Sometimes I like to just gaze upon poster art for 80’s horror movies. And a lot of times, that poster art is better than the actual movie. So, let’s see……I wonder if the 1983 movie Mausoleum is all poster art and ‘no bite’, as far as the actual movie goes. I’ll get to the latter in a minute, as I recently re-visited Mausoleum on Amazon Prime. But first……the poster!
Well damn. Isn’t she a beauty. The ‘dripping blood’ font in the title….the predictable, but clever tagline (Centuries of evil have just awakened)….and the rather cool looking skeleton gripping the mausoleum. All signs point to the poster art being better than the movie! But seriously folks – how fun were the 80’s when it came to horror?
Speaking of fun – did you know that none other than Aunt Esther from Sanford and Son (LaWanda Page) is in this movie??? Oh – and her scene is soooooo Aunt Esther. But anyway – like I said, I recently watched Mausoleum again and……it stinks. But in a good 80’s horror stinky way. Like some aged cheese. The poster art still gives me a horror boner, but if you have time and want a good time – seek out Mausoleum and embrace the 80’s madness!
Show me a good 80’s horror movie poster and I will pretty much be putty in your hands. And speaking of hands, one of my favorite posters from the 80’s horror genre involves a hand! Yes, the 1983 movie called Mortuary has one of the more striking posters to involve a hand raising up out of a dirt grave. Check it out below:
Yeah! How about that hand?! Not only is that artwork boner worthy, but the taglines are classic too. Even the font on the title of Mortuary is making me drool. And you all know how I love to drool. This movie is best known for one of the first on-screen performances of the late great Bill Paxton. And honestly, that’s the only real reason you should seek it out. But, we’re talking posters here – and the Mortuary poster is top notch Grade A goodness.
I often sit and daydream about if today’s horror movies had posters that looked this good. I really have no life, so I have the time. Some do go the retro route, but nothing will beat anything from the original decade where a crappy movie could have such a kick-ass poster. So, kudos to you Mortuary, and all of your snazzy poster artwork and clever taglines. Oh, and RIP to Bill Paxton.
Here’s a fun little story: I remember being a kid, we’ll say I was about 8-years-old. I woke up in the middle of the night and went out into the living room and my Mom was watching TV. I asked her what she was watching – and she said “Some movie called Humongous. Now get your ass back to bed”. And that’s how I learned about the 1982 horror movie called Humongous!
But I’m not here to talk about my Mom scolding me for being up in the middle of the night while she caught up on her random 80’s horror movies. I’m here to talk about the awesomeness of the poster for Humongous.
Now is Humongous a good horror movie? Nope – hardly not. But it does get to brag and boast about it’s poster which has a pretty great tagline: It’s loose….It’s angry….And it’s getting hungry! I love me a good tagline. I also love the baby building blocks that spell out the name of the movie as well. Sure it’s cheesy, but I don’t mind cheese. Especially cheddar. Do you need to seek out Humongous and watch it? Probably not. But you can gaze your eyes upon that poster and realize and understand why 80’s horror was just so great. Viva la 80’s horror! Btw – what the hell was my Mom watching this movie for?
One of the strangest (and somewhat entertaining) movies I remember witnessing in the 80’s was The Beast Within. Granted, I was only 6-years-old when this movie came out so I didn’t get a chance to go to the theater and see it. Had I been old enough though, I would have seen a poster in the lobby for the film warning me: BEWARE! This Motion Picture Contains Scenes Of Graphic And Violent Horror.
A tactic commonly used for older horror films, the warning shown on the poster would have only made me want to see The Beast Within even more. Hence why I love this particular poster. Not only that, I love the color contrast of the red and black and also the font for ‘Beast‘ written across the silhouetted outline of Michael about to transform into Billy. Slight spoiler alert there.
Another spoiler alert would be that there’s an uncomfortable rape scene towards the end of the movie. Kudos to The Beast Within for using practical effects btw, even if it evokes more laughter than terror. Don’t believe me? Check out the legendary (I like to throw that term around loosely) transformation below, and if that doesn’t sell you on the movie – nothing will.
How I’ve never seen this movie is beyond my comprehension. I am a bit disappointed that the tagline wasn’t “He’ll scare the pants off of you!“. I’m grasping at straws though with that. What we do have here is great marketing because this poster makes me want to see the The Invisible Maniac. It does look like the movie could be a bit rapey though, so that’s always a downer. I do kind of want to see that girl on the floor wrestle with a fire hose though. Fun fact: Pornstar Savannah starred in this movie before she rose to fame in the porn industry, after which she committed suicide. Sorry – that wasn’t very fun.
Movies with two names kind of annoy me. But so is usually the case when we’re talking about the Italian horror genre. No matter if you want to call Dario Argento’s 1985 psychic/insect movie Creepers or Phenomena, it has one of the best posters EVER!
Now for whatever reason, there is a version of this poster that isn’t exposing Jennifer Connelly’s half-decaying bug face, but clearly the un-edited version is the keeper here. The image above is actually an ad for the promotion of the VHS version of Creepers, but the tagline on the original poster is “It Will Make Your Skin Crawl“. Fitting, considering there are a bunch of bugs flying around that could actually make your skin crawl.
I have to confess that I haven’t seen this movie in years. And after looking at this poster again, I definitely need to revisit it. Not only does it have the late great Donald Pleasence in it, but how the fuck can you go wrong with a movie that has Iron Maiden and Motorhead on the soundtrack? Another thing that this poster is making me realize is that we need more horror movies about bugs. Whether it’s spiders, cockroaches, or maybe a random remake of 1988’s movie about killer slugs appropriately titled Slugs – everyone can relate to bugs! Get on that Hollywood. Until then, it’s off to Amazon to purchase Creepers or Phenomena or whatever the hell you want to call it.
Are you familiar with MondoTees.Com? If you’re not, let me explain. They are a company that puts limited edition posters, vinyl, and t-shirts on sale from different established artists at a random time on a set day. Fair warning though: they sell out in seconds and your only hope if you miss out is to hit up Ebay and pay a ridiculous mark up price to claim your merchandise of choice. Sound fun? Well, if you’re a Shaun Of The Dead fan, it’s about to get more fun!
On August 22nd, at a random time, Mondo is putting two new Shaun Of The Dead posters on sale by artist Tyler Stout. It’s a tie-in for the new Edgar Wright movie, The World’s End, that comes out the following day on August 23rd. Since that movie is the finale in his Cornetto Trilogy, why not reward the fans with the movie that started it all: Shaun Of The Dead. The regular version is limited to 710 and will run you $60. The variant version will be more sought after, as it is limited to 300 and will cost you $110. I actually prefer the regular version this time around. The artwork is pretty amazing and overall it’s a great investment. Stay tuned to Mondo’s Twitter feed HEREand good luck should you choose to venture into the world of Mondo on August 22nd!