Dirty Horror Memory Lane: The ‘Hellraiser’ Video Game That Never Was……

(Cue the intrigue music) Unlicensed Video Games?!  Super Cartridges?!  What kind of crazy scenario is this???  Oh – it’s just the unreleased Hellraiser video game scenario that played out back in 1990.

Yes, if you hadn’t heard (and I just recently heard), there was an actual Hellraiser video game in development back in 1990, and it was full of shady business!  I’ll give you the short version, but you can read the full version HERE.  In a Cenobite nutshell, a company called Color Dreams was known for making unlicensed video games and they had a concept for a Hellraiser game that would be along the lines of another game, Wolfenstein 3D.  Color Dreams developed the game at a high cost, in hopes that Nintendo would go for it, and it was going to be released on something called a ‘Super Cartridge’.  It all sounded pretty complicated and the bottom line is that Nintendo didn’t bite, and the Hellraiser video game has been collecting dust on the shelf ever since.  Oh – there was a neat promo ad for it though!

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Well isn’t that lovely.  Wait – over one million worlds?!?!  That’s a lot of worlds.  We may never know what the Hellraiser video game would have been like.  Oh sure – we can use our imagination and pretend that there was a scene where Butterball was creepily stalking you while licking his lips and rubbing his big belly, but that’s about all I’ve got.

In today’s day and age with the excellence of graphics in video games, I for one would love to see a Hellraiser video game.  The characters are interesting.  You can have a decent story (unlike some of the Hellraiser sequels).  And maybe…..just maybe…..that guy in the first movie that eats the crickets in the pet shop that turns into a skeletal dragon at the end would make an appearance.  So here’s to you unreleased Hellraiser video game that apparently would have been in ‘Super Cartridge’ form…..we hardly knew ye.  Actually, we really didn’t know ye at all.

Dirty Horror Memory Lane: ‘Bram Stoker’s Dracula’ Sega Genesis Video Game (1993)

Fun fact about me:  I had to have my thumbs surgically replaced when I was younger because I wore my original ones out playing video games.  Ok – it’s a pretty fun fact, but possibly not 100% accurate.  I did love me some video games though, and my console of choice was the glorious Sega Genesis.  One of the games that doesn’t get enough recognition though in my eyes, especially considering it has a horror theme, is the 1993 release of Bram Stoker’s Dracula:

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Did I love the Francis Ford Coppola movie that this video game was based on?  Yes and no.  More specifically: Gary Oldman = Yes.  Keanu Reeves = No.  I liked it enough though to give the Sega game a whirl, and I remember when I first played it that I was actually pretty impressed.  It’s a standard side-scrolling 16-bit game where you play as Jonathan Harker (not voiced by Keanu Reeves here unfortunately) and kill a bunch of bats, vampires, ridiculously tall vampires, and other baddies with your sword that seems to come out of nowhere when you swing it.

How much do I love this game?  I’ll tell you.  Enough to actually go on eBay right now and think about buying a Sega Genesis console so I can play it.  Bram Stoker’s Dracula wasn’t breaking any ground in the video game stratosphere, but it was a lot of fucking fun. Sorry for dropping the ‘F’ bomb, but I do that when I’m excited about something.  Oh wait! How could I forget to mention the fucking music?!?!  Hands down one of the best video game soundtracks ever.  I always got my groove on to the music that would come on when you fought one of the bosses.  Why take my word for it though when you can watch an actual walkthrough of the game below?

Dirty Horror Memory Lane: ‘Chiller’ Video Game (1986)

Boy am I a sucker.  While I was slaving away at playing The Legend Of Zelda in 1986 as a 10-year-old kid, I could have been playing this:

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Yes.  That’s an actual screenshot of a video game that came out in 1986 called Chiller.  Granted, this was not really an easy game to find, especially in North America, but it originated as a stand-up arcade game with a light gun that you used to apparently shoot and torture half-naked people. Really makes the story of Link and his quest to find the eight fragments of the Triforce Of Wisdom to rescue Princess Zelda look pretty fucking boring, doesn’t it?

