to throw that term around loosely) transformation below, and if that doesn’t sell you on the movie – nothing will.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Creepers (1985)

Movies with two names kind of annoy me.  But so is usually the case when we’re talking about the Italian horror genre.  No matter if you want to call Dario Argento’s 1985 psychic/insect movie Creepers or Phenomena, it has one of the best posters EVER!

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Now for whatever reason, there is a version of this poster that isn’t exposing Jennifer Connelly’s half-decaying bug face, but clearly the un-edited version is the keeper here.  The image above is actually an ad for the promotion of the VHS version of Creepers, but the tagline on the original poster is “It Will Make Your Skin Crawl“.  Fitting, considering there are a bunch of bugs flying around that could actually make your skin crawl.

I have to confess that I haven’t seen this movie in years.  And after looking at this poster again, I definitely need to revisit it.  Not only does it have the late great Donald Pleasence in it, but how the fuck can you go wrong with a movie that has Iron Maiden and Motorhead on the soundtrack?  Another thing that this poster is making me realize is that we need more horror movies about bugs.  Whether it’s spiders, cockroaches, or maybe a random remake of 1988’s movie about killer slugs appropriately titled Slugs – everyone can relate to bugs!  Get on that Hollywood.  Until then, it’s off to Amazon to purchase Creepers or Phenomena or whatever the hell you want to call it.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Blood Beach (1980)

I’ve always been a bit scared of going into the ocean and I guess I have Jaws to thank for most of that fear.  Truth be told though, I think I’m more scared of jellyfish.  But what about the sand????  What if something besides crabs lurked in the sand????  Newsflash in case you didn’t know, but in 1980 there was a movie called Blood Beach that explored that very thought.  It’s a ‘so crappy, so good’ type of movie, but boy oh boy – what a poster it had!

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She’s really selling that ‘Oh my god I’m being swallowed into the sand!‘ expression, isn’t she?  Kudos on the Jaws-biting tagline btw.  This was at the beginning of the booming 80’s horror craze where basically anything went. Including killer sand apparently.  Gotta love it though, and I absolutely LOVE this poster!  It embodies everything that was great about 80’s horror movies and it definitely catches your eye for more than one reason.  That’s a pretty snazzy purple leopard-print bikini by the way.  Go seek out Blood Beach if you haven’t seen it (screen vets John Saxon and Burt Young are involved), and I apologize if I’ve given you Eremikophobia.  That’s the fear of sand – see, you learned something from this post.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: I, Madman (1989)

What the hell happened to the good horror movie posters?  They seem far and between now unfortunately, which is pretty depressing since they’re sometimes the best thing about a movie.  Not the case with the cinematic gem I’m highlighting this time around on ‘Horror Movie Posters I Love‘ though.  Ladies and gentleman, I present to you the poster for the 1989 underrated slasher flick:  I, Madman

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I used to have this poster hanging on my closet door when I was 13 years old.  True story.  Now, I could honestly go on and on about my love for the actual movie, but I’m focusing on the poster here.  It’s captures exactly what the film is about in it’s style and even has a couple cheesy 80’s taglines to round the awesomeness out.  I’m always a sucker for a good hypodermic needle too.  I, Madman is a fairly original horror gem if you haven’t seen it, and this poster does the movie tons of justice.  Seek the movie out if you can my friends (you can find a cheap copy on Ebay), and until then just keep dazing up at that horror poster goodness.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Ghoulies (1985)

I love a good pun.  And something that I love even more than good puns are slimy green creatures with bad teeth that stick their heads up out of toilets.  So, naturally it was a win-win situation for me when I first gazed upon the poster for Ghoulies back in 1985.

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Take a good look at that beauty of a poster……because the actual movie is pretty awful so the poster is really all that we have going for us unfortunately. Yes, Ghoulies as a film is not good.  But dammit if those involved with the marketing knocked it out of the park, because the poster and cover art for the VHS lured people into watching this crap.  Sure, it’s an 80’s guilty pleasure to some and uncomfortable toilet paper to others – but you can’t deny the sheer genius of the tagline ‘They’ll Get You In The End!” along with the image of that green Ghoulie coming out of the crapper.  Speaking of crap and crappers, they rode that toilet theme all the way to Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go To College. That’s right….they actually went to college.

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Horror Movie Posters I Love: Hatchet (2006)

I love a movie that knows where it belongs.  And Adam Green definitely knows that his 2006 throwback slasher flick Hatchet (and the sequels for that matter) belongs in the 80’s.  The only problem is that the original poster didn’t exactly have that true 80’s feel, but this one below done by artist Justin Osbourn sure as hell did.

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Boing!  Horror boner going on over here.  TMI.  Fright Rags put 250 of these beauties up for sale a while back and all were numbered and signed by Victor Crowley himself, Kane Hodder.  This poster just screams 80’s and is everything that is right in the horror world.  I read that Adam Green was so impressed as well that he would have used it to promote Hatchet during the release.  Bad news is that I see none of these up on Ebay for sale.  The good news is that you can just gaze at it here and get your fix.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Popcorn (1991)

I love me a good horror movie that’s set in a movie theater.  The 1985 Italian gorefest Demons easily being my favorite, but one not far behind is a little genre gem called Popcorn.  Never heard of it?  You might not be alone.  This post however, is about posters and the Popcorn poster graced my eyes back in 1991 at my local Mom & Pop video store.

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Let’s talk taglines here.  ‘Buy a bag…Go home in a box.‘  That right there folks is part of what’s missing in horror movies nowadays.  Sure, it’s cheesy, but therein lies the charm.  And if you’ve seen Popcorn, you know that it’s full of charm.  Some might say it’s full of something else, but I digress.

I’ve said it before:  throw a skull on a poster and I’ll most likely be down no matter what.  And the Popcorn poster uses the skull wisely, managing to pull you in and give you a 50’s horror vibe at the same time.  I dig the mention of ‘The Possessor’ storyline in the top left corner as well. Overall, I just love the nostalgic feel of this poster!  Seek the movie out (it’s up on Youtube and I recommend it) if you will, or just gaze at the delicious artwork above to get your Popcorn fix on.  And throw some extra butter on it while you’re at it.

Horror Movie Posters I Love: Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Tis the season to break out your favorite Christmas-themed horror movies! And one that should be on the top of your list is the controversial 1984 slasher, Silent Night, Deadly Night.  But as much as I would love to talk about the actual movie and discuss Linnea Quigley’s super awesome nude ‘antlers through the chest’ death scene, we’re talking posters here and the poster for Silent Night, Deadly Night is a cheesy gem.

Obviously playing off of the whole holiday horror theme, thanks largely in part to Halloween, this poster to me captures everything that was great about 80’s horror movies.  Being that the movie caused a huge uproar, the poster alone was controversial considering what a beloved figure that Santa Claus is supposed to be.  He’s supposed to be jolly and when he laughs he’s supposed to shake like a bowl full of jelly.  So, here we have him holding an axe with blood dripping font in the movie title for the movie poster.  Not exactly family friendly, but therein lies the appeal to me.

This is the epitome of a perfect poster for a not-so-perfect movie though. Gotta love that ‘He knows when you’ve been naughty‘ tagline too!  And being that this is a personal favorite of mine, I’ll be spotlighting more from it in the weeks to come before the big day of December 25th.  To yuletide you over for now, enjoy the poster and this lovely drawing below that Billy did while in Catholic school.  Just precious.

When The Poster Is Better Than The Movie: Mountaintop Motel Massacre (1986)

Let that baby sink in for a minute.  Now that’s a cheesy 80’s horror movie poster!  Effective to say the least, the poster for 1986’s Mountaintop Motel Massacre brought the goodness.  Unfortunately, the movie was straight doodoo.

The plot involves a crazy old lady named Evelyn who murders people who stay at her motel.  And how does she do this?  By popping up from secret contraptions via a tunnel in the guest’s rooms and dropping off rattlesnakes, cockroaches, and rats.  And she swings a mean little sickle too.  Albeit she swings it very, very slowly and it boggled my mind how some of these grown ass men didn’t just kick her old ass down before she ended up stabbing them. Oh well.

Did I mention there’s a black guy named Crewshaw (yes, Crewshaw) who has some snappy dialogue and zingers throughout the movie?  Case in point: Crewshaw is awoken by having about fifty cockroaches crawling all over him thanks to Eveyln and promptly let’s off this jewel – “They shoulda called this a roach motel!“.  Oh, that Crewshaw!  Too bad he gets his hand chopped off and throat slit later.

My biggest reason why the poster for Mountaintop Motel Massacre is better than the actual movie is the classic case of ‘bait and switch’.  Unless my eyes are foggy, the crazy woman on the poster is that the same crazy woman in the movie.  False advertising!  For shame.  And the debate can rage on about whether or not I’ve proven my point with all of this, but there is one thing that I know we can all agree on:  Crewshaw and his awesome name will forever be missed.  RIP.