Chiller wasn’t all about shooting mutilated bodies though, as you could also take out bats, wolves, and spooky skulls with your trusty light gun.  It’s good to balance everything out.  There was actually a playable Nintendo version of the game that was released in 1990 with the gore and naked bodies toned down of course to comply with the wholesome image Nintendo was trying to portray at the time.  If you own a copy of the NES version, you’re sitting on a $75-$200 gold mine by the way.  The mere fact that Chiller was originally released in 1986 with that kind of gory content is still pretty remarkable.  Check out the footage for yourself and head on over to Ebay to do some bargain hunting for a copy when you’re done:

Ebay Find Of The Week: ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ Atari Video Game

I honestly never thought I would be doing a post about an Atari video game that costs $500.  But here we go!  Not just any Atari video game though – but The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Atari video game:

$_57I was actually surprised that the price was so high for this.  Not because it’s an old video game, but because it’s a shitty old video game.  Pretty much the best thing about it is the cover with the Columbo-looking guy hunting down Leatherface and the fact that Leatherface’s chainsaw in the game looks the cross between a faucet and a penis.  Nevermind the $500 price tag, if you are the hardcore horror collector, this is a must to own.  Go check out the listing on Ebay over HERE and make sure to check out some of the awesomely bad footage from the game down below:

Did You Know There Were Video Games Based On ‘Nightbreed’? (1990)

Yesterday, I was once again amazed at the marvels of the internet.  Upon doing some deep research for the ugliest women in horror movies, I miraculously stumbled upon the fact that there were two videos games released in conjunction with Clive Barker’s 1990 movie, Nightbreed.  Not since I discovered a similar revelation with the Fright Night video game a little while back have I been so excited about tracking down a Commodore Amiga 500 computer system.

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That’s right.  You’re looking at a video game version of Boone up there as he crouches down, apparently because some grenades are coming his way which is insinuated by the “LOOK OUT GRENADES!” warning at the top of the screen.  This video game was entitled ‘Nightbreed, The Action Game‘ and is reminiscent as far as gameplay of the Fright Night game.  And thanks to Youtube, you can watch a walkthrough of the game and see just what you missed if you weren’t one of the very few that actually made an effort to buy a Commodore Amiga 500.

Wow – those grenades are huge!  I don’t remember those from the movie, but I’m nitpicking at this point.  What’s impressive about all of this, is that even though Nightbreed wasn’t a box-office smash, it garnered two games based on the land of Midian.  The second game was more of an interactive title, which fittingly had the name ‘Nightbreed, The Interactive Movie‘.  If you were lucky enough to actually play either of the versions, feel free to give your insight and reviews.  If you weren’t lucky enough to play them, then feel free to look at the closing screenshot below for the wonderful happy ending of Boone and Lori.  Awwwww.

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Dirty Horror Memory Lane: ‘The Entity’ Atari Video Game

Ooooooh – I remember getting so excited as a 7-year-old boy when Atari would come out with different games with terrible graphics that at that time, amazed me to no end.  I even remember saving up Kool-Aid packets to send in so I could receive a limited edition Kool-Aid game!  Yes, I’m serious….that really happened.  Look it up.  But anyway, as a horror fan I was shocked to recently find out that there was an Atari game based on the 1982 supernatural flick, The Entity.

This is somewhat shocking for two reasons.  One:  as far as I know, The Entity didn’t do well at the box office.  Two:  if you’ve seen the movie, then you know that it pretty much centers around a ghost cock that stalks a woman. Yeah, a ghost cock.  Not exactly Atari friendly subject matter if you ask me. Then again, they did release Custer’s Revenge around the same time (look it up for some fun pics).  The Entity video game didn’t have any ghost cock involved, but it did involve a boring set up where you were supposed to get ‘The Entity’ to the highest place on the screen by knocking down walls.

Well, as much as I would love to try and get a Chinese star looking thing to the top of the screen while breaking down some walls, it just doesn’t do it for me. But who knows, it may have back then.  I did play the E.T. Atari game after all. Bottom line is that The Entity game never came out and remains in the Atari graveyard for now.  It could be resurrected one day if enough people start taking it to the streets and to social media demanding it.  Don’t count on it though unless that ghost cock makes an appearance